The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – CBS

Created by Paul Henning.

Theme song: “The Ballad of Jed Clampett” written by Paul Henning, and performed by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs, with Jerry Scoggins performing the vocals

• 001. The Clampetts Strike Oil – 9/26/1992
  • As the hillbilly Clampett family makes their way toward their new mansion in Beverly Hills, a narrator takes us back to show how they ended up in these circumstances. The backwoods Clampett family consisting of father Jed (Buddy Ebsen), daughter Elly May (Donna Douglas), and Jed’s mother-in-law Daisy Mae “Granny” Moses (Irene Ryan) live in a small cabin in the Ozarks region of Oklahoma. Tomboy Elly May captures a petroleum geologist (Ron Hagerthy) on the property, and he explains to Jed that his land contains a valuable pool of oil. Jed has little interest in it, as he doesn’t way to pay to have it removed. The geologist brings back prospector John Brewster (Frank Wilcox) from the O.K. Oil Company via helicopter – which Granny mistakes for a giant bird – who pays Jed $25 million for the land, which Jed assumes is 25 dollars in some new kind of currency called ‘millions’. When Jed’s cousin Pearl Bodine (Bea Benederet) catches wind of the transaction, she encourages Jed to find a better life by moving to Beverly Hills and taking along her son Jethro (Max Baer Jr.). He also sets up Jed with the president of the Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills, Milburn Drysdale (Raymond Bailey), who arranges to buy a mansion next door to his own, thrilled to take on their account in his bank and unaware of their background. Although Granny is reluctant to come, they eventually get her on board by putting her rocking chair in the car. After traveling across country, they arrive at their new home… but mistake it for a prison and the mansion gardeners as prison escapees. The Clampetts hold them at gunpoint until the police arrive and arrest the Clampetts. Drysdale gets them out of jail and drives them to their new house, which they still believe is a prison, and run off as a result. Nancy Kulp is Drysdale’s secretary Jane Hathaway. Robert Osborne is bank assistant Jeff Taylor. Duke is the family dog. Byron Foulger is the neighbor in the Kellogg’s sponsor spot. NOTE: This episode was originally filmed as the pilot for the series, at that time titled The Hillbillies of Beverly Hills, and includes scenes of Mr. Drysdale narrating scenes from future episodes to a psychologist. 12/31/19 

• 002. Getting Settled – 10/3/1962
  • Mr. Drysdale brings the Clampetts to their new home and shows them around, later leaving Ms. Hathaway in charge of attending to their every need. Her first act is to stock the swimming pool area with pink flamingos. As Granny struggles to understand the stove and why it is smoking when she burns pieces of telephone polls that Jethro cut down for her, Jethro chases the large pink chicken around what he calls the cement pond. Granny also believes it must get cold at night since everything in the freezer is frozen, and Jed mistakes a croquet ball for a giant chicken egg. Jed tells Elly May that he is sorry he raised her like a boy and wants her to now be more feminine for the boys. When Ms. Hathaway visits the house and meets the Clampetts for the first time, she assumes they are the hired help, and assists Elly May with changing her attire… into a maid’s uniform. When Mr. Hathaway visits and sees how she is chastising the family, he fires her. However Jed comes to her rescue and tells him that she has been a great comfort to him and has fit right in with the family. She quickly adopts a hillbilly drawl and agrees to go hunting with him. 12/31/19
• 003. Meanwhile, Back at the Cabin – 10/10/1962
  • Mr. Brewster visits cousin Pearl, who is taking care of Jed’s old homestead, to tell her that the family got to Beverly Hills safely and to show her pictures of the estate. In Beverly Hills, Mr. Drysdale gives Jed the background on the chandelier, Granny and Jed washes their clothes in the swimming pool, and Miss Hathaway goes clothes shopping for Elly May. When Miss Hathaway refers to Elly May’s bedroom suite, Jethro thinks she is calling him ‘sweet’ and assumes that she is now his girl, so Jed gives him a talking to about girls. Miss Hathaway becomes frustrated when she finds Elly May bathing in a barrel in the kitchen, thinks her new bra is a sling shot, and refuses the clothes. Granny thinks Jed and Jethro need to dig a well since Miss Hathaway brought her some ‘pumps’. As they are digging, they discover the yard’s sprinkler system. Back in the Ozarks, Pearl decides she’s like to come to Beverly Hills too, so she has Mr. Brewster give her a ride to the nearest telephone 40 miles away in Oxford. Pearl forgets to tell Brewster when to turn off, and they end up driving 110 miles, so she suggests they just keep driving to California. 1/7/20
• 004. The Clampetts Meet Mrs. Drysdale – 10/17/1962
  • Mr. Drysdale’s wife Margaret (Harriet E. MacGibbon), who is both a snob who believes heavily in heritage and pedigree, and is also a massive hypochondriac, is convalescing in Boston. Jed and Granny are led to believe that she is an alcoholic when Mr. Drysdale implores them to not let his wife see their still. Drysdale knows that his wife won’t approve of the Clampetts living next door, so after Jed and Granny learn to use their phone and take a call from Mrs. Drysdale, who offers to get drunk with her in order to smooth things with her ‘alcoholism’, Drysdale concocts a ruse for Miss Hathaway to get the Clampetts to go to Palm Springs, so that Drysdale can truthfully tell his wife that the Clampetts have left town. She tells the Clampetts that she wants to enter Elly May in a beauty contest in Palm Springs, but Jed gets the message that she doesn’t want them to meet Mrs. Drysdale. Miss Hathaway feels guilty and terrible, but Jed actually thinks that everyone is ashamed of Mrs. Drysdale so he agrees to go. Margaret arrives home before the Clampetts leave and attempts to meet them. As Drysdale is trying to get his wife in the car, Jethro thinks she is being attacked by her fox stole and shoots it. She passes out, Drysdale drives her off, and Jed and Granny continue to think she is stewed. 1/9/20
• 005. Jed Buys Stock – 10/24/1962
  • After Jed shoots Mrs. Drysdale’s fox stole, Mr. Drysdale gets her home to bed and continues to try and keep her from seeing the Clampett’s. Miss Hathaway plans to take the Clampetts to Palm Springs for a getaway while Mr. Hathaway gets her back to Boston. Granny refuses to go because she wants to give Mrs. Hathaway some ‘sobering up mash’ followed by goat’s milk. Meanwhile Jed decides to follow Mr. Hathaway’s earlier advice to invest in some stock. However the stock he is after are animals to store in their ‘stock pen’, which is actually a tennis court. He attempts to order it from the telephone operator, while Jethro searches for the source of the bell ringing that seems to occur shortly before someone shows up at the door. Granny and Elly take the mash over to the Hathaways’ house, but are stopped by the family butler  Ravenswood (Arthur Gould-Porter), but the mash is passed on through him to Marie the maid (Sirry Steffen), and eventually eaten by their dog Claude, who goes into a dance. Mr. Hathaway tries to hide the sounds and sights of the animals on the tennis court by blaring the TV in her room. Everyone returns to the Hathaways to sneak the goat into the house, but when Mrs. Hathaway sees Granny hoisted outside her window and the goat in her bathroom, she happily assumes she is hallucinating because this means that despite the doctor’s diagnosis that her nerves are fine, this means she is truly sick and can return to Boston. She and her husband toast with some with some vitamin water, which Granny assumes means that she has now gotten her husband on the stuff. 4/22/20
• 006. Trick or Treat – 10/31/1962
  • Elly May agrees to wear fancy clothes for three days starting with a ball gown, but Jed promises that if she doesn’t have as much fun with the boys as she did in her old clothes, she can change back. Granny is less tolerant and since the police made them get rid of their livestock and none of the local residents have come to make friends, she is ready to go back home. Jed tries to discourage this and says he’s invited Jethro’s mother Pearl and his sister Jethrine (Max Baer Jr., voice of Linda Kaye Henning) for a visit. Granny is skeptical that Jed’s wire will ever get to Pearl, and claims that her only interest is in chasing Mr. Brewster. Back in Oklahoma, Pearl is doing just that, following Brewster back to Jed’s house, which he has set up as a field office with a telephone. Pearl keeps Jethrine in the car, while she goes inside with Brewster to flirt with him. Jethrine is confronted by salesman named Jasper ‘Jazzbo’ Depew (Phil Gordon), who asks her to a dance… until Jethrine picks him up and carries him behind the house. Jed tries to convince Granny of the all of the new conveniences they have, but she’s not buying it. When Jethro gets picked up by the police for carrying a gun and Elly May comes home filthy having used her ball gown to play football with the boys, Granny is dead set to leave. Jed then offers to go around and try and make friends with the neighbors. When they meet a governess (Shirley Mitchell) who thinks they are in Halloween costumes, she gives them a basket of candy. When they see the kids in the family in their Halloween masks, they assume they are just ugly… leading Granny to soften on the neighbors and assume the neighbors’ ugliness is why they haven’t introduced themselves. When they get home, the attempt to call Pearl, just as Mr. Brewster helps Pearl call them. Jed invites them to come visit them, and stresses that with the all of the ugly young ‘uns in Beverly Hills, Jethrine is sure to find a man. Ted Eccles is the little boy. 4/23/20 
• 007. The Servants – 11/7/1962
