The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – Fox

Created by Loren Bouchard

Theme song: “Bob’s Burger’s Theme” by Loren Bouchard

• 001. Human Flesh – 1/9/2011
  • After having to close down his burger shop Bob’s Burgers numerous times for fires and infestation, Bob Belcher (H. Jon Benjamin) prepares for the re-re-re-opening at its location in the seaside town of Seymour’s Bay just down the street from an amusement park featuring the famous Wonder Wharf amusement park. His wife Linda (John Roberts) and their children Tina (Dan Mintz), Gene (Eugene Mirman), and Louise (Kristen Schaal) assist – but mostly hinder – at the restaurant. The date is September 3, and Bob has forgotten his and Linda’s anniversary, but she naively thinks that a surprise is coming. They are also visited by health inspectors Hugo (Sam Seder) and Ron (Ron Lynch), who find a list of violations while observing the kitchen. However the real reason they have come is because Louise brought in a hamburger and told the class it was made from human flesh. Hugo happens to have once been engaged to Linda and was then left by her to marry Bob. He is bitter and still in love with her, so he shuts down the restaurant for their big opening weekend while the burgers are inspected, which causes a picketing mob to form outside the restaurant. Ron reminds Hugo that they have the ability to test the meat in their van laboratory and talks him out of trying get revenge. Mort (Andy Kindler), the proprietor of the It’s Your Funeral crematorium next door, where they supposedly get their meat from, helps Bob address the crowd. A bus comes by with an Adventurous Eaters club that are willing to pay $50 a burger for the human flesh, so Bob tries to keep Ron quiet that the meat test as 100% beef. The restaurant has a lucrative weekend after all, and they all go for a ride on the Ferris Wheel. 5/30/21

• 002. Crawl Space – 1/16/2011
  • Linda is frantically trying to clean the house because her parents Al and Gloria (Renee Taylor) are coming for an overnight visit. She has Bob look into the leaky roof, so he gets up in the attic, and while up there, he finds a passageway to get behind the walls of the house and restaurant downstairs. In order to avoid Gloria, he pretends that he is stuck inside the walls. Linda calls the contractor Teddy (Larry Murphy) to get him out, but Bob begs him to give him one more day. He spends the night in the wall with no one but Louise’s Kuchi Kopi nightlight. That night everyone can hear Al and Gloria make love, and Tina incorporates them into her dreams as zombies. Gene uses recordings of it to present his History report, while Louise has a séance at the restaurant and pretends her father is dead. Tina gets the idea to take a nap inside the ceiling at school, but then stumbles above the boys’ locker room. All three are sent to the guidance counselor Mr. Frond (David Herman). When Gloria suggests that they’ll stay longer with all of the craziness going on and Bob stuck in the wall, he attempts to get out and injures himself and really does become stuck in the wall. When Gloria realizes he was lying about it initially, she punishes him by calling off Teddy and forcing to really be stuck in there. He spends several nights in there and hallucinates that Kuchi Kopi is running a speakeasy. Mr. Frond pays a home visit to the house, while Gloria calls the fire department and then goes in search of Bob, ultimately breaking through the kitchen wall with him. Frond is getting ready to call in Child Protective Services, but then Gloria threatens him that she’ll get him fired. Bob sends them off cheerfully but refuses to give Kuchi Kopi back to Louise. 5/30/21
• 003. Sacred Cow – 6/23/2011
  • Bob is getting ready to cook his 100,000th burger and have a celebration at the restaurant, but it is interrupted by a documentarian named Randy Watkins (Paul F. Tompkins), who is making a film about the beef industry, and brings along a cow named Moolisa (Todd Barry) in a wig, who is slated to go to the slaughterhouse in five days… unless Bob frees her, at which time would in essence admit his hypocrisy. Bob calls an animal control guy (Brandon Small) to have the cow removed, but Randy has rented the building next door, so everything is above board. Gene is only worried about providing the music for the film using his keyboard. Louise enjoys fooling Tina into thinking that the cow is leaving her messages with his poop. Linda realizes that the publicity is actually increasing their business, even though it is labeling Bob as a murderer. He starts having dreams that he’s killed the cow and is on trial. When it starts raining outside on a cold night, Bob starts to feel bad and brings Moolisa into the house. They then realize that the cow can’t go downstairs, so it remains stuck in the house. Linda doesn’t like having the cow in the house, so she pushes it down the stairs on a mattress and ties it up. The next morning, the cow has disappeared. By watching video footage of interviews taken on the street with Moolisa, they come to suspect that Moolisa was taken by the proprietors of the Mother Goose’s Petting Zoo. Bob and his family team up with Randy and they manage to steal the car back. Once it is back at the site of the restaurant, Randy corners Bob again and tries to shame him into releasing Moolisa and admitting his hypocrisy. As this is happening, Moolisa is nearly hit by the animal control guy’s car. He misses it, but Moolisa has a heart attack and dies in the street. Bob faints, and has a dream that Moolisa asks him in heaven to make burgers him out of it, then asks Bob to kiss him. They wind up making out on a cloud. Later, they go on with the 100,000th burger ceremony, while Gene provides the music with his keyboard. 7/11/21
