SEASON 1 – ABC
Theme music: “The I’m Dickens – He’s Fenster March” by Irving Szathmary
- 001. A Small Matter of Being Fired – 9/28/1962
- Harry Dickens (John Astin) and Arch Fenster (Marty Ingels) are somewhat inept carpenters for the McKendrick Construction Company. Harry’s wife Kate (Emmaline Henry) and Arch discuss Harry’s nervousness about the potential for him to be promoted to foreman of the crew. They head off to work on a house, and Harry gets upset because the boss Myron Bannister (Frank De Vol) cannot remember his name. Harry meets Arch’s new girlfriend Lorna (Vitina Marcus), and then realizes that his only competition for the job is Arch himself. Arch has no interest in the job, but Harry starts to talk bad about him about work. When Harry ultimately is promoted, his first job is to fire Arch because of all of the ‘rumors’ circulating…ones that Harry actually started. Arch voluntarily gives up his position, but Harry now goes to bat for him and admits that Arch is actually a better carpenter. The foreman position is then reconsidered based on the new info. Harry then finds out that Arch is now dating Hillary Bannister (Yvonne Craig), the daughter of his boss. Henry Beckman plays Mulligan, David Ketchum plays Mel Warshaw, and Noam Pitlik plays Bentley. 3/1/14
- 002. Nurse Dickens – 10/5/1952
- Kate is working the night shift at the hospital, using her maiden name. During a poker game, Harry’s friends get him nervous about his wife be around attractive doctors. When an attractive male nurse picks her up for work, and the Italian Dr. Di Giorgio (Jacques Foti) brings her home, Harry makes his jealousy known but pledges to overcome it. He can hardly contain himself though when the attractive Dr. Bartlett (Peter Lupus) comes to pick her up and he ends up catching her when she falls off a ladder. Kate gives him the decision on whether she goes to work or not, and he reluctantly allows it. He faces a sleepless night with Arch, and decides to go to the hospital to let Kate know that he is okay with her working and has full trust in her. When he can’t get in to see her, he goes back home, thankful that Kate never saw him visiting the hospital. When she gets home the next morning, she reaffirms her love for him but alludes to the fact that she knows he had been there. Booth Colman and Lee Meriwether appear. 3/1/14
- 003. The Double Life of Mel Warshaw – 10/12/1962
- Dickens, Fenster, Warshaw, and Mulligan go in together and purchase a run-down cabin. They close the deal with Gerwin (Mark Baker) while working a construction job at the post office, and he writes the directions to the cabin on the back of a wanted poster for Miller Hooper, who looks a lot like Mel – only with a mustache and glasses. When they get to the cabin, it is in much worse condition than they realized, and to make matters worse the three guys start to think that Mel might be the robber from the poster. They draw a mustache and glasses on Mel when he falls asleep to see if he resembles the wanted man. They end up calling the police and turning him in, only to find out that the real robber had been turned in years ago. They try to fix up the cabin before their wives arrive, but it falls apart. 3/20/14
- 004. Harry, the Father Image – 10/19/1962
- Arch gets engaged to a girl named Joan (Ellen Burstyn), but they soon call it off after she accuses Harry of being too judgmental about her and too involved in Arch’s life. Arch accepts their break-up and begins calling up old girlfriends. Harry however decides to sacrifice his friendship and say their goodbyes, so that Arch and Joan can get back together. When Joan finds out that Harry was so concerned about their relationship, she decides to come back to Arch and accepts the friendship between Harry and Arch. They all attempt to meet at Harry’s house, but two women whom Arch had already made dates with – Rhonda (Elaine Devry) and Wilhelmina (Miranda Jones) – both show up as well. When Joan witnesses Arch gets slapped by both, she thinks that Arch is philandering and storms out. Harry states he’ll never act fatherly with Arch again, and Arch delves back into the dating world. 3/22/14
- 005. Part-Time Friend – 10/26/1962
- Based on some bum advice from Harry, Arch gets kicked out of his apartment and is forced to stay with the Dickens. Arch is grateful, but talks in his sleep about his contempt for Harry. This happens again at work and upsets Harry so much that he forces Arch to fall asleep in the presence of Mel and Mr. Bannister so that they can witness it. Harry then visits a psychologist named Elsie McClinton (Anne Prentiss) – whom he begins dating – and she advises that Arch and Harry are like brothers and are inclined to fight, but since Arch never lets out his frustrations, they come out in his sleep. Harry tries to get Arch to unleash on him by dropping barbells on his foot and pushing him into a swimming pool, and eventually when Harry talks bad about himself, Arch finally lets him have it. All is well and is now saying nice things about Harry in his sleep…but then begins to criticize Kate and her cooking. 6/20/14
- 006. The Acting Game – 11/2/1962