  • Jed is wanting Elly May to continue adjusting to her new life and tries to persuade her to get into her new dress. Every time she does, Jethro either tells her that she is pretty or that she looks like a city girl, which infuriates her to the point that she attacks him, beats him, and throws him over the upstairs railing. Meanwhile Mr. Drysdale want to continue to refine the Clampetts, and decides to lend them his servants Ravenswood and Marie. Jed thinks that the offer is for them to come board with them, and that they are kin to Mrs. Drysdale. Granny thinks that Ravenswood’s name is ‘Butler’ that he looks down on them, but they have sympathy for Marie when Mr. Drysdale describes her as his wife’s ‘upstairs girl.’ When Ravesnwood sees who lives in the mansion, he remembers his previous experience with the family and tries to flee. Matters are made worse when he keeps witnessing Elly May attacking Jethro. Mrs. Hathaway tries to get the family to sit for her so she can paint them, but they misunderstand just go sit at the kitchen table. Jethro finally catches Ravenswood himself and carries him back to the house. He finally resigns himself to staying, and attempts to compliment Elly May in her new dress, but she takes issue once again and chases him to the stop of the stairs. She throws him off as well, but Jethro is able to catch him on his way down. 8/3/20
• 008. Jethro Goes to School – 11/14/1962
  • Jethro gets a letter from his mother Pearl, who asks him if he’s started the fifth grade in California, which reminds Jed that he needs to enroll Jethro. She also writes about life at the old homestead when Pearl reports to Mr. Brewster that Jazzbo had made advances toward Jethrine. Brewster informs her that Jazzbo doesn’t work for the O.K. Oil Company. Jazzbo shows up at the cabin and proceeds to charm Pearl and Jethrine, and mistaking Brewster for Jethrine’s father and lavishing everyone with gifts. The wind up going steady and Pearl hopes that he’ll ask for Jethrine’s hand. Elly May wants to go to school with him, but Jed thinks that Miss Hathaway will want to put her in a girl’s school. He also tells her that there will be a playmate for her when Mr. Drysdale’s stepson Sonny will be coming to visit next door. Jed takes Jethro to the exclusive private school run by the haughty Millicent Skylar Potts (Eleanor Audley), but she thinks it is a joke until Jed tells her that he has 25 million dollars to spend on the education. Potts has her assistant Diana (Lisa Davis) call Drysdale to verify Jed’s legitimacy, and quickly welcomes them into the school. She doesn’t realize that Jethro is the would-be fifth grader, and due to some confusion as they discuss his birth date, she think he is even younger than an normal fifth grader. She sends home a uniform that is sized for a third grader. While Pearl is marking alterations on Jethrine’s dress for her date with Jazzbo, Granny is trying to let out Jethro’s tiny school uniform that he can only get into when it is ripped to shreds. Mrs. Potts shows up at the mansion to pick up young Jethro, and finally realizes that he is in fact full-grown Jethro. She says she can’t possibly go through with allowing him to attend the school, but when Mr. Drysdale pulls up to see Jethro off to school, Potts gleefully skips off with Jethro. 8/4/20
• 009. Elly’s First Date – 11/21/1962
  • Thanksgiving is coming up and Jed has made a date for Elly to have Mr. Drysdale’s step son Sonny (Louis Nye), a goofy and pretentious 17-year college student, who doesn’t want to be tied to one woman and thinks it is any woman’s privilege to score a date with him. However he becomes quite interested when he spies Elly sunbathing by the cement pond. Jed plans to to host the holiday dinner on the billiard table and using the cue sticks at pot passers and meat stabbers, not knowing what any of the items are intended for. Elly is a good sport about the date, but doesn’t understand the idea behind courtin’ and sparkin’, but is certain how she will respond if the date gets fresh with her. Jed and Granny go shopping for the Thanksgiving vittles and he brings her home in a grocery cart. When Sonny shows up in his sports car and insinuates that Jed’s car is making his look bad, Jed misunderstand what Sonny is asking and he and Jed proceed to hide Sonny’s car. After presenting Elly with a framed picture of himself, Sonny attempts to kiss her hand… for which he gets thrown across the room. He tries to flee and attacks Jed with wimpy karate hit, injuring his own hand, before hightailing back to his parents’ house. The Clampetts all go to the Drysdale home to attempt to rectify the situation, and they and Mr. Drysdale are able to iron it out. They all are invited to Thanksgiving dinner at the Clampetts, and the Clampetts try and play along with their use of the billiards supplies. 11/18/20
• 010. Pygmalion and Elly – 11/28/1962
  • As Granny forces Jed and Jethro to let her cut their hair, Elly May sits by the cement pond with Sonny. He is fascinated that she is so rough around the edges and fancies himself a Pygmalion-like suitor, who intends to make her more refined so she is suitable for him. He playfully dresses as Caesar and plays her a lire and serenades her. But when he tells her that her charms are setting him ablaze, she thinks he is on fire and throws him in the pool. He flees to his mother, who wants to send him to the hospital, and then arrest Elly. Granny whips up a love potion for Elly to bring Sonny back. Miss Hathaway arrives in time to witness it seemingly in action, when Elly goes through a ritual and sure enough Sonny, who is actually fleeing Duke, barges in through the back door. She asks Granny to give her some of the potion, which again seemingly works when Jethro runs into the kitchen. He is actually just coming in to tell Granny that she used too much potion, as Sonny seems to think that Duke is a cow because he is having Elly recite “how now brown cow.” With Miss Hathaway hanging on Jethro’s arm, he thinks she has had too much potion as well. Granny tries to counter the potion by blowing some of it in Sonny and Miss Hathaway’s faces. Sonny however isn’t deterred and plans to keep working with Elly. Granny tries to get Jed to go through the love ritual in order to court Mrs. Potts. However when he agrees, the first woman who comes over is Mrs. Drysdale looking for Sonny, but Jed thinks she has eyes for him. Granny blows the potion in her face as well. Sonny emerges from the house, but instead of Elly acting sophisticated, Sonny is acting like an uneducated mountain man. 11/19/20
• 011. Elly Races Jethrine – 12/5/1962
  • Granny eavesdrop on Elly May’s date with Sonny, and misinterprets his statement about giving her a ‘ring’ as an engagement ring rather than a phone call. Jed is certain that this will mean wedding bells, so she sends photos of Elly May and Sonny to Cousin Pearl to rub it in that she’s getting married before Jethrine. When Jed and Granny find out that he didn’t propose but are just going on an afternoon drive, Granny plans to take Jethro and follow them in the car, but Jed puts a stop to it. Meanwhile Jethrine prepares for her date with Jasper, and Pearl tries to prep her to be courted, and to get him in a romantic mood to propose. Jethrine gets so nervous that she feels sick, so Pearl fills her with elderberry wine to calm her nerves. Pearl tries to cue Jethrine to play the pump organ to impress Jasper when he shows up, but she is too loopy to take the hint, so Jasper plays it himself. Back in Beverly Hills, Sonny tries to employ the art of seduction, but Elly May is too drunk to pick up on any of it. Later that night Sonny brings Elly May home, and Granny greets him humming The Wedding March and takes Sonny off for a talk, and has Jed talk to Elly May. Jed tells Elly May that Granny wants him to marry Sonny, but he tells her that he only wants her to be happy. Elly May isn’t sure yet of her feelings, while Sonny tells Granny that the idea of marriage repulses him, but Granny doesn’t understand his terminology. When Sonny mentions that Elly May doesn’t know how to dance, Granny gets Elly May, Jed, and Sonny into a square dance with her. Jethro comes home and asks why everyone is dancing, Granny tells him that they’re celebrating the fact that Elly May is marrying Sonny, causing Sonny dance right out the front door and start screaming for his mother. Back in the Ozarks, Jasper tries to dance with Jethrine, but she just stands there unable to move. 3/9/21
• 012. The Great Feud – 12/12/1962
  • Jerry Scoggins sings the ballad of the genesis of the feud between the Clampetts and Drysdales, recalling highlights of the romance between Elly May and Sonny Drysdale. After Sonny ran out on Elly, the Clampetts revert to a fued mindset, recalling Granny’s Moses family’s feud with the Tennessee Bodkins. They arrive at the Drysdale mansion fully armed and confront Ravenswood, who tells them that Mrs. Drysdales has taken Sonny back to Boston, and Mr. Drysdale is at the bank. Jed has Jethro take him to the bank to talk to Mr. Drysdale. At Granny’s insistence, Jethro brings along his rifle, but Jed takes it from him and enters the bank. Naturally he is arrested by the guards and thrown in jail. When Jethro reports back to Granny that Jed was ‘captured’, Granny leads the family feud and kidnaps Ravenswood, although all Jethro is interested in doing is picking up Marie the maid. In the jail cell, Jed is interviewed by two psychiatrists (Lyle Talbot, Ken Drake), since Jed keeps saying he has 25 million dollars in the bank. Mr. Drysdale and Miss Hathaway get Jed out of the bank and take him home, but when Granny sees Drysdale, she shoots holes in his hat. Drysdale and Jed flee back to the Drysdale mansion, with Granny and Clampetts hot on their tail and with Ravenswood in tow. When they arrive, all Jethro wants to do is pick up Marie, and all Miss Hathaway wants is for Jed to pick her up. Jed is able to tell Mr. Drysdale the reason for the feud, and he gives Jed his word that he’ll get Sonny back to propose. Elly May then reveals that she has no interest in marrying Sonny. Granny and Mr. Drysdale make amends, and she is even fonder of him when she learns he is from Tennessee. Then she learns that he was part of the Bodkin family, so she gives him a head start and then fires her rifle at him. In a tag scene, Granny tries to wrap her own Winston cigarettes to give out as Christmas gifts. 3/10/21
• 013. Home for Christmas – 12/19/1962
