The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – CBS

Based on the British sitcom “Till Death Do Us Part” created by Johnny Specht in 1965. Further developed by Norman Lear and Bud Yorkin. 

Opening song “Those Were the Days” written by Charles Strouse and Lee Adams, performed by Carroll O’Connor and Jean Stapleton. 

• 000. Justice for All – UNAIRED 1968
  • It is the anniversary of working class married couple Archie and Edith Justice. While they are out at church, their daughter Gloria (Kelly Jean Peters) and her out-of-work student husband Richard “Dickie” (Tim McIntire), who Archie often refers to as ‘Meathead’, prepare a surprise party, and arrange for their black next-door-neighbor Lionel (D’urville Martin) to assist in delivering flowers and a gift to Edith as if it were from Archie. The Bunkers return home early from church because Archie is irritated with Reverend Felcher for his socialist propaganda and walks out, only to catch Dickie and Gloria in a passionate embrace. Archie is constantly at odds with Dickie over his liberal activism and they proceed to argue throughout the entire brunch, broaching topics from Archie’s opinions about blacks and Mike and Gloria’s stance on atheism. Lionel arrives with the gifts, and then takes delight in acting like a stereotypical black simpleton in front of Archie, knowing that Archie is a non-intellectual bigot who adamantly claims not to be one. At one point both Lionel and Dickie question Archie to see if he is Jewish just to get under his skin. When Edith opens her lace napkins, she is touched, and Archie is surprised to find out that they were sent by him. Edith reads the card out loud, and it appears that Archie is touched by it. Dickie tries to prod him to admit it, and then provoke him by telling Archie that it’s not like he wrote the card. Archie says that the person who picked it out requires good taste, to which Dickie reminds him that it was actually him who picked out the card. 4/14/20

• 000. Those Were the Days – UNAIRED – filmed February 16, 1969
  • It is the anniversary of working class married couple Archie and Edith Justice. While they are out at church, their daughter Gloria (Candice Azzara) and her out-of-work student husband Richard “Dickie” (Chip Oliver), who Archie often refers to as ‘Meathead’, prepare a surprise party, and arrange for their black next-door-neighbor Lionel (D’urville Martin) to assist in delivering flowers and a gift to Edith as if it were from Archie. The Bunkers return home early from church because Archie is irritated with Reverend Felcher for his socialist propaganda and walks out, only to catch Dickie and Gloria in a passionate embrace. Archie is constantly at odds with Dickie over his liberal activism and they proceed to argue throughout the entire brunch, broaching topics from Archie’s opinions about blacks and Mike and Gloria’s stance on atheism. Lionel arrives with the gifts, and then takes delight in acting like a stereotypical black simpleton in front of Archie, knowing that Archie is a non-intellectual bigot who adamantly claims not to be one. At one point both Lionel and Dickie question Archie to see if he is Jewish just to get under his skin. When Edith opens her lace napkins, she is touched, and Archie is surprised to find out that they were sent by him. Edith reads the card out loud, and it appears that Archie is touched by it. Dickie tries to prod him to admit it, and then provoke him by telling Archie that it’s not like he wrote the card. Archie says that the person who picked it out requires good taste, to which Dickie reminds him that it was actually him who picked out the card. 4/14/20
• 001. Meet the Bunkers – 1/12/1971
  • It is the 22nd anniversary of Queens, New York based working class married couple Archie (Carroll O’Connor) and Edith Bunker (Jean Stapleton), who live a white neighborhood at 704 Hauser Street. While they are out at church, their daughter Gloria (Sally Struthers) and her out-of-work student husband Mike Stivic (Rob Reiner), who Archie often refers to as ‘Meathead’, prepare a surprise party, and arrange for their black next-door-neighbor Lionel Jefferson (Mike Evans) to assist in delivering flowers and a gift to Edith as if it were from Archie. The Bunkers return home early from church because Archie is irritated with Reverend Felcher for his socialist propaganda and walks out, only to catch Mike and Gloria in a passionate embrace. Archie is constantly at odds with Mike over his liberal activism and they proceed to argue throughout the entire brunch, broaching topics from Archie’s opinions about blacks and Mike and Gloria’s stance on atheism. Lionel arrives with the gifts and then takes delight in acting like a stereotypical black simpleton in front of Archie, knowing that Archie is a non-intellectual bigot who claims adamantly not to be one. At one point both Lionel and Mike question Archie to see if he is Jewish just to get under his skin. When Edith opens her lace napkins, she is touched, and Archie is surprised to find out that they were sent by him. Edith reads the card out loud, and it appears that Archie is touched by it. Mike tries to prod him to admit it, and then provoke him by telling Archie that it’s not like he wrote the card. Archie says that the person who picked it out requires good taste, to which Mike reminds him that it was actually him who picked out the card. 4/12/20
• 002. Writing the President – 1/19/1971
  • Archie and Mike are at odd because Archie wants to watch football highlights on television, and Mike wants to watch a special hosted by Jack Lemmon on pollution in America. This leads to deeper arguments about politics with Archie show his ignorance on many conservative fronts. Gloria lets it slip that Mike has written a letter to President Richard Nixon and intends to mail it, but Archie snatches the letter and says he want to read it first, and is also against sending Nixon an inflammatory letter with his address on it. Archie softens on letting Mike mail the letter, but is adamant that he too will write a letter and drop in the mailbox before Mike does. Archie dons his suit for the occasion of writing the letter, but quickly runs into writer’s block, then involves Edith and blames her when she doesn’t read it back to him with the right inflection. At one point, he looks to a nun (Helen Page Camp) who is collecting for a charity to come up with the right words. Archie fantasizes about Nixon reading his letter on television and calling him out as a great American. Once the letter is done, all four family members take a walk to the mailbox to mail the letter. Upon their triumphant return, all of them proud that two letters from the same household are going to the President, they realize that after they dropped the letters in, none of them jiggled the handle… so they all head back out to do so. 4/12/20
