The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – NETFLIX

Created by Tina Fey and Robert Carlock

Opening theme: “Unbreakable” by The Gregory Brothers and Mike Britt

• 001. Kimmy Goes Outside! – 3/6/2005
  • Kimmy Schmidt (Ellie Kemper), who was abducted in the eighth grade and three other women, Cyndee Pokorny (Sara Chase), Gretchen Chalker (Lauren Adams), Donna Maria Nunez (Sol Miranda) have been held in an underground bunker in Durnsville, Indiana for the past fifteen years, have been told that there was a nuclear apocalypse above ground. The perpetrator Richard Wayne Gary Wayne (Jon Hamm) is apprehended, and the women are rescued by the SWAT team. Dubbed as the ‘Indiana Mole Women,’ the ladies travel to New York City where they are interviewed on the Today Show by Matt Lauer (himself). Kimmy decides to stay and New York and start a new life there, despite the warnings of the other women. She visits an apartment with a roommate owner and meets the building owner Lillian Kaushtupper (Carol Kane), who has placed the ad because the tenant Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), a flamboyant gay black man who hasn’t paid rent in two months. They tell Kimmy if she gets a job, she can have the apartment. While looking for a job, she encounters a young shoplifter Buckley Voorhees (Tanner Flood), and when she takes him home, she is hired by his rich and eccentric mother Jacqueline (Jane Krakowski) to be his nanny. The only normal person in the house appears to be Buckley’s tutor Charles (Andrew Ridings). Kimmy returns to the apartment and pays for several months rent out of the money that was collected for the mole women. To celebrate her new life, Ellie goes out dancing with Titus, and her backpack containing all of her $13,000 is stolen. She also returns to the Voorhees for work and is fired for being late. Titus tells her that he was once Ronald Wilkerson from Mississippi, and over the past seven years New York City has eaten him alive, returns the rent money, and sends her home. As she gets ready to leave, she remembers a time she refused to be fooled by Reverend Wayne about all the creatures being destroyed because she has found a rat. She realizes she is ‘unbreakable’ and decides to stay. Mike Britt is Walter Bankston. James Coker is Jayson. McKinley Belcher III is Bryce. Albert Christmas, Agnes Chung, and Robin Rieger, as Carla Tuesday, are reporters. Patrick Cooley is the SWAT guy. James DiGiacomo is the boy on the playground. Arielle Lever is the club girl. Danielle Polanco is the dancer. Stephen Scott Scarpulla is the production assistant. 3/8/20 

• 002. Kimmy Gets a Job! – 3/6/2015
  • Kimmy returns to the Voorhees residence to ask for her job back, and Jacqueline agrees if she can manage to arrange a Superhero birthday party for Buckley later that day, which she insists is absolutely perfect because her husband Julian will be returning home for Japan for the party. Kimmy tells Titus to quit his job handing out flyers dressed as Iron Man so that he can pursue his dream, so Titus attempts to get his deposit money back on on the costume, but the store proprietor Ray (Bill Cwikowsi) says that the costume is too scuffed. Kimmy later meets Julian’s 15-year old daughter Xanthippe (Dylan Gelula), who is drinking with her friend Simone (Katherine Reis). Xanthippe is immediately rude to Kimmy, and becomes especially hostile when she threatens to tell her step-mother about her drinking. She and her friends Simon and Vidalia (Robyn Kimmel) also shock Kimmy by talking about the boys they are sleeping with. Kimmy tells Jacqueline, but she is too scared to ground her and tells Kimmy to do it. No matter what Kimmy does, the party doesn’t live up to Jacqueline’s expectations, and Buckley is disappointed because he isn’t allowed to open the gifts until his father returns home. Kimmy tells Titus that he can get through ten seconds of anything, so simply count to ten, and when that is over, start again. Kimmy returns home ready to quit the job, but suddenly remembers something from her Babysitters Club book: the characters in the stories that Xanthippe is telling her friends come from the book. Kimmy is able to use this information to blackmail her into getting the upper hand, and successfully grounding her to her room. Titus meets a mariachi band leader named Hector (Horatio Sanz) and his group of singers (Alvaro Paulino Jr., Alvara Paulino Sr., and Jorge Ortiz), who also have had trouble getting their deposits back. They are joined by even more street characters who threaten to expose Ray’s copyright infringement of the characters, and he and the others wind up getting their money back. Kimmy however asks Ray to retrieve the costume to salvage the birthday party, where Buckley takes delight in beating the Iron Man character with a bat. Jacqueline fires Kimmy again, but then realizes that she has made Buckley happy and grounded Xanthippe. She is distraught because Julian never came home and she fears her marriage is failing. Kimmy tells her about the ten-second counting trick, and Jacqueline suddenly considers Kimmy her best friend. She has Kimmy spoon with her, so Kimmy employes the ten-second trick again for herself. Susanna Guzman is Vera the maid. Thea McCarten is the mother. Olivia Edward is the daughter. Jake Ryan is the boy at the party. 3/9/20
• 003. Kimmy Goes on a Date! – 3/6/2015
  • Kimmy has a dream she is on a date, but then realizes he has led her to her former bunker, causing her to wake up strangling Titus, who tells her that she needs to talk with someone to unlock her bottled-up emotions. Titus is on his way to get new head shots, but doesn’t want Lillian to know she that he has any money, so when she sees him all dressed up, he tells her that he is going to funeral. She feels bad and says she will accompany him, so he drags her to whatever happens to be going on: a funeral for an Asian man named Son Hae Sop Kim. Since he brought along a microphone to pose with, he winds up singing the Boyz II Men song I’ll Make Love To You. On the way home, Lillian tells Titus that she spied on him though the hole in his ceiling rolling in his money. They begin fighting, but then quickly make up when he hands over the money and she give it back so he can get his head shots. As they argue over who takes the money, a thief snatches it and runs off. Meanwhile Charles is helping Buckley with his project on ancestry, and when he asks Jacqueline about hers, she flashes back to her Native American ancestry and how she told her parents Virgil (Gil Birmingham) and Fern (Sheri Foster Blake) and plans to move from South Dakota and live in New York as a white woman. When Kimmy confesses to Jacqueline that she’d like someone to talk to, she recommends a wealthy man named Grant Belden (John McMartin) because he has a nice apartment. It turns out that he is a World War 2 vet who is suffering from dementia, but proves to be just what Kimmy needs because he won’t judge her. However on their second date, she has second thoughts when she realizes she needs some actual interaction, and he attempts to kill her with a fork and grenade. Charles makes it known that he’d like to spend more time with Kimmy. Xanthippe continues to be angered by Kimmy’s strangeness, and vows to determine her background so she can have her fired, but as she is questioning Kimmy, Jacqueline puts a stop to it and tells her that people’s backgrounds are their own private business. Secretly she is still wearing the morning star necklace that her grandmother made. Sammy Rhee is the reverend. 4/4/20 
• 004. Kimmy Goes to the Doctor! – 3/6/2015
  • Kimmy finds a television in the street that works, but causes some bad memories for Titus when he sees his archrival Coriolanus Burt (James Monroe Igleheart) on an episode of Law & Order: SVU alongside Richard Belzer (himself). Meanwhile Kimmy gets a call from Cyndee who is responding to a letter of hers that Titus sent so she will have someone to talk to, but Kimmy blows her off. Later Jacqueline has Kimmy make her an appointment with plastic surgeon Dr. Sidney Grant – pronounced by him as Dr. Franff (Martin Short) – to have work done on her feet to make her feel better since her husband is going to be even more delayed coming home. Kimmy also needs to have a photo taken so she will have ID when she picks up Buckley. When she sees new lines in her face, she decides to go to see Franff as well, whose face is so rigid and malleable that it re-shapes when touched. In between commercials for Buhbreeze, Titus sees that there are auditions for the Broadway play Spidermen Too: 2 Many Spidermen, so he and Kimmy go to an arcade so he can get head shots and audition. There he runs into Coriolonus, who pokes fun at Titus because he has no agent. Titus is particularly angry because he had upstaged him at an audition for a play called Alabama, and thinks that their careers went in opposite directions from then on. Kimmy takes him to an agency to try to get him an agent named Josh (Jason Babinsky) who gets Titus an interview with director Myron Affleck (Jonesy). Josh also recognizes Kimmy as a mole woman, so she decides to return to Dr. Franff and get a whole new face. As she gets anesthetized in the chair, she has visions of Dr. Richard with the face of the baby (Penelope Richmond) from Full House. She jumps out the chair and makes a speech to the crowd at the office that changing their face won’t cover up their problems… but since she is under the drugs, no one can understand her. She runs over to Jacqueline and tells her the same thing. Titus doesn’t get the part, but he’s in a chipper mood when he finds out that Coriolanus did, meaning that he still had to audition for the same miserable roles. Kimmy calls Cyndee and tells her that she should come visit her in New York. Tina Johnson is Mrs. Pokorny. Stephanie Rothenberg is the receptionist. Patricia Battle is herself as the news anchor. Beverly A. Crick is the lady in the audition lane, credited as the female Bruce Vilanch. April Wilkner is the nurse. Jacob Heimar is Josh’s agent friend. Jessica Griffin and Bryan Langlitz are the blindfolded woman and man. Dana Morgan Pollak is the puppeteer. Barrington Hinds, Fred Odgaard, Alex Wong, and Patrick Ortiz are dancers. 4/5/20
• 005. Kimmy Kisses a Boy! – 3/6/2015