  • The Clampetts are preparing to drive back home and surprise Pearl and Jethrene for the Christmas holiday, but when Mr. Drysdale gets wind of it, he thinks they are moving away. Fearful of losing their bank deposit, he rushes over and tries to stop them, but when he finds out they’re just visiting family for the holiday, he arranges a private jet for them to get there quickly. They think they are taking a bus, so they are completely surprised when the ‘bus’ leaves the ground. They also think that the stewardesses (Eilene Janssen, Jeanne Vaughn) are asking to keep the ladies’ coats when they offer to hang them up, and that the Indians seen on the in-flight movie are actually on the ground and being chased by the plane. Meanwhile, Cousin Pearl and Jethrene are planning to go to California to surprise the Clampetts. She gets a visit from her suitor Homer Winch (Paul Winchell), who informs her that Mr. Brewster is alone in the Clampett cabin with nothing to eat. Pearl takes food over there, cleans up place, sews him curtains, and decorates for Christmas. He then asks her if she’s like to come back to Tulsa where he lives with his mother. She thinks it is a proposal, but he’s merely asking her to be his housekeeper. She gets angry and storms out to head to California. Mr. Drysdale warns Brewster that he better keep her there without telling her why, lest Jed get angry and make him stop collecting oil there. He nearly reaches the point of proposing to her after talking in circles, but then Jed and the family finally show up. They all gather around the piano and sing Christmas carols as Homer flirts with Granny. 7/7/21
• 014. No Place Like Home – 12/26/1962
  • Jerry Scoggins sings about the Clampetts visit to Cousin Pearl. Back home the Clampetts arrive at their home stopping in to see Pearl. Jed offers to let Mr. Baxter stay there while they are home, but he insists on finding a place in town. Pearl tells Jed that she wants him to stay at her place, and that Jethro can stay in their cabin. Jethro starts making a fuss about there not being a spare room, so they send him out to chop some wood, and he winds up chopping down a huge tree that nearly lands on the house. Meanwhile Elly May is disappointed when all of her friends the animals seem to be snubbing her. She then gives her fur coat to Pearl in hopes that will bring them around… and it does seem to. Pearl then invites everyone to come see the silent version of Ben-Hur at the local theater, where she plays organ to accompany the movie. When Pearl introduces Mr. Baxter and Clampetts to the audience, Homer throws a tomato at Baxter and winds up soiling the screen. While he is cleaning it off, Jethrene gives a sneak preview of the song Pearl wrote to sing during the chariot race, Drive Them Horses Fast, Ben. When Baxter goes outside to get some air, Jethrene carries him back in so he doesn’t escape. Everyone has a late night drinking cider at Pearl’s place. The next morning Granny gets everyone up early to go back home, because she couldn’t sleep with all of the animals that Elly May had in the bed, and the fact that the eagle stole her fur coat. As they get ready to leave, Pearl is outside crying, so Jed offers to stay until she can get a marriage proposal out of Baxter. She then tells them that she’s actually crying because the eagle took her fur coat. 7/7/21
• 015. Jed Rescues Pearl – 1/2/1963
  • The Clampett family are still hanging out in the Ozarks, waiting for Mr. Baxter to propose to Pearl, but it just doesn’t seem to be happening. Everyone is starting to get restless in the freezing cold cabin, and Granny is especially tired with sharing the bed with Elly May and the critters that she brings home. Pearl tries her best to impress Brewster with her singing, but it only brings out the howling wolves. Granny wants Jed to be more aggressive with forcing Brewster to propose to her. Brewster admits that he thinks she’s a fine woman, but he doesn’t want to get married to anyone. Jed tells Brewster that Pearl has a problem since everyone knows that she is pursuing him… and is failing. He wants her to be able to come back to California with the family, without seeming like a pathetic woman scorned. Brewster agrees to propose to her in front of someone, so she can turn him down and save face. In fact, as a former actor, Brewster wants to give his ‘performance’ in front of the entire theater where she plays piano to accompany the silent films. Pearl agrees to this, although she’s rather actually marry him, but it will help her withstand the teasing of her peers, particularly her ‘best friend’ Elverna Bradshaw (Elvia Allman). On the night of the proposal, Brewster sinks his teeth into the part, playing to the audience in dramatic fashion, to the point that he actually convinces Pearl that he’s in love with her. She publicly accepts his proposal, much to Jed and Brewster’s dismay. Later, over some Kellogg’s cereal, Jed promises Brewster that he’ll talk her out of it the next morning. 1/2/21
• 016. Back to Californy – 1/9/1963
  • The Clampetts get ready to return home from the Ozarks, with Pearl and Jethrene in tow. Jethrene tries to smuggle Jazzbo in her suitcase, but he is adamant about staying… until he sees how beautiful Elly May is. However, he does not make the trip. Mr. Brewster pays Pearl a visit to say goodbye and thank her for calling off their engagement publicly, since it was made by mistake. He can’t help but give her a big kiss before leaving. Back home, Mr. Drysdale and Miss Hathaway prepare for the Clampetts’ return by renting limos. Jane decides to dress up in a brunette wig and pose as a gypsy to impress Jethro. The Clampetts are the last to get off the plane since they are helping do dishes. Jethro doesn’t recognize Miss Hathaway, but accepts an invitation to go back to her place for a meal. Pearl is astonished by all the gadgetry in the airport like the escalator and the automatic doors. Likewise she is just as amazed by the sinks and stoves in the Clampett house, but still insists that she can clean and improve the house, much to Granny’s irritation. She starts to get on Granny’s nerves so badly, that the two wind up in a war in the kitchen as they prepare their first meal together. Granny and Pearl destroy each other’s pies, and then start pouring out the pots of food that each is preparing. Jed, who is readying the billiard room for another big meal, decides it might be easier to go out to eat, and speculates it might be a necessity to go ahead and buy the restaurant. Gloria Marshall is the airline stewardess hostess. 1/2/21
• 017. Jed’s Dilemma – 1/16/1963
  • Granny is angry at her alarm clock when she oversleeps, but it turns out that not only has Cousin Pearl turned off the alarm, but she spiked Granny’s soup at dinner that kept her sleeping all morning. When she finally gets up, she finds that Pearl has done all of the morning chores and has taken over the kitchen. Granny threatens her to stay out of the kitchen after over-hearing Pearl say that Granny is run-down and needs to be taken care of in her old age. After trading insults, Granny gets so angry she starts chasing her though the house until Jed has to intervene and separate them. He tries to calm them both down by offering to take them on a ride in the car, but Jethro can’t get it started, so he and Jed leave to go get some gasoline, using Granny’s liquor jug to get it started. While Jethrene stays home and practices her piano and singing, the rest take a leisurely drive through Beverly Hills, keeping their eyes out for movie stars’ homes. At one point, they mistake wax figures outside a silent movie theater for the actual stars. Once they return home, everyone is hungry, so Pearl heads off to cook lunch, but Granny still insists that she stay out of the kitchen and the fight starts all over again. Elly May offers to take Pearl swimming in the cement pond, so she agrees to put on her old fashioned full-body bathing suit and join her. She and Jed get there just in time to stop Jethro to fulfill Elly May’s request to cut her hair off so it doesn’t get in her face in the pool. Pearl finds the grill outside along with some ham hocks that Jethro had grabbed and she cooks them up while Jed and Jethrene duet to I Wish I Was in Dixie and Jed does a dance. Granny is busy in the kitchen cooking up her own vittles, but Jed and Jethrene smell the ham and gravitate to the pool. When Granny tries to get them to lunch, she finds them all asleep. Pearl brags that she cooked the ham, and Jethro adds that she can cook anywhere. Granny responds by throwing Pearl and the grill into the pool and asks if she can cook there. 5/13/22
• 018. Jed Saves Drysdale’s Marriage – 1/23/1963
  • Jed and Granny discuss what a lonely man Mr. Drysdale must be with his wife gone all of the time. He also notes how much he perked up when they had him to dinner and he got to listen to Pearl’s yodeling. In actuality, Drysdale is still nursing the headache that the yodeling gave him the night before. Drysdale’s wife returns from a trip and plans to leave for another one to a health farm in Arizona. Drysdale pleads with her to stay home and manage the house and hire a new housekeeper, but she makes him feel guilty, so he tells her to go. He then considers asking Pearl to be his housekeeper, as her constant yodeling will keep the other members of his staff from sleeping on the job. Meanwhile, Granny is still at odds with Pearl every time Pearl tries to use the kitchen. Jed talks to her about how she should be out finding a man rather than stuck in the kitchen, and reminds her how happy she made Drysdale with her yodeling. She gives Drysdale a call and starts yodeling, and although he can hardly stand it, he asks if he can come over and talk to her because she might be the woman he’s been looking for. He comes over to ask her about becoming his housekeeper, and she winds up offering to darn his socks and then somehow she winds up tickling him and bringing him into uncontrollable fits of laughter. Jed and Granny had just come from the Drysdale’s house to deliver Granny’s homemade soap to Mrs. Drysdale’s house. She is too busy and ready to head out on her trip, and alludes to the fact that her husband will soon have a ‘new woman’ after she visits the health farm. They think that Mr. Drysdale is marrying another woman. They return to see the tickle fight going on, and assume that Pearl will be his new wife. Jed puts his foot down and tells him that he won’t allow Pearl to be in this position. Drysdale then asks for Granny to fill the spot. Pearl is busy getting Elly May and Jethrine home from the football game in ball dresses with neighborhood boys, so that they can practice bing her bridesmaids, despite being covered in dirt. Jed tells Pearl and Granny that Drysdale must be so desperate that he will take either one of them. Although Granny is quick to jump at the chance to compete for him, Jed talks them into trying to drive him back to his wife. They pose as drunkards themselves, and wind up in a fight using their liquor jugs and plates in the kitchen, ultimately scaring Drysdale off from wanting either one of them. Granny and Pearl congratulate each other on a great performance, but when Granny asks Pearl to clean up all the mess from the fight, Pearl reminds her that she told her to stay out of her kitchen. 5/13/22