• 003. Archie’s Aching Back aka Oh, My Aching Back – 1/26/1971
  • Archie comes home late from driving his cab one night, and reports that a Jewish lady named Rhoda Greenspan had rear-ended him. Archie claims he is just fine and the family has dinner. Later Lionel stops by to pick up the dry cleaning, relating the story how his parents just opened a dry cleaning business after claiming more than $3000 after they were rear ended by a bus. Suddenly Archie’s back is hurting, so he first contacts a Jewish lawyer firm Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz, and Rabinowitz, and they send over a young lawyer named Whitney Fitzroy IV (George Furth). Archie sends him away and requests a Jew, so he meets with Solomon Rabinowitz (Salem Ludwig). While Rabinowitz and Archie are discussing their strategy, they are visited by Mrs. Greenspan’s lawyer Clarence V. Marshall (Richard Stahl), who tells them that a station wagon full of nuns witnessed the accident, in which Archie had actually backed into Mrs. Greenspan on a one-way street. This simply prompts Mr. Rabinowitz to leave. Later Archie finds out from Lionel that Solomon Rabinowitz had been his parents’ lawyer. 4/17/20
• 004. Archie Gives Blood – 2/2/1971
  • The family plays Monopoly and talks about the cold that Archie gave Edith, about how Edith received blood from the same man who gave Katherine Hepburn blood, and about why Archie has changed his mind about joining Mike to give a blood donation to the blood bank. Archie is afraid that his blood may go to a radical. He also maintains that different ethnicities have different types of blood. Mike eventually talks Archie into joining him, and while they are there they see a Asian man (James Hong) who Archie believes couldn’t possibly be giving blood. It turns out that he is the doctor which makes Archie feel validated. Lionel also shows up, and has fun with Archie, pretending to believe that races can’t mix blood. Mike tries to tell Lionel that he starts all sorts of trouble when he eggs Archie on. Archie gives blood before Mike, and he does well, not feeling the pricks of the needle as it is inserted or removed by the nurse (Jeanie Linero)… but when he sees how much blood he has given in the bag, he passes out cold. Back home he claims that they took too much, and then goes on to argue that heart transplants are against God’s will because when God calls, one must respond, an notion that irritates Mike even further. Playing Monopoly again, Archie is sent to jail. 7/30/20
• 005. Judging Books by Covers – 2/9/1971
  • Mike and Gloria host their friend Roger (Anthony Geary) for dinner so he can share stories about his recent trip to Europe. Archie thinks of Roger as a ‘fairy’, although Mike claims that he is not gay, and continues to make cracks and remarks about Roger’s effeminate characteristics. After making as many jokes as possible, Archie heads down to Kelcy’s bar and chats with his friend Steve (Philip Carey), a former pro football player. While they are there, Mike and Roger come in to grab some beer to take home. Roger and Steve know each other because Steve had previously sold him a camera lens. Tommy Kelcy (Bob Hastings) confronts Mike to ask if Roger is gay, because he knows Steve, who is also gay, hoping to avoid making Kelcy’s a gay hangout. Mike tells him that Roger is straight and then silently marvels that Archie is socializing with Steve. Archie returns home before Roger leaves, just in time to make more jokes. When he won’t let up, Mike finally tells him that Steve is gay. Archie becomes furious at the implication and heads back over to Kelcy’s. He laughingly tells Steve about Mike’s allegations, and Steve both confirms that Roger is straight and that he is gay. Archie can’t seem to accept it and thinks that Steve is putting him on. Meanwhile Mike and Gloria show Archie a trick they learned from Roger, in which a woman can pick up a chair up while bent over with their head touching the wall whereas a man cannot. Archie gets frustrated and accusing them of sabotaging the chair. He later sees a guy named Jerry doing it and accuses Mike and Gloria of lying… until he realizes that Jerry is a woman named Geri (Linn Patrick).  Billy Halop is Barney. Billy Sands is Nick. 4/17/20
• 006. Gloria’s Pregnancy aka Gloria Has a Belly Full – 2/16/1971
  • As Archie and Mike argue over the proper names for minorities, and Archie prepares to watch Knute Rockne: All American on TV, Edith and Gloria return home from the doctor with some news. Archie doesn’t want to be interrupted, so Gloria privately tells Mike that she is pregnant. He nearly has a panic attack worrying how he will support a baby while he is jobless and in school. When they finally get Archie’s attention to tell him, he can only stare daggers at Mike and insist that it is all his fault. When he brings up Mike not supporting his family, Mike decides to quit school and get a job and an apartment for his family. Archie thinks he is bluffing, while Edith panics and tells Archie he needs to insist that they stay. Archie finally agrees, but puts off telling him, even picking a fight during breakfast so he can storm off and put off asking them to stay. While he is gone, Gloria’s friend Mona (Holly Near) joins them for breakfast, and when everyone gets laughing, Gloria has a pain in her stomach and has to call for the doctor, who comes to house and tends to her miscarriage, but states that Gloria will be find to have babies in the future. Archie returns home in a different mood, carrying a stuffed animal for the baby, and telling Mike that he insists that they stay with them. He is crestfallen when Edith and Mike deliver the news about the baby. Archie and Gloria share a heartfelt moment, although Archie can’t find the words to express his love and sorrow. 7/31/20
• 007. Mike’s Hippie Friends Come to Visit – 2/23/1971