  • Kimmy is hit on by construction worker Mikey Politano (Mike Carlsen) as she walks, but her response is so obtuse and vague that the worker begins to question himself. When Kimmy arrives at work, Charles asks her out and if he can kiss her, and she agrees so they kiss in the kitchen. With fellow mole Cyndee coming for a visit, Kimmy warns Titus not to talk about the bunker with her. However when Cyndee brings along her middle-school crush and now her boyfriend Brandon Yeagley (Brandon W. Jones), Kimmy is very surprised with how well Cyndee seems to have adapted to the real world. Titus on the other hand meets Brandon and immediately determines that he is gay and vows to seduce him to prove it. Kimmy doesn’t believe him at first, but it soon becomes obvious, and she assumes that he is only trying to get in on all of the free stuff Cyndee gets as a former mole. Kimmy confronts Brandon and he admits that he’s gay, but he is only doing it because everyone in town wants to ensure that Cyndee gets whatever she wants after her mole experience. Titus tries his seduction and when he fails, he initially assumes that Brandon is not gay after all, but then realizes that he might be getting old and less attractive. Kimmy gets a call from Charles who invites her to move to the next level and tells her that he loves her. She agrees and is all in, and then later tells him that she loves him too. Unfortunately he has no idea what she is talking about, as he had butt-dialed her and she overheard a conversation that he had with his fellow gamer Jeremy (Jonathan Judge-Russo) about a video game. This effectively puts an end to their relationship. Kimmy tries to tell Cyndee the truth about Brandon, but she admits that she knows this already but only wants to live out her teenage fantasy, which causes a rift between them after Kimmy tries to convince her she is living in a dream world. As Titus roams the streets in a daze, the construction worker Mikey tells him that he is discovering that he is gay and asks him out. Kimmy admits to Cyndee that she might be jealous of her, but acknowledges that Cyndee should live her life the way she wants. This also inspires Kimmy to finish school, so she goes to a middle school and attempts to enroll in the eighth grade. The administrator (Catherine Curtin) won’t allow it, but gives her some pamphlets on getting her G.E.D. Christian Barber is the smooth Jazzercise instructor on TV. Eddie Maldanado is the bartender. Allie Woods is Titus’s ‘reflection’. 7/16/20
• 006. Kimmy Goes to School! – 3/6/2015
  • Kimmy returns to school in a G.E.D. prep class, but finds that their teacher Mr. Lefkovitz (Richard Kind) apparently has no intention of cheating and only shows them a VHS of the movie Major League. Kimmy complains to the school secretary Deborah (Tamara Della Anderson), but she warns Kimmy that she’ll get Lefkovitz fired if she files a complaint. Kimmy sees an inscription from an old yearbook from a kid named Mike Stampone (Dean Neistat) who seemingly gave Lekovitz credit for his teaching, but when Kimmy brings a grown Mike to see Lefkovitz, instead of thanking him, Stampone beats him up. Kimmy finds out that he actually wants to be demoted one last time because since he is tenured they will send him to the ‘rubber room’ where incompetent teachers go when they don’t want them in the classrooms due to their incompetence. Kimmy encourages the class to overcome this by all passing the class and making Lefkovitz stay a teacher to spite him. Meanwhile Titus wants to film a music video for the song he is writing called Pinot Noir. He and Lillian first attempt to film in front of a strip club, but the skank lady (Tasha Lawrence) running it chases them off. Then they try a chandelier factor but it is filled with bats. Finally when Kimmy asks Titus and Lillian to look in on the Voorhees house, the decide to film in there. When Titus accidentally knocks down a curtain rod, Lillian runs off and Titus frantically attempts to repair it. Xanthippe has had a wild party and other areas of the house are already trashed. When she finds Titus in the house trying to fix the curtain rod, Xanthippe asks him to help clean the rest of the house. When Xanthippe finds out they are friends of Kimmy, she threatens to get her fired, but Titus makes a deal that they will help her clean if she leaves Kimmy alone. She agrees not tell on Kimmy after Titus helps her retrieve a family heirloom pipe that was stolen by her friend Dylan (Tim Boardman). As he cleans, Titus films the last scene he needs for his video. Kimmy’s classmate Dong Nguyen is played by Ki Hong Lee. Bridget Gabbe and Walden Bryan Hudson is Titus’s old high school acquaintances. The guy in the back of class is Tony Scheinman. 7/16/20
• 007. Kimmy Goes to a Party! – 3/6/2015
  • Jacqueline is becoming more and more suspicious of Julian’s infidelity, so she chases him down on his plane in Beijing and begins to interrogate him. After establishing the fact that he’s not having an affair with his secretary Fat Rhonda (Abby C. Smith), and he threatens to go back and see their marriage counselor Dr. Goodman (Lisa Masters), she backs off. However, she still listens in on his phone calls once he returns home and finds out that he is speaking to a female named Yuko (Julie Tice-Bubolz). Jacqueline invites Kimmy to attend a dinner party and help expose his infidelity. Jacqueline pours baby powder on the floor and knowing his attraction to feet assumes that he and Yuko will both stand up and have powder on their crotches. Meanwhile Titus helps Kimmy prepare a dinner party outfit using a bathmat, toilet chain, and other objects found around the apartment. Kimmy meets a man named Logan Beekman (Adam Campbell) who seems smitten with her, despite her odd attempts at presenting herself as high society debutante Kimmy Tiara Von Lobster. Xan however is on to her game and puts an end to her fun by telling Logan that Kimmy works for them like a slave. However, this doesn’t turn off Logan, and in fact endears her even more to him since she seemed to like him for himself and not his fame or money, of which she knows nothing. Jacqueline’s attempt at exposing Julian fails when he introduces the girl Jacqueline though was Yuko as business associate Isaye Watanabe (Maho Honda) with whom he has merged with to present a robot named Yuko, who a female voice. This temporarily quells Jacqueline’s jealousy, but when Yuko starts doing all of tasks that Jacqueline normally does, she becomes jealous again. Titus, who has been providing the singing at the party, particularly to impress a producer named Ashton Splode (John C. Vennema), is also turned off by Yuko because she sings as well and steals his thunder. Jacqueline and Titus team up to try and bury Yuko in the flowerbed. Titus winds up getting hired by Splode to perform at his Broadway restaurant Professor Dracula’s Spooky Laboratory Bar & Grille, since he was not a Broadway producer after all. Jacqueline is forced to go back to Dr. Goodman, and it soon becomes clear to her when she sees Goodman with the same pen that her husband got in Hawaii, that it was actually her with whom Julian was having the affair. Emily Fleming is the waiter. Colby Lane Chambers is the bartender. 11/2/20
• 008. Kimmy Is Bad at Math! – 3/6/2015
  • Kimmy forms a GED study group since she is having trouble comprehending math, but the only one who shows up is a crazy lady named Sonja who thinks she can become invisible. She searches out another student named Dong Nguyen who has conservative Korean values and has trouble speaking English. Meanwhile Jacqueline tries to cope with separating from Julian, and Titus dresses as a Frankenwolf for his new job at Professor Dracula’s Spooky Laboratory and Bar & Grille. Lillian worried about gentrification in the neighborhood when a manhole cover is repaired, so starts trying to discourage any wealthy person from parking on their street. Kimmy accompanies Jacqueline to see Julian’s lawyer Gary Dubbin (Jason Karvits) and find out she will only get ‘peanuts’ in the settlement thanks a pre-nup. Kimmy encourages her to hold fast to leaving him, and even does stress-eating on her behalf. She also calls over Jacqueline’s friend Mimi Kanassis (Amy Sedaris), a recent divorcee who is thriving on her own, but Mimi quickly admits that she is miserable. Dong doesn’t have time to tutor her because he is busy with work, so that he can make money and hire an immigration lawyer. Kimmy offers to do part of his route to allow him more time. Dong tries to teach Kimmy math and compounding interest, but Kimmy is lost. They end up cheering each other up by finding TV and movie locations. They think they’ve found the Friends fountain in Central Park but an officer (Frank Pando) notifies them that it is actually in Burbank. Kimmy tires to show Jacqueline that life can be managed on her new budget, but showing her where she lives. Lillian tries to destroy her car. Titus finds out that he is treated better as a werewolf than a black man, so he wears his costume everywhere. Dong comes up short because Kimmy couldn’t make change when she did his deliveries. He is furious and tells her that he can no longer tutor her, but realizes how much better his English is from being around her. Jacqueline believes she can’t survive on the money from Julian since she lives on 100 grand a month. She deduces she’ll be broke in ten years, but then Kimmy remembers what she learned about compounding interest, and convinces her that she can in fact do it. However Jacqueline admits that she’s just scared to be alone, but Kimmy finally reveals to her that she is one of the Mole Women, and now she is dating Logan Beekman… so Jacqueline signs the divorce agreement. Titus’s adhesive starts to come loose, and he repulses a yuppie couple (Fred Arsenault, Jessie Austrian). Kimmy and Logan go out to dinner, and when Dong spots them eating in the Ghostbusters restaurant, he is devastated. Pablo Gonzales is Eight Ball. Jean Goto is the yuppie mom who gives Titus her baby. Arash Mokhtar is the pedicab driver. Victor Joe Ortiz is the young cop who greets Titus. 11/2/20
• 009. Kimmy Has a Birthday! – 3/6/2015