• 019. Elly’s Animals – 1/30/1963
  • Pearl wants to offer music lessons to the good folks of Beverly Hills, including piano, singing, and yodeling, so she has Jethro stand at the end of the driveway with her sign advertising her services. She demonstrates her yodeling, but it causes her dog Duke to howl and run off. Mrs. Drysdale sees her out there and finds Duke running through her bushes, so she both calls the dog catcher and the police, because she is worried that she will cast an unfavorable light on Beverly Hills for their semi-centennial celebration, of which she is the chairwoman. Granny tries to contribute to Pearl’s success by making up a batch of her hard cider to serve to Pearl’s customers along with Pearl’s cookies. Pearl isn’t amused that she will get them all drunk. The police show up to investigate the scene but Granny gives Sgt. Eddie Dean (Eddie Dean) a cup of the cider, which appeases him as it makes him tipsy. Elly May chases down the dog catcher back to the animal shelter, beats the daylights out of staff members Joe (Peter Leeds) and Frank (Karl Lukas), and then locks herself in the cage with Duke. Miss Hathaway goes to the shelter to help her get Duke out, and the workers give her the key to free Elly May. She won’t leave however unless all of the dogs in the shelter are freed. When Miss Hathaway tells her that it is for the animals’ own good to be there until they get adopted, Elly May adopts every single one of the animals there. She works her magic on the animals to make them all get along, and even teaches the cat Rusty how to swim. No one shows up for Pearl’s lessons so she cuts her prices in half. Miss Hathaway tries to goad Jethro into abandoning his duties of standing by his mother’s sign, so that he can go for a ride in her car. Once he agrees, he takes off in the car by himself. When Pearl yodels again, the police return, and this time Officer Brian Kelly (Brian Kelly) goes into the house. He is so smitten with Elly May that he tells her that he loves her animals and then stumbles back outside. Granny has a run-in with one of the big dogs who tries to take over her kitchen. She eventually scares him off, but get nervous when the dog starts digging a hole just about her size. 9/6/22
• 020. Jed Throws a Wingding – 2/6/1963
  • Jethro is so excited to bring a piece of mail into the house, that he runs through the house and winds up landing in the cement pond, soaking the letter. Pearl is able to just make out that country singing stars Earl Scruggs (himself) and Lester Flatt (himself) are coming for a visit from their home in Nashville. It turns out that both of them used to be neighbors of Pearl’s and they fought over her all of their lives. Pearl could never decide who she wanted to marry so she never accepted either’s proposal. Scrugg and Flatt fly in, singing their composition Pearl, Pearl, Pearl on the plane, and lamenting that they had to settle for second best. Their young and beautiful wives Gladys Flatt (Joi Lansing) and Louise Scruggs (Midge Ware) know how they both felt about Pearl and are jealous that she will prettier than they are. The wives stop at the house first so they can get a look at her. Although they hope that Granny is Pearl, they wind up thinking that Elly May is Pearl, so they head back to the beauty parlor. Jed invites them all over for a wingding, but laments that they can’t do a barn dance since there aren’t any barns in Beverly Hills. Instead, he has Jethro fill the drawing room with livestock, but Pearl makes him clean it out. Scruggs and Flatt show up singing The Ballad of Jed Clampett, which they wrote about Jed’s good fortune. Pearl is able to make out one blurred word in the letter: ‘engagement’, so she thinks they are planning to propose, whereas they are really referring to their Los Angeles engagement playing music. When Pearl sees them, she still can’t decide who she wants to marry. They all dance together and then head into the drawing room for the huge spread of vittles… only to find that Elly’s dogs have devoured it. Scruggs and Flatt try to cheer up Granny by playing her the song Down the Road. Pearl then decides that she can’t marry either of them because she doesn’t want to break up their act. When they start to ask her to square dance on the stage with them at their concert, she turns them down, thinking it is the start of a proposal. They realize they are running late for their show, so the leave quickly. Pearl thinks that she has devastated them, but they later return with their wives. Pearl feels sorry that Earl and Lester had to settle for second best. 9/6/22
• 021. Jed Plays Solomon – 2/13/1963
  • Pearl decides to discontinue her singing lessons since Elly’s dogs keep attacking every time she yodels. Jed wants to figure out how the dogs are getting into the house in the first place, so he and Jethro each block a door and assume that the dogs won’t get past Granny in the kitchen. However, it turns out that it is Granny who is letting them in since she can’t stand the yodeling. Pearl threatens to leave if the dogs aren’t kicked out, so Jed pretends that all of the dogs are ornery and vicious, which gets Pearl to take pity on them and agree that they can stay. When they figure out that Granny had let them in, the whole family gives them the evil eye. She laments that she’s just an old useless woman and retreats out of their sight. However, when Pearl head into the kitchen to take her place, she suddenly darts back in and tells her to stay out of her kitchen. When Pearl starts yodeling again, Jed catches her in the act of letting the dogs in again and makes her stop. Jed mentions that Mrs. Drysdale has been calling the police too, so Granny decides to make her own call to the law. Officers Dean and Kelly respond to the call and are excited to see Pearl and Elly. Pearl starts giving Eddie yodeling lessons, and Brian heads out to see Elly by the cement pond, where Elly is training her cats and birds to get along. He also finds Granny making her “rheumatism medicine” in her still, but he thinks it is a pool heater. Pearl accompanies Eddie to his squad car so he can check in, but Jethro and Granny think she is being arrested. Granny has a sudden attack of guilt for reporting, so she throws herself at Granny’s feet, begging forgiveness. After the officers leave, she tries to wait on Pearl hands and feet, but Pearl just wants alone time in the kitchen.  Before they drive off, Officer Kelly describes the still to Officer Dean, and Dean recognizes it for what it is, and the two of them return to investigate it by pouring some of the alcohol into the pool and setting it on fire. Granny believes that Pearl turned her in for the still and becomes livid at her once again. The officers come back inside and question Jed about the still. He takes full responsibility, but then Elly, Jethro, and Pearl all tell the cops that they are the ones using the still. Granny then admits that the still is hers and promises not to make any more of her moonshine ‘medicine’. The officers tell her that as long as she doesn’t make any more, they will not report it. Elly realizes that Charlie the duck was in the pool, and when they check on him, sure enough he is drunk. 12/3/22
• 022. Duke Steals a Wife – 2/20/1963
  • After Granny and Elly May play a selection on the lap organ, Jed comes to Granny and asks her to whip up some ‘Spring tonic’ for him and Duke, as they are both feeling listless. Granny refuses because she thinks his problem is that he lacks any female love interests. Jed says he and Duke are too old and decides what they need is to go hunting for bobcats. Meanwhile, Mrs. Drysdale announces to her husband and Miss Hathaway that their dog Claude is getting married. She has arranged his nuptials with a dog from France named Colette, who will be accompanied to America by her French owner Mademoiselle Denise Bouchard (Narda Onyx). Mr. Drysdale finds the notion ridiculous, but he allows Miss Hathaway to go along to act as interpreter. As Jed heads out with his rifle, Mlle. Denise shows up at his house, thinking that it is the Drysdales’ place. He shows her where their house is, while Colette is charmed by Duke and jumps out of the car and runs off with him. Pearl spies Jed and Denise talking and assumes that he is interested in her romantically. Pearl is quick to tell Granny about it, which makes her think that he has followed her advice to find a woman. Elly May renamed Colette to Cotton Patch because her hair is cut in clumps. Denise makes her way back to Jed’s to claim her dog, and Pearl spies her giving her back the dog’s diamond collar, and then Denise kissing his cheeks in appreciation. They begin to titter about the romance, but Jed explains that there is no romance. However, this doesn’t stop Jed from shaving and combing his hair, much to the amusement of his family. Mrs. Drysdale converts her husband’s den into a ‘bridal suite’ and prepares to introduce Colette to Claude, but when she calls Claude, Duke shows up. Denise and Miss Hathaway bring Duke back to Jed’s place and says he is interrupting the wedding. Denise also takes delight in touching Jed’s freshly shaved face. When they finally get Claude to meet Colette, Duke starts howling from afar and Colette jumps out the window to go see him. Granny and Pearl bring Jed his courtin’ derby and tie, and Pearl brings him a starched shirt. Jed angrily tells them he isn’t courting anyone and says he’s going to dig a fruit cellar so he can hide from them. Mrs. Drysdale calls Pearl and demands that Elly bring Colette back home. Jed then appears in his derby, tie, shirt, and a suit to bring Colette back himself. However, he says that critters should have the right to court whoever they want… just like he has made his mind up to do. 12/3/22