  • Archie gets an unpleasant surprise one late evening when Mike’s former best man Paul Goodrow (Jack Bender) comes over to spend the night before heading off to Europe the next morning. Archie had once liked Paul when he was a clean-cut student, but has now become a hippy dropout. In additional he has brought along his girlfriend Robin (Jenny Sullivan), who doesn’t talk much, and communicates with her eyes. When Archie finds out they are not married, he expressly forbids them staying under his roof. The couple call their friend Jeff Walker (Corey Fischer) and leave a message to see if they can stay with him. While they wait, Archie becomes more and more irritated as the clock passes midnight. When Jeff hasn’t called back, Archie agrees to let them sleep dormitory style with the men downstairs and the girls upstairs. Robin however feels this is unacceptable. Archie then hands over ten dollars for them to get a motel, but Robin won’t accept this either. Mike and Gloria start to get angry with them for being so stubborn, and they get sick of Robin’s silent act. Jeff finally shows up to pick them up, but when he finds out that Robin is with Paul, he won’t allow them to come either since his father would never allow unmarried folks to sleep under his roof either. Mike and Gloria finally simply take them directly to the airport to sleep there. By the time they return, Archie has fallen asleep in the chair. They are so slap-happy at this point that they wake him up by singing Down by the Old Mill Stream. Archie wakes up and thinks he is in hell. 11/15/20
• 008. Lionel Moves Into the Neighborhood – 3/2/1971
  • After arguing with Mike and Gloria about Richard Nixon and the economy, Archie gets a visit from a black woman who is looking for the house key to Jim Bowman’s (Vincent Gardenia) house at 708 Hauser two houses down from theirs. When Edith tells Archie that Bowman has sold the house, Archie speculates that he must have sold it to a Jewish family to be able to afford a housekeeper. In actuality, Bowman has sold it a black family, and the woman who came for the key is the new owner. Archie goes next door to question Bowman and see if he sold the house to a Jew, but when the new owner comes outside, Archie realizes that he’s sold to a black family. Archie is livid, but Bowman tells him that the house had been on the market for eleven months, and he advises Archie to go in with some neighbors and buy the house back for the new owners. Archie pitches this idea to his family, but they are naturally argumentative about it. Lionel comes over to the house, so Archie tries to convince him to help him convince the owners that they need to move. After Lionel toys with Archie for a bit, he admits that the house was bought by his parents and aunt, and the woman Archie met was his mother Louise (Isabel Sanford). A defeated Archie has no choice but to help Edith give Lionel recommendations where to shop and who to avoid in the neighborhood… most of the opinions based on their race. 11/15/20
• 009. Edith Has Jury Duty – 3/9/1971
  • Edith comes home from jury selection, excited to tell the family that she was selected for jury duty, but will not reveal any details about the case. Archie thinks it is not big deal, until he hears Edith asking her friend Clara Weidermeyer (Holly Irving) to borrow her valise, and then realize it may be an overnight stay that drags on. Archie then fakes being sick and orders Edith to call the court and tell them that she can’t make it. She soundly ignores his advice, and tells Gloria that she’ll have to take care of Archie. After days of Edith being away, Archie is grumpy and refuses to eat Gloria’s food, while Gloria and Mike keep going to the courthouse to watch the case she’s serving on, the highly publicized Juan Rodriguez murder trial. Archie is incredulous when he reads in the paper that the jury is hung due to one lone juror holding out. Meanwhile at the Queens Tower Hotel where Edith is sharing a room with a racist lady named Lydia Stonehurst (Doris Singleton), Edith is enjoying the accommodations and the meals they are being served. Lydia, however, is more than irritated that Edith is the only holdout to them going home. She tries to convince Edith to find him guilty so they can be done with it, but Edith says this is the first time that her decision has ever made a difference and she wants to get it right. Later Archie and the kids hears that there has been a turn in the case, but before they hear it on TV, Edith comes home. Archie puts her to work getting him a sandwich, but she stops to see herself get interviewed on TV, being noted as the one juror who held out for Rodriguez… who was actually proven innocent when another man confessed. 3/4/21
• 010. Archie Is Worried About His Job – 3/16/1971
  • Archie is up in the middle of the night, pacing around the house and waiting for a call from his co-worker Harry Feeney (Burt Mustin). Edith drags it out of him that he’s heard about a 20% cutback at his work and that it’s about to hit his department. He claims he’s only worried about his co-workers Puerto Rican Emmanuel, black Elmo, and the dumb Stretch Cunningham. Feeney is cleaning the office overnight and will be calling if he finds any information in the executive office about who is being cut. Gloria and Mike find an article about the work cuts, so they join Archie worrying and waiting. In the midst of all of this, a drunk keep calling the house looking for Valerie or Mary Lou, as he’s gotten the number out of a bathroom stall. Dave (Sandy Kenyon) the cop stops by to see if everything is alright, and Archie give him the phone. Dave invites the drunk to come to the house, planning to arrest him. Archie share how a layoff took the heart out of his father, and Dave talks about members of his family who got laid off. Clara Weidermeyer also stops by to borrow coffee for herself and her date Harold, a plumber waiting at her house. Since Edith has no coffee to send, Clara calls Harold and tells him to go home so she can stay for coffee. A Pizza King delivery guy (Keith Taylor) brings pizza that Mike ordered. Jack is distracted when the drunk (Jack Perkins) shows up, but he quickly realizes that the drunk is his Sergeant. After everyone finally leaves, Harry shows up and tells Archie that his department is being eliminated… but that they’re keeping the department heads, so Archie’s job is safe. Everyone is relieved, and Archie suddenly is no longer worried about his co-workers, and makes a patriotic speech about those who are willing work get to keep their jobs. After eating Mike’s pizza and drinking beer all night, he doesn’t feel up for work, but Edith reminds him that he could lose his job, so Archie decides to go to work after all. 3/4/21 
• 011. Gloria Discovers Women’s Lib – 3/23/1971