  • Kimmy’s 30th birthday is coming up and she’s planning a party for herself. However when her step-father Randy Peterson (Tim Blake Nelson) and half-sister Kymmi (Kiernan Shipka) show up unexpectedly to deliver her gift. Randy had headed up the investigation to find Kimmy, but it was ultimately a psychic pig who located her, and then later married Kimmy’s mother. Once she was rescued, her mother didn’t show up, having once again abandoned the family. Kymmi is bitter toward Kimmy as well, as her childhood was robbed by her father’s over-protectiveness, never letting her leave the house to even go to Olive Garden with her friends. She takes the gift and sends them home. Titus hasn’t gotten her a gift, so he tells her that he’s writing a song for her. He has also invited a guy from who was dressed in a mummy outfit based on his abs, but when he shows up at the party and unmasks, it ends up being an old boyfriend named Fabian (Jordan Loew aka Jordan Keith Loewenstein) with whom he bickers. Kimmy’s boyfriend Logan sends her a gift for every year of her life, but doesn’t show up to help set up, bringing only four cubes of designer ice when she asks him to bring ice. Dong however not only shows up to help, but has built Kimmy a bicycle for her gift. Since Logan’s secretary bought all of the gifts, he mistakenly claims credit for the bicycle, leading to a physical fight between Logan and Dong, which ultimately causes Dong to go through the wall where he hangs upside down. Kimmy’s family returns when they can’t find their car. Kymmi sees that Kimmy is wearing their mother’s locket and she throws a fit and walks out of the party. Randy goes looking for her, but when he asks tough guy Yo-Yo (Peter Patrikios) to help him find a girl, they assume he wants a prostitute and makes him prove that he’s not a cop by injecting heroin. Kymmi sends everyone home and is depressed about her party, but Titus tells her that she’s had her first adult party since it ended in chaos. Randy ends up showing back up at Kimmy’s with a hooker named Vicki (Rachel McPhee), so Kimmy helps him find Kymmi at Olive Garden, where she decides to give being a family a chance and breaks apart the locket and gives Kymmi half. Knowing that Kimmy hasn’t heard any music in the last fifteen years, he tells her he wrote Firework for her. She likes it, but has a few criticisms. Allie Woods is Goliath Gary Willikers. Lara Hillier is Ashley Wigfield, the Olive Garden waitress. Spencer Aste is the helpful, sketchy guy with the van. Edwin Lugo is Donna Maria’s son Alonso. 2/20/21
• 010. Kimmy’s in a Love Triangle! – 3/6/2015
  • Kimmy is distressed over her so-called love triangle with Dong and Logan, but she assures Logan that he is her boyfriend and that Dong is just a friend. Logan insists that she tell Dong that she can’t be friends with him any longer, so she plans to do it using a British accent to make it easier. Meanwhile Xanthippe is furious when she and Buckley find out from their father’s lawyer that they are getting a divorce. She blames Kimmy, and dreads the thought of going to live with her biological mother Helene (Christine Ebersole) in Connecticut. Kimmy agrees to help her by having her pretend to be living at her place in squalor, surrounded by drug dealers, and dating a black man. The ruse works, and Xanthippe appreciates that Kimmy helped her so she could stay with her friends. However, after Kimmy sees how rotten Xanthippe’s friends are, and that Xanthippe is in fact a good girl who only pretends she is taking drugs with them, she texts Helene to come and get her… invoking Xanthippe’s wrath once more. Kimmy goes to tell Dong they can only be friends, only to find that everyone working at the restaurant has been deported by ICE, and an officer (Jeff Williams) is hot on his heels. Kimmy tells Dong that he can stay with her to hide out, but tells them they must remain friends. However while play acting for Xanthippe’s ruse, she kisses Dong, and he decides that he is too attracted to her to just be friends. When Kimmy tells Logan that Dong is moving away, Logan admits that he had been the one to call ICE to have him deported, causing Kimmy to break it off with Logan immediately. When Titus is overlooked for the role as Dr. Van Peebles at work in favor of Professor Rick (John Ellison Conlee), his manager (George Demas) tells him that it is because the role is straight. However when Titus finds out that Rick too is gay, Rick gives him the name of a man named M. Le Loup (Dean Norris) who can act as a ‘straight coach.’ Le Loup attempts to prepare him for a role in the manly series Entourage 2 by coaching him on how straight men behave. Titus nearly gives up until he attempts to rehearse his lines in a manly voice and a Guido (James Dicarlo) becomes enraged when he thinks Titus is hitting on his girl (Carly Brooke). Le Loup then tells him there really isn’t an Entourage 2, but that Titus had it in him the whole time to act straight. Kimmy catches up with Dong before he leaves town to tell him that she wants to be more than friends too. He agrees to stay but expresses his concern about ICE, and tells Kimmy that they should get married to avoid his deportation. Phil Ni is Dong’s boss Hu Zha Qi. Jason Finney is Le Loup’s assistant. Robert Osborne appears as himself introducing the film Daddy’s Boy starring Nic Rouleau as the Daddy’s boy, Jefferson Mays as Daddy, and John Collum as Daddy’s Daddy. Noel MacNeal, James Wojtal, and Peter Linz are the puppeteers with the dolphin. 2/21/21
• 011. Kimmy Rides a Bike! – 3/6/2015
  • Kimmy is summoned to be a witness in the trial of Richard Wayne Gary Wayne. Titus tries to be supportive, but he is more interested in watching the trial on the internet, so he heads to use the library computer. Since Kimmy doesn’t want to go to the trial and is feeling stressed, so Jacqueline invites her to attend her Spirit Cycle class, hosted by motivational spin cyclist Tristafé (Nick Kroll), who walks them through calming beaches in his subjects’ minds. Soon he begins to favor Kimmy and moves her to the front of the class, while Jacqueline is moved a row back. Jacqueline resents this, but is afraid to retaliate against Kimmy because she is afraid Kimmy will tell Tristafé. This gives Kimmy the confidence to blow off the trial because it doesn’t suit her beach. Meanwhile, Wayne has the inept prosecuting attorneys Marcia Clark (Tina Fey) and Chris Darden (Jerry Minor) spinning in circles. He is using his charm to quickly win over everyone in the courtroom… except for Cyndee and Donna Maria who want Wayne to be punished. Titus, who continues to watch the trial online, starts to be brainwashed himself by Wayne, but then finally comes to his senses and pleads with Kimmy to join the trial. He tells her that she is once again being brainwashed, this time by Tristafé. Kimmy  also comes to her senses and barges into the Spirit Cycle class, and exposes Tristafé to actually be Christopher Micelli, an irritable bowel syndrome victim, who sits on a toilet with a monitor of legs cycling in front of him in the darkened spin class. Jacqueline snaps out of her allegiance to him, while Kimmy decides to go the trial, and Titus decides to join her… even if it is just to watch the trial without ads. Munro M. Bonnell is the jury foreman. Catherine Brunell is Jenny the surprise witness. Natalie Carter is the librarian. Ashley Wren Collins and Gaby Gamache are women, and Brian Sills is the gay man in the spin class. Tyler Hollinger is the Wall Street bro. 6/17/21
• 012. Kimmy Goes to Court! – 3/6/2015
  • Kimmy and Titus take a bus to Durnsville, Indiana for the trial against Wayne, which is much appreciated by Cyndee, who thinks Kimmy is the key to getting Wayne convicted. Cyndee is also having a bachelorette party after the trial and wants Kimmy to be her maid of honor. Kimmy’s stepfather Randy meets her at the bus station, but locks his keys in his car so he can’t drive her to the courthouse. Kimmy is hellbent on convincing the jury that Wayne is guilty of kidnapping. However, Wayne then uses his charisma to turn it around on Kimmy and question why she was late to the trial, how much she hated Durnsville and wanted to run away, and how everyone would be rich if she hadn’t tried to run away from Durnsville. He also flashes back to the time he called Kimmy’s bluff by offering to let Cyndee go, but Kimmy is afraid that if she is wrong, Cyndee would burn up from the apocalypse. Back in the courtroom, Cyndee is furious when she learns that she could have left the bunker seven years earlier, and she tells Kimmy that she’s no longer the maid of honor. Meanwhile, Titus starts to eat up the attention he is getting by the local press, so he misses the day in court by doing a radio interview. Kimmy is angry at him, but he gives her an idea about how to win the case when he mentions the dictionary. He also gets a warning about the price of fleeting fame from Walter Bankson, famous for his auto-tuned interview about the mole ladies. Titus later does an interview for the Indianapolis news, but they film him while he is miked before the interview and he is caught singing, primping, and farting on camera. Kimmy goes to get Cyndee and the other two moles from the bachelorette party at the bowling alley, and then has Randy drive them to the old bunker. There they find that the mystery crank that Wayne always required them to turn was actually providing power to his luxury room. They are all furious, but need to find evidence to put him away. They discover a hidden wall safe with a very surprising object inside. Titus’s video from the news gets remixed and goes viral. John Bolton is the bus driver. Steven Hauck is Judge Bad. Christine Toy Johnson is news anchor Carol Doberman. Richie Moriarty is the news producer. 6/17/21
• 013. Kimmy Makes Waffles! – 3/6/2015