• 004. Sexy Dance Fighting – 2/13/2011
  • Tina is depressed because her classmate Jordan Sturman has moved away and she can no longer play kickball with him. Bob puts her back to work at the grill and tries to tell her that she’s having fun. Gene and Louise try to cheer her up by taking her to spy on a Capoeira studio, and art that combines dance and martial arts. Although the other kids find it hilarious, Tina is smitten by the teacher Jairo (Jon Glaser), and immediately wants to join the class. She continually practices, and starts missing work, so Bob goes down to the studio to retrieve her. He winds up in an altercation with Jairo, and is knocked down and poops his pants. Tina is humiliated, and the rest of the family is mortified as well. Gene and Louise wants him to take revenge on Jairo, while Bob is just glad he has convinced Tina to quit the class. Louise lets Jairo know how upset Tina is, as part of a plan to get Jairo to lure her back so Bob can enact his fight revenge. Jairo does come into Bob’s and convinces her to return, despite Gene warning her that she will be fired from her job if she leaves. She tells Bob he doesn’t understand, and she leaves with Jairo anyway. He starts to feel guilty later, so he reluctantly shows up to the Troca de Cordio, where Tina will advance a level by receiving a yellow cord. Tina winds up failing her test and doesn’t get the yellow cord. Bob stands up for her and demands that she receive her cord. They wind up in another fight, during which Louise cheers for Bob to push Jairo’s nose into his brain. Instead Jairo knocks him down about 30 times, but Bob doesn’t poop this time. Tina watches this, and decides that Jairo is in fact a jerk. She quits the class, and returns to work and is awarded Bob’s special reward: new yellow gloves. He even lets her take the day off so she can go poke the dead seal with her siblings, but she opts to stay behind and enjoy work with her father. 7/11/21 
• 005. Hamburger Dinner Theater – 2/20/2011
  • Linda pretends she going to a male strip club rather than admit she is going to see Pirates of Panache at Dinner Theater, since Bob can’t stand the notion of dinner theater. With as much as she loves and theater after the show, Mort tells her that she’s halfway there with the food to open up her own Dinner Theater. Bob allows her to do it for three days, starring in a mass murder mystery musical love story called Dreamatorium. She allows everyone in the family to be in it, although Tina gets stage fright and gets to be a murdered tree. On the opening night, the diners freak out when they murder victim goes overboard with the amount of blood they use. The next performance gets a mediocre reaction from audience, when Linda declares herself the murderer. However, when a robber (Toby Huss) comes in at the end of the show and robs the place, then sings a song, suddenly everyone falls in love with the show. The robbery winds up getting rave reviews in the newspaper review, and the kids are treated like royalty. One of the customers at the diner requests that the robber returns to the show with another performer, but when he reveals himself to be the actual robber, Bob scrambles to try and get him turned into the police. Officer Julia (Jerry Minor) and her partner Officer Cliffany (Sam Seder) tackle the robber on the sidewalk and manage to capture him. Linda rushes through the night’s performance, which disappoints the audience. Bob stand in for the robber, and pretends to rob the restaurant with a ketchup bottle, and then sings a made-up song. Holly Schlesinger is Barbara. Wendy Molyneux is Barbara’s friend. 1/6/22
• 006. Sheesh! Cab, Bob? – 3/6/2011
  • Tina’s thirteenth birthday is coming up and her folks want to make her party a great one. Her request is to have her father close down the restaurant so she can have a private co-ed party and that she can have her first kiss every with Jimmy Pesto Jr. (H. Jon Benjamin). Linda talks Bob into hosting such a party, but Bob needs to take on a second job to afford it, so he asks their landlord Mr. Fishoeder (Kevin Kline) if he can have two weeks grace on the rent. He refuses, but he offers Bob a job, so Bob becomes a third shift cab driver, catering to the seedy underbelly of the city. He meets three transvestite hookers named Glitter (Steve Agee), Marbles (Jack McBrayer), and Cha-Cha (Oscar Nunez) and they become friends. Tina passes out the invitations, but Jimmy can’t go because his father Jimmy Pesto Sr. (Jay Johnston) is Bob’s rival across the street who runs Jimmy Pesto’s Pizzeria. Bob tries to talk Pesto into letting him go. Pesto will only agree if Bob shaves off his mustache and lets Pesto have it so he can hang it on the Pizzeria wall. Bob flat out refuses to humiliate himself like that, but when Tina will barely agree to stop by the party, Bob nearly gives in. He shaves off the mustache, but before he can hand it over to Pesto, the hookers tell him that Pesto is one of their clientele. The march over to the Pizzeria to embarrass him, but Pesto quickly gets him to stop by letting Jimmy Jr. go the party. Sure enough, Tina gets her first kiss like she wanted, which she apparently aces under the tutelage of Louise. Linda orders Bob to start re-growing his mustache a.s.a.p. David Herman is the voice 0f Marshmallow. David Herman is Jimmy’s bartender Trev. 1/6/22