  • Edith tries to prepare a bacon casserole for their Sunday breakfast, but Archie is adamantly against anything new, which causes Gloria to rage at him for defying Edith as an individual. She’s been reading books on Women’s Lib, and begins preaching Edith’s individuality to Archie. Mike has read the books too, but he isn’t as gung-ho. He agrees that men and women are equal, should receive equal pay and have the same opportunities, but also believes that women shouldn’t run their mouths in the home… especially why he is stressed waiting for his grades to come in. Gloria become furious and storms up to their room. At Archie’s prodding, Mike tries to talk to her, and attempts to explain that nature has made a man so that his ego demands that a woman admit her inferiority, which will immediately elevate her to become his equal. Gloria isn’t having it, and the fight becomes so intense that she leaves the house to stay with her friend Trudy, leaving Mike to stay at the house with Archie and Edith. The next day, Gloria comes back to get more things, and admits to Edith that she misses Mike. Edith tries to tell her that just because it seems like she is a slave to Archie, things aren’t always as they appear. While she is there, Mike gets his grades back and they are great…but he realizes they don’t make him happy since he can’t share them with Gloria. He tells her this, and they make up. He admits that she is an equal… in the bedroom. The fight continues. An hour later, Archie and Edith start to wonder what is taking them so long, until they both come downstairs, all smiles, and tell them that they made up. 7/2/21
• 012. Success Story – 3/30/1971
  • As Mike, Gloria, and Edith are stuffing envelopes for a free clinic, and deliveryman (Herbie Faye) brings an expensive box of cigars and a gift basket full of fine foods and alcohol from Archie’s old Army buddy Eddie Frazier (William Windom). Archie brags how he built his business empire from the ground up to $60 million. Mike argues that it is great and all, but inquires what he is doing for his fellow man. Eddie phones Archie to tell him that he’s in New York and would like to see him and their other buddies, Billy Pendergast (Len Lesser), and the Fouge twins, Fred (Frank Ford) and Joe (George Savalas), who aren’t related but have the same last name. Archie is ecstatic to host a party for all of them and insists that Mike and Gloria stay home to meet them. During the party, Eddie seems preoccupied with a phone call, even though he tells them that he came to New York to see them all. Mike overhears his phone conversation with Eddie’s son Greg, who refuses to see him, even when he offers him $500. Eddie admits to Mike that all his son wants from him is for Eddie to stay away from him. The guys can’t stop talking about what a success Eddie is, with all of his expensive clothes and accessories, and as they sing For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow to Eddie, Mike makes eye contact with him and can see the utter devastation in his eyes. After everyone has left, a drunk Archie tells Mike he hope that Mike always remembers everything he learned that night, and Mike agrees that he’ll never forget. 7/2/21 
• 013. The First and Last Supper – 4/6/1971
  • After a healthy morning debate about Viet Nam and the existence of God between Archie and the kids, Edith tells the kids that she is nervous because she accepted an invitation to have dinner at the Jeffersons that night, and just found out that Archie and Mike had planned to go to the Mets game. Archie says there is no way that he is breaking bread with colored neighbors, and has also started a petition to keep black families out of the neighborhood. Mike insists that he make the call to the Jeffersons himself, so he calls Louise and tells her that Edith has sprained her ankle so they have to cancel. Lionel comes over immediately, and, knowing that Archie is lying, tells them that they were having trouble getting his father to come as well, and wanted to make sure that it wasn’t because they are a black family that Archie cancelled. When Archie says that this is not the reason, Lionel tells them that his mother will then bring the food over to them, since Edith will be out of commission to cook. Archie has no choice but to allow it, and Mike and Gloria go to the Mets game. Jimmy McNabb (Billy Benedict) stops by to show Archie the final petition, but Archie rushes him out of the house. It is not quick enough, as he sees the Jeffersons there. Louise and George show up for dinner, and George quickly finds the petition. Archie claims that someone slid it under his door, and quickly changes the subject. However, Archie and George cannot find common ground and quickly get into a heated argument as to whether God is black or white. George demands that he and Louise leave. Edith admits that she had to fake the ankle injury to get out of dinner, and Louise admits that her husband George refused to come and the man actually there is her brother-in-law Henry (Mel Stewart). Archie is furious that he allowed them in and that George refused to come… and making it worse, George is at the Mets game. Edith later tells Mike and Gloria that the women were able to get the men to make peace by feeding them. 12/1/21

SEASON 2

• 014. The Saga of Cousin Oscar – 9/18/1971
  • Archie’s distant relative Cousin Oscar has been staying at Archie’s house since he showed up on his doorstep with nowhere to go and Edith offered him a room, and now he has overstayed his welcome. After taking Archie’s sports page, sending Edith to buy his vitamins, liquor, and steaks, smoking all of Archie’s cigars, keeping Archie up all night in the bathroom, and sleeping in until noon, Archie has had enough. He has been a thorn in Archie’s side ever since they were kids, and Oliver used to sit on Archie’s face. Archie sends Mike up to wake him and tell him he needs to get up so that Archie can tell him to leave, only to find that Oscar is dead. Archie immediately starts worrying about what it will cost him, and begins calling around to various relatives to see how they can help. He gets very little money from any of them, and the bills start to pile up. The Bunkers hold a wake at their house, with the funeral director Mr. Whitehead (Jack Grimes) in attendance trying to sell him top-of-the-line coffins. Archie runs back and forth between Whitehead and his guests Mrs. Jefferson, his co-worker Billy Hartfield (M. Emmet Walsh), his friends Jimmy McNabb and his wife (Connie Sawyer), the Reverend Felcher (Will B. Able), and his distant relative Bertha (Peggy Rea). Mike does some legal research while Archie is panicking about the $600 bill he will face for even the cheapest coffin, and finds out that Archie isn’t legally responsible for disposing of the body, but there will be no funeral. Archie loves this idea and gets ready to announce it to everyone present at the wake. Whitehead warns him that even if he isn’t legally responsible, the funeral is for the living and for the man upstairs. Archie looks into the eyes of Reverend Felcher and then announces that the funeral will be Friday. After the funeral is over, everyone comments on how nice Felcher’s sermon was, along with the mentions of Oscar and Archie playing together as children. They are all surprised by the great turnout, but Archie explains that when he throws a funeral,  people show up. 5/7/22