  • Kimmy pulls out the object inside the safe, which proves to merely be a video tape audition for The Apprentice that Wayne made while in the bunker. With the weight of a leaf and then a motorcycle driving over it, the bunker door closes with all of the girls inside. Cyndee is more angry than ever at Kimmy, while Gretchen has no interest in leaving, so they all three begin to argue. Donna Marie then reveals that she can speak English and tells them all to shut up, and admits she learned English two years into their stay, but kept it a secret so she didn’t have to participate in their stupid teenage arguments. Kimmy vows to get them out of the bunker, and remembers that a mouse once came in, so she assumes they can get out the same way: through the air shaft. Meanwhile, Lillian goes looking for Kimmy at Jacqueline’s house, and Jacqueline tells her all about Kimmy’s past. They agree to go to Durnsville together, and Jacqueline hopes to ‘find herself’ along the way. Their trip gets off to a rough start when Jacqueline destroys the GPS because it is telling her what to do. She tries to cull memories from her Native American upbringing to help her find the way. She and Lillian wind up getting into a rumble with an Indians High School band along the way. Randy tries to make up for his failures by rescuing a cat from a tree, but winds up stuck in the tree himself, with his clothes on fire below their branch. Kimmy convinces Gretchen to help them climb up through the shaft to get a phone signal by telling her that if they get out and Wayne isn’t found guilty, she will join Gretchen’s church and live with her in the bunker. Cyndee’s phone dies when they reach the top, but a fireman carrying Randy happen by and see them inside the shaft. They all report to court where Kimmy struggles to present any worthwhile evidence, but when she shows the tape in court and Gretchen sees the audition footage, she immediately recognizes Wayne to be a fraud. Kimmy realizes what happened: Wayne’s audition was filmed one day before the supposed coming apocalypse, indicating that Wayne knew all along that there would be no apocalypse. The jury foreman immediately pronounces him guilty. After the trial ends, Titus, whose agent Josh has assured him that the fact that his video went viral will make him more famous than ever, finally feels the other side of the sword, when his wife Vonda (Pernell Walker) shows up after seeing the video. Lillian and Jacqueline finally show up, and Jacqueline declares she has now found herself. She removes her contacts, hugs a stranger, and then drives off in a police car. Dong calls Kimmy and tells her that he was forced to get married to Sonja (Suzan Perry), an elderly lady from his GED class. John Harrington Bland is the Justice of the Peace. David Thompson is the drum major. 11/6/21

SEASON 2

• 014. Kimmy Goes Roller Skating! – 4/15/2016
  • Kimmy is preparing for Christmas for Lillian, Titus, a passed out Mimi Kanassis, and someone named Murasaki. Mikey Politano Santa Claus stops by and tells Titus he can’t kiss him because he’s married. Jacqueline barges in and announces that the Jews took her painting, and Sonya shows up calling Kimmy a whore before she falls in the window. The rest of the events take place three months earlier, while Kimmy fantasizes that she’s dating Dong, when she’s actually out with a boring vegan named Edwin (Daniel Reece). Lillian talks Kimmy into going on roller skating date with her in order to meet some men, but when they stop in a store, Kimmy runs into Dong, and Lillian runs into her old boyfriend Bobby Durst (Fred Armisen), who is now a senile old man who talks to himself and totes around a suitcase. Meanwhile, Vonda is attempting to sue Titus for divorce, even though Titus – formerly Ronald Wilkerson – ran out on her at the wedding reception. Kimmy decides to go talk to Vonda herself, and she finds out that Vonda really only wants an apology from Titus, since they had been best friends from Mississippi, and only married because Ronald couldn’t be with men, and Vonda couldn’t be with tiny white men. However, before Kimmy can him that, Titus’s lawyer Gary Dubbin (Jason Kravits) informs him that Vonda had him legally declared dead and has collected the insurance money. Instead of apologizing to Vonda, Titus gloats. Kimmy finds this disgusting and demands that Titus let her talk to Ronald, who she finds out it indeed remorseful about hurting Vonda. Meanwhile, Jacqueline has decided to rejoin her family back in South Dakota, but she has no idea about their culture and winds up blowing up two silos, and hiding their peace pipes. They eventually tell her that she should return to New York. She runs out in a huff and accidentally locks herself in the police car. Acting on Lillian’s advice that there are many gray areas in life, Kimmy goes to see Dong at their house party, and after speaking to him about the gray area, she kisses him in the bathroom. Dong tells her that she needs to leave, because he doesn’t want to get caught by the ICE agent (Kelly Taffe). When she returns home, she finds that Titus is packing to leave, so she follows him to the subway station. There she sees him run into Vonda, where he opens his suitcase, and they put on accessories and dance together in the subway. The conductor Dave Wright (Ed Jewett) that all trains are late so that lovers can find each other. However, when she thinks she spots Dong, it ends up being someone else. Back at the skate rink, Bobby and Lillian sing together to his ukulele. Darrell Hammond is the SNL announcer. Ryan Barry is the waiter. Will Cobbs is the caterer. Osh Ghanimah is the store clerk. Jared Joseph is the DJ. Dustin Charles is Philip. Kenita Miller is Shelia. Sage Owens is Cole. Lizan Mitchell is the great aunt. Wayne W. Pretlow is the Minister. 11/6/21
• 015. Kimmy Goes on a Playdate! – 4/15/2016
  • Kimmy talks a clerk named Terry (Doug Plaut) into getting a job as an elf in a year-round Christmas store. Meanwhile, Jacqueline – who is now going by the name Ms. White – asks Kimmy if she can stay with her while she looks for an apartment, and also vows Kimmy to secrecy that she only got $12 million in her divorce. She also wants to let New York society know she is back, and she thinks the gatekeepers are the mothers at Buckley’s school St. Clotilde’s School for Fancy Boys, particularly the head mother Deirdre Robespierre (Anna Camp). Jacqueline asks Kimmy to go pick up Buckley at school and talk to Dierdre and tell her that Jacqueline has been busy trying to spend the billions of dollars she got in the settlement. They wind up making a playdate between Buckley and Dierdre’s son Owen (Jaxon Ackerman). Meanwhile, Xan is upset about her new life in Connecticut because she is emotionally attached to the old house. When Kimmy goes to pick up stuff at the old house for Jacqueline, Xan expresses her anger toward her. Titus’s closet becomes too full and falls apart, so he decides he needs to give away some clothes. He takes them to Goodwill, thinking that it will make someone all the better to have his fashion sense. However, the clothes do not sell and wind up in a giant trash bag and priced at $5. Even a homeless man who comes in for clothes, puts on the trash bag itself rather than any of his clothes. When Titus hears a hipster girl (Mouojan Zolfaghari) and her friends making fun of the clothes, Titus takes it all back from the Goodwill worker Darryl (Dru Johnston) and throws it in the garbage. Jacqueline is thrilled that Kimmy got her a playdate, but when she hears that Dierdre wants to come to her, she freaks out because she knows that Dierdre wants to check out her home. She insists they meet in the park, but Kimmy gives her advice not to try to pretend to be the woman she once was and wanted to get away from. Kimmy takes the boys into the sewers for pizza as they play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When Titus realizes that some of the clothes are gone from the garbage, he follows a trail of them to construction worker Mikey Politano. Titus is moved by the gesture, and reluctantly agrees to go on a date with Mikey. Kimmy feels bad about Xan, so she does weird things all over the house, so Xan’s memories of the house will be disgusting rather than nostalgic. Jacqueline gets the idea to attend an auction with Dierdre and buy an 11.5 million dollar painting, which makes Dierdre think she did in fact get billions. Michael McKenzie is the auctioneer. 4/24/22
• 016. Kimmy Goes to a Play! – 4/15/2016
  • Titus is finally getting paid by the restaurant where he works. Kim suggest that he pay utilities, but then agrees that she’ll continue to pay for the housing if Titus will use the money to put on his own show. Meanwhile, Lillian is upset that someone has painted clean white paint over the mural of Biggie Smalls, and doesn’t understand why no one has tagged the wall yet. Jacqueline works on decorating her new apartment – that she can only afford until Christmas. However, all of the moving boxes are empty because she no longer has anything to put into the apartment. Jacqueline also doesn’t want to pay Kim for the work she is doing for her, because they are now just doing things for each other as friends. Titus decides not to do his life story about moving to the big city to follow his dreams since it has been done so often. Instead he decides to put on a play about one his past lives as a Japanese woman called Kimono You Didn’t: Murasaki’s Journey. Jacqueline gets invited to a wedding, but doesn’t want to be seen without a date. However, when she sees a newspaper article about Julian already dating, she decides to show up with a rich man. Kimmy again expresses her advice about not being arm candy for a rich man again. Jacqueline’s invites her friend Mimi to come out with her and be her wingman so she can meet someone to take to the wedding. Jacqueline meets a rich man Tucker Cobblepot (Richard Poe), but he won’t date her because it is bad business since he does business with Julian. Jacqueline realizes she is off limits to most of the businessmen in New York. She winds up taking her dog Abattoir’s massage therapist Douglas (Derek Klena) to the wedding. Kimmy is irritated that she is using Douglas as an object, so she says she’s going to stop working for her. Titus finds criticism on the internet about his portrayal of an Asian woman, and they name him as the #3 Hitler. When Doug spills wine on Jacqueline’s expensive rug, she does in fact treat him like a dog, and when she realizes this, she lets him go free, thinking this is doing the opposite of what Julian would do. When Titus is confronted before his workshop by a group of protesters, he is ready to quit. However, he thinks about some of his past lives and how they folded in the face of adversity. He moves forward with the workshop, and as he sings through the protesters’ boos, they quiet down and become mesmerized by his performance, and give him their applause by the time it is over. Kimmy is touched when she runs into Doug and finds out that Jacqueline listened to her advice and set Doug free. She goes to the wedding solo, and is ridiculed by Mimi and the haughty Ashton Splode. Kimmy shows up to support Jacqueline, and then tells everyone that she is her date, which impresses Splode, who is anxious to tell Julian and make him furious. Lillian goes to tag the clean wall, only to find out that it’s been tagged as F10-5, and when she asks a Banana Boy gang member (Jonathan Braylock) who that is, he suggests it may be a gang. She later finds out that it is being marked by a phone company worker (Reza Salazar) who is running internet cabling in areas where it is marked. Julian Leong is the protestor masuta69. Jon Bander is the white protester. Nicky Maindiratta is the Hindu protester. Stephanie Hsu is the female protester. Marcel Simoneau is Alphonse. Alexander Blaise is his French companion. Rob DeRosa is the creep in the library. Kana Hatakeyama is Murasaki. Yoko Fumoto is Murasaki’s matron. Dominique Johnson is Cyrus, the first gay slave. Ras Enoch McCurdie is Elijah. 4/25/22