• 007. Bed & Breakfast – 3/13/2011
  • Bob has agreed to let Linda open up their house for the long weekend as a bed and breakfast. Bob is worried that she will go overboard to be hospitable, slash their profit margin, and then lose it when the guests don’t appreciate her efforts. Louise gets to keep her own room, since it is little more than a closet, while the other four all sleep in one bed. They wind up getting a newlywed couple, Ed (H. Jon Benjamin) and Nora Samuels (Melissa Galsky), and an entomologist named Javed Fazel (Larry Murphy), who is doing experiments with pheromones and bug mating. None of the guests take any interest in Linda’s meet and greet, and Bob is just anxious to get to work each day so he doesn’t have to be there. Teddy tells Linda how much he’d love staying at her B&B, so she invites him to stay in Louise’s room. Louise is furious and warns Teddy that she doesn’t want him in her room. When he won’t leave, she steals the pheromones and sprays them on Teddy’s pillow, and then releases the bugs in there overnight. Now in an amorous state, they all attach to his face, but he remains nonplussed. Louise overhears him say that the only thing that bothers him are character costumes, so she order a half-dozen of them to come see him. The other guests are ready to bail on the B&B, so Linda locks them all in their rooms, and locks Louise in their room as a punishment. When the costumed characters show up, Teddy fights them all off and beats them up. Bob comes home and finds the house in disarray and he orders Linda to unlock the doors. Linda has lost the key, but Louise has escaped anyway. Linda enlists her to help pick the lock of the other guest. Javed didn’t even realize he was locked in, and the Samuels have tried to escape, and are stuck on a rope they were lowering from their window. Linda agrees to help them if they tell her that they had a great time and will recommend the place to their friends. Bob pays of the costumed characters, and Teddy makes a date with the owl, whom he thinks is a woman but is really a man. 5/17/22
• 008. Art Crawl – 3/20/2011
  • Bob enjoys the neighborhood Art Crawl with his kids, but gets into an encounter with the proprietors of the Reflections art store, Harold (Sam Seder) and Edith (Larry Murphy), who throw them out of their store. Bob is aghast when he returns to see that Linda has hung her sister Gayle’s (Megan Mullally) artwork of animals showing their anuses all over the restaurant. Linda won’t allow Bob to say anything negative about the art because Gayle is too shallow. Meanwhile. Louise sees the profit potential of selling crummy art during the Art Crawl, so she puts Gene and Tina to work painting their own pictures. She tries to drive up the value by cutting off Gene’s ear, but Bob stops her before she gets the chance. Since they won’t create anything mainstream, she puts three kids from the neighborhood: Andy (Laura Silverman), Ollie (Sarah Silverman), and Red aka Devin (Sarah Silverman) to work like a sweat shop. Bob sees the opportunity to rid the restaurant of the anus paintings by putting up the work of Gene and Tina, even though it hurts Gayle’s feelings. However, when Edith and Harold come over to demand that they take down the anus painting, and then claim credit for the fact that Bob has already taken it down, Bob reverses gears and puts it all back up and commissions more paintings from Gayle. He gleefully throws them off his property and tells them he’ll put up whatever he wants. When he comes in the next day, he finds that the animals in the paintings are now wearing pink underwear. He goes over to Reflections to demand an apology, and when they refuse, he starts painting black anuses on all of their paintings, leading to his arrest by Officers Julia and Cliffany. He tries to press charges against Edith and Harold, but Linda admits that it was her who pained the underwear on the animals. Edith agrees to accept the money that Louise made from selling the sweat shop paintings. Bob makes Linda promise to be more honest with her sister, but when Gayle shows them how she has now added breasts to all of the animals, Linda will only tell her that she likes it. Andy, Ollie, and Devin continue to work through the cold night. 5/17/22
• 009. Spaghetti Western and Meatballs – 3/27/2011