• 015. Gloria Poses in the Nude – 9/25/1971
  • Mike and Gloria’s artist friend Szabo Daborba (David Soul) is in the neighborhood, so Mike asks him to stop by at the house. He and Gloria show Edith a collection of his abstract art, which she naturally doesn’t understand. Archie is even more annoyed by it, especially since much of it is abstract nudes. Archie is also leery when Szabo is extra affectionate with Gloria when he sees her, and thinks that Hungarians are out to steal their friends’ wives. He repeatedly tries to warn Mike that Szabo is much better looking than him, so he’d better watch out. Archie becomes even more aghast when Szabo asks Gloria to pose for one of his paintings and Gloria jumps at the chance. Mike also jumps at the chance, despite Archie’s further warnings. Although Mike seems to be a good sport, Archie accuses him of becoming skeptical himself when Mike starts jogging with Lionel. Cracks begin to show somewhat when Mike calls out Gloria for quickly putting her clothes back on when he enters the room at Szabo’s place. Finally Mike reaches his boiling point when Archie and Edith come home from seeing Carnal Knowledge one night, and find that Gloria still isn’t home. He is furious that Archie keeps pushing him and questioning Szabo’s motives, but when he actually calls Szabo’s looking for her, he loses his temper and starts yelling at Szabo for keeping her so late. It is all for naught, as Gloria had actually been home for hours, but went up to bed early. Although Archie is quick to tease him for being suspicious, Mike is quick to point out that Gloria hadn’t been late after all. 12/2/21
• 016. Archie in the Lock-Up – 10/2/1971
  • Archie is awakened by the sounds of Mike hammering together protest signs for a protest that will be taking place later that day at the United Nations building. Archie is further angered by the contest of the signs protesting against America and forbids Gloria to go. She isn’t planning to go anyway, as she has to stay home and type Mike’s term papers. At breakfast the family argues about politics and the reason for Nixon’s visit to China. Lionel stops by and tells Mike he is having second thoughts about going, as he has heard that counter protests may be showing up and starting trouble. Archie agrees with Lionel, but this helps Lionel to decide to go after all. After they leave, Gloria hears reports that more policemen are being sent to quell trouble, and she begs Archie to go bring Mike home so that he doesn’t get hurt or arrested. He refuses until Gloria and Edith both decide to go themselves if Archie won’t. Gloria becomes increasingly worried the longer they are gone, so Edith tells her some humorous details about her dream the night before that she left out when she told Archie about it. Mike finally comes home alone, and talks about the troubles, fights, and arrests that took place when other counter groups showed up at the protest. Sure enough, Archie is one of the people who got arrested, and he is shoved into a jail cell with other protesters he wants nothing to do with. Since he is using nasal spray for his congestion, one hippie (Kelly Houser) warns him about doing drugs. Another hippie (Corey Fisher) tries to turn him toward Jesus by playing Jesus Christ Superstar on his transistor radio. Archie goes off on everyone turning toward Jesus because of that musical. Finally Officer Callahan (Ken Lynch) comes and lets Archie out. It seems Mike has paid his bail to Sgt. Pulaski (Allan Melvin), who, like Mike, is Polish. Pulaski is on Archie’s side even ordering Callahan to apologizing to Archie for his rudeness to him… until he hears Archie refer to Mike as a Pollock. Pulaski then claims that his release papers are not done completely, and that it will take a few more hours before he is released. 5/8/22
• 017. Edith Writes a Song – 10/9/1971
  • After playing poker in the kitchen, Gloria realizes that they’ve reached $30 in the family pot, which is enough for Edith to pay the fee to have a poem that she wrote called Everyone Is Someone if You Love Them to be set to music by a professional with the Wish Upon a Star Song Company. Meanwhile, Archie comes home in a tizzy because of the number of robberies that have been taking place in the neighborhood. He has purchased a Save Your Home Alarm System that simulates the sound of dogs barking if anyone breaks into the house. He also confides in Mike that he has purchased a gun, which Mike immediately tells the others about. They all vote that the family pot should be used for the song rather than the gun, much to Archie’s annoyance. Later while the family is out seeing a Buster Keaton film, two black burglars named Coke (Cleavon Little) and Horace (Demond Wilson) break into the house, easily disabling the alarm. With cops everywhere outside, they realize they need to stay there for a while and begin gathering up appliances. When the family comes home, the burglars make themselves known, and now have the gun that Archie hasn’t returned yet. They quickly recognize Archie as a bigot and Mike as a liberal, and laughingly begin poking fun at them. They also joke about how poor they were as children, until Edith questions how they can laugh in the face of that much misery. Edith decides to make everyone some food, but then Coke finds the family pot. Edith tells them that she needs the money for her song, so Coke tells her that if she sings it for them, she can keep the money. Although the song is terrible, Coke takes a liking to Edith, and ultimately, they return the appliances and the gun, and they leave in peace. Later Archie reads that they were both arrested for the jewelry store robbery. Mike and Lionel repair the alarm system, but instead of a barking dog, it now has Edith singing her song on it. 9/3/22
