SEASON 1 – ABC
Created by Kenya Barris
Theme music composed by Transcenders
- 001. Pilot – 9/24/2014
- Andre “Dre” Johnson (Anthony Anderson) is a wealthy Los Angeles advertising executive for Stevens & Lido, who despite his surrounding in an upper middle-class neighborhood that is largely white, struggles to cling to his African-American culture and values. His wife is Rainbow “Bow” (Tracee Ellis Ross) is an anesthesiologist who comes from a mixed family with a white father and black mother. They have four children: teenagers Zoey (Yara Shahidi) and the somewhat nerdy Andre “Junior” (Marcus Scribner), and fraternal twins Jackson “Jack” (Miles Brown) and Diane (Marsai Martin). Dre’s father Earl “Pops” (Laurence Fishburne) also lives with the family. Dre expects to receive a promotion at his firm to Senior Vice President, but during the meeting where it is announced, he is told by his boss Leslie Stevens (Peter Mackenzie) informs him that he is indeed promoted to that position, but of the newly formed Urban Division, which offends him. He is also struggling with relating to his son who seems to have no sense of black culture and wants to join the field hockey team with his white best friend Zach (Nick Carson), and also wants to become Jewish so that he can have a bar mitzvah. Dre sits his family down and tells them that they are going to work harder to embrace their culture and tells Junior that he is going to throw him an African rites of passage ceremony for his 13th birthday instead. Dre completes his first assignment to show the diversity of L.A. for the tourism account using footage from various violent interracial encounters in the city, which nearly get him fired. Rainbow and Pops both talks some sense into him about his going overboard with his ‘keeping it real’ attitude. Junior admits to him that he’d like to play basketball but that he sucks, and he only joined the field hockey team so that the girls will like him. He also assures him that he’s not trying to be white, but just trying to be himself. Dre re-thinks his tourism campaign and creates a dynamic video presentation around the idea of keeping L.A. ‘colorful’. He also throws Junior a hip-hop party for his birthday, which appeals to everyone. Jeff Meacham is his adversarial co-worker Josh Oppenhol. Jacob Kemp is his assistant Kris, who Dre considers an honorary brother. Michelle Meredith is the tour guide. 7/24/20
- 002. The Talk – 10/1/2014
- Dre walks in on Junior while he is engaged in ‘hand to gland combat.’ He doesn’t know how to handle it, but then finds out that Junior has already talked to his mother about it. Bow tells him that Junior doesn’t discuss these types of things with him because he is so uptight, which is illustrated by the fact that he so modest about nudity due to his upbringing, while Bow grew up in a ‘naked house.’ Dre vows that he is going to rectify this and has a topless no-holds-barred conversation with Junior. Meanwhile Bow is also put to the parental test when Zoey, who has been increasingly isolated in a world of her own, comes to Bow for advice. Unfortunately Bow is too busy congratulating herself in her own head that she doesn’t hear what Zoey actually asked her. She tries to cover this by telling her that she needs to think about it, and then talking to her with her mouth full of muffin. Although Dre’s sex talk with Junior was mostly about how to attract girls, it opens the floodgates of every sex-related questions that pops into Junior’s head over the course of several days, which Dre finds excruciating. Bow finally is able to get Zoey to tell her more about her situation, but once again stays in her own head and forgets to listen once again. Dre begins hiding from Junior or pretending he’s asleep so he doesn’t have to hear more of his sex-talk. But when Bow threatens to make him help fold laundry, he finally goes to talk to him and tells him that he needs to save his day-to-day thoughts for his mother, but he will always be there to help with the big stuff. Bow finally admits to Zoey that she has no idea what is going on her life, but Zoey says she figured that already and turned to Pops for advice. Bow asks Pops what the issue was, and Pops also admits he had no idea but gave her some advice in his Morgan Freeman voice and it seemed to help. Pops, in his own conservative way, tells Dre that’s he proud of him for trying so hard with his kids when he never really did. After connecting with his son and his father, he decides to try and connect with Bow too by walking around the house naked. The twins are so desperate to get a ‘talk’ of their own that after they fail to get the attention of their parents, they decide to give each other the talk. When Jack starts to give Diane the talk about the difference between jelly and jam, she gets bored immediately and leaves the room. Rachael Grace is the receptionist. 7/24/20
- 003. The Nod – 10/8/2014
- When Dre helps Junior bring his extra credit Hobbit Shire to school, he notices that Junior does not participate in the black culture ritual of the nod to fellow black friends. Both he and Pops try to express the importance of this along with the scrunched-up face one should make when seeing a woman with a big butt. From that point Dre makes it his goal to get Junior some black friends. He starts out with Leimert Social Club, but when Dre interviews with their representatives Mr. (David L. King) and Mrs. Boyer (Leigh Bush), he makes it too obvious of his intentions of merely ‘blackening’ Junior. When that fails, he tries to take Junior to play basketball in Compton, but Junior is terrible. Meanwhile the twins are making posters for Career Day at school. Jack wants to be a teen sensation pop star, while Bow is disappointed to hear that Diane now wants to go into marketing rather then medicine. Bow takes Diane to work in hopes of interesting her in the medical profession, but Diane is extremely bored especially when Bow has to perform surgery and Nurse Larry (Mike C. Nelson) tries to watch her. She wanders away and sees lot of bloody images of patients… but this is what finally piques her interest in being a doctor. Dre makes a nodding connection with new co-worker Charlie Telphy (Deon Cole), but soon finds that the recently separated Charlie is extremely overbearing, often encroaching Dre’s personal space…even at the urinal. Nevertheless, when Dre finds out that he has a son Junior’s age, he invites them over for dinner. Charlie brings along his nerdy son Eustice (Christopher Griffin) and he and Junior hit it off playing with the Hobbit Shire. When Charlie gets into Dre’s closet and tries on his shoes, it is too much for Dre and he throws them both out. However when he sees Junior and Eustice connecting, he realizes that Junior’s struggle to connect had been different from his, but nonetheless valid. Later Dre is pleased to note that Junior does the nod with a fellow student, and he and Pops work with him on reacting to lady butts. 8/5/20
- 004. Crazy Mom – 10/15/2014