  • Bob and Louise are watching TV and playing ‘burn-in’ where they insults shows as they channel surf. When they come across a film from the Banjo spaghetti western series, he wants to watch all of it and invites Gene to join them, fully irritating Louise. Meanwhile, Linda volunteers to cater an event from the conflict resolution group at Tina’s school, serving up spaghetti and meatballs which she hopes will outshine Colleen Caviello’s ziti from the previous year. Gene is inspired by Banjo, and uses Louise’s Little Princess guitar as his own personal ‘banjo,’ so that he can get even with a bully named Choo-Choo (Brian Posehn) at school who always finishes Gene’s jokes. He takes it to school and strike a chord every time Choo-Choo tries it. Bob brings home more Banjo films, causing Louise to have to turn to Tina and her mother for someone to play with. Linda tries to explain to Louise that Bob and Gene need some male bonding time, since they usually get so little. Tina practices her A.B.S. process for conflict resolution with the guidance counselor Mr. Frond and the class. Gene keeps trying to get under the skin of Choo-Choo with is guitar, leading to a food fight in the cafeteria. Gene and Louise wind up in Mr. Frond’s office with their father. Frond pushes the A.B.S. technique – 1) Access your feelings, 2) Be apologetic, 3) Slap it. Neither Bob nor the kids are having any of it, so Frond forbids Bob to cater the dinner event. Linda freaks out when she hears this. Louise blames the Banjo films, so Linda locks them up in her jewelry box. Louise tries to instigate a fight between Choo-Choo and Gene in detention, and after class, Choo-Choo tries to attack Gene. Bob shows up and pulls Choo-Choo away, then gets threatened by Choo-Choo’s father. Bob, Gene, and Louise run away and hide inside a slide on the playground. Bob makes it clear that they aren’t hiding, but rather declining the offer to fight. Louise admits that she was just jealous that her father and Gene were bonding, and it killed her own bonding with both of them. Bob decides to ignore Frond’s order, and he shows up at the dinner event with spaghetti and meatballs. As he hands it all out, it brings about peace between him and Mr. Frond, and with Choo-Choo and his father… at least until Louise yells ‘food fight’ again. 9/11/22
• 010. Burger War – 4/10/2011
  • Bob is dreading his visit with their eccentric landlord Mr. Fischoeder, and doesn’t have confidence that he is going to renew the lease at Bob’s Burgers. Bob makes it explicitly clear that the kids are not to stare at him when he arrives, but they go too far and won’t even acknowledge him. Although Fischoeder really likes Bob’s mustache, he notes that Bob’s rent is always late, while Jimmy Pesto, who wants to open a gift shop in their location, is always early with the rent. Bob insists that Fischoeder try one of his burgers, but he nearly chokes to death on it, so that doesn’t help. He finally simply states that if Bob’s rent is late that month, the lease will go to Jimmy Pesto. Linda seems to think that Bob is obsessed with Jimmy, and visa versa since they are always spying on each other. Meanwhile, Pesto’s twin boys Andy and Ollie want to become spit and/or blood brothers with Louise and Gene. When Jimmy announces he will start selling burgers in his pizzeria, Bob confronts him about why he is trying to destroy his business. Jimmy rubs it in Bob’s face that he has all of the customers. Bob becomes furious when Mort and Teddy show up at Jimmy’s place to eat. The family brainstorms ways to pick up customers so they can make enough money for their rent. Gene wants to play his keyboard, Tina wants to slow dance, and Louise wants to use voodoo. Bob discounts everyone’s ideas and goes with coupons, but Louise doesn’t give up on the voodoo idea. With Andy and Ollie’s help, she creates potato voodoo dolls using the actual hair of those involved. She tries to use her spells to get Gene a gig playing music, and to help Tina by making Jimmy Jr. remember that they’re going out. Gene has the kids pass out his flyers, but Jimmy simply honors the same coupons, plus throws in a free t-shirt. Bob decides to make sample size gourmet ‘Meatsiah’ burgers and pass them out at Jimmy’s restaurant. When Jimmy’s musicians get sick, Louise helps him hire Gene and Tina to play their first live gig. Bob dresses like the hamburger, and comes and tries to pass out his samples, with Jimmy trying to stop him. Bob and Jimmy fight their way into the street, and Mr. Foschoeder shows up. He is about to cancel the lease when he catches a whiff of the gourmet burgers. When he tries them – this time without choking – he decides that Bob is a true artist who doesn’t care about money and decides to renew his lease at a higher price on a month-to-month basis. Everyone celebrates with Gene’s jams. Jimmy Jr. even decides to stay behind and dance with Tina, causing Louise to believe that her voodoo works and she is a god. 9/11/22
• 011. Weekend at Mort’s – 5/8/2011
  • When the Belchers find green mold at Bob’s Burgers, they bring in the health inspector Hugo, who tells them that they’ll need to close the place down for a couple of days to have it taken care of. Linda is excited about this, as it will give them a couple of days off to have a ‘honeymoon’ in a nice hotel. However, Mort offers to let the family stay at his place above the funeral parlor, so they take him up on it. The room is actually nicer than expected, and Mort even offers to babysit the kids so that Bob and Linda can have time alone. All Bob wants to do though is work on his model of the bus from the movie Speed, even though he’s yet to see the movie. Mort takes the kids on a tour of the morgue, but Tina gets sidetracked by his computer and finds that Bob is on a dating site for morticians. She sees he’s been talking to a female mortician named Samantha (Amy Sedaris), so she arranges for him to have a date that night at Jimmy Pesto’s. Mort