• 018. Flashback: Mike Meets Archie – 10/16/1971
  • It is the one-year anniversary of Mike and Gloria and the family is celebrating with a Chinese dinner. Archie gets annoyed with the way Mike is scarfing down the food, and how Edith is fumbling with the chopsticks. When Archie starts racial slurs against the Chinese people, an argument ensues. It isn’t long before Edith starts rehashing the night that Mike came to dinner at the Bunkers’ place for the first time. Gloria was nervous that Archie would ruin it. Edith and Gloria prepare a fancy meal, and they want Archie to wear a tie. Archie predicts that he won’t like Mike any better than any of Gloria’s other loser boyfriends. Mike shows up in a tie-dye short and a beard, so Archie is unimpressed right away. The relationship between Archie and Mike digresses quickly when Mike tells Archie that his last name is Polish. They also quickly get into an argument over the Vietnam war, with Archie maintaining a ‘love it or leave it’ attitude, and Mike maintaining that it is patriotic to protest. When Archie calls him a dumb Pollock, Mike quickly leaves the house. Gloria is crestfallen, and every time Mike tries to call, Archie tells him that it is a wrong number. Mike finally returns, and Archie agrees to let him eat dinner because Edith begs him to ease up on him for her sake. Archie and Mike find some common ground in their love for baseball, but as soon as Archie starts talking about Jackie Robinson changing the ‘complexion’ of the game, the fight starts all over. Mike tells Archie that he is even more ignorant than he first thought. Archie and Edith as surprised when Mike says that it won’t work for him to live in the house with Archie for the next four years. This is news to Archie, but Edith is ecstatic that they want to get married and live with them. Back in the present, Edith lights a candle on the cake for their anniversary, which Archie blows out so Edith will cut it. 9/3/22
• 019. The Election Story – 10/30/1971
  • Mike and Gloria have been canvassing the neighborhood to promote liberal assembly candidate Claire Packer (Barbara Cason). Archie has nothing but disdain for Packer and insists that the winner will be conservative candidate Floyd J. Lundy. Mike gets on Archie’s case for labeling candidates by their nationality, but Archie thinks it gets the right man into the right job. Throughout the day, Archie slams the door into candidate canvassers who come to the door. He has no time to listen to George Robinson of the Gay Liberation Front, Cynthia Nash with the Daughters of Sappho, and one guy (Robert Gibbons aka Robert R. Barry), who gets the door slammed in his face before he can say what he wants. Claire Packer herself comes to the house to pick up Mike and Gloria to help canvass, and Archie gets his chance to criticize her. After she calls Archie a meathead, he becomes bound and determine to actually vote in the election, and to go behind Mike and Gloria to promote Lundy. Edith is excited when Packer breaks the secret code at Ferguson’s supermarket with coded perishable expiration dates. On the day of the vote, Archie is anxious that he and Edith get to the polls at the same time as Mark and Gloria. Mrs. Jefferson is a poll worker, and she informs Archie that he hasn’t voted since the election of 1960 and is no longer registered. When he protests, a policeman (Frank Whiteman) forces him to step aside. Archie tries to convince Edith to vote for Lundy and the candidates of his choice, but Edith tells Archie that the polls are secret, and she has to vote for who she wants. He also insists that she not tell the kids what happened to him at the polls. As they await election results, Archie has no interest in learning who actually won. Ida Mae McKenzie is Mrs. Edwards. 12/22/22
• 020. Edith’s Accident – 11/6/1971
  • Edith comes home from the market, and Archie can tell that something is bothering her. After prodding her, she admits that on the way out of the store, she stopped to look at a baby and accidentally let her cart roll through the parking lot. A can of cling peaches flew out of her bag and dented another shopper’s car. Archie is relieved to find out that the car’s driver wasn’t there, but then furious when he Edith tells him that she left a note with her name, address, and phone number on it. Archie is convinced that the person will try to get more money than the cost of the repairs. When the victim, John Majeski (Barnard Hughes) calls from Smitty’s Garage, and Edith invites him over to settle up, Archie takes it upon himself to call Smitty’s to see what the damage is. Mike, who accuses Archie of being pessimistic of his fellow man, tells him that bill should be around $30-$40. Archie is convinced it will be more like $75. Both are shocked when they find out that the bill was $197. Archie considers taping the conversation when Majeski arrives, but Archie is shocked when he gets there and turns out to be a priest. Archie then starts to suspect that he’s not a real priest and asks him to repeat the 23rd Psalm in Latin. When he does it, Archie then questions how a man of the cloth could cheat his fellow man so badly. Father Majeski then explains that he was having his engine overhauled, which was also included in the bill. The damage that Edith did only amounts to $14. Archie then tries to pay that, but the Father tells him that he doesn’t want Archie’s money. Then he returns and tells him that he will take the money and make a donation in his name to Catholic charities. Archie is clearly distraught that he had to eat his word. That night, Edith offers Archie cling peaches for dessert, but he refuses. Edith eats them since she bought eleven cans. 12/22/22
• 021. The Blockbuster – 11/13/1971