• 023. Jed Buys the Freeway – 2/27/1963
  • A man identifying himself as Harry Jones (Jesse White), an old neighbor of the Clampetts shows up at their door, claiming he misses his life back home and wants to sell off his possessions in California before leaving. Over at the bank, Miss Hathaway makes Mr. Drysdale aware of a newspaper notice regarding this very same Jones, as being a con man who is finding rural types who have recently come into money. One of the properties he tries to sell Jed is the Hollywood Bowl, where he tells Jed is great place to whittle since there are so many wooden benches, and a great place to hunt and fish. However, the real selling point is that he can sells tickets to see Cousin Pearl put on her yodeling act. She loves this idea, so they all pack into Jethro’s car to go see the bowl. They all gather on the stage, and Pearl tells Jed to go to the rear of the theater to see how well he can hear her. He falls into the pool of water at the foot of the stage, as Pearl daydreams about the full venue listening to her sign. Jed complains that there really wouldn’t be any good hunting here, but Jones offers to sell Jed the Griffith Park as well as the attached Griffith Park Zoo. Mr. Drysdale and Miss Hathaway try to get to the Clampetts to warn them, but since they’ve already left, they head to the Hollywood Bowl. Jones shows the caged animals at Griffith Park to Jed and Granny, but Elly May gets furious when she sees the animals all caged up, so she climbs in to visit with one of the bears. Once they get her out, they all head back home. Jed and the family are stunned by the rudeness of the other drivers on the road who yell at them about their jalopy. Mr. Jones offers to sell them the highway between the Hollywood Bowl and Griffith Park. Granndy, Jed, and Elly May drop off Jed and Jones at the house to negotiate the terms, while they return and hold shotguns on one driver at a time and make them vow to not be so rude on the road. Drysdale and Hathaway finally arrive at the mansion and speak to Jed to warn him not to give any money to Jones. However, Jed has already realized that he’s no mountain man because he is utterly drunk off of just a half a jug of Granny’s moonshine. Dick O’Shea is the man on the highway. 12/27/22
• 024. Jed Becomes a Banker – 3/6/1963
  • While Elly May is taking care of a baby lion named Little Jethro that she got from the animal doctor, Jed and Jethro lament the lack of animals in the Hollywood Hills to hunt. Granny wants to take a trip back home to do some hunting. Jed and Jethro set up some matchsticks outside to light with their guns. After they’ve accomplished that, they start shooting flies. Meanwhile, Mr. Drysdale is preparing for his skeet-shooting showdown between his Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills and the Merchant Bank of Beverly Hills. The Merchant President Billy Hacker (Charles Lane) claims they are going to win, while Drysdale says they haven’t won since the Commerce Bank began employing Len “Hawkeye” Crandall as their Vice President. Unfortunately, Crandall calls from the hospital after being hit by a firetruck, indicating he won’t be participating the next day. Drysdale goes to see Jed after hearing shots fired and is stunned by Jed’s shooting ability. In order to get Jed into the bank contest, Drysdales hires Jed as the bank’s vice-president. Miss Hathaway tries to convince Drysdale that it is cheating, but Drysdale won’t hear of it. Drysdale asks Jethro to take Jed directly to the skeet shooting club rather than bringing him to the office on his first day. Jed wants to go to the bank in case he is needed in a banking capacity, so he has Jethro drop him at the bank and then he and the others head to the skeet club. Miss Drysdale writes a statement about how she feels about being honest in the competition, and when the contest judge, fellow banker Mr. Fleming Pendleton (Lester Matthews) thinks the statement reflects the feelings of Mr. Drysdale. Hacker questions Drysdale’s choice of Jed to enter the contest, but Drysdale tells him honestly that Jed has never shot a clay pigeon in his life. Drysdale intercepts Jed on his way, and they head over to the Valley Skeet Club, where Drysdale gets to see Jed shoot skeets with a rifle, Jethro and Granny shoot with shotguns, and Elly May shoots with a sling shot. After they shoot a while, Jed heads back to the office where Hacker is waiting to talk to him. Jed gives away the fact that he has no banking experience, and how Mr. Drysdale was more interested in his shooting ability. Hacker then reports this to Mr. Pendleton, who forces Drysdale to pick another partner for the contest. Initially, he chooses ‘janitor’ Jethro, but Hacker knows that he was the one shooting flies with Drysdale. Pendleton then gives Hacker the power to choose Drysdale’s partner. He sees Granny dusting off Jed’s death and assumes she is the bank’s scrub woman and chooses her. Obviously, Hacker is utterly surprised when he sees how well Granny can shoot too. Jack Boyle is the newspaper photographer. Laura Shelton is the vice president’s secretary. 12/27/22
• 025. The Family Tree – 3/13/1963
  • After a visit into town in the old jalopy, Pearl returns upset that everyone stares at them and their car. She suggests that Jed buy a limousine and tries to convince him that this would help her and Elly May break into high society. She thinks that the Drysdales are the key to introduce them to the upper class.  Meanwhile, Mrs. Drysdale is ecstatic to announce to her husband that Priscilla Rolfe Alden Smith-Standish (Rosemary DeCamp), the president of the Women’s Federation for the Preservation and Perpetuation of the First Family Traditions of America, is coming to stay as their houseguest. Mr. Drysdale is unimpressed but gives his wife permission to get things ready for her arrival… until he finds out that she wants to run the Clampetts out of town. Back at home, Pearl and Granny are at each other’s throat about putting the spinning wheel in the front parlor where she just cleaned. Mrs. Drysdale comes over to the Clampetts to try and warn Jed to stay away from Mrs. Smith-Standish when she arrives. Jed doesn’t understand what she’s saying, but when she gets in the middle of Granny and Pearl’s fight, Mrs. Drysdale tells Granny that she’s a disgrace and that she should go back to where she came from, at which point Pearl defends Granny. Mrs. Drysdale’s chauffer returns with Mrs. Smith-Standish to the Clampett’s place since he thought Mrs. Drysdale was still there. Mrs. Smith-Standish becomes fascinating by all of the relics – a loom, the spinning wheel, and old butter churn. She sees Granny and Pearl working on cleaning the old pewter pots and pans. Granny is initially skeptical but ends up telling her old stories from their family tree. Jed brings out an old trunk full of family relics and the family’s antique bible. Mrs. Drysdale learns from the chauffer that Mrs. Smith-Standish is at the Clampett’s house. She calls over there, but Jethro tells her that she’s tied up in Uncle Jed’s trunk, causing her to faint. The Drysdales and Miss Hathaway rush over, only to find that Mrs. Smith-Standish is enamored with the Clampett’s hospitality and all of the relics that they’ve shared with her. She tells Mrs. Drysdale that she’s missing out if she doesn’t make some of her own lye soap and take of advantage of her chance to wash the antique dishes. Mrs. Drysdale has no choice but to comply, or else look foolish in front of Mrs. Smith-Standish. Mr. Drysdales in particular takes delight in watching his wife suffer through doing dishes. 1/9/23
• 026. Jed Cuts the Family Tree – 3/20/1963
  • Mrs. Drysdale and Mrs. Smith-Standish return to the Clampetts to soak more of the pioneer experience in. Mrs. Drysdales is still reluctant to accept the Clampetts, but nonetheless she allows Pearl to use the limo and chauffer to go shopping. Mrs. Smith-Standish is convinced that the Clampetts have descended from the very first pioneers that pre-date those who arrived on the Mayflower, and she tells the Clampetts that if she can verify it, she will have pictures of them put on the covers of newspapers all over the country. Mrs. Smith-Standish convinces Mrs. Drysdale to participate in the once-in-a-lifetime experience of reveling in the pioneer lifestyle, this time by grinding corn by hand. When her hands start to hurt, Granny takes her over to use the lye soap on the dishes, but she’s had enough and claims she needs to go see her husband at the bank. Meanwhile, Elly May has brought back baby lambs even though she had been asked to just bring back a goat to milk. Since Pearl has the limo, Jethro and Elly May give Mrs. Drysdale a ride in the family truck. Along the way, she is forced to hold one of the baby lambs and feed it with a bottle. By the time she arrives at the bank, the goat has eaten part of her hat, so she looks disheveled and drunk, especially with the empty milk bottle in her hand. Back at the house, Pearl returns all dressed up like Mae West. She has brought home gifts for everyone, clothes that reflect their supposed high society hobbies that they can wear in their newspaper pictures. She gets the entire family to dress up in them and then premieres them for Mrs. Smith-Standish. Jed is dressed like a polo player, Granny like a big game hunter, and Elly May and Jethro in ballerina costumes, both with tutus. When Mrs. Smith-Standish tells her that Jethro shouldn’t wear a tutu, Pearl gets offended and retreats to her room. Jethro talks her out so that they can all do a Virginia reel in the foyer, with Mrs. Drysdale assisting Granny on the lap organ. Mrs. Smith-Standish gets a phone call from her headquarters to verify whether the Clampetts are direct descendants of the first family who settled in Jamestown. She gets info that she relays to Jed that if his great-grandfather was named Ezekiel, then he will be the world-famous Clampett who will meet the President and address Congress. Jed tells her that his great-grandfather’s name was actually Jeremiah, which is a relief to Mrs. Drysdale, who says she always knew they weren’t part of the famous family. Granny however knows better and tells Jed that he knows darn well that his grandfather was in fact Ezekiel. Jed says that an old goat like him had nothing to say to the President or Congress, so they return to their Virginia Reel. 1/10/23