then talks Linda and Bob into joining them for a double date. Tina agrees to babysit but worries how she will entertain her siblings. Louise somehow coaxes her into exploring the morgue, and then sets up a practical joke of putting Tina’s phone in a casket and pretending there is someone alive inside. Over at Jimmy Pesto’s, Samantha shows up and she and Mort get along swimmingly. Linda gets buzzed enough to dance to the reggae numbers on the floor, but Mort can’t seem to get into it, so he heads back home and falls asleep inside one of the caskets with the Keanu Reeves figure from the bus. The kids then find the casket that their father is in, and they think it is a zombie, so they duct tape it shut and put it inside the furnace to burn. Bob manages to crack the lid of the casket just in time for his kids to see him before he is entirely consumed by flames. Mort and Samantha return to the morgue and find it trashed, but Bob, having barely escaped death, has a new lease on life, and encourages them to do all of the loving they can. He then goes back to Tony Pesto’s to dance and have fun with Linda. He then giddily notices that Tony now has green mold, but Hugo, who has come into the bar to dance, tells him to just spray some bleach on it. 12/30/22
• 012. Lobsterfest – 5/15/2011
  • Everyone is excited about the upcoming annual Lobsterfest event in town except for Bob, since he sells Burgers and is highly allergic to Lobsters. The health inspectors Hugo and Ron come by and make Bob put a poster in the window advertising Lobsterfest. Customers Teddy and Mort come in and don’t order any burgers because of the upcoming event. Just before the event, while the kids are in Mrs. LaBonz (H. Jon Benjamin), the guidance counselor Mr. Frond come in and announces that a hurricane is on the way. Bob is thrilled with the hurricane and the cancellation of Lobsterfest. In fact, he is so grateful that he keeps his restaurant open for everyone who needs food or shelter. He gets drunk with the rest of the patrons and tells everyone that the burgers and beers will be free on the night. Meanwhile, the kids wait in the basement to repopulate the Earth with the other basement-dwellers. The Lobster Maidens show up, and the restaurant turns into an even bigger party. Bob helps the lonely Hugo get a girlfriend named Gretchen (Larry Murphy). Everyone has a grand time, with the patrons calling the evening “Bobsterfest.” The kids decide to go looting and they find an escaped lobster, which they decide they’d like to try eating. The next morning, Bob wakes up hungover and finds that his restaurant has been trashed, and Lobsterfest is back on because the storm has passed. As hard as he tries, he can’t get anyone to come help him get cleaned back up. The kids set up a boiling station using a waffle iron and hair dryer in their room and prepare to boil the lobster alive. They have second thoughts, especially when they realize they had their own predictions about the first times they would try lobster. They decide to let it go but then accidently drop it in the boiling water… so they go ahead and eat it, causing Gene to swell up and turn red. Bob throws a fit at Lobsterfest and commandeers the musicians’ stage and yells at the crowd, threatening to put his toe in the melted butter vat. When Officer Joyce accidentally discharges her bean bag gun, Bob is hit and falls in the vat. Ron reminds Hugo how Bob had acted as his wingman and finally got him a girlfriend the night before, so Hugo declares the butter safe for everyone to eat but the children and compromised adults. However, the next day, Gretchen has lost respect for Hugo and broken up with him, so Hugo comes into Bob’s to do an inspection. Gene will not admit if he ate lobster, and Bob isn’t sure if he’s always looked this way. Larry Murphy is Scott Baggs. 12/30/22
• 013. Torpedo – 5/22/2011
  • Bob closes up the shop for the night to go to the Wonder Dogs baseball game to see the new ad they bought. The owner of the team and the Wonder Wharf Baseball Park, Mr. Fishoeder, hosts a mascot race during the seventh inning stretch, and Gene wants to get involved in it and wear the Bob’s Burgers mascot, especially since the ad they hung in the outfield was practically microscopic. Bob also finds out that one of his former idol, Major League player Torpedo Jones (Robert Ben Garant) is now pitching for the Wonder Dogs. After the game, the family goes to the locker room and Bob tells Torpedo what a fan he is. He also asks him if he can help get Gene into the mascot race. At the next game, Torpedo gets the Belchers front row seats to watch Gene in the race. To show his appreciation, Bob gives Torpedo one of his burgers, which he quite enjoys. Gene manages to win the mascot race, but he somehow forgets the name of Bob’s restaurant when he is interviewed in front of the crowd. Torpedo has a great game and he credits the burgers, even inviting everyone in the stands to go to the restaurant. Tina notices how all of the players spank each other, so she manages to sit in the dugout and keeps slapping the players’ butts. Torpedo gives Bob the game ball, and after smelling it, Bob realizes that Torpedo is using the grease to throw his winning pitch. Bob runs into Mr. Fishoeder in the restroom and tells him what he found out. Fishoeder takes Bob behind the scenes to his