- In retrospect Dre likens it to watching a horror movie unfold as a victim makes all of the wrong moves, but one night Dre seems to expect a tremendous deal of credit for loading the dishwasher. Bow maintains that she does parental work constantly without credit, citing the most recent case-in-point of the twins expecting two dozen cupcakes for their class the next day. Dre offers to take over the parental duties for the week, and buys some cupcakes from the liquor store. The next day in school, the teacher Ms. Davis (Jennie Pierson) and the entire class make a fuss over Dre for being one of the only fathers they’ve seen contribute when he brings the cupcakes. Even at work, he gets kudos for being late since he was helping out at school, whereas his co-worker Candace (Ursula Barton) gets a cold shoulder for being late because of a sick child. The accolades continue with thank-you cards arriving from school and Dre being designated by the class as “Cupcake Man.” His own children seem to prefer his pancakes to Bow’s standard oatmeal breakfast too. When Dre turns in some health forms to Ms. Davis, he is puzzled when he receives no fanfare. He also starts to get on her bad side when he offers to help with an upcoming Harriet Tubman presentation since she is white. Another class mom named Stacy Kang-Nussbaum (Lesley Tsina) warns him that she has gone through this before, and just as quickly as the fanfare starts, it will end suddenly. Back home Bow is missing spending time with the kids and the affection of Dre, while he is busy making homemade cornbread for the Tubman presentation. When he brings it in, a new father named Glen Kinnebrew (David Fickas) is being lavished with praise for bringing in kettle corn. Dre’s resentment mounts that ultimately gets him into a fight with the Harriet Tubman actress (Elizabeth June), resulting in him getting thrown out. Pops finally talks some sense into Dre, and he sends all of the kids to Bow to tell her in their own way how much they need her. Things return to normal, much to the delight of each of them. Daniel Lee Robertson III is the movie theater friend. Andria Kozica is school mom Tracy. Quinn Friedman is student Kevin. 8/5/20
- 005. Crime and Punishment – 10/22/2014
- Dre stands ready to delivery a spanking to Jack, and recalls what brought him to this point. Jack had hidden in a department store from Rainbow, making her think that he had been abducted. She nearly has a panic attack, until finally a security guard (Forte Rodriguez) finds him in the clothes. She tells him then and there that he will receive a spanking from his father, a notion that Dre doesn’t care for because they had agreed never to spank. Jack’s brothers and sisters try to find a way out of it for him, because none of them want to see spankings brought back. Dre consults his co-workers, who all seem pro-spanking until they realize the Dre intends to spank Jack. While Dre sleeps through a meeting, they all vote against it. Jack follows the advice of his siblings and puts on a cute act for Rainbow, until she ultimately decides to cancel the spanking. However once again Jack hides in one of the cabinets, and this time panics the entire family. At this point, Dre is determined to carry on with the spanking, an idea highly supported by Pops as well. Jack covers himself in multiple layers, but it is for naught, as Dre still can’t bring himself to do it, and instead tells Jack that he has greatly disappointed him, which brings out the tears from Jack. Naturally Pops thinks that this was too hard on the boy, but Dre is very pleased to know that his kids actually care what he thinks about them. Sharon Mathu is Charani. Grace Rowe is Tanya. 11/20/20
- 006. The Prank King – 10/29/2014
- Dre is looking forward to Halloween because the loves the decoration, and mostly the pranking of his family. He usually comes out on top although Zoey often gives him a run for his money. This year he has to call a family meeting when the twins’ first prank on their parents is to pretend to be scared and want to sleep with them… and then wet their bed. As he explains the rules, Zoey tells him that she is getting too mature for pranks. He plays a prank by becoming part of the chair and scaring Junior, which then puts Junior off the pranks. Dre starts to lament losing the family tradition even more so when the older kids don’t want to participate in the family costumes as the Jackson Five, and the twins don’t even want candy after they’ve learned about diabetes. Meanwhile at work, Dre takes issue when Josh says that most black men don’t like to be startled, after successfully scaring Kris and making him scald himself with coffee. This seems to be true though when Josh jumps out of a trash can and scares Charlie and gets punched in the face, causing Mr. Stevens to declare no more pranks at Stevens & Lido. Halloween night is shot even further when he comes home and finds that the family has gone to the movies. It proves to be a prank by the entire family when they make Dre believe that robbers have invaded the house, and watch him attempt to escape up the chimney. After they’ve gloated about their victory, they notice an actual prowler outside, and on surprise them with a home invasion, causing Bow to punch him in the face… which turns out to be the second punch for Josh. Dre admits that he knew about their prank and was one step ahead since he had seen them discussing the prank on his camera since he has one in the refrigerator. 11/21/20
- 007. The Gift 0f Hunger – 11/12/2014
- When his entire family turns their nose up at his favorite cheap steak restaurant, the Beef Plantation, Dre starts to think that his kids are spoiled, so he limits their food and all of the things he buys for them. Bow is initially against it, but when the twins go begging for food, and the neighbors Bruce (David Goldman) and Janine Greenstein (Nicole Sullivan) bring them a casserole because she thinks they’re struggling, Bow is onboard with the fact that the kids are indeed spoiled. Dre then takes the next step and makes them all go to work. Jack and Diane are made to set up a lemonade stand with their mother, where they scam the customers by saying they have no change. It also causes Janine to again think that they are in desperate need of money. Dre brings Dre Jr. and Zoey to his office, where Dre does odd jobs. Zoey is constantly on her phone, then shows her father that she’s set up a vlog. When he sees how many followers she has, he assigns her to come up with a plan to pitch her videos to a cosmetic company called Hard Candy. She creates her own portfolio, but then is annoyed that Dre has enlisted his men to come up with their own video pitch. Initially Dre thinks she’s a quitter, but then realizes that she does indeed have the hustle but needs to get around her biggest obstacle: him. After all of his bumbling at work, Dre Jr. is thrilled to receive a paycheck, while the twins bask in all of the cash they raised. Bow finally convinces Janine that she’s not poor by borrowing an expensive car from the dealer and returning her casserole dish – which contains a ‘misplaced’ diamond earring in it. Harvey J. Alperin is the neighbor. Hector Osorio is Eric, who Bow thinks is Pedro. 3/11/21
- 008. Oedipal Triangle – 11/19/2014