• 027. Granny’s Spring Tonic – 3/27/1963
  • Elly May sings the ballad of Granny’s Spring Tonic, which is meant to bolster up the family members who are feeling extra lazy as Spring rolls around. When she’s done, no one wants to drink it, so they start out with Elly May’s little dog, who is given an immediate powerful bark after drinking some of it. Eventually, everyone takes the tonic and Jed gets a double potion. Meanwhile at the bank, Miss Hathaway introduces her new assistant, the timid but dedicated Gloria Buckles (Lola Albright) to Mr. Drysdale. She has drawn up some papers for Jed Clampett to sign, and she can quote his $34 million balance to the penny. She also volunteers to go to his house to get him to sign the documents. On the way there, it becomes obvious what her motivation is, as she takes her hair down and reveals the nice dress she is wearing. When she arrives, she ‘accidentally’ trips into Jed’s arms, under the watchful eye of Pearl, who tells Granny that her Spring Tonic has made Jed especially amorous. The two ladies immediately go to work to undercut Jed at every turn and try to make Gloria believe that he is old, feeble, and losing his marbles. Gloria asks Jed to take her for a drive and he happily obliges. Granny and Pearl decide to follow him, but then remember that neither of them can drive. Gloria takes Jed to an overlook of Los Angeles and then tells him about her loneliness and woe, and how she longs to meet a man who comes from the mountains. Jed seemingly gets the message and tells her that they will need to be acquainted more and then takes her back home to get to know the family. Granny and Pearl keep up with their underselling of Jed, until he tells them to cut out the nonsense. The ladies then call Mr. Drysdale to try and get help, and he blows his stack when he realizes that his new secretary is trying to get a Jed’s money. Mr. Drysdale and Miss Hathaway rush over to retrieve her, but they are too late. Jed is already announcing that Gloria is going to be part of their family, but then says that it will be several years… when Jethro turns twenty-one. Jethro is thrilled with the news and scoops her up, hooting and hollering that he’s going to be married. 6/15/23
• 028. Jed Pays His Income Tax – 4/3/1963
  • An agent of the IRS named Mr. Landman (John Stephenson) comes to see Jed, but Granny thinks he is a ‘revenuer’ and drives him off of their land with her shotgun. Landman then heads over to Mr. Drysdale in order to find out how Jed Clampett managed to make his fortune so quickly. Via flashbacks from The Clampetts Strike Oil, Jed explains how a geologist discovered oil on their land. When Landman wants to know how Jed even heard about Beverly Hills, and he explains that his cousin Pearl knew about and that she was the one who convinced him that he was a rich and talked him into moving to California. He also relates how Elly May didn’t want to leave for California because she would miss her animals, and how Granny also refused to leave until they stuck her in the car in her rocking chair. When they arrive at the mansion, they find that the front gate is closed. Unbeknownst to them, Granny is waiting with her rifle, with Elly May in a tree looking out for them. Mr. Drysdale tells a story about a time that the gate of the mansion was locked as he was trying to leave, so he calls Jed on the intercom. Jed thinks he is actually stuck in the wall with the intercom on it and started to chop it down. Once they get inside, Granny tries to attack Mr. Landman with her rifle and but Jed takes it away and says no one is getting shot. He explains that he’s not a ‘revenuer’ and has no interest in her alcohol. Jed invites them all in for dinner to have some leftover collard greens and possum innards. NOTE: The footage of Elly May saying goodbye to her animals was originally filmed for the pilot but not seen in the first episode. 6/15/23
• 029. The Clampetts and the Dodgers – 4/10/1963
  • With Granny complaining about the lack of fresh greens to be picked in Beverly Hills, Jed announces that he will get her some when he goes hunting with Mr. Drysdale. However he thinks they are hunting for golfs, rather than playing the sport of the same name. When Drysdale sends clubs and spiked golfing shoes over to the house, he thinks they are for beating and stomping on the golfs after they shoot them. Drysdale has also invited Los Angeles Dodgers coach Leo Durocher (himself) to join the game, and he in turn is bringing along a prospective Dodgers pitcher Walsh Wesson (Skip Ward). Unfortunately, Mr. Drysdale has to cancel because of an important meeting he has to attend. Jed and Jethro decide to go along anyway thinking that the Wilshire Country Club means it will be out in the country. When they arrive, Durocher and Wesson think that they are the caddies, but when they realize that they have no idea what they are doing, they decide to leave them behind. Jed and Jethro catch up to them, and when he tries to some ‘greens’ to take home to Granny to cook. Durocher and Wesson believe that the guys haven’t eaten in a week. When Jethro stops one of Dorocher’s golf balls, which Jed think are actually golf ‘eggs’, he gets angry and throws his ball into a tree. Jethro throws one of Durocher’s baseballs into the tree to get it out, and Durocher’s realizes what an amazing arm Jethro has. He thinks he has found his new pitcher and quickly abandons Wesson and sends him on to San Francisco. Jed and Jethro come home and give the golf eggs to Granny to boil. He also announces that Durocher is coming over with the Dodgers General Manager Buzzie Bavasi (Wally Cassell) to give Jethro a contract. When they arrive at the house, Jethro demonstrates one of his throws to Durocher and knocks him straight into the pool. However, the guys notice that Jethro has put possum fat on his hands before throwing the ball. He tells him that this is the only way he can throw. Elly May reveals that she can throw better than Jethro… and without the possum fat. Although he knows he can’t use a woman on the team, Durocher lets her throw to him before he leaves to retrieve Wesson from San Francisco. She also throws it so hard that she knocks him into the pool as well. Norman Leavitt is the parking attendant at the country club. Jimmy Gaines is the boy who has Durocher sign his baseball. 6/16/23
• 030. Duke Becomes a Father – 4/17/1963
  • Granny finds a skunk in the cupboard, which turns out to be Elly May’s skunk Charlie, whom she has brought to the house to try and help Duke the bloodhound regains his sense of smell. He has seemed to be under the weather and Elly surmises it might be because he misses his doggie love interest Cotton Patch aka Colette, who has been in the hospital. Margaret Drysdale announces to her husband that their dog Claude has sired five puppies via Colette and wants him to help come up with names. Meanwhile, Colette’s owner Mlle. Denise sends Jed a photograph of herself, and a letter written in French. He takes it over to Miss Hathaway to translate for him, and he finds out that she is returning to America to pick out one of the puppies to bring home and wants to see Jed during her visit. He tells Miss Hathaway how much he’d like to communicate with her. She agrees to start him on one-hour French lessons, although Jed thinks he’ll be speaking fluent French in one hour. Denise has also been working on her English, so she can say a few choice phrases, but when she arrives, speaking to Granny and Jethro gets her somewhat flustered. Margaret sets up new doggie beds for each of the puppies with their names Claudette, Claude Fils, Jacques, Pierre, and Mimi on each of their beds. However, one look at the puppies, it is clear that they are all bloodhounds, and that Duke is obviously the father. Margaret goes into a rage and delivers both Colette and the puppies to the Clampett household. Jed asks Denise to go out to dinner with him and she agrees. Miss Hathaway tries to tag along to translate, and plans to bring Jethro as her date. Jed does indeed allow a double date, but instead of Jane and Jethro, they bring along Claude and Colette. Although they can’t speak much to each other, Denise ends the date by telling Jed “Well doggies!” 6/16/23
• 031. The Clampetts Entertain – 4/24/1963
  • Ever since Pearl has gone back home, Granny has been down in the dumps and feeling like she is worthless. The family surmises that she misses throwing Pearl out of her kitchen, so they try to rile her up by sending Elly into the kitchen to make some vittles. Jethro adds further annoyance by bringing a live chicken into the kitchen. However, they aren’t able to get any reaction except for driving her deeper into depression. Jed then gets the idea that if they can arrange a wingding that Granny can host, she might start to feel better. Jed visits Mr. Drysdale to see if he can get them and Miss Hathaway to attend the party. Drysdale agrees to the party and threatens to cut off the allowance his wife Margaret is she doesn’t come along. Meanwhile, the Chairman of the Board at the bank, Marty Van Ransohoff (Jim Backus), flies in and tells Drysdale that he is elevating him to the Board of Directors because of the great job he has done with the Clampett account. He invites the Drysdales to dine with him on his yacht, but when he finds out he has plans with the Clampetts, he insists on inviting them to the yacht. Drysdale doesn’t want Van Ransohoff anywhere near the Clampetts, as he has presented Jed Clampett as a financial genius. Drysdale tells him that the Clampetts are afraid of planes, trains, and boats. When Granny hears they are having a ‘do’, she suddenly comes alive and breaks into song and starts getting the food prepared. When Jane tells Van Ransohoff that she has an invitation to the Clampetts’ dinner that night in order to get a date with Van Ransohoff, he agrees to be her date. Drysdale visits Jed and tells him that he can’t attend because of dinner on the yacht with Van Ransohoff. What Drysdale doesn’t know is that Jane has called and told Granny that she is bringing Van Ransohoff, so she is preparing for everyone. When Drysdale hears this, he starts to prepare to be transferred to Moosejaw, Alaska, like the last guy who made a mistake in the company was. Van Rasohoff and Jane arrive at the Clampetts, and when he meets them, he assumes that they are having a hillbilly themed evening. He insists on borrowing some of the family’s ‘costumes’ for himself and Jane. They all partake in square-dancing and then have dinner at the pool table. Van Ransohoff has a wonderful time and believes that the baked possum, stuffed crow with gopher gravy, and devilled buzzard eggs were actually more conventional foods that they simply re-named in the spirit of the party theme. 10/11/23