• 017. Kimmy Kidnaps Gretchen! – 4/15/2016
  • Mikey drops by unexpectedly to get some date pointers from Titus for how he should behave on their first date. Titus is aghast for a gentleman caller to stop by unannounced, but he helps him pick out an outfit from his box of belongings from ‘heartbroken’ lovers. Meanwhile, Cyndee calls Kimmy and tells her to watch an emailed video clip of an ad for the Innerwaves cruise ship, owned and operated by the Church of Cosmetology. When Kimmy spots Gretchen in the ad, she knows she has to do something drastic as it appears she has been brainwashed again. She manages to divert Gretchen’s attention when she shows up for the cruise, and kidnaps her until she misses the vote. She tries to convince Gretchen that she doesn’t need anyone telling her what to do in her life, so she takes Gretchen for a day out to choose her own adventure. Mikey is so awkward on their first date to the nightclub that they can’t even get the bouncer (Brett Azar) to let them in. Kimmy lets Gretchen choose what they do, but it appears it wasn’t that great of an idea when she steals a gun from a police officer, and then does cocaine with a gutter Elmo. Mikey tries to convince Titus that there are other ways of being gay on a date, and they find common ground because they both love The Lion King. Mikey even gets Titus to eat on the date, even though he sneezes it out all over Mikey. Although they stay up late talking, they don’t sleep together. When Lillian tells Titus how special Mikey is, Titus says he never wants to see him again. Lillian tries to convince him that he is just scared of being hurt, and Titus admits that when a guy doesn’t return, he can always tell himself that he broke the man’s heart. With Mikey, he is afraid that he will get to know him… and then not like him. When Mikey calls, Titus tells him he doesn’t want to see him anymore. Lillian goes to see Mikey and explains to him that Titus didn’t mean it, and also swipes his multi-tool. Kimmy finds out that Gretchen needed her gymnastics coach Sergei (Demosthenes Chrysan) to tell her what to do in life even before the bunker. She stayed with him until adulthood, when he finally sent her on her own. Kimmy realizes she has always had someone there to tell her what to do, but when Gretchen gives a speech about how the sheeps must follow the sheeps captain, Kimmy records it and plays it back to her in the voice of Kelsey Grammer (himself). When Kimmy tells her that it is her voice, she realizes that she might be able to lead her own cult. Kimmy helps her find some followers – aka sheep – and they all head out on an airplane… which is actually a bus. Mikey comes over to retrieve his multi-tool, and Titus tries to pretend he has another man in the bedroom – actually Kimmy. However, Titus is touched that he returns and tells him he will give him another chance. Mikey says he will make no promises but that he’ll be a different kind of boyfriend then the ones from his past. The two finally kiss. Dean Winters is the voice of the Bunny. Will Arnett is the uncredited voice of the Kitty. Steve Buscemi and Patrick Stewart are themselves as voices on Gretchen’s phone. Adam Gagan is the Halal guy. 8/25/22
• 018. Kimmy Gives Up! – 4/15/2016
  • Kimmy stops by the public school to get information from the secretary Deborah about the G.E.D. test she was scheduled to take. It turns out her confirmation was sent out weeks ago, but they still have the letter for Dong since they couldn’t find his address. Kimmy decides to take it to him, despite Lillian’s warning that she needs to forget about him. She tells Kimmy that she wasted a good portion of her life waiting for the Second Avenue Subway to be built, but it never happened. Kimmy thinks that Dong also has her missing blue Scrunchie. Meanwhile, Buckley is out of school and has a doctor’s appointment, and Jacqueline wants to attend a private fitting for a new wardrobe from Lagerfield. Kimmy is too busy to help her out, and Buckley’s energy level and penchant for mischief as he plays Transformers is at an all time high. When she takes him to see Dr. Yousefi (Ali Reza Farahnakian), he recommends a drug called Dyziplen, which will subdue him greatly. When Kimmy goes to see Dong, she finds out that he has bigger worries than the G.E.D. since his marriage to Sonja is going to be reviewed and they are going to have to convince the ICE agent that they are in love. Kimmy decides to help him by taking them out for pictures, and creating a scrapbook for them… even though she knows that Sonja is cheating on him with an fountain statue of Neptune. When Jacqueline can’t get Buckley to settle down, she finally gives him the new drug and takes him to the park. As he is playing, he suddenly winds down, and becomes slow and robotic in his speech. She runs into another babysitter named Stephanie (Kecia Lewis) . Titus has been signing around the apartment and tells Lillian that he is going to begin signing to her the great American songbook non-stop. However, Lillian realizes he is only singing because he is happy with his new relationship. But the minute she tells him this, he becomes depressed and now fears losing everything. Kimmy berates Jacqueline for giving Buckley medicine when she hasn’t tried it herself, so Jacqueline takes a pill before her fitting. As the Lagerfield minions (James Cusati-Moyer, Taylor Fuchs), the medicine kicks in, and Jacqueline loses her zest for clothing. Once she wakes up from her state, she realizes she is doing a disservice to Buckley. Dong comes to Kimmy and tells her that Sonja has disappeared, giving Kimmy the idea of posing as Dong’s wife. Dong tells her that it is over and that she needs to stop doing this and acting crazy. He tells him that his wife is in love with Neptune, and that reminds him to go try and find her there. It turns out she is breaking it off with the statue. Dong gives Kimmy the money for the missing Scrunchie so there is no reason to see each other again. Kimmy takes the G.E.D. and thinks she is doing great, until she wakes up and realizes she fell asleep before answering one single question. Jacqueline takes Buckley to a clothing store, and manages to control him by ‘shooting’ him in a game of Transformers. However, when the salesgirl (Ameara Wahhab) questions Jacqueline’s size, she and Buckley both destroy the shop. Lillian joins Titus in singing the song Just Go On, which cheers him up. Kimmy deletes Dong from her phone. The ICE agent is satisfied with the photo albums Kimmy made. Jacqueline and Buckley enjoy his art work on the walls, although she is skeptical when he tries to hug her. Kimmy starts saving for her next G.E.D. Titus puts out a picture of him and Mikey. Dong secretly smells the blue Scrunchie he has kept. Lillian sees a sign advertising the upcoming Second Avenue Subway. Zach Cherry is the test administrator. Georgia Brewer and Salaj Rijal are the ‘tag’ kids. Chris Constantinou and Kajal Kapoor are the ‘swing’ kids. Ryan Dever is the voice of the gangly orphan Jeff in the song Just Go On. 8/25/22
• 019. Kimmy Drives a Car! – 4/15/2016
  • Titus starts to bring it to Kimmy’s attention that Jacqueline is the only one who ever texts her, and she always expects Kimmy to do something for her that she could do herself. Her latest text gets her to head to Jacqueline’s to help her and Mimi with a fundraising gala for Turtle Island, a native term for America. Kimmy is asked to go buy alcohol for 200 people, but since she doesn’t have any ID, Jacqueline is told to go to the DMV to get a license. This causes her to report to work late, where she is warned by Terry that she needs to be on time. Kimmy attempts to run home to get a bill to identify herself, get to the DMV before her lunch hour is over. When Jacqueline breaks her tooth in half, she calls Kimmy to return to help her. Meanwhile, Kimmy and Titus realize there is a wireless connection in their apartment, and they figure out how to put their room up for an Airbnb. Lillian hates this idea, as it will allow hipsters into her apartment. Jacqueline desperately tries to make an appointment at the dentist Dr. Weitz , but the receptionist Linda (Danielle Davenport) says she can’t get in for weeks. Jacqueline puts a Mentos in the space where her tooth was and heads to the dentist anyway and tells Linda that she has an appointment. Linda won’t let her in, and Jacqueline loses her Mentos in a bottle of Coke, causing it to explode. When Kimmy gets back to work, Terry fires her. She gets her learner’s permit and heads home, where Titus once again reiterates that Jacqueline is taking advantage of her. Jacqueline then calls with another emergency and Kimmy goes running. She has replaced the Mentos with a French press-on nail, and now it is killing her. Kimmy recommends her dentist Senor Dentista (Raul Aranas), Kimmy has to drive and try and recall the Spanish she learned from Donna Maria. Lillian stops by Kimmy’s apartment and meets the Airbnb lodgers Bob (Evan Jonigkeit) and Sue Thomstein (Zosia Mamet). She deduces that they are hipsters, and from a brochure she finds in their luggage, she is certain they plan to open a shoe store in the old Mabel’s Soul Food restaurant that she used to frequent with her late husband Roland (Kenan Thompson). Jacqueline yells at Kimmy all the way to the dentist because