- While Dre is rolling out the red carpet for his mother Ruby (Jenifer Lewis), Bow sees her as being passive-aggressive toward her for stealing her son from her, dating all the way back to her wedding when she had a coughing fit during their wedding ceremony. Immediately upon arrival, she brings the kids inappropriate gifts, insists on a change to the dinner menu, and has a coughing fit. Meanwhile Zoey is embarrassed by Andre Jr. pursuing a nerdy girl named Natalie Harris (Alana Dupre), so she promises to set him with the hottest senior in school, Kyra Kang-Nussbaum (Arden Belle). She ends up feeding him dialogue to say to her, and sure enough, Kyra asks him to take her out. Zoey starts to believe she has even more influence than she thought, but then finds out that on their date, Kyra asked Andrew to edit her video submission to The Bachelor, leaving Zoey feeling like she was used. Things continue to deteriorate between Bow and Ruby, when Ruby brings up the therapy that Bow went through after having a baby. Dre tries to have a romantic bath with Bow to make amends, but it is interrupted by one of Ruby’s coughing fits. Dre ends up falling asleep on the bed with his mom. Dre ends up inviting both Bow and his mother to an overlook, which was an important spot to each of them. He then tells them that he loves them both, but it is killing him trying to get them together. Bow and Ruby finally bond over laughing about Dre never washing his hands. However it falls apart sixteen hours later when Ruby changes Diane’s hair without permission. Dre once again betrays Bow’s confidence when he tells his mother that Bow she was riled up. This time the argument reaches new heights, and Dre finally takes Bow’s side and tells his mother he knows she’s faking her coughing fits… but it leaves Diane’s hair half finished. Zoey fixes the hair, and Dre tells his mother how much he appreciates all she did, but that Bow is his #1 and she needs to back off. This is overheard and appreciated by Bow, as they agree to eat the dinner Bow prepared. Ruby tells Bow she’s ‘welcome’ for raising her an amazing husband. 3/11/21
- 009. Colored Commentary – 12/3/2014
- Dre wants the family to do more together and support one another, so he buys t-shirts that say “Team Johnson” and then demands that they all wear them to Jack’s Little League game. When the baseball announcer Bernie (Ken Jenkins) makes a series of innocuous statements that Bow interprets as racist, she attempts to call him out, but Dre doesn’t agree with her and doesn’t support her. This makes her angry, so when Dre asks her to attend a museum event for his work so she can show her knowledge of fine art, she is reluctant to go. However, she bites the bullet to prove that she is supportive of her family. During the event, she starts discussing the artist Magritte, thinking that she is referring to the artist Matisse. Dre think he is doing her a favor by not calling her out on it, but when she finds out that he knew she was speaking out of turn, she if furious again, this time because he didn’t stop her. When they get home, they find that there is a hole in the wall, and although it actually happened with the older kids pushed the younger kids down the stairs in a basket, they all lie with the same story that the shoes that Bow bought Diane were too big, causing her to trip and tumble down the stairs. Dre thinks they are all lying, and hopes to impress Bow and take away any potential guilt by investigating what really happened. He is able to get the truth out of Diane by giving her Chunky Monkey ice cream. Bow isn’t impressed at all, since the kids backed each other up and he disrupted it. At Jack’s next game, Dre accosts Bernie when he calls a foul ball, and yells at him over the loudspeaker. Dre turns the mike off and then apologizes him, and tells him that he only yelled at him for his wife’s benefit since she is kind of crazy. However, he hadn’t turned the mike off, but rather the scoreboard, so Bow hears everything. Despite everything that happened, when two of the baseball officials, Kevin (Michael Nanfria) and Adam (Brandon Gibson) come over to tell Dre that he’s banned from the field for two weeks, Bow steps in and tells them that the Johnsons always stick together, and if Dre is banned, none of them – including Jack – will be there. The family then has game, karaoke, and ice cream night together. Mandy Levin is baseball mom Sydney Martin. Martin Garcia is the museum honcho. Christopher Carroll is Winston, Dre’s imaginary butler. Kimberley Crossman is Mrs. Stevens’ young wife Tawny. 7/8/21
- 010. Black Santa, White Christmas – 12/10/2014
- Dre has enjoyed Christmas tradition since he was a boy (Issac Ryan Brown), but despite Santa being the first white man he trusted, his mother always wanted the credit for gift instead of a fat, white man. When the traditional Santa played by Fred Garner (Karl Warren) for the Stevens & Lido Christmas party dies of obesity, Dre begins to lobby for the part himself and tells his boss to think outside the box when casting the next Santa. He does just that and gives the role to his Mexican co-worker Angelica (Ana Ortiz). Meanwhile, Bow begins complaining that Dre’s mother Ruby hijacks every Christmas, and lobbies to prepare the dinner herself this year. No one likes the idea, including her family, but she insists on bumbling through it herself. She also insists on coaching the kids through their singing performance at the party. When the kids sound terrible, she enlists the aid of an auto tune program, and the song is successful. However she also realizes that she is making the holiday all about her, so she turns the reigns of cooking back over to Ruby. Dre causes Angelica to lose her role as Santa when she points out how terrible the cadence is of her ‘ho ho ho’, and he gets the role after all. However, he is left with disappointed children when Angelica doesn’t tell him that the is responsible for procuring the toys to hand out. He rallies the kids to help him go shopping, and they hand deliver the gifts. Bow goes home to help Ruby with the dinner, only to find that she has hired Molina & Sons catering to bring in the food, and also learns from the cook Conchita (Virginia Montero) that they have been providing the meal for the last ten years. Ruby confesses that Christmas dinner is always too much work and pressure. Bow assists her in trashing the kitchen to look like they prepared the meal. Dre questions the Molina & Sons boxes in the garage, but hushes up when Bow mentions his internet browser searches. Kin Santiago is the disappointed boy at the party. 7/11/21
- 011. Law of Attraction – 1/7/2015