- Harry gets a letter from the Banner Tool Company indicating that they want him to take part in a ‘man-on-the-job’ television commercial. He soons finds out that eveyrone in the company received a similar letter. He and Arch team up to audition for the tool company dirctor Mr. Rembar (Harvey Korman), with Harry getting the large role and Arch getting the one line. Arch’s date Bianca (Sue Randall) convinces him that he could have the larger part, so after being competitive with Harry, the agree to flip a coin with Harry keeping the larger part. The teams of Mulligan and Leff (Robert Ball) audition, but Leff can’t speak. Then Warshaw and Greneker (Jack Perkins) try out but Warshaw can’t remember his lines. Finally Dickens and Fenster go, but Harry faints. They end up giving the job to Mulligan and Fenster, and although disappointed, Harry supports Arch and compliments him on his work. Arch denies being interested in show business, but has actually hired an agent for himself. 6/20/14
- 007. The Toupee Game – 11/9/1962
- After a lot of tinkering to get it perfected, Harry and Arch are ready to mass install a new garage door opener for a construction company ran by Mr. Heckendorf (Pitt Herbert). Unfortunately their time is limited due to Mr. Bannister’s indecisiveness, causing them to waste a lot of time on jobs. Bannister blames this on his lack of self-esteeming, stemming from his bald head. Kate has an inkling that Heckendorf wears a toupee, so Harry believes that if he can verify this, he can convince Bannister to get a toupee and become more assertive. When Heckendorf visits the house, Kate tries desperately to find out if he is wearing a hairpiece to no avail, but as he is leaving Heckendorf lets her know that “Yes” he is wearing a toupee. This convinces Bannister to get one of his own; he looks ridiculous but is momentarily more decisive before reverting to his old ways. Later Bannistre visits Harry and tells them that he will become more assertive despite not wearing the toupee any longer, with his first bold statement being that Harry and Arch will be fired if they do any jobs for Heckendorf. 9/3/14
- 008. A Wolf in Friend’s Clothing – 11/16/1962
- When Harry’s former sergeant’s daughter Susan (Carolyn Kearney) comes for a visit, Harry vows to keep her a way from Arch, lest he break her heart. The two are immediately attracted to one another so Arch takes her out to a movie, but when he insists on taking her out to a nightclub, Harry grabs Kate and two go along as chaperones. While Harry is worried about Arch putting the moves on her, Susan – an author of children’s books – employs her psychology training to diagnose the fact that Arch is actually in love with Kate, due to his constant flattery and manners in her presence. In fact she convinces Arch of this so well, that he actually begins to believe it. Kate and Harry think that Arch is in love with Susan, so Harry gives him permission to ask for her hand. Arch thinks he is talking about Kate and proposes to her instead. Her stunned reaction makes Kate come to her senses, and causes Susan to apologize for over-analyzing the situation. 9/4/14
- 009. Party, Party, Who’s Got the Party? – 11/23/1962
- Harry convinces Arch to throw a party and they get Kate to agree to let him host it at her house. But when Arch insists on inviting Mulligan, who constantly laughs at Harry’s mishaps, Harry tells him he can’t have the party at his place and tries to have his own. They both compete to get Bannister to their party, but Arch wins out when he is able to charm Bannister’s wife. On the night of the party Harry sits home alone with Kate, but is finally convinced to go with him – until Arch brings over Arlene Hawkins (Karla Most), a relative of Mulligan’s, who has heard all of Harry’s embarrassing stories. Finally Mulligan himself comes over to apologize. Harry gets dressed for the party, but when his cummerbund snaps off, Mulligan can’t help but laughing at him once again. This time Arch decides not to return to the party and stay with Harry. 9/30/14
- 010. The Yellow Badge of Courage – 11/30/1962
- Harry rages when he has to work nights because his boss Bannister can’t stand up to his boss. But when Arch gets fired when his girlfriend Bonita (Sandra Knight) shows up, neither he, Mulligan, nor Mel will admit that it was actually them who were flirting with her and wasting time. None of them can sleep that night since they feel so guilty, and Arch’s other girlfriend Laura Pelton (Quinn O’Hara) convinces Arch that they are all bad friends. Harry goes over to apologize to Arch and tell him that they are going to admit it was them who was fooling around. He ends up staying the night at Arch’s house, and consequently gets no sleep. The next day, the three guys admit what happened, and Bannister decides to fire them – despite Arch’s pleas to the contrary. But when Bannister calls in an attractive secretary and can’t keep his mind on his work, he decides to drop the issue and not fire anyone. 10/1/14
- 011. The Joke – 12/7/1962
- The McKendrick Construction Company is chosen to receive the coveted Pomeroy National Safety Award, and Harry is selected to give the acceptance speech. Arch suggest that he open up with a joke, and attempts to give him some suggestion. Harry hears one on the way home about an elephant and engagement ring, but Kate doesn’t find it funny at all. The two get into an argument, and Arch acts as the referee and sides with Kate. All over the company, everyone disagrees on whether the joke is funny or not, culminating into an all-out war between the factions. Bannister, incredulous that everyone going to accept the award is bandaged up from the rumble, agrees that the joke is funny and lets Harry tell it. During the presentation, some of the workers attempt to hog the mike time, with Arch delivering a song and dance number with the “Fensterettes.” As Harry is about to tell the joke, the Miss Safety girl (Edy Williams) who is presenting the award tells the same joke, leaving Harry to get one of Arch’s jokes off…just before he faints. 11/3/14