she is in so much pain, and when they arrive, they find Senor Dentista on the sidewalk going out of business. Jacqueline insults Kimmy again, so she tells her that she’s being a selfish jerk and if she wants to be driven home, she needs to pay her like an employee again. Jacqueline makes Kimmy stop in the middle of the road so she can go to a Halloween Hut for some fake teeth, and a businessman (Nick Reynolds) gets in the car, thinking she is an Uber driver. Titus and meth-head Charlie (Chris Northrop) pose as a maitre d’ and customer at Mabel’s Soul Food and pretend there is a speakeasy in the backroom. They also mention that another company has opened a shoe store in the dairy case at Key Foods. This discourages the hipsters when they come in to check out the place. With Kimmy gone, Jacqueline has to take a bus home. She sees Linda on the bus with a broken heel, so she decides to apologize and gives Linda her shoes. Titus tells Lillian that he decided to help her with the restaurant, because he figured out that the free wi-fi was coming from Mr. Werlt (Lou Bonacki) former pawn shop, which has become a Vape Shop. This was where he and Lillian first met, and he realizes what it’s like to lose places from one’s memories. Kimmy returns Jacqueline’s car and sees that she was able to get her teeth fixed by Dr. Weitz. Jacqueline has to admit that she got her way with Linda only because she was nice, thanks to what she learned from Kimmy. As a reward, she brings Kimmy a stretchy sticky hand from Dr. Weitz’s toy chest. Jacqueline promises to appreciate Kimmy more, and Kimmy decides she doesn’t want to be her employee anymore, but rather her friend. She agrees to help her with whatever she needs, if she will allow Kimmy to borrow her car, so she can be an Uber driver. Cadden Jones is the Upper East Side lady with the dog. 12/9/22 
• 020. Kimmy Walks Into a Bar! – 4/15/2016
  • Jacqueline stands below a statue of Chrstopher Columbus as she phones home to talk to her parents, in hopes that they will be proud of her for hosting the Turtle Island fundraiser, which denounces treatment of Native Americans. Later, Jacqueline, Kimmy, and Mimi get ready for the even that night. Mimi has created the invitations using the British spelling ‘honour’ on them to look fancier. Meanwhile Titus is starting to realize that Mikey talks constantly about his construction work and is getting bored with it. Kimmy goes to pick up Jacqueline’s dress and winds up stopping in a bar to use the restroom, and then feeling like she should buy something. While she is eating, another customer named Keith Habersohl (Sam Page) is attracted to her, and thinks she was once in the military because her eyes indicate she has ‘seen a lot of things’. He himself is a former soldier suffering P.T.S.D. from the war. After they have lunch together, Kimmy rushes back to work, but forgets to grab Jacqueline’s dress. Jacqueline goes to the salon to get ready for the event and runs into her friend Dierdre Robespierre, who tells her that she is attending the gala that night for Lupus Awareness Awareness. Jacqueline realizes that the invitation that Mimi had printed had the date indicated British style with the month and date switched. This also goes for the banquet hall that Mimi rented. Sting also isn’t showing up because the Jacqueline gave him was in American style instead of British. Deirdre delights in the competition and refuses to help Jacqueline. Titus tells Kimmy about his problem focusing on Mikey when he talks, and she advises him to imagine that his eyes and mouth are reversed. Keith finds the dress at the restaurant and brings it back to Jacqueline’s house since the address is on its label. Kimmy is there too so they finally exchange information. Titus has lunch with Mikey on the construction site and notices that he doesn’t talk to any of the other workers there. He interprets this as Mikey needing Titus as someone to open up to, so he vows to be interested. Jacqueline is about to give up on the gala, but when Dierdre tells her to go back to where mistresses come from, Jacqueline gets an idea and declares the gala back on. Jacqueline starts getting her own apartment ready for the gala. Kimmy calls Titus to come arrange flowers and asks Keith to be her date at the gala. She heads to a bar and gathers fellow mistress Sandra (Adriana Demeo), Kristyn (Rachel Oyama), Tori (Ashley Kate Adams), and others to come to the party, and to text their men that they’ll do the ‘thing’ that they’ve been trying get them to do if they meet them at the gala. She dresses Mimi up as Sia and plants for her to perform Chandelier. Jacqueline shows up at Dierdre’s gala and tells her the plan, as all of the businessmen present get the texts from their mistresses and exit the gala. leaving Dierdre is meltdown mode that ranges between laughing and crying. At the party, Titus listens intently to Mikey, but suddenly Mikey accuses Titus of making him talk when he doesn’t want to. Then they both realize that Mikey has been faking being talkative, while Titus has been faking enjoying it. They kiss and decide to move past that phase. When Keith sees Mimi dressed as Sia, he gets a flashback and dives to the floor, pulling Kimmy with him. She starts to accuse him of being a man with a beard attacking her and he recognizes that she is having flashbacks like he does. Kimmy wants to spend her time making up for the fifteen years of lost time rather than going through any sort of therapy. He reminds her that she’ll never get her lost Christmases back, but she vows to have Christmas every week until she does. Jacqueline makes her spiel about her fundraiser, but she is blown off by all of the businessmen who see no benefit in helping Native Americans. Jacqueline has to face the fact that none of them care. She ignores a phone call from her parents and collapses in depression. Joseph Dellger is Frank, who does the math. Ned Van Zandt is Walter, who though the party was part of a Super Pac. Ronnie Rose Jr., Truck Hudson, and Luke Rosen are construction workers. 12/11/22
• 021. Kimmy Goes to a Hotel! – 4/15/2016
  • Kimmy hosts her Fake Christmas celebration, where Kimmy invites Mimi, who passes out on her couch, and Mikey, who plays Santa Claus. Titus is upset that Mikey didn’t exhibit this kind of commitment to pretend it was his birthday during a visit to Baskin-Robbins. During the festivities, Jacqueline bursts in and announces that the Jews took his painting, and Sonja busts in looking for Dong after she finds Kimmy’s scrunchy under his pillow. Kimmy lies and says she planted it there in order to keep him interested in her. Sonja thinks she can wear an invisibility helmet and follows Kimmy to see Dong. They both play along with her and then put on a performance whereby Kimmy confesses to Dong about putting the scrunchy there and confessing her love for him. They both end the conversation by saying they hate each other and will never see one another again. Dong is so impressed with Kimmy’s gesture that he wants to be alone with her, so they head to a hotel, which is apparently abandoned since the only other resident is a raccoon. Meanwhile, Jacqueline reports that a Jewish family is claiming that the Nazis stole her Mondrian painting Composition in Burgundy and Gold from their family in the 1930’s and now want it back. A lawyer named Russ Snyder (David Cross) from the Jewish Art Reclamation Project calls her in for a meeting to retrieve the painting for the Wiener family. Her lawyer Gary Dubbin thinks he drag out the hearing by speaking slowly, but Jacqueline can’t afford his retainer.  Rick calls Titus to come into work on his day off to cover Jason’s shift, who is the normal shift manager. This means that Titus is in charge of supervising the other workers and handling the accounting. When Jacqueline shows Lillian the painting in question, they decide they can replicate it and give that to the Wieners, but in the end, it looks nothing like it. Lillian then suggests that they make the painting disappear so she can collect the insurance money. Kimmy and Dong run rampant throughout the abandoned hotel, playing on the luggage carts, let off the fire extinguishers, pretend they are working the registration desk, etcetera. When they try to get physical, Kimmy involuntarily keeps hitting Dong upside the head with the telephone. Kimmy and Dong head to the drugstore to get an ice pack and meets the cashier Purvis (Joshua Jackson), who resembles Joshua Jackson from Dawson’s Creek. He gives Kimmy a rundown on the ending of the show, as well as what love really means when you find the right person, which inspires her to buy a condom. When Rick finds out that Jason got a part in Hamilton, he gives Titus the job of being shift manager forever and gives Rodney Simmons (Banji Aborisade) Titus’s Frankenwolf role. Titus doesn’t like who is becoming as the boss, so he quits his job to go home and celebrate Fake Christmas. Kimmy and Dong get ready to have sex, but the latex in the condom causes his face to swell up again and makes him unable to breathe. Jacqueline decides to just give the painting back, blaming Kimmy for telling her that she doesn’t need a man to support her. When she realizes that Snyder has a private jet, she decides to pursue him. When Kimmy calls the paramedics for Dong, the police (Bradley W. Anderson as Dave, Cory Palmer as the fat one) come and arrest them for trespassing at the Mount Breezy Lodge, now a federal raccoon sanctuary. As they sit in the police car, Dong tells Kimmy that she’s the best thing that ever happened to him, they finally have sex, even though the cops are taking Dong to Immigration to be sent back to Vietnam. Titus rushes home to finish the Christmas celebration to enjoy the holiday with his fake family and singing his altered rendition of O Come All Ye Faithful. Titus tells Kimmy that he quit his job and asks Kimmy if she had sex today. DK Bowser is the Swamp Mummy waiter. Joseph McKenna is the Grim Reaper. 5/26/23
• 022. Kimmy Meets a Drunk Lady! – 4/15/2016