- While attending Zoey’s performance of Romeo & Juliet, Dre notices his divorced parents fighting incessantly, and begins to pontificate about the nature or relationships. After the show, while picking up their car from the valet, an aggressive guy (Lee Simpson) butts in front of Bow, and although Dre confronts him, he quickly backs down. Pops steps in and intimidates the guy into giving Bow her spot back. This impresses and delights Ruby, and the two begin seeing each other again. Dre thinks it is bad news, as he remembers constantly wishing throughout his childhood that they would get back together…while being continuously disappointed when Ruby would invariable get angry and display some extreme act of aggression. Dre also starts to feel like he’s been emasculated by backing down from the fight, especially when he thinks Bow is avoiding him. She also begins doing several of the manly tasks of the house like putting up the TV and grilling the steaks. Most of his co-workers agree that he didn’t act manly, including the female of the group, Laura (Edi Patterson). As Jack and Diane are becoming enchanted with the new relationship between their grandparents, Dre remembers the time he confronted some guys at Larry’s Chili Dogs when they got into a fight and spilled mustard on Bow. He thinks if he can recapture that act of bravery, she will look at him as manly again. Although he incorrectly remembers it as delivering the guys a pummeling, as hard as he tries to pick a fight with a guy at Larry’s, the guy (Grifon Aldren) is nothing but nice to Dre, and he can’t get a fight off the ground. He then tries showing off by running into a dark, dangerous alley but he is chased back by a dog that wants to like his face while he is pleading for mercy. Pops and Ruby get into a fight while taking Jack and Diane to the ice cream parlor, and Dre has finally had enough. He stands up to his father and threatens to kick him out if he doesn’t stop repeating the pattern with Ruby. This finally is enough to impress Bow. Junior gets called to become Romeo in the play when both the original actor and his understudy have to bow out, but since Zoey refuses to play opposite her brother, Junior is forced to play both parts. Arianna Jaffier is the little girl dog owner. 1/3/22
- 012. Martin Luther sKiing Day – 1/14/2015
- Over the Martin Luther King holiday weekend, Dre wants to take the opportunity to teach his kids, particularly Junior, about the oppression that blacks have faced throughout history. Dre agrees to not only let Charlie go with them on a skiing trip, but also allows Junior to bring his white friend Zach (Nick Carson) come along. Bow suggest that the men ride Charlie’s car, while Bow, Zoey, and the twins ride in their family car, while she pretends to be giving them black history lesson, but really just wind up singing at the top of their lungs. When Dre gets pulled over by a white cop (Shane Blades), Dre wants to pin it on prejudice, but when the cop lets him go with a warning, that falls through. Dre then expects to be stared out when the all go into a convenience store by a white Southern clerk (Jon Reep). He too is as nice as he can be to Dre, until he catches Charlie eating the nacho cheese sauce out of a ladle. Then once they arrive at the hotel, Dre tries to make it a racial issue when the hotel doesn’t have any adjoining rooms left. He yells at the desk clerk (Amy Schloerb) and then engages in a sit-in… until the security guard (Michael Bailey Smith) escorts him to the security office. He tries to write a speech about his oppression, until a member of the hotel staff (Moira O’Neill) brings him a cookie. Bow is as irritated as ever when she and the kids have to stop their massages in the spa to deal with Dre, who has further disappointment when Bow makes it clear that Dr. King was not really a doctor. Dre finally starts to see that he is overreacting and apologizes to Junior. However, when Junior is forced to sit at the back of the bus with another female snowboarder (Alexandra Hoover), he tells his father that he clearly understand oppression, and makes a rousing speech on how skiers are treated better than snowboarders. Nicole Day is the masseuse. John Maholm is the bus driver. 1/3/22
- 013. Big Night, Big Fight – 2/11/2015
- Dre is preparing to take Bow out for Valentine’s Day dinner and wants to avoid previous pitfalls of saying the wrong things and ruining the night. However, he immediately gets off to a bad start when he asks her if she is going to change out of her jumper for their date. She wears the jumper, and then makes a remark about going to Fabiano’s once again. He pretends that he was going to take her to Everly, but since they don’t have a reservation, he has to bribe the maitre d’ (A.J. Tannen). They get seated uncomfortably close to newlyweds Stacy (Renee Dorian) and Jason (Matthew Rocheleau). When Dre takes forever to give the waiter (Shannon McClung) his order, Bow starts telling him how he ruins every event, and fight escalates from there until Dre finally leaves the table for the solace of the restroom. There he meets the attendant Solomon (Richard Riehle) and a pseudo-support group of husbands Keith (Jesse Burch), Jonas (Joel Spence), and Dr. Dilip Kotwala (Raja Deka), all of whom have screwed up important events in the lives of themselves and wives. They advise Dre to play the victim, and wind up winning the night and getting special sex. Bow is talking to Stacy who tells her it might be best to just take her anger down a notch and apologize. She does just that, but then Dre starts demanding further apologies for Bow’s peccadillos against him, including breaking his Shaq mug six years earlier. The arguments rage again, and they wind up going home angry. Meanwhile, Jack gets more Valentines cards than Diane, causing her to insult him. All of Diane’s siblings try to intervene and teach her how to be nice, with middling results. Her final test comes when she tries to be nice to the pizza delivery guy (Jeff Lewis). Despite him having a face full of acne, she tells him that he is punctual and has the correct amount of limbs. When Dre and Bow get home, they tell the older kids to fix her back the way she was. Bow and Dre diffuse their own anger and realize how they might have salvaged the night if they played things differently. They also agree that sometimes they need a way to purge all of their little irritations of each other before they become big issues. In good faith, she even reads his screenplay for Hoodfellas, a version of Goodfellas in the hood. Marc Fajardo is the waiter at Fabianos, and Caitlyn Knisely is the woman at the next table at Fabianos, both in the alternate reality fantasy. Mari Weiss is the doctor in the flashback. 5/16/22
- 014. Andre from Marseille – 2/18/2015
- Dre finds out that Zoey is dating someone Andre du Maurier (Julian de la Celle) and is excited because he assumes that the boy will be just like him. However, when he finds out that he is white and hails from Marseille, France, he is beside himself with irritation. Bow suggest that they invite him over to get to know him, but Dre has already decided that he hates him. He talks to his co-workers Josh, Charlie, and Lindsey (Emily Tarver), and while they don’t think he should worry about a white guy, they do think that a French guy might try to introduce sex very quickly. When Andre comes for a visit, all of the ladies are charmed by him and his ability to produce candy from behind their ears, and the fact that he works with orphans whose parents have died. Junior gets onto Andre’s Facebook page, which Dre credits him as being an ace hacker, and sees Andre and Zoey kissing. He demands that she break it off with him, but it is too late; he has already broken up with her. Dre is then furious because he thinks that Andre must certainly be racist. He continues to have Junior ‘crack’ his social media, and finds out that he is dating another girl named Becky (Chyka Jackson)… but she turns out to be black also. Dre then criticizes Junior for