- 012. Love Me, Love My Dog – 12/14/1962
- When Arch reports to work while he is sick, Kate is convinced it is because he is lonely and doesn’t want to be home by himself. They decide to pick out a dog named Tootsie from their friend Mr. Crowley and Harry tries to give it to Arch. But the parade of women going through his house precludes Arch from accepting it. But later when Arch gets time alone with the dog, he falls in love with it and decides to keep it. Immediately he gets carried away and all but cuts Harry out of his life to spend time with Tootsie. Just as Harry is about to give up on him, Arch comes over to visit…but ends up leaving Tootsie with Harry so he can go on a date. Harry loses Tootsie and calls in the troops to help find her, but they end up with three dogs that all look alike. Arch is able to pick out Tootsie…and begins spending more time with Harry. Kate gets a dog named George from Crowley for them, and immediately Harry is on the back burner again. Robert Ball is Gilbert. 11/3/14
- 013. Here’s to the Three of Us – 12/21/1962
- Kate is getting tired of Arch being with her and Harry every night, especially when he shows up two hours late to dinner at a restaurant and Harry eats two meals to not make him feel bad. Then later Arch enters the Dickens house through the bedroom window. Kate won’t allow Harry to invite Arch to the couples party that they are throwing, but when Arch gets jealous just seeing the Dickens having milk and cookies with their new neighbor Finkel (Donald Briggs), Harry tries to avoid telling him. Fortunately Arch is attending the wedding of his cousin Stella and George the night of the party. However he stops over before and Harry has to go to great lengths to hide the party food, while not letting Kate know he is there. He finally had to tell Arch that he wasn’t invited, but when Arch becomes solemn, they invite him to come back after the wedding. Harry stews when he doesn’t show up, but soon enough Arch and the bride and groom are entering through the bedroom window. 12/1/14
- 014. Get Off My Back – 12/28/1962
- In order to celebrate their ten-year anniversary of friendship, Harry wants to buy Arch a Telefunkin transistor radio, but Arch will not give him the time alone to do it. Arch is pushing back safety at work, and guesses that Harry is going to the doctor for a back injury when Harry finally gets away. Harry is unsuccessful at his first attempt, so he asks Bannister if he can have an extra half hour at lunch, arousing Arch’s suspicion even more. He also asks to work extra overnight shifts on the Maple Hill project so that he can afford to take Kate to Chicago for a bowling tournament. Since Arch suspects a back injury, he convinces Bannister to put Arch on sick leave and take him off the bowling team. Arch brings his date Linda (Francine York), a gym teacher, to observe Harry’s back, and since he is trying to impress her with walking upright, she diagnoses a back injury as well. Harry also finds out that Arch won the Telefunkin as a cheap piece of junk at a festival. He finally tells Arch the truth, but Arch doesn’t believe him. He tells Kate that Harry has a back injury, and Harry is too scared to tell Kate that he made up such a lie, so he tells her that he visited Dr. Frankenbushsteinheimer, which tips her off that he really does NOT have a back injury. Arch gives him a girdle for their ten-year anniversary. Eventually Arch believes Harry and gets his place on the bowling team back, but Kate thinks he’s working too much so he gives up the night work. 12/2/14
- 015. How Not to Succeed in Business – 1/4/1963
- After paying a high bill to electrician Mr. Barnes (Buddy Lester), Harry is finally convinced by Arch to quit their job with McKendrick – particularly when Mr. Bannister can’t remember his name again – and go into their own construction business. They put an ad in the paper and Arch makes buisness cards for “Fenster & Duckens” and they wait for jobs that never come. Then they seek out the business of a developer named Mr. Hobart (Charlie Watts), who suggest they meet a fancy restaurant called Richelieu Room. Making matters worse, he brings along four colleagues. Harry and Arch panic when they think they’ll be stuck with the enormous check, but Hobart has a good humor about it and tells them he’s like to do business with them down the road. Since Harry and Arch only ate milk and crackers for dinner, Hobart treats them to a steak for ‘dessert’. Jan Arvan is Irving the maitre’d. 1/15/15
- 016. The Godfathers – 1/11/1963
- Mel is completely in a daze as he awaits his wife Isabelle giving birth to their 11th child. Through his confusion, he tells Harry and Arch that they will be the godfathers. They argue over which one of them to name the baby after. Still in his fog, Mel drives over to Harry’s house and he is taken back home by Harry and Arch. Mel refuses to let the godfathers give him any money to help out, so they attempt to lose at poker, but only end up winning $400. Isabelle goes into labor, so Harry and Arch are forced to babysit. They give the baby a bottle but dread the diaper, so Arch practices by diapering Harry with a towel. Harry pricks his thumb on the pin, so by the time Kate shows up, Harry is wearing a towel diaper and sucking his thumb. Kate announces that the baby was born and the parents named it Harribald…and it is a girl. 1/15/15
On hold until further episodes are available…
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