  • Kimmy plays a rousing rendition of Hiking on Sunlight, one of many knock-off pop songs on the cassette tape Now That Sounds Like Music 3, in order to get ready for her day job as an Uber driver. This annoys Titus, but Kimmy is equally annoyed when she finds out that the shower is filled with Titus’s Barbie Doll collection after he gave them all perms. Since he is out of work, Kim tells him to go out an find another cassette tape tower since theirs is almost full. Titus finds out from an employee (Tristan Griffin) at RadioBarn that cassette tape shelves are no longer being made. Meanwhile, while making her round, Kimmy picks up a drunk businesswoman named Andrea Bayden (Tina Fey), who gives Kimmy advice about letting Titus treat her that way after she tells her about the shower incident. She gets Kimmy to see that she always puts others needs in front of her own. When she gets home and find that Titus spent the tape tower money that she gave him and bought Oreos, she goes off on him and throws the Barbies out of the shower. After she gets in a fight with Titus, she goes for a drive while listening to Yum Bip. Andrea requests another ride, and Kimmy reluctantly accepts. While Titus is listening to Brother Baptist by Dusk Mountie, he decides to go build a tape tower for Kimmy, dragging in an old baby crib from the side of the road. Kimmy tells Andrea that she should have never listened to her since it led to a conflict with Titus. Andrea maintains that her needs are just as important as Titus’s and she needs to stand her ground. This time she helps Andrea into her apartment and gets her ready for bed. Kimmy is surprised to learn that Andrea is actually a therapist, who tells Kimmy that she needs to see a therapist herself. Kimmy is resistant to the idea, but then remembers all of the violent conflicts she has had since being released from the bunker. As she is discussing it with herself, she lets out a long burp of release and then disassociates form her body and winds up riding a roller coaster at Coney Island. This makes her realize that she does indeed therapy so she goes to see Andrea at her office, interrupting a session with a guy named Harold (Brian Berrebbi) who thinks no one ever pays attention to him. Andrea barely remembers her and doesn’t think she should treat Kimmy after Kimmy has seen her in her nightly drunken state. Titus finishes building the shelf, but none of the cassettes fit and he winds up destroying his R. Kelly cassingle. Kimmy comes home and tries to talk to Titus about her issues, but he is more worried about the tape tower and needs her help to get it resolved. When she says she is too busy worrying about her “junk from the past”, Titus gets an idea. Titus takes a shovel to the dump and begins going back through time through the layers of trash until he finds a tape tower from the 1990’s. A drunken Andrea calls Kimmy again to come get her, claiming she needs help with her drinking. However, when she picks her up, Andrea has Kimmy take her to her ex-boyfriend’s house to steal his dog, before remembering that he moved to Colorado and they are now in a stranger’s house. Andrea now wants to treat Kimmy after hearing about her bunker situation. Kimmy wants someone who remember stuff and isn’t drunk, so she gets the idea to film drunk Andrea telling her sober self to help Kimmy or the video will be going to the state licensing board. The sober Andrea finally agrees to see her, so Kimmy plops on the couch… on top of the unseen Harold. Titus returns home with the tape tower, and Kimmy tells Titus that she is going to start therapy. Sherman Alpert is the Rabbi passenger. Mark Delabarre is the Priest passenger. Steve Greenstein is the fishmonger passenger. Bobby Guarino is the rollercoaster operator. Billy Eichner is himself as the interviewer who Kimmy karate chops. 5/26/23
• 023. Kimmy Goes to Her Happy Place! – 4/15/2016
  • Mikey decides that he wants to come out to his mother Carla (Marisa Redanty) and his father Dominic (Mike Starr), so he arranges to bring Titus to dinner with his family. Meanwhile, Lillian decides to fight back against gentrification when a new bakery opens. Kimmy begins therapy with Andrea and recounts the day that she stopped on sidewalk to tie her shoes and gets into a van with Richard to show him where a nursing college is, leading to her kidnapping. Andrea tells her that her years in the bunker don’t define her when Kimmy wonders why she is asking her about her early life before the bunker. When Lillian starts to protest the bakery, one of its workers, Skye (Malika Samuel), finds her to be a cute little old lady, infuriating. Kimmy is surprised that nothing changed after her appointment, so Andrea gives her three stickers, which appeases her. Mike is nervous at the dinner with his father and brother Dom Jr. (Anthony Marks) and his Pupazza (voice of Joey Mazzarino, puppeteered by Stephanie D’Abruzzo), but finally he comes out with it. His family is surprisingly accepting of it, which only serves to depress Titus as he never had the opportunity to come out. He was hoping to do a butterfly release and sing his song Tolerance. Kimmy notices that a boy named Dylan (Anthony Lumia) also has stickers from Andrea on his notebook, which his father (Brian J. Carter) tell her helps him not wet the bed. Kimmy is angry that Andrea tricked her into leaving by giving her stickers for kids, but despite her intense anger, is able to discard her anger almost immediately. She tells Andrea that she is able to do that by imagining that she is a Disney princess, especially since she was being held captive like in Beauty and the Beast. An animated sequence with cartoon Kimmy singing Ding-Dong Diddly, Ding-Dong Do surrounded by animated animals. Andrea tells Kimmy that it is okay to get angry and assigned Kimmy to allow herself to get angry before the next session. Kimmy sees Lillian kicking meth-head Charlie and wonders how she can let out her anger so readily. Lillian tries to be mean to a web series production assistant (Ethan Applegate) who is blocking the sidewalk, but he just offers to cast her as the angry grandma. Trying to get angry at everyone, Lillian takes her into a deli to find someone with whom to be angry and knocks the phone out of a middle-aged man (Steven Cambria) and then cuts in line, but a female cop (Nicole Powell) only think she is cute again. Lillian storms out and tells Kimmy that she is on her own, which finally sets her off and causes her to call Lillian a bitch and scream in anger. When the Politanos’ neighbor Anthony (Robert Turano) brings over two cops and accuses Titus of casing the place, Mikey tells Titus to deliver his speech, so he launches into his song Tolerance. Kimmy decides she didn’t like being mad, so she heads back to her Happy Place, where her Fairy Godmother (Lisa Kudrow) set her up with a prince… who turns out to be Richard. All of the animals then rip his to shreds, followed by the Fairy Godmother. A drunk Andrea thinks that this is symptomatic of anger she feels toward her own mother. Andrea promises that they’ll figure out how to address this and tells Kimmy she really made a breakthrough. Andrea doesn’t have any stickers left, so she tells her to take one of her trophies. Kimmy apologizes to Lillian for calling her a bitch, as Lillian breaks into a condo construction site and handcuffs herself to a bulldozer. Scott Adsit is the voice of the Happy Snake. Danny Garcia is the cop who helps Lillian enter the construction site. 9/28/23
• 024. Kimmy Meets a Celebrity! – 4/15/23
  • Kimmy uses Titus’s autographed photo of Geena Davis to simulate her mother so that she can let out her feelings to her. Titus tries to help Kimmy by simulating her birth through a couch cushion fort. They get interrupted by a phone call from Cyndee Pokorny, who has arrived in New York. Kimmy thinks it will detract from her therapy as Cyndee always needs lot of help to navigate her shenanigans. Meanwhile, Lillian, who is still handcuffed to a bulldozer, spots Titus on the street with hair growing out of the sides of his bald head. He tells her that he is being paid for a drug trial and cannot shave it since it might be a side effect of the drug. Lillian is upset because the construction workers are on vacation, so she is alone with the bulldozer, and no one sees her. Cyndee tells Kimmy that she plans to get married to her gay boyfriend Brandon and have a child. Kimmy thinks this is a horrible idea but is relieved when Cyndee tells her that she is in therapy and plans to meet her therapist face-to-face for the first time on that day. It turns out that the doctor is TV host Dr. Dave (Jeff Goldblum), and Cyndee’s appointment is as a guest on his show Dr. Dave, which is recording the weeklong series of episodes Superstars of Tragedy. Other guests include Debbie Wells (Jen Ponton), who was stuck in a well as a child, Thomas Vletchen (Ryan J. Haddad), who has a disease so rare they named it after him, Bob (Paul Rescigno) and Bub Kittle (Robbie Rescigno), conjoined twins who were joined at the crotch, and now one of them once back in, and Holly Krieger (Meghan O’Neill), who was swallowed by an Orca whale and then pooped back out. Titus and the other test subjects meet with the doctor (Richard Robichaux), who refers to Titus as “meat slab”. Titus gets so annoyed by the disrespect that he demands to get his clothes back so that he can leave, but after they pour all of the clothes in the middle of the floor and he berates the doctor, he finds that his clothes are missing. He is forced to wear a more conservative outfit from the hospital lost and found. He runs into a boy named Tyler (Niles Fitch) who asks Titus to buy him tickets to see the R-rated The Human Centipede 5, so that he can take his girl Vanessa into the theater. When Titus finds out he has a date, he runs out and gets him a tie to wear and then gives him advice on how he can kiss her. When the theater manager (Bonnie Rose) thinks Titus is Tyler’s father, he starts to enjoy giving fatherly advice, and then even thinking that he wants his own child. Unfortunately, his advice for kissing the girl doesn’t work, so Tyler tells him that he hates him on the way out of the theater. Lillian starts to get hungry while handcuffed and tries to coax a rat to bring her a piece of pizza. Kimmy goes to see Dr. Dave and begs him to get Cyndee to change her life, so he promises to help her on the next show that day. However, when he talks to her live on the show, he tells her about what Kimmy said about her future and terrible decision about having a baby. He then reveals Kimmy standing in the wings and entices them to fight on air, hoping for a violent encounter between the mole women. They have a huge fight, and Cyndee accuses Kimmy of having no emotion since she never once cried during their captivity. Titus goes to see Lillian, who tells Titus that she feels that the neighborhood is like her own child, and she’s come to expect that it will never give back. Kimmy storms out of the studio, but then realizes that she can’t abandon her friend, so she returns to try and stop the on-air wedding. When she realizes that she really can’t ‘save’ her because Cyndee will never speak to her again. She gets so frustrated with not being able to help that she begins crying. When Cyndee sees that Kimmy is crying over her, she decides she can’t go through with the wedding, much to the relief of Brandon. Cyndee and Kimmy reconcile on air to the applause of everyone. 9/30/23