rollercoaster near the stadium where construction men are taking wood boards from the rollercoaster to help secure the baseball stands since they have extra patrons now that Torpedo is doing well. Fishoeder explains that the games are entertainment and tells him about how all of the festival games at his amusement are fixed. Based on this information, Louise decides that Gene should be cheating during his mascot race, so he trips the other mascots and wins once more. Bob tells the kids that this is cheating, but Gene argues that it is okay to cheat when it is entertainment. Bob announces that there will be no more cheating for anyone, and that means that Louise should refrain from giving Torpedo the grease. Bob tries to talk Torpedo after cheating and says that if he tries his best, he will find victory. Torpedo tells Bob that he always cheats and always has and adds that Bob should pick an older role model. He then has security remove Bob and the family from their seats. During the next mascot race, Bob talks to Gene over the microphone to tell him to ‘run clean’. Gene is running neck and neck with the pelican when Gene is about to push him over. Gene decides to listen to his father and winds up getting pushed over by the pelican and losing. Bob tells Gene that it was karma catching up with him, but is told by Fishoeder that there is no such thing as karma. Just then the rollercoaster collapses, which Bob again attributes to karma. Tina shows off her signed baseball from the team and the player Angel’s (David Herman) stolen jock strap. Tim Heidecker is announcer Bert Dellalucci. Eric Wareheim is announcer Phil Finnegan. 6/20/23

SEASON 2

• 014. The Belchies – 3/11/2012
  • While searching for treasure with a metal detector on the beach, the Belcher kids run into Ollie and Andy, Zeke, and Jimmy Pesto Jr. The boys tells them about the Caffrey’s Taffy factory that is going to be torn down. Teddy tells the kid that according to legend there is buried gold in the tunnels under the factory. His Uncle Paddy, a maid for Caffrey during prohibition told Teddy that Caffery had made all of his money as a bootlegger and had hidden his treasure, which was booby trapped and had fake taffy dummies situated around the tunnels like Terra Cotta Warriors. He draws them a map that looks like a butt with three stone turds coming out. Louise talks them all into sneaking out in the middle of the night to go looking for the gold. Tina invites Jimmy Jr. to come along, hoping that this will be her chance to win her heart. Jimmy Jr. brings Zeke, and Andy and Ollie show up as well. Once they get inside, they find a hidden elevator, which they think proves that there is treasure. Back home, Bob and Linda spend time alone playing with sex dice that has them hug on a chair. They realize that the kids aren’t in their room and find out from Tina’s diary that they have gone to the Taffy factory. The kids get into the elevator which collapses when the cables break. They find a hole in the bottom of the elevator just big enough for Louise, Andy, and Ollie to go through. They go exploring the tunnels, while the other four manage to pry the elevator gates loose and eventually get out. Jimmy Jr. and Zeke separate from Tina and Gene. Louise is hit by a boobie-trap taffy mannequin and knocked through a hole and dumped into a small empty room. Bob realizes that he still has an erection since Linda has slipped him an erection pill. Bob and Linda arrive at the factory and manage to locate Tina and Gene. They go looking for Louise, who is buys making friends with the taffy man whom she names Taff. They find the other four boys stuck in a net booby trap. They then find Louise and form a human ladder to get her out of her room, just as the construction men are starting to use the wrecking ball on the factory. They discover a hollow wall and knock it down, which leads to the outdoors.  Andy and Ollie meet up with their father who came to watch the demolition. Louise wants to save the Taff, so they bring it out with them. She apologizes to Gene and Tina for being so hard on them. She also tells Taff that she loves him but decides to leave him on the beach. They all decide that there was no treasure after all, and Tina surmises that the journey may have been the treasure. As they walk away, it is revealed that the exit area of the cave and three giant rocks in the water formed the exact ‘butt and turd’ image that Teddy had drawn. Cyndi Lauper sings a parody of The Goonies ‘R Good Enough called Taffy Butt. Her lyrics and an image of the Taff washing up on the beach indicate that there were gold bricks inside Taff all along. 6/21/23 
• 015. Bob Day Afternoon – 3/18/2012