• 032. The Clampetts in Court – 5/1/1963
  • The Clampetts take a trip to the Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills to withdraw some money. Before they can get out of their car, a man named James Johnson (Murvyn Vye) and his wife Mabel (Kathleen Freeman) back into their front bumper. Jethro is able to bend their bumper back into shape, and Mabel apologizes for her husband’s stupidity and tells them that he owes money to a bookie and got stoned the night before. Jed and James go into the bank together, and when James comes out, he tells his wife that the Clampetts are worth 35 million dollars. They decide then and there to sue the Clampetts. Later, when Jed doesn’t answer the court summons because he doesn’t understand it. The Judge (Roy Roberts) tries to explain the proceedings and tells them that they are being sued for $100,000. The Johnsons’ lawyer (Dean Harens) tells the court that, although the Johnsons are in no condition to come into court, Mabel comes in with a neck brace and crutches, while James shows up in a wheelchair. The Clampett family wants to comfort the family, so the Judge holds them in contempt, but suspends the fine. The Johnsons testify that the Clampetts barreled into them from behind at the bank, where they had gone to withdraw money for charity. Mabel then testifies that the Clampetts were all drunk and carrying weapons, then poured moonshine down his throat to try and bring him around when he was thrown from the car and rendered unconscious. Jed, still under the impression that there was someone else who injured the Johnsons, offers to go track down the perpetrators. When the judge tells them that they are the ones being accused, the Clampett family all object loudly in court. The judge puts them in a cell to get them to cool off. Jed then reasons that the accident they were in might have knocked their memories loose. Once they are let out of the cell, they head home and make lunch for the Johnsons, arriving late back to court. They set up the lunch in the courtroom until the judge orders the bailiff to have it all removed. The Johnsons’ lawyer then asks each Clampett family member questions but doesn’t give them chance to fully answer his questions and cuts them off before they can say that they didn’t hit the Johnsons. However, Jed refuses to step down from the witness stand until he can tell the truth about what happened that day. During the recess, the Johnsons’ lawyer starts to second guess the story of the Johnsons, but Mabel maintains that their words are true. When the Clampetts return to the courtroom, Jed says that although the charges against him aren’t true, he’d like to pay the Johnsons the money. He feels that Mr. Johnson deserves it because he saw him during the recess talking to his ‘daughter’ and it was clear how much he loved her because he was able to rise to his feet and tell her that once he got the money, he was going to take her to Mexico so they could watch the ponies run. With that, the Johnsons’ lawyer asked to be relieved of the case. The judge dismisses the case and tells the Johnsons they would be charged with perjury. Jess Kirkpatrick is the bailiff. 10/11/23
• 033. The Clampetts Get Psychoanalyzed – 5/8/1963
  • As Elly is trying the zoo help wean a baby Jaguar named Jasper, Aunt Pearl shows up at the house following Jethrine’s wedding. She says it came off a little different than planned, because Jethrine left the undertaker Albert Ledbetter standing at the altar, and instead ran off and married Jasper Depew. Jethro comes home early from school and tells everyone that he needs to get a Certificate of Health from a doctor. They get a recommendation from Mrs. Drysdale for a doctor named Eugene Tracy Twombly (Herbert Rudley), who has a diploma from the State University School of Psychiatry. He agrees to see Jethro at the end of the day and asks him what issues he is having at school. Jethro tells him that he is having trouble staying awake during class, then promptly falls asleep on the doctor’s couch. Once Jethro wakes up, Dr. Twombly starts to ask about Jethro’s family, causing him to become more and more curious about the entire Clampett family. Back home, Jed tells Elly to take Jasper outside, and Pearl unpacks all of the many southern roots, honeycomb, flaxseed, and other delicacies. She also tells the family how she is no longer interested in the Southern men and is holding out for a well-dressed, money-spending Beverly Hills man. Jethro comes home and tells Pearl how he kept asking questions about her and wanted to talk to her. She assumes he is romantically interested, so she dresses up and puts on her wig and heads to an appointment with him. When she gets there, he tries to get her to lay down on the couch, and Pearl, thinking he is making a pass at her, hits her and runs out of the office. Jed rushes over to the office and tells Dr. Twombly that he doesn’t take kindly to men trifling with his kinfolk. Twombly tells him that he is a psychiatrist and does this every day, but wants to apologize to Pearl. Jed invites him to come to the house and explain to Granny and apologize to Pearl but warns him to make sure he doesn’t make a move toward Elly May. When Twombly arrives at the mansion, Granny puts him through his paces and quizzes him on how to cure various ailments, none of which align with hers. After the doctor thinks Elly is bringing a Jaguar car into the house, he sees Jethro blowing up a tire with his mouth, and Pearl once again wants him to court her, he finally decides to run out of the house amidst the craziness. Dick Wesson is the patient who wants to be a baby. Karen Norris is the nurse. 10/14/23
• 034. The Psychiatrist Gets Clampetted – 5/15/1963
  • Miss Hathaway shows up at the Clampetts’ house and gets tangled up in the clothesline that Jethro is hanging in the kitchen. She tells Jethro that Dr. Twombly still wants to see him, and Jethro says the feeling is mutual, as he still needs his Certificate of Health. Granny insists that it is going to rain that afternoon, while Miss Hathaway insists that the weather bureau says just the opposite. Jethro resumes his session with Dr. Twombly, who tries to find out what damages his family has caused him over the years. When Jethro mentions that Granny said it was going to rain, the conversation leads to the times that Granny whips him with a switch. Jethro admits that she’s mean, vicious, and cruel, but that she’s the sweetest little woman that ever lived. He talks about how proud of Jed he was when they lived back home, but that he never brags about him in Beverly Hills… because it’s sinful to shame the little city fellas. He also talks about how Elly May overpowers him when they wrestle, which makes him fighting mad, but that he still thinks the world of her. Back home, Pearl unveils the new dress she has made for Elly Mae, which Miss Hathaway finds overblown. Miss Hathaway tells pearl that Jed is back at Dr. Twombly’s office and tries to convince her that getting her on the couch is part of his job. After Jethro leaves, Mr. Drysdales stops by to see Dr. Twombly and tells her that Mrs. Drysdale has to cancel her appointment. They start to talk about the Clampetts and how uncomplicated they are. Twombly asks Drysdale to get her back into the good graces of the Clampetts, and particularly Granny, who he is dying to analyze. No matter how upset Pearl was with Dr. Twombly, she still wants to make a good impression on him. Granny shows her the love charm she’s made and then she shows Pearl how to apply it. When Drysdale and Twombly arrive, Twombly goes straight for Granny, making her think that he has fallen for the love spell. Jed takes him into the other room to get him to cool down, but Jed tells him that he needs to control the urge until she can break the spell. She cooks up another spell and then throws it in his face. They all think that the spell is especially strong and that he is in the grip of love. Granny tries to make herself look terrible, while Pearl dresses up fancy and puts her wig on again, but he still pleads to talk to her. Jed then gets Pearl to yodel for Twombly, but his only request is to see Granny. Jethro returns from school now that they’ve let him back in, only to find that Granny has now dressed up nice for Twombly, now that she thinks it is her own charm keeping him going. Although Twombly just wants to analyze her, Granny now agrees to being courted. Twombly wants to take her for a drive, but she thinks it is going to rain at any minute, so she refuses to get into his convertible. When they get outside so he can show Granny the clear blue sky, he spots the one tiny black cloud that makes it immediately start pouring. Jed hopes that the rain might break the love spell, but Granny says she’s given up on that since he’s too old and set in his ways. 10/14/23
• 035. Elly Becomes a Secretary – 5/22/1963