• 025. Kimmy Sees a Sunset! – 4/15/2016
  • Kimmy discusses her bitterness toward her mother during a session, and how her mother is addicted to riding rollercoasters, but Kimmy realizes that Andrea is drunk midway through the conversation. Andrea tries to skirt the subject by ordering up Kimmy to give her an Uber ride. Meanwhile, Titus goes to pick up his last paycheck from the Laboratory Bar & Grill, where Rick tells him about an open audition for a musical version of Mahogany with Dionne Warwick. Titus has to tend to Mikey since he has the flu, but Titus then catches it from him. Kimmy also gets an Uber call to pick up Jacqueline and Russ the lawyer, whom she has been dating. They go to a fancy hotel room, but Jacqueline can’t get him to loosen up so they can make love. He admits that he’s used to women just liking him for his money, so she wants to try and trick him into believing that she is rich… even though she is now nearly broke and living in an empty apartment. Titus gives an audition for the Mahogany role, and since he is sick, it is one of his worst. While there, he runs into an older actor named Norman Gordon (Willie C. Carpenter), who, after fifty years in the business, is still relegated to parts as corpses. Titus considers quitting acting so he doesn’t end up like him, so Mikey offers to let Titus move in with him, so he doesn’t have to work. He then gets a call from Kurt Liebestod (Marc Damon Johnson) from the Medical Examiner’s office, who tells him that Norman has passed away. Lillian returns home after her protest at the construction site, after falling asleep on the bulldozer, which they use despite her being handcuffed to it. Kimmy visits Andrea and offers to take her out and party, so they end up at a literal Sausage Fest where Kimmy tries to find out what it is that causes Andrea to drink. When she can’t get to the source, she meets up with Andrea the next day before lunch and handcuffs herself to her by keeping her outside in a park all night long. While on a walk in Central Park with Jacqueline, Russ gets angry on a phone call and breaks his Blackberry. Now that he is unplugged, Jacqueline still can’t get him to stop working. She forces him to admit that he can’t live in the moment because as a child, he had a stutter and wouldn’t talk to anyone but his animals. He has since dedicated his life to speak only on behalf of animals and doesn’t care what others think of him as long as they listen to what he has to say. As they are walking in the street, a little girl (Sadie Sink) randomly hits him in the head. Jacqueline takes him back to her apartment to tend to his head, where Russ almost notices that it is unfurnished. Jacqueline is surprised that she put Russ’s needs before her, since it nearly exposed her as a gold digger. She is furious at herself because she thinks she might be really falling in love with him. Titus and Mikey attend Norman’s funeral at the East River, where he is eulogized by rapper Ice-T (himself), before Norman is thrown into the river. As the sun comes up the next morning, Kimmy thinks that Andrea has made it through the night, but she actually had been wearing a CamelBak full of vodka and is now blitzed. Andrea tells Kimmy that she can’t fix her and wants to know why Kimmy cares so much. Kimmy admits that she feels like Andrea’s drinking is her fault. Andrea tells her that she is not responsible for other people’s problems and that Kimmy will stay in the same pattern of having abandonment issues from her mother. Titus gets a call from Judy Layman (Judy Gold) from his audition, and he is offered the part in Mahogany because he plodded through being sick, since the play will be performed on a Caribbean cruise ship where people get sick all of the time. Titus wants to decline so he can move into Mikey, but inspired by the death of Norman, Mikey tells him that he needs to take the job for four months and they can reunite once it’s over. Kimmy comes home and announces that she wants to find her mother Lori-Ann Schmidt and plans to hire a private detective. However, Mikey quickly finds her on Facebook living in Orlando, Florida. 1/25/24
• 026. Kimmy Find Her Mom! – 4/15/2016
  • On the day before Thanksgiving, Kimmy and Titus plan to head to Florida so that Kimmy can find her mother Lori-Anne (Lisa Kudrow) and Titus can depart Miami for his cruise ship where he will join the cast of Mahogany, so they say their goodbyes to Lillian. Kimmy rents a car and they drive to Orlando, where Kimmy plans to ambush her mother, who is going for a riding record at Orlando’s Universal Studios rollercoaster Rip Ride Rocket. Meanwhile, Jacqueline sells off her jewelry so that she can furnish her apartment and host Thanksgiving for Russ’s family who is coming in from Washington state. Kimmy shows up at Universal Studios where many of the guests think she is a movie character. When Kimmy finally find her mother, who is there with a group of fellow coaster enthusiasts, she is thrilled to see that Kimmy is still alive. She admits that she left Durnsville because everyone always looked at her with pity. Lori-Ann won’t let Kimmy get a word in edgewise, instead telling Kimmy how hard she looked for her after her abduction, and showing her the Mom’s Super Fun Christmas Coupon Book that she had planned to give her when she was taken. Lori-Ann decides to skip their next ride on the Rip Ride Rocket coaster so that she and Kimmy can ride it together. Kimmy forgets about any grievances she had and just decides to enjoy her mother’s company. Titus debates whether he should get on the bus to Miami and looks for answers from the bus driver (Mike Benitez) and by praying to Black Jesus. When a bus for Titusville shows up at the station, Titus thinks it is a sign, so he boards it. Lillian sees a TV newscaster talking about her and showing footage of her sleeping on the bulldozer. She thinks that the video has now made everything worse. Kimmy and her mother spend a fun day together at the park, where Kimmy goes on a Fear Factor live show and eats worms. However, while Kimmy is playing in the ball pit, her mother realizes they have to leave ride away to use their Express press for the coaster. Kimmy moves slowly because she’s never learned properly how to tie her shoe. Her mother gets annoyed, and leaves without her, so she has to run and catch up, causing her to fall and skin her knee. During the ride on the coaster, Kimmy lets loose with all of her grievances about her mother. They then ride it again, giving Lori-Anne time for a rebuttal. They need yet a third ride to completely iron out their issues, during which Lori-Anne tells her that she did her best a seventeen-year-old mother, keeping her when she didn’t really want to, and nursing her when she had the croup, even though it meant missing a Demolition Derby. Jacqueline meets Russ’s affluent family including his relatives Duke (Josh Charles), Flash (Mark Doherty) and Drew (Asa Somers) and his father Orson (Harris Yulin), all of whom pick on Russ mercilessly. Titus arrives in Titusville and finds out from Kennedy Space Center Hostess Lisa (Violet Krumbein) that the space connection is what the town is really known for. Titus falls in love with the town, and quickly wins a dinner with an astronaut named Captain Mooney (Ian Roberts). When Titus realizes that Mooney had never made it into space before NASA shut down the manned space program, he decides to leave Titusville and head to Miami after all. Lillian realizes how clean her neighborhood has become and blames herself, deciding to sell her apartments and move away. When Jacqueline finds out that Russ’s family has owned the Washington Redskins since 1938 and decides that she needs to break it off with Russ since the name is so inappropriate and offensive. Lillian is visited by a man named Winfred O’Prah (Louis Carbonneau), who represents an organization for curtailing development in historic neighborhoods, and he asks her if she would consider running for public office. Jacqueline breaks it off with Russ, but then he tells her that he never liked his family and has always wanted to change the Redskins’ team name. They decide to stay together and vow to get the name changed. After their coaster ride, Kimmy sees a boy struggling with his Velcro shoes laces and recalls that these are the kind of shoes that she got her mittens stuck on at the time she was kidnapped. She blames her mother for never teaching her to tie her shoes and visualizes herself letting her have it. Then she returns to reality and realizes that nothing would chance the past, so she decides to remain friendly with her mother, who commits to come visit her for Christmas. She returns home and has Thanksgiving dinner with Jacqueline, Lillian, Bobby, who thinks he is his own sister Robertina, and a video of one of Titus’s auditions. During dinner, Kimmy gets a phone call from Dick Wayne from prison, who claims that he is getting married and needs a divorce from Kimmy. Robert Buchanan is the Fear Factor host. Avery Burns is the toddler. is Jayden, the boy who wants a picture with Kimmy. Adam Hose and Joy Kigin are the boy’s parents. Rob Gordon is the second father to take pictures of Kimmy. Pat Kiernan is himself as the news anchor. Carlos Navarro is Joe, the coaster head who can turn his head around. Tod Susman is Ilan, the jewelry store clerk. Oli Haaskivi is Shane, the coaster operator. Avery Burns is the girl in the ball pit. 1/27/24

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