  • Archie works in the cellar to try and fix the furnace during a cold wave. When he finishes, he comes upstairs and checks out the mail which includes a flyer from Chester Byrd (Jack Crowder aka Thalmus Rasulasa) Real Estate indicating that they are looking to pay top dollar for their house. Archie starts daydreaming about moving to California, although Edith is too sentimentally attached to the house to want to leave. Nevertheless, Archie calls Byrd and tells him that he can stop over so that they can discuss his offer. Archie thinks he might make seven or eight thousand dollars on the deal, but when he sees that Byrd is black and gets a call from McNab about who just came into his house, Archie tells him that he’s no longer interested in selling. However, when Archie throws out a price of $35,000 to get rid of him, he is shocked when Byrd accepts the offer. Mike suddenly realizes that he is a blockbuster and will move black families into a few houses he purchases, which will then drive the property values down and allow him to buy up more homes in the neighborhood at low prices, which he can then sell at a profit. Archie doesn’t care about that as long as he gets his money, he and starts making plans to move. He calls his cousin Bertha’s son Rudy, who is more than happy to offer Archie a job and a place to stay until they find a house. Edith continues to make her pleas which fall on deaf ears. Bertha comes to see Archie and tells her how happy Rudy is, since he has been unable to make ends meet in California and is now relying on Archie’s help with his $20,000 profit. He is also cleaning out the garage for Archie and Edith to stay. Archie suddenly is no longer interested in selling and kicks Byrd out of the house. He is also now acutely aware that his neighbors could possibly sell their houses, so he recruits the family to go out and talk to the neighbors to prevent that from happening. 6/13/23
• 022. Mike’s Problem – 11/20/1971
  • Mike is busy studying for his college exams, and Gloria is worried because Mike can’t perform sexually with her during this time. She turns to Edith, who is uncomfortable with the discussion, to get some advice, and Edith turns to Archie, who is even more uncomfortable. Mike gets so frustrated with everyone and considers quitting college and working a low-paying job so they can move out of the house Gloria calls Dr. Kermit for advice, and he says that it probably just the anxiety of the exams. Mike finally gets through his exams, and Gloria asks her mother if they can have the house to themselves. Edith suggests to Archie that they go visit a cashier from their grocery store named Cybil Gooley, who is in for gall stones. Archie decides he will go to Kelsey’s instead. Mike shows up there trying to get some advice from Archie, thinking that even though the exams are over, he may still have problems performing. When he sees Henry Jefferson at the bar, he asks for his advice on Mike’s problem, since he thinks that ‘his people’ have extraordinary stamina. His advice to Archie is to eat lots of hog jowls, but to be careful because it could lead to shining shoes, tap dancing, and carrying luggage. Mike shows up at home and tries to avoid Gloria by watching Return of the Sand Crab on TV. Once Gloria begins massaging his back and his anxiety slips away, he is ready to be romantic with Gloria. Edith joins Archie at Kesley’s after their visit and she finally gets the call from Gloria that they can now go home. Archie isn’t in too big of a hurry, because now he is watching Return of the Sand Crab. Brendan Dillon is Tommy the bartender. 6/13/23
• 023. The Insurance Is Cancelled – 11/27/1971
  • Edith reads a letter from their insurance company indicating that their insurance policies are being cancelled. Both she and Mike are nervous about showing the note to Archie, when he comes home in a foul mood. No matter how many times they try to bring it up to him, he shuts them down after having a horrible day at work, but he doesn’t want to talk about that either. When Mike keeps questioning him, Archie finally opens up and admits that he has been told that he has to fire one of his men. He only has three choices: Stretch Cunningham, Black Elmo, and Little Emanuel (Rafael Campos), the little Puerto Rican guy with the short leg. Mike reminds Archie that he has stated many times that Stretch is a dope with an IQ of one. Archie thinks that even though he is incompetent, he keeps the other guys laughing. He also says that all of the other white guys at the plant would be furious with him if he let go of his white guy. As Archie and Mike argue about this, Edith finally shows the letter from the insurance company, which is signed by Wendell Hornsby (Philip Proctor), Edith’s ‘idiot’ nephew. Archie demands that Edith get him on the phone and over to the house. Wendell is actually Edith’s sister’s husband’s sister’s son, and when he arrives, Archie lets him have it, telling him that they’ve never even made a claim on their insurance. All the while, Archie has told Mike that he ended up recommending Little Emanuel as the one to fire and has to listen to his criticism. As Archie tries to pry the reason for the termination out of Wendell, Emanuel stops by the house to talk to Archie. He sticks Emanuel in the kitchen while he talks to Wendell. Archie goes back and forth speaking to each, arguing with Wendell and Mike, until he finally finds out the truth about why his insurance was cancelled. Wendell explains that Archie’s zone in the neighborhood is considered a high-risk area because his house is zoned on the edge of the high-risk border, mostly due to a high proportion of black neighbors. Archie is furious because the Jeffersons’ house is just across the borderline. Wendell tells him that there is nothing he can do about it. When Archie gets the chance to finally talk to Emanuel, he basically gives him the same excuse that Wendell gave him: he’s a victim of the system, and there is nothing he can do about it. As Emanuel leaves the house, he laughs at the thought of Archie and Black Elmo trying to do all of the work, telling him that Stretch Cunningham will be of no help to them getting the work done. The next day, Archie comes home ultra-late and tells Edith that Stretch Cunningham isn’t so funny. 10/8/23
• 024. The Man in the Street – 12/4/1971
  • Archie calls home and tells Edith to get dinner on the table quickly and to not let Mike and Gloria go out because he has a surprise for them. He comes home in a great mood with a bottle of cheap red wine, and actually calls Mike by his real first name. Archie tells Mike that nothing he says can make him mad, and even though they mostly don’t see eye to eye, he will show him tonight how a real American behaves. He finally tells the family that he was interviewed during his lunch hour when a CBS truck pulls up and an interviewer (John K.M. Collins) starts asking Archie and his friends their opinion on President Nixon’s new economic phase. Archie says that his segment will air on Walter Cronkite’s evening news. Naturally, Mike asks him about some of the opinions that he gave, including his statemen that God supports Nixon, then criticizes Archie thusly. Archie invites his union steward Bill Hopper (Jack Griffin) over to watch the segment. However, when he turns the TV on, he only gets static. Mike