his poor detective work. Junior doubles his efforts and finds out that Andrew thought that Zoey was shallow and reports these new findings to his father. Dre doesn’t have the heart to tell Zoey, so he tries to cheer her up from her depression about being dumped. While they are shopping, Zoey tells Dre that she might be able to get past it if she only know why he dumped her. Finally, Dre tells her the real reason. and Zoey is completely relieved that he thought she was shallow rather than ugly. Soon Zoey begins dating a new guy named Derrick (B.J. Mitchell). This guy is not only black, but dresses exactly like Dre, but still Dre complains that he’s not good enough for Zoey. Bow makes him realize that no one will every be. However, when Derrick praises Dre’s line of work, Dre warms up to him very quickly and offers to take them to laser tag. Meanwhile, Dre points out a gray pubic hair on Bow, and she becomes obsessed with it. After consulting an older co-worker named Pamela (Mindy Sterling), she decides to have it waxed and lasered off, but after she tells her beautician Connie (Leah Sprecher) what she wants, and Diane asks Bow if she should get the same, Bow decides to just let it grow and be herself. 5/16/22
- 015. The Dozens – 2/25/2015
- Dre overhears Junior talking in the car about a bully named Cody (George Frazier) who has it in for him. He gives him some advice about defending himself with a throat chop or a punch to the groin, but then he discusses it with his co-workers and decides on teaching Junior how to play ‘the dozens’, which comes from a long line of African tradition of simply insulting your enemy. Dre and Charlie demonstrate this on Josh as they make fun of how white he is, later leading him to apply a fake tan. Meanwhile, when Diane brags about reading at a tenth grade level, Jack brags about being ready to get rid of their nightlight. This notion freaks out Diane so she is still up at 3am when Bow returns from her night shift. When Bow explains that darkness is simply the absence of photons, Diane becomes worried about where they all went. Days go on like this, with Bow getting no sleep. Dre tries to teach Junior the finer points of insults, but his are incredibly weak until Dre considers home schooling. When Junior arrives at school, he is relieved to find out that Cody was suspended… but unfortunately, another bully named Tyler (Thomas Archer) is waiting in the wings to beat him up. Out of nowhere, Junior comes up with a litany of insults for Tyler, mostly involving his acne, that causes him to walk away. Junior then becomes an insult machine, revered by his peers, as he attacks every bully that comes around. This eventually causes Principal Matthews (Doug Simpson) to accuse Junior of bullying, and to call Dre and Bow into his office. Bow can hardly stay awake, but Dre is so thrilled, he breaks out dancing. When they get home, Jack is making fun of Diane for being scared of the dark, and Junior steps in to help him with his insults… both toward Diane and his sleepy mother. Dre has to tell him to pull back as some of his insults are deeply personal, especially the ones he has lined up for Cody. When Cody returns, Junior is ready to reveal that Cody’s mother is on Tinder, but at the last minute he starts insulting himself. Cody sees this as a weakness and sucker punches him after all. Junior tells his father that he knew he could take his own insults after all of the ones that Dre dished out to him over the years. When Dre says it has given Junior thick skin, Junior starts insulting his father until he can take no more. That night, Jack tells his mother that she can put the night light back on. She becomes both angry and indebted to Diane when she finds out that she challenged Jack to sit through The Shining. After a nap, Bow hallucinates that Jack and Diane are the Grady twins. Walter Fauntleroy is the Black Panther. 9/9/22
- 016. Parental Guidance – 3/4/2015
- For their fifteenth anniversary, Dre and Bow decide to renew their vows. Dre tells how they got married in 2000 at Pacific General Hospital during a break between her shifts at the hospital chapel while another older woman (Ellen Karsten) grieved the loss of her husband. Dre’s mother lamented the union, while his father was thrilled that Dre landed Bow. Dre is prepared to give her the renewal of the century, but Bow’s parents Paul (Beau Bridges) and Alicia Johnson (Anna Deavere Smith) show up as a surprise at 5am one morning. Dre likes Paul, but can’t stand Alicia because she tried to set Bow up with another white man with liver damage at her wedding. With both sets of parents staying the house, the place turns into a war zone as everyone argues with each other. Meanwhile, the kids learn that their parents have only been married for fifteen years, which means that Zoey was born before they were married. Junior and the twins use this to their advantage to refer to Zoey as a bastard. Junior even tries to convince her that her real father is ex-Laker Rick Fox. Alicia wants to officiate the vow renewal like she did the wedding, but as Junior is trying help her renew her license, he finds out that the Church of Saturnology has been seized by the FBI and that all accreditations are null and void. This means that Dre and Bow’s wedding was not official, they aren’t married, and as Zoey takes delight in pointing out, all of the children are bastards. With all of the fighting, Dre and Bow decide to get married at the courthouse with the kids, and leave the parents out of it. However, Jack spills the beans to Pops, and then he tells Alicia that they are going to ruin their kids’ wedding because they can’t get along. When Pops tells her that Dre would do anything for Bow, she realizes he is right, and they decide to support the wedding. They all get what they want at the wedding, with Alicia getting Tibetan throat singers, Ruby getting Bishop Don Juan (himself) to represent Jesus, Dre gets a normal minister (L.T. Tolliver), Pops gets a scotch fountain, and Paul got a front-row seat to Don Juan’s dancing Double Deacons. Alicia even gives a nice speech at the wedding, talking about how they are all family because of their love for Dre and Bow. Although they forget to write their own vows, Dre does remember to upscale Bow’s ring. After the wedding, Junior discovers that his parents were always married, as all marriage prior to 2002 were still valid after all. Junior is glad he is no longer a bastard, while Zoey alludes to her father being Rick Fox. Dre maintains that Bow never even met Rick Fox, but Bow refuses to answer that question. 9/9/22
- 017. 30 Something – 3/25/2015