  • Bob goes across the street to the First Oceanside Savings Bank to speak to the bank manager (Craig Anton) about borrowing more money, even though he has several loans already overdue. The manager won’t hear of it, so he leaves the bank after causing a minor scene when he flicks a cardboard standee. Soon police begin arriving, along with tactical units and a swat team. It seems a bank robber named Mickey (Bill Hader) has entered and taken everyone hostage. The police under the direction of Sgt. Bosco (Gary Cole) all set up shop at Bob’s Burgers, which Bob thinks will be great for publicity. However, when they order food, they wind up going with Jimmy Pesto’s Pizza, which Mickey winds up not liking, and it causes him to start shooting in the bank. Mickey winds up asking for burgers and asks Bob to bring them over personally. When Bob delivers the burgers to Mickey, the police start shooting at Mickey and cause Bob to drop the burgers. Mickey decides he needs to keep Bob as a hostage as well. Louise gets Mickey on the phone so that she can do a school essay on his life and career. When Tina tells Mickey on the phone that she is worried about her money, Mickey sends $200 to over to her using Gene’s remote-control truck. Sgt. Bosco has a can of tear gas planted in the ceiling at the bank and tells Bob to get the word around to hit the deck at 6:00pm. Linda tells newscaster Olsen Benner (Pamela Adlon) that she will do anything for Bob as soon as he gets out. Mickey starts to worry about his situation, as all of the other jobs he did in the past were with his friend Rodney, so he calls him at the half-way house where he now lives, but Rodney wants no part of it. Bob talks Mickey into giving himself out but advises him to do it on his terms. Rodney surrounds himself with a human shield and they head over to Bob’s so that he can have one of his burgers. He also instructs Bosco and the other cops to make their own human shield and head into the bank. The cops forget about the tear gas and it goes off on them. Mickey is just interested in not going out with his pants down like what happened to Rodney. While the cops are busy with the tear gas, Mickey tries to make a break for it, but he is tackled by the cops… and manages to keep his pants up. The bank manager tells Bob that he handled himself well, and that he will re-negotiate his loans… until the manager sees a stack of Bob’s money in his back pocket explodes with blue ink. Mickey phones Bob from prison and wants to know how Linda’s did on her essay. She tells her father that she didn’t turn it in, but Bob tells Mickey that she got an A. Todd Barry is the jerk Hummer guy. 10/16/23
• 016. Synchronized Swimming – 3/25/2012
  • Linda works on pre-natal yoga while she is helping the kids do their homework, but Bob says she’s helping them too much. Meanwhile, Bob buys a soft-serve ice cream machine for the restaurant which he thinks will be a goldmine come Summer. Over at the school, when the gym teacher Miss Schraeder (H. Jon Benjamin) tries to force Louise to take off her hat in class, she decides she doesn’t want to attend P.E. any longer. Tina and Gene agree, so they all go in to see the guidance counselor Mr. Frond and tell him that they want to do their own independent study. Tina suggests that they do synchronized swimming. They forge their mother’s name to the permission slip and are thrilled to get out of the class for the year. The run wild all over town when they’re supposed to be in P.E. Mr. Frond runs into Linda and tells her that he can’t wait to see the routine they’ve choreographed. Linda is furious that the kids have lied about synchronized swimming class and tells them that she is indeed going to become their synchronized swimming coach. She forces Gene to wear a girls’ swimsuit so they can look more synchronized. To keep from doing work, Tina tells her mother that they need to do a lot of watching her doing the technique. Bob struggles with the soft serve machine when Teddy wants his warmed up, and teenagers all want to try samples. The next day in class, Linda finally makes the kids get in the water. When more members of the class join the class, Linda fantasizes about a routine that includes actor Tom Selleck (H. Jon Benjamin). When the kids won’t stop messing around, Linda gets frustrated and quits. Mr. Frond tells the kids that Superintendent Douglas (Pamela Adlon) is bringing the Board of Directors to watch them swim. He tells them if they can’t do a routine, they are all going to Summer School. Bob thinks Linda did the right thing by quitting, but when he realizes that if they don’t pass, the kids will have to go to Summer School, which means they can’t work at the restaurant. He then tries to convince Linda to help the kids, but she refuses and tells him that he can do it. When Bob thinks about what a nightmare cooking burgers and ice cream at the same time was, he agrees to help them. Since no one knows what to do, Tiny pulls the fire alarm first, and then throws baby powder in Gene’s face and tells him it’s anthrax. When Linda sees Tom Selleck in her coffee telling her that he’s a great mother and that she always does the right thing. Linda then poops in the pool to stop their performance once and for all. Superintendent Douglas says they are done waiting and that from now on, they’ll stick to the curriculum. Mr. Frond then does the demonstration in the empty swimming pool. Linda shows up and helps them through their routine by doing pre-natal yoga, which simulates a baby’s birth and the nursing of the baby. The School Board kills the independent study program, but the kids do not have to attend Summer School. They all go out for chili to celebrate, ignoring the fact that Tina pooped in the pool… and named it Jezebel. Declyn Thornton is the Little League Player #1. 10/16/23
• 017. Burgerboss – 4/1/2012