recommends hitting the TV on the side, which completely blows it out. Archie has forty minutes until the show airs for him to get it fixed. While Mike tries to get a repairman on the phone, Lionel tries to fix it himself. Gloria borrows a tiny TV that runs on neighbors from their neighbor Mr. Feeney, but the batteries are dead, and Edith can’t find any in the house. Lionel invites them to come over to their house to watch the news, but Archie says that Bill Hopper might not be as tolerant as he is. Billy arrives, but when he finds out that the TV is on the fritz, he tells Archie that he gave up bowling to see him. He suggests that they head to Kelcy’s to watch the game, but Archie says they are all watching the basketball game. Edith checks with Mrs. Weidermeyer’s to see if they can watch her set, but hers is broken too. However, she has a repairman named Levy (Neil J. Schwartz) at their house, and Edith gets him to stop by their house when he’s done. Levy tells him that it will only take fifteen minutes to fix, but he can’t fix it until Monday because he can’t drive the truck on Fridays after dark. When Archie finds out that he’s an Orthodox Jew and that is the reason, Archie is furious again. He tries to bribe him and offers to call his rabbi, but Levy won’t hear of it. Hopper finally has had enough and says he’s going to watch it at Kelcy’s. Archie follows him to the bar and offers to buy drinks for everyone if they’ll switch from the game to the news. Just as it is about to get to his interview, the show is pre-empted for President Nixon to address the nation. Archie is beyond annoyed, then gets charged for all of the drinks. When he gets home, Lionel is there to poke fun of him as well, commenting on how they made him look just like Nixon. 10/8/23
• 025. Cousin Maude’s Visit – 12/11/1971
  • A virus is going around the Bunker household, and the only one not yet affected is Edith, who is being pulled in every direction by Archie, Mike, and Gloria. Consequently, Edith is suffering from exhaustion. Gloria insists that she send for her Maude (Beatrice Arthur), Edith’s twice-widowed cousin, but Edith says that she already did… and Archie sent her a telegram not to come. Archie still recalls the first time he met her when she was with Edith at the Puritan Maid Ice Cream Parlor and he tried to flirt with Edith by sticking his hand in her Steamboat ice cream Sunday, only to be told by Maude that he was more disgusting than her brother heaving up his dinner at his confirmation. In addition, Maude was a staunch supporter of Franklin Roosevelt, while Archie thinks he was the worst thing that ever happened to the country. Archie insists that Mike and Gloria fend for themselves so that Edith can focus on taking care of him and he can get back to work. Mike and Archie bicker over who is sicker, so they have a contest to see whose temperature is higher. Mike initially says his temperature is 99, and Archie claims his is 99.3. Mike then reveals that his is actually 101.2. Maude chooses to ignore Archie’s telegram and shows up at the house anyway, only because she adores Edith. She makes Archie sleep on the couch so that Edith can get a good night’s rest, then wakes up the household bright and early singing cheerfully. She makes Edith bacon and eggs and gives Mike and Gloria custard. Archie gets Cream of Wheat with cheese. Archie and Maude bicker about anything and everything, especially after Archie calls her and her family ‘dreamy-eyed screwballs’. When Archie has to run to the bathroom, Maude sits in his chair, then refuses to give it up when he gets back. Archie then starts on a rant about FDR, calling him a Socialist and blaming him for firing General MacArthur after World War 2 and selling the country out to Russia. As they argue, Maude stands up and Archie is able to reclaim his chair. Maude is so angry, she gets ready to leave, but then decides to stay when Edith starts to feel sick and has to throw up. Later, everyone has mostly recovered, and Mike and Gloria are kissing in the living room again. Archie complains about Maude still being at the house, because it turns out, she is the last one to get sick. 2/7/24
• 026. Christmas Day at the Bunkers – 12/18/1971
  • It is Christmas day, and the Bunker family is enjoying a turkey dinner, but Edith can’t help sighing because she says it doesn’t feel like Christmas. Mike goes on a rant about commercialism, but the real reason is that Archie doesn’t seem as jovial as he normally does around the holiday. He has brought home a very skimpy Christmas tree and blames it on the fact that he didn’t get his annual Christmas bonus this year. The family tries to engage him in the Bunker Glee Club singing Deck the Halls, but he can barely rouse a ‘fa la la la la.’ He also gets irritated as carolers and a nun come around to collect money from them. When Mike mentions that the trees that he used to get a child came from Ontario, Canada, Archie throws a fit that he mentioned the province Ontario and alludes to the fact that he mistakenly sent a shipment to London, England instead of London, Ontario. Wilbur (Noam Pitlik) the milkman also stops by and hints at getting a Christmas tip, much to Archie’s annoyance. However, Archie gets nervous when Wilbur mentions that he knows Archie’s company handed out big bonuses, as Old Man Feeney got a bonus and bought his wife a new vacuum cleaner. Mike and Gloria hound Archie about only getting His and Her handkerchiefs for Edith and them, while Archie complains about getting a carving knife and cheap cigars from Mike and Gloria. Archie and Mike also wind up in a debate over the validity of Christianity, as Mike contends there is no proof that Jesus was the son of God. The Jeffersons then stop by the house to bring a fruitcake. Henry is dressed up as Santa Claus sporting a black beard. Archie naturally insists that both Santa and Jesus were white, but Henry contends that the man who brought his gifts as a child was black. When, the Jeffersons and Mike and Gloria head over to the Children’s Center, Archie takes the opportunity to thank Edith for understanding about his bonus, and make sure she knows he didn’t get the money and spend it on himself. Edith has already guessed that Archie was fined for the mistaken shipment to London, England. Archie declares that it is not such a bad Christmas after all and when Mike and Gloria return, he leads them in singing Deck the Halls, but stops midway to tell Mike to get out of his chair. 2/7/24

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