  • Miss Hathaway is under the weather, so Granny offers to fix her up a cold remedy. Meanwhile, Mr. Drysdale is pulling his hair out because he needs her to write a keynote speech for him at the banker’s convention. He tries to talk Jane’s doctor into releasing her to come to work, but the doctor refuses. When Jethro hears from Jane that she has ‘sick benefits’, and that everyone at the bank has them as well, Jed gets worried that Mr. Drysdale might need some help. He and Elly go visit him to see what the Clampetts can do to pitch in. Drysdale blows off their offer and laughingly tells Jed that he needs a secretary, a speechwriter, a doctor, and someone to do his job. Jed goes home so they can all prepare to offer their assistance. One of the new clerks named Bob Billington (Jon Ashley), who is an unabashed suck-up, suggests that Mr. Drysdale give the secretary job to an attractive girl named Kitty Northcross (Patty Joy Harmon). Jed figures he’ll take over as the bank president, Elly can be the secretary, and Granny will be the doctor, since she’s already preparing the remedy. Jethro gets the job of finding a speech for Mr. Drysdale, and he comes up with The Gettysburg Address, and hands it off to Mr. Drysdale. While Bob is buttering up Drysdale, he calls him Skipper and tells him that he reminds him of being a ship’s captain in the Navy. Drysdale then bases his speech around this, and leaves Jed and Elly behind to head to his bankers convention. As soon as Jed slips into the role of the bank president, he offers to give money out to the first guy who calls in to speak to him. When Bob sees Elly May, he quickly forgets about Kitty and asks Elly for a date. The man who called, Mr. Willis (Willis Bouchey) comes to see Jed, who gladly offers him $5000 to help him as he is struggling with his crops. Over at the convention, Mr. Drysdale nearly gives The Gettysburg Address as his speech, but quickly realizes what he is reading and is able to recover. Back at home, Jethro helps Granny with the remedy, but when he tells Granny that he learned that the South lost the Civil War, she makes him take a dose, which brings him to his knees. When Bob catches wind that Jed is giving out money, he makes his case for getting $10,000, claiming to be a struggling farmer. Jed doesn’t fall for it and tells Bob to get back to work. Granny shows up with her remedy and gives Bob a spoonful after asking him if he has ‘sick benefits’, which sends him reeling as well. Mr. Drysdale returns and is thrilled that Jed gave away the $5000 as it earned him the award of ‘Banker of the Year’ and a plaque indicating that they are the “Bank with a Heart.” 2/13/24
• 036. Jethro’s Friend – 5/29/1963
  • Jethro invites his friend Armstrong Dueser McHugh III (Michel Petit) over to the Clampett house for a visit. Everyone assumes it is because he wants her to meet Elly Mae so she gets dressed for the occasion, but when he arrives with his chauffeur Wilkins (Hayden Rorke), everyone learns that Armstrong is a little boy. They also learn that Armstrong’s family is dramatically over-protective of him when Wilkins runs ahead into the house so that he can spray Armstrong’s allergy spray everywhere. Wilkins also tells them he brought along Armstrong’s oxygen tent, and that he will need to eat his Swiss Yogurt rather than the hog jowls and possum pie that Granny has proposed. Granny thinks that Wilkins’ uniform is that of a Confederate soldier, so she likes him at first, but when he returns to pick up Armstrong and Granny tells him that he doesn’t want to leave because he is playing in a tree, Wilkins makes the mistake of saying that he is going to take Armstrong just as sure as Grant took Richmond. Granny then chases him off the property with her rifle. While he goes to see Mr. Drysdale and tell him that the Clampetts have kidnapped Armstrong, Anderson has a ball learning to swim, fight, whittle, fish, and pitch horseshoes by the Clampetts. Eventually, Drysdale and Miss Hathaway bring Wilkins back to the house to claim Armstrong. However, when Wilkins tells Armstrong that he has to come back home to get his antiseptic bath and spend time in the oxygen tent, Armstrong uses his newfound fighting technique and flips Wilkins. When Wilkins tries to spray the area with the allergy spray, Elly’s skunk Charlie sprays him back. Gil Perkins is the pool man. 2/13/24

SEASON 2

• 037. Jed Gets the Misery – 9/25/1963
  • Granny is thrilled that Jed has coming down with a sickness, as this means she can doctor him back to health using her home remedies. Unfortunately, many of the items she needs for her concoctions can’t be found in Beverly Hills including lizard eggs and properly aged stump water. When Elly May becomes worried about Jed since Granny’s can’t find all of the right ingredients, he confesses to her that he is just faking his illness because he feels she is in a funk because she hasn’t been able to doctor anyone. Jethro nearly reveals the truth when he tries to get Jed to go hunting and pulls back his covers to reveal he has his boots on, but Granny thinks he is just wearing them to make him feel better. Meanwhile, Mr. Drysdale walks in front of the Clampett mansion as part of his daily constitutional before his appointment with his doctor R. Clyburn (Fred Clark) for a checkup. Elly May tells him that Granny feels the need to be a doctor, so Drysdale humors her and asks him how she can help him feel better. She blames all of the illnesses on ‘city germs’, so she forces him to go up to bed with Jed and enforces it through Jethro. With Jed’s help, Drysdale tries to escape out the window, but when Granny comes in and sees the window open, she screams at him that he’s letting the city germs back in. When Clyburn shows up at the bank to examine Drysdales, Jane calls over to the Clampetts to find out where he is. When she learns he is there, she sends Clyburn over to see him. Granny thinks that Clyburn is a patient too, and cooperative one at that when he agrees to go up to the sick room for an examination. However, when Jethro forces him to take off his clothes and get in bed with Jed and Drysdale, he isn’t so friendly anymore. Granny tries to make due with what she has and substitutes some items for her elixir, including putting in gunpowder in place of lizard eggs. When Janes shows up to check on Mr. Drysdale, Jethro tells her that the medicine exploded in the kitchen. He is now sharpening knives for Granny to use instead of the medicine. Jane tries to stop her from operating, but Granny forces Elly to hold her back. Elly then tells her that she’s not going to operate on them, but rather cut their hair and fingernails to bury in the back yard in order to do a healing spell on them. When Granny confronts them all with her cutlery, Drysdale and Clyburn start to panic. Clyburn tells her that he can have any pharmacy bring over exactly what she needs for her medicine, but when she reads off her list of ingredients that includes the stump water and lizard eggs, they think it is a joke and hang up the phone. Granny then returns to the room to do her cutting. Shortly after, Jed comes downstairs feeling chipper, and the other two men follow. They say their goodbyes to Granny and tip their hats, revealing large bald spots caused by Granny’s hair cutting. 2/18/24
• 038. Hair-Raising Holiday – 10/2/1963
  • Mr. Drysdale comes up with a speech for Granny to convince her not to practice medicine in Beverly Hills any more after the events of the previous day. However, he is too scared to tell her himself, so he sends Miss Drysdale over to talk to her. When she arrives at the mansion, she finds that they are having a square dance in the entry way. They cannot believe that she doesn’t know what holiday it is, so they let her in that it is Possum Day. They plan to go ask Mr. Drysdale if they can watch the parade from his office window, then realize that the bank is probably closed for the holiday. Dr. Clyburn is still furious over the events that caused him to lose part of his hair, and thus embarrassing him in front of his patients. He threatens to sick the medical board on Granny to prevent her from practicing medicine, but Mr. Drysdale fears this will cause them to head back home and take their 35 million dollars with them. Miss Hathaway returns while Clyburn is still there, and he is furious when she admits that she didn’t tell her anything because of their excitement about Possum Day. The Clampetts are getting ready to head out to the parade when Mr. Drysdale and Miss Hathaway come speeding into their driveway to talk to them about Granny practicing medicine. He tries to tell her that she can’t be a doctor in Beverly Hills, but she wants to give him a poultice to fix his cut hair. He wants no part of it, until he sees the way Jed’s hair has recovered. She puts a poultice on his head, and he returns to the bank to try and arrange with the mayor to have a Possum Parade, while Jane tries to engage a possum juggler. Clyborn comes back to the bank to check on the status of Drysdale laying down the law with Granny. Drysdale hides from him until he hears Clyburn call him a chicken. He then comes out from under the desk wearing his poultice, which Clyburn makes fun of. Jethro and Granny stop by the office to see if they can see the parade from the window, and also to send a poultice to Clyburn through Jane. When she finds him there, she has Jethro apply it to his head. Later, Granny is seen packing up her things to go back home after being yelled out by Clyburn and threatened to be hit by the medical board. Jed is also furious that a cop tries to give him a ticket for parking in front of the bank, and then telling him that there is no such thing as a Possum Parade. When Drysdale gets wind that they are planning to go back home, he gets furious at Clyburn and doubles his efforts with the mayor to get the parade put together. When Clyburn sees Drysdale remove his poultice and finds a full head of hair there, he is incredulous, but he returns to Granny to beg her to give him one as well. Drysdale also tells the family that the Possum Day parade is going to happen the next day since Beverly Hills celebrates a day after they do back home. The Possum Parade proceeds with Mr. Drysdale acting as the Grand Marshall, Dr. Clyburn and his new full head of hair playing the bass drum, and Jane as the possum juggler. In the Winston ad that follows, Granny explains that everyone wanted to shake her hand because she was handing out Winston cigarettes. 2/18/24

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 17th, 2000 at 2:44 pm and is filed under Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.