- Dre is getting ready to celebrate his 40th birthday but believes that he still has his swagger with him unlike all of the other sad dads. He still can hold his own on the basketball court, but when he rolls his ankle, he requires others to help him get home. Bow thinks he’s too old to be playing and insists that future games be with older white guys rather than young black guys. Bow insists that the kids get their father something special for his 40th birthday. Ruby thinks that Bow has no idea what he wants either, so they have a ‘non-challenge’ to get him the better gift. As everyone works to try to come up with something to get him, Dre tries to plan his party and still be relevant. At work, when his boss finds out he’s 40, he is moved from the Red Bull ad campaign to the stool softener campaign. He tries to play basketball with the older guy and winds up with a leg cramp, then loses a tooth while eating a banana for the potassium. Dre decides to turn to his hip co-worker Curtis (Allen Maldonado) to keep his birthday party from becoming a ‘jammy jam’. Curtis comes up with some wild ideas and swag for the party, but he ends up booking the party in a venue that gets torn down. When he wants to keep it there even after they find out, Dre takes over again and decides to go for a house party and secures the services of his friend and DJ Jermaine Dupree (himself). The party is a massive hit, but Dre quickly realizes that his entire family are upstairs. They take him into the bedroom and show him a slide show that they made of their lives together, which brings tears to his eyes. Dre’s mother ends up getting him motorcycle lessons, but all Bow comes up with is the fact that she gave him his four beautiful children… and plans to do things to him later that night that will make it very hard for him to ride a motorcycle. Bill Doyle is Tucker the delivery guy. 12/28/22
- 018. Sex, Lies and Vasectomies – 4/1/2015
- Bow announces to Dre that she’s late getting her period but knows there’s no way she can be pregnant since Dre got a vasectomy. However, Dre knows that he never got the vasectomy because he doesn’t want to deal with the 30 seconds of pain. He confesses this to his co-workers, and all of the men on his team seem to understand, while Laura has a dissenting opinion. When Zoey hears them talking about the possibility of pregnancy, she assumes she and her siblings are going to have another sibling. She is against it since she’ll have to help raise another baby, the twins are against it because they won’t get the attention of being the babies anymore, but Junior wants the baby and begins his initiative of talking to his mother’s uterus so that it knows him best. Bow, however, figures she must be going through menopause since she thinks Dre had the vasectomy. She eventually starts her period and shares the news with her co-worker Pam, cheering the fact that she’s neither pregnant or going through menopause. When Pam starts crying, she thinks she’s being insensitive about her menopause, but Pam is actually pregnant. Bow then mentions she’s glad she doesn’t have to sue her for a botched vasectomy, but she then reveals that Dre never got the vasectomy after all. In order to mess with Dre, she brings home a pregnancy test, but when the twins want him to read them a childhood book, Dre takes the test with him and hides it. Dre tries to administer the pregnancy test while she is sleeping, but winds up throwing water in her face instead. He blames rats for the pregnancy test showing up under the bed. He considers getting a cover vasectomy, but he and his co-workers decide he should continue lying. When gets home that night, while putting down rat traps, Bow shows him a phony ultrasound and tells him that she’s pregnant. She decides she is going to sue the hospital, but before she can get too far, he admits that he was lying. They discuss it, and Dre tells Bow that he’s not sure if he wants to take himself out of commission if she dies. She then backs him into one of his rat traps and he breaks four of his toes. They then tell the kids that there is no baby, and Junior admits that he still fantasizes about everyone in the family being killed in a fire, which puts him into a foster family with a bunch of kids. Dre and Bow discuss further that maybe their priorities have changed since they first go married. Bow laments all of the things she misses by being a busy doctor and missing a lot of the kids’ activity. Dre recognizes they made a contract with each other and the only constant in the contract is them. Maury Povich appears as himself in a fantasy sequence. Scott Mosenson is the doctor. Cassidey Fralin is young Zoey. 12/28/22
- 019. The Real World – 4/8/2015
- Dre is tired of Bow’s new addiction to Facebook, especially now that she reconnected to her college friends Lance (Jerry Minor), Maisie (Lindsay Price), and Shawn (Mara Marini). Making matters worse, Lance and Bow were once an item in college. Maisie had been on the reality show The Real World and dated actor David Spade, so she considers herself a minor celebrity. Bow wants to have them all over for a dinner party, so Dre invites his co-workers to make the night more tolerable. Bow goes to great lengths to create a fancy spread and makes sure that the kids don’t touch anything. The get the idea to make their own version of The Real World: Old People Eating Cheese video to commemorate the evening. Lance is now married to Shawn, and much to everyone’s surprise, Shawn has lost a lot of weight and captures the eye of Dre and his friends. Things start to get awkward when Shawn mentions that Bow and Lance had once been engaged, and even more so when he finds out that Bow was actually dumped by Lance. And worse still, it turns out Bow was dumped by multiple guys in college. Bow suggests that they play some games, so Dre changes the game to “I Never” in order to find out more about her college life and how many times she had been dumped. Bow gets mad that everyone is picking on her and tries to get up and leave, but her dress gets caught on the couch and when it rips off, the fact that she is wearing Spanx is revealed. Zoey determines that their mother is the ‘villain’ of the reality show they’re filming. Bow has hoped to impress everyone and now she feels like a fool. Just then, Charlie eats some peanut sauce and suffers a major allergic reaction. He can’t breathe as his throat clothes up, so she cuts his throat and puts a juice box straw in his throat. Zoey declares that Bow is now the villain who became a hero. After the party breaks up, Bow tells Dre how she was working so hard in college that she was a terrible boyfriend, but when Dre came along, she wanted only to impress him. 6/19/23
- 020. Switch Hitting – 4/22/2015
- Dre notes the two personalities of the black man: the mainstream selves to be in the man’s world and their down-home selves for the brothers. Dre has always been able to switch seamlessly between them but decides that he needs to stay 100% keeping it real. Two weeks earlier Dre is introduced to a new client named Jay Simmons (Michael Rapaport), who wants to expand the customer base for Boxable.com to more of the urban community. Meanwhile, the twins have to make a living museum of their heroes as a project for their school. They want Zoey and Junior to help them, so Bow makes them do just that. Dre gives a presentation for Simmons, but he seems largely unimpressed. However, when Charlie is put on the spot to give his opinion, he comes up with an idea about not leaving their packages on urban front porches because things get stolen. He decides that he wants Charlie to manage the account rather than Dre. Pops tells Dre that he is ‘playing footsies’ between both world. Dre is insulted that he is being treated like he’s not black enough. Pops gets a letter from the IRS, which causes him to