  • Bob purchases the Burgerboss video game for the restaurant and immediately gets the high score and puts his name on the machine. When Jimmy Pesto comes over and plays the game, he quickly beats Bob’s score by more than three time, adding his name as BOB SUX.  Bob wants to get that off the game as soon as he can, so he stays up all night playing and trying to beat the game. He winds up having to go to the doctor with hand cramps, and gets his hands put in splints and a prescription of pain pills, to which he quickly becomes addicted. When he returns to the restaurant, he finds that Linda has sent the game back. He is told that most video games wind up at the Family Funtime arcade, but he is stopped by an overzealous security guard (Robert Smigel) who won’t let him in without children. He tells Linda that he’s going to take the kids for sailing lessons and then they all head to the arcade. The kids spend their time crashing a boy named Kevin’s (H. Jon Benjamin) birthday party. Bob meets a nerd named Darryl (Aziz Ansari) who is great at every game and begs him to teach him how to beat the high score so that he can get the BOB SUX banner of the game. Darryl agrees to help him if he will help Darryl beat up his bully Tyler (David Herman). Bob continues playing Burgerboss, gradually increasing his scores as he pops pills, while the kids crash every party that is held there. Soon the kids get bored and look for a bigger party to crash and walk down the street to the Glencrest Yacht Club. When Tyler shows up and starts bullying Darryl, Bob just wants to talk to him, but he is so high on his pills that he collapses. However, after Tyler punches Darryl, Bob snaps back awake and thinks that Tyler is the chicken from the Burgerboss game. Bob chases Darryl through the streets and into the yacht club, where Tyler’s father (David Herman) is the president of the club. The security guard calls Linda to come and get Bob, who is swinging an oar at the other guards. Linda thinks the call is about getting her to the club so she can go sailing with her family and is highly disappointed when she arrives. Jimmy Pesto is also in the club as a member-in-waiting, but once they see he’s associated with this incident, they no longer want him. After Bob has recovered, Darryl comes to thank him for the inspiration, as Darryl does not want to grow up like Bob and be afraid of his bully. Bob decides he doesn’t care if the name BOB SUX is prominently displayed, but then whispers to Darryl about making sure he plays the game and gets it off there. 2/19/24
• 018. Food Truckin’ – 4/15/2012
  • Food trucks are beginning to line the street in front of Bob’s Burgers and although Linda and the kids are excited about it, Bob sees it as competition that will steal his business. The next day, he gets the family to try and block the spots around his restaurant to no avail. Documentarian Randy Watkins is now operating one of the trucks called Ode to Soy. Bob and Randy bicker, but ultimately Randy encourages Bob to buy his own food truck, so he cashes in Gene’s college fund and does just that. Teddy helps Bob get the new run-down truck operational, warning him not to empty the grease trap into the street as it will cause other drivers to slide, and not to light the grill while the truck is running. Gene immediately lights the grill while it is running and causes it to catch on fire, so Teddy has to rebuild the whole thing. Bob does well on his first day open for business, and Tina gets a new name when a customer accidentally calls her “Dina” and she decides to keep it and to reinvent herself while she’s at it. When all of the food trucks start leaving, Randy tells Bob that they are making their rounds to other locations like flea markets and baseball games. They make frequent updates on an app called Chowster. Bob also learns that there will be a music festival called Lolla-Pa-Foods-A headed up by indie singer Tabitha Johansson (Megan Mullally), where the truck voted the best will receive a $1000 prize. Bob sends Tina out to hand out samples, and the new ‘Dina’ lies to everyone about the burgers being much healthier than they are, even telling one person that they are made from soy bison. Meanwhile, Gene tries samples and Louise leaves horrible reviews for all of the other food trucks on Chowster, driving more and more people to Bob’s truck. The concert chairman Paul Blinkman (Scott Jacobson) stops the Tabitha Johansson performance to announce that Bob has won the contest and the $1000. However, when the other truck owners find out about all of the bad reviews, and the customer finds out that they use ordinary cow meat in their burgers, they all revolt and try to attack Bob and his family. The retreat to inside their food truck, which the crowd tips over. They eventually wait it out for five hours, and then try to sneak out while everyone is falling asleep around their campfires. They attempt to overturn the food truck, but wind up rolling it down a hill toward some campers. They manage to escape, and when folks start to chase the truck, they release the grease trap onto the road. ‘Dina’ decides to return to ‘Tina’. Randy, who joined them in their truck, lights the grill and causes it to blow up again. They have to walk home, and Randy suggests that he and Bob take a glass blowing class together. Paul Scheer is the voice of Larry. Dana Powell is the voice of Karen. Dave “Gruber” Allen is the voice of Bill. 2/19/24

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