panic and fear going to prison. Dre returns more determined than ever to show Simmons how black he can be, but most things Simmons has been witnessing are as far-removed from the urban lifestyle as he can be. Dre invites Simmons to come over so he can see his ‘true’ lifestyle. Dre brings home a pit bull but finds that Bow has straightened her curly hair. Although Dre dresses in a giant gold chain and names the dog Realness, but every effort is offset by his family’s actions. Junor is dressed in a wizard’s outfit, Zoey asked to go to a Jason Mraz acoustic concert, Jack is dressed as Vanilla Ice for his assignment while Diane dresses as Sarah Palin. Bow makes vegan mac and cheese and kale-based collard greens. Pops thinks that Simmons is an undercover IRS man, so he dresses is a plaid suit, smokes a pipe, and with a British accent, attempts to bribe him. Pops tells Dre that he shouldn’t be ashamed for his success, and Dre finally agrees. The next day at work as Charlie is stumbling through a presentation, Dre marches in and tells Simmons ‘screw you’ and says that being real is about being himself. Simmons is impressed with his swagger and asks him to take over the account but wants ‘this’ Dre show up every day. Pops tells Dre he’s going to disappear for a while, but Dre informs him that another letter came and that they only want a sales receipt from his old Lincoln… which is ex-wife now owns. Dre hopes that his father has learned a lesson about fiscal responsibility, but instead, he declares himself untouchable again and heads to the track. 6/19/23
- 021. The Peer-ent Trap – 4/29/2015
- Dre laments that he and Zoey have been having a strained relationship lately, so when he catches her driving a car with a friend, he takes away from her phone. He argues with Bow because he thinks she is too lenient on the kids, and like her mother, worries more about being friends with the kids and letting them make their own mistakes. On the other hand, Dre’s father was always very hard and controlling with him, and as Bow points out, grew up resenting him. Junior tries to coach the kids to be good and not follow Zoey’s example. After talking to the guys at work, Dre comes home and figures out how to get one of Zoey’s fingerprints so that he can get into her phone. After looking at Zoey’s pictures of her on a Vespa smoking an e-cigarette, even Bow agrees that they need to crack down. Dre drags out his manual of 10,000 Commandments. The twins contemplate running away, but Junior looks for the loopholes in the rules. For instance, he eats his sticky candy that’s not allowed in the house by sticking his head out the window. Dre questions Bow’s commitment to the rules when she starts to waver in her resolve. Bow gives Zoey some pointers about how to handle her father, namely by telling him that he looks skinny. Zoey encounters one rule that she can only go out with friends once per month, so when she wants to go out to the movies with friends because her crush Daylen is going to be there. Dre allows her to go out with the friends, but he tracks her on her phone, and insists that she be home by 11:30pm. Junior finds another loophole in the rule to no late-night eating by putting a hamburger and fries in a smoothie and drinking it. When Dre catches him doing it, he simply insists that Junior actually drinking the smoothie. Zoey comes home an hour late from the movies and makes Dre worried sick. When she finally comes in, Dre reads her messages with her mother and finds out that they were in cahoots on how to handle Dre. He also finds out that Daylen is a boy, Zoey has a crush on him, and Bow knew all along. Dre is crushed by the secret betrayal. Pops maintains that Dre has been soft on his kids compares to the way he handled Dre as a boy, but Dre points out many of the times his father went overboard with discipline, including a time that he hired a white man with no neck to follow him around to watch what he was doing. Dre tells his father that he thought the man wanted to kidnap him and causes him not to trust white people. Dre waits up in the dark for Bow to get home from work and then lays into her for being a ‘friend’ to Zoey and going behind his back. She said she’s only done it since Dre has gone crazy with the discipline. Dre thinks she is being ridiculous until he finds out that all of his direct reports at work are scared to death of him. He then decides to ease up on Zoey and allows her to go to the Spring Formal. As Bow starts to drive her there, she realizes that Zoey has been driving her car and sends her back in the house and grounds her from going. Pops tells Dre that Bow finally decided to grow a pair, and now he is off the hook for a while. 10/14/23
- 022. Please Don’t Ask, Please Don’t Tell – 5/6/2015
- Dre explains the things that black people don’t like to talk about it, and one of them is having a gay family member. In Dre’s case, it is his younger sister Rhonda (Raven-Symone). Although Dre has no problem with her dating her girlfriend Sharon (Elle Young), their mother still refers to Sharon as Rhonda’s mechanic roommate. Bow points out that Rhonda have been dating for years, but Bow thinks they should acknowledge it and that Dre should talk to his sister more often. Dre tends to believe that they should have a ‘please don’t ask, please don’t tell’ policy, as his mother Ruby would go off her rocker if they have to talk about it. Junior overhears them talking and is utterly shocked to learn that his Aunt Rhonda is gay, although the other three kids have assumed it for years. Meanwhile, with Mother’s Day coming up, Jack struggles to find or make the perfect gift. After going through a macaroni frame, and coffee mug, and a home coupon book, Diane keeps telling him that he’s going to be sent to the orphanage with crummy gifts like that. Dre talks to the guys at work about having a sibling, but Charlie himself has a gay brother and has yet to acknowledge that he’s gay. While Bow is talking to Rhonda and Sharon, she finds out from Sharon that they are planning on getting married. Rhonda says that she didn’t invite them to the wedding, because that would mean inviting her mother, who is so homophobic that she wouldn’t let Dre eat bananas as a child. Dre attempts to talk to Rhonda, but they wind up just making a sandwich together and saying nothing. Dre talks about this with his co-workers again now that he knows she’s getting married and decides to actually have a conversation with Rhonda. He brings it up while they are shooting baskets, and he offers his sincere support. Rhoda then invites Dre and Bow to the wedding. At Mother’s Day breakfast, Dre makes the announcement that Rhonda and Sharon are not only gay lovers but are getting married. Ruby freaks out and tells everyone that Rhonda isn’t gay and is just waiting for God to make a man that she finds worthy. Ruby goes into an emotional meltdown at breakfast and leaves the table in tears. While Junior is shocked that Auntie Sharon is gay too, Rhonda is furious at Dre for outing her to her mother. Dre has a talk with his mother and apologizes that things went the way they did. Dre tells her that if she won’t accept Rhonda for the way she is, but if she can’t, then he can no longer accept her. Ruby says that she needs to go hug her grandkids since she won’t be seeing them anymore. Diane gives her mother her Mothers Day gift, which are all three of the gifts that Jack had been told weren’t worthy. Jack then retaliates and tells his mother that he forgot Mothers Day and that all he had was to tell her that he loves her and offers her a hug. Bow tells him that a hug is better than any gift. Bow is thrilled with Ruby’s reaction that she won’t be coming over anymore, while Dre panics at the mess that was caused by rocking the boat. However, he looks outside and sees his mother and Rhonda talking to each other and working things out. Dre wants to take the credit, but Bow says that it was all her doing. Aseem Batra is Dre’s co-worker Naiya. 10/14/23
- 023. Elephant in the Room – 5/13/2015
- After firmly establishing that black people are never part of the Republican party, Junior tells his father that he has joined the Young Republican’s Club. Dre tries to teach him a lesson by not giving him lunch so that he can stand on his own like Republicans are known to believe. Dre tries to tell Bow about Junior’s new affiliation, but she simply can’t comprehend it and thinks that ‘Republican’ must refer to something else. Dre tells his cohorts at work about it, and although the white folks can’t understand the problem, Charlie insists that Dre has to do something. Dre goes to the library to pick up black history literature for Junior to read, but then Junior tells him that he only joined the club because he has a crush on a girl named Hillary Montgomery (Camryn Hamm) who is in the club. Dre is relieved, and even proud of Junior, for going such lengths to score a girl. Bow is even more offended by this. Meanwhile, when Zoey appears to have trouble seeing, Diane takes delight in telling their parents that she needs glasses. She is excited for Zoey to get them, as she had been given the name of “Gurkel” when she came home with glasses for the first time. Once Zoey gets the glasses, Diane requests that the nickname transfer over to her. Surprisingly, Zoey embraces the nickname and does her best Urkel impression. Diane then decides that she wants the nickname back, so she steals Zoey’s glasses and breaks them. Dre and Bow start to become disturbed at Junior being indoctrinated into Republican ways of thinking, and when Junior is encouraged to run for the president of the Young Republicans Club, Dre envisions him going on national TV with Bill Maher (himself) to spout his hateful rhetoric. They arrange to go over to Hillary’s parents Marcus (Bumper Robinson) and Angela’s (Judith Moreland) house for a visit. Although Bow tries to insist that they remain open-minded. soon they can’t hold their tongues any longer and they wind up in a screaming match with the Montgomerys, spouting the agendas of each political party until Dre and Bow storm out, Dre with several bacon tarts from the appetizer tray. Dre’s mother insists that trying to get Junior away from the Republicans is a sure way to turn him into one. They have a talk with Junior and wind up telling him that they will love and support him no matter what he chooses. He tells them that he’s now moved away from the Young Republicans club and has become a Democrat, now that he has met one of Zoey’s democrat friends, who has ‘bigger ideas’ than Hillary. Diane demands that she get the name “Gurkle” back, so Dre gives it to her. However, now that Zoey needs a nickname, Dre gives her “Butterfly”, which Diane immediately begins to covet. Max Goudsmit is the Montgomery’s catering waiter. David Axelrod is himself as another of Bill Maher’s guests. 2/16/24
- 024. Pops’ Pops’ Pops – 5/20/2015
- The twins are working on a class project for their teacher Ms. Davis but are coming up short on information. Pops then comes along and shares his tale of his grandfather Drexler (Anthony Anderson) used a five-dollar bill to bet on the future of the family with a mobster. He flashes back to 1927 during the Harlem Renaissance when Drexler was an ice delivery man, and one of his stops was at the legendary Savoy Club, which was run by a moody gangster named Elroy Savoy (Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs), where his mole Mirabelle Chalet (Mary J. Blige) was one of the singers at the club. The hippest guy in the joint was the sports bookie Bippy Barnes (Laurence Fishburne), who was aided by his muscle Dolly (Marsal Martin) and Jolly (Miles Brown). The coat check girl was a girl named Zora (Yara Shahidi), who exercised an early form of texting. Drexler was in love with one of the club’s dancers named Bea (Tracee Ellis Ross). According to Pops, Drexler invented labor unions and jazz music. Meanwhile, Drexler also delivers ice to the advertising agency Kimble (Peter Mackenzie), Kollins, and Klark (Jeff Meachem), who use questionable racist imagery and verbiage. The only person who Drexler connects with is the janitor (Deon Cole). Kimble and Klark suggest that Drexler take things to the next level by dressing up to impress Bea. Pops implies that Langston Hughes later plagiarized the janitor’s story of A Raisin in the Sun. Pops also talks about a shoeshine boy named Jojo Rags (Marcus Scribner), who was known as the child prophet of Harlem who predicted the Stock Market Crash and World War 2. Drexler shows up dressed to the nines and guides the band through improvising their first jazz session after he misplaces their sheet music while repairing the unsafe moon that hung over Bea. When Drexler asks Bea to run away with him, Elroy tells him to stay away from his girls. After Mirabelle sings I’m Goin’ Down, she talks to Drexler and tells him to fight for Bea, and then points out how poor of a dance Elroy is. Bippy adds that Elroy is a degenerate gambler. Drexler then challenges Elroy to a dance off, putting down his life savings of five dollars as his bet, having spent the rest of his money on Bea’s engagement ring. Elroy takes the bet, but tells Drexler that he knows he can’t dance, and is going to use his surrogate dancer, Jolly. During the dance off, they are neck and neck, but then Drexler slips on some ice and has to continue his dance without getting off the floor, using some of the world’s earliest breakdance moves. Elroy disqualifies Drexler’s style of dancing, but Drexler still comes out ahead because he bet $2000 against himself. Elroy orders his men to kill Drexler, so they run out of the Savoy, but have to get his coat because his wedding ring is in the pocket. Bippy sends Dolly and Jolly to help Drexler find the escape route and take Bippy’s car, but it turns out to be the car that belongs to the head of the dancers, Rosy (Jenifer Lewis). Zora, Jojo, Dolly, and Jolly all help them escape. They admit to Drexler that they are all orphans, so the new couple adopts them all. Pops tells the kids that the orphans became the aunts and uncles that they’re all named after. Ruby then interjects with her own story about her grandmother, Aunt Jemima. The kids still get an F on their family tree project.by claiming that the Johnson family invented jazz, texting, unions, and break dancing. Roger J. Timber is the band leader. Taya Lynette Amerson is the dancer girl. 2/17/24
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