The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1

Created by Mark Roberts

Opening theme: “I See Love” written by Keb’ Mo’ and Josh Kelley, performed by Keb’ Mo’

• 001. Pilot – 9/20/2010
  • Mike Biggs is a single lonely overweight Chicago police officer, who frequently hangs out at Abe’s diner with his partner Officer Carl McMillan (Reno Wilson), and Molly Flynn (Melissa McCarthy) is a single overweight fourth grade schoolteacher living with her wine-chugging mother Joyce (Swoozie Kurtz) and pot-smoking irresponsible sister Victoria (Katy Mixon). Both Molly and Mike separately attend an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and take a liking to one another. Molly invites Mike to come speak to her class, and after doing so, she gets distracted by the kids before he can ask her out again. He almost gets another chance at the next meeting, but when he falls over a table and dislocates his finger, the chance is ruined again. When he and Carl respond to a burglary call at Molly’s house, he finally gets to ask her for a date and she accepts. Nyambi Nyambi is Babatunde “Samuel”, the sarcastic waiter at Abe’s. Tucker Albrizzi is Tucker. Brendan Patrick Connor is the group leader George. Kiara Muhammad is Crystal. John O’Brien is the waiter. 3/27/17

• 002. First Date – 9/27/2010
  • Carl coaches Mike through getting ready for his first date with Molly, taking him to shop at his cousin Andre’s (Lamont Thompson) Big & Tall Man shop, where he buys a flashy green sweater. Meanwhile Molly is suffering from a cold and takes too much cough medicine, followed by a diet pill that Victoria gives her when she falls asleep. This makes Molly hyperactive, especially when combined with a bottle of wind during their dinner date. The date goes from bad to worse when she pulls out one of Mike’s nose hairs, screams at the waiter Bryce, (Billy Stevenson) and then passes out in the restroom. Molly comes down from her high as they drive home and she apologizes for her behavior, before finally throwing up, precluding the end-of-the-night kiss. Mike laments to Carl how horrible the date was… but tells Carl that one day he will marry Molly. 3/28/17
• 003. First Kiss – 10/4/2010
  • Mike goes on his next date with Molly for a night of bowling. Hoping to show off his skills, Mike is distraught to see how great of a bowler Molly is when she beats him. Furthermore he is irritated when Molly speaks French and quotes Shakespeare with Samuel. He is visibly irritated on the way home and dumps Molly off at her door without a kiss. Molly is upset, but her mother is too busy trying to console Victoria with her ongoing man problems to listen to her. Mike goes to see Carl and is coached by Carl’s grandmother (Cleo King) to go back and apologize to Molly. When he arrives, he finds that Victoria is planning to take some hairspray and spray flames into her ex’s face. Mike talks her down from it, but ends up getting sprayed himself, before he apologizes to Molly. During their next date, he struggles with Molly’s bowling skills but ends up giving her their first kiss. Eliza Coyle is the waitress. 6/10/17
• 004. Mike’s Not Ready – 10/11/2010
  • After a movie date, Mike decline’s Molly’s invitation to come inside, causing her to think that Mike isn’t interested in her. Molly’s mother tries to set her up with one of her old acquaintances, an older airplane pillow salesman named Vince Moranto (Louis Mustillo), but she declines. When Mike sees her at the Overeaters group, he chases her down and she tells him that she doesn’t want to see him anymore. Depressed he joins Carl and Samuel for a night of drinking, and in his drunkenness he finally admits to car that he’s embarrassed to be seen naked by Molly until he loses weight. With Carl, Samuel, and the cab driver Ndugu (Burl Mosely) in tow, Mike climbs a ladder into Molly’s window and tells her the truth. She is touched, even though he passes out while half out the window. He spends the night, but isn’t in any condition for anything to happen… especially with all of his friends crashing on the floor. Meanwhile Mike struggles with his hat not blowing away. Mike Siegel is Marty. 6/10/17
• 005. Carl Is Jealous – 10/18/2010
  • Carl becomes a little standoffish when Mike invites Molly to have lunch with him, and then when Mike later leaves Carl to go visit Molly, Mike comes up with the idea to hook Carl up with Victoria. While Carl is rehearsing church music with his Grandma, Mike stops by and asks him to come out with Molly and Victoria. They go out and Carl is pleased with the date – mostly due to Victoria’s promiscuity – but it comes to an abrupt end when they run into Michael Jordan and Victoria leaves with him. When they go to drop Molly off, she tells Mike that if he comes back later, they can spend their first night together. Despite wanting to rush back to Molly, Mike impatiently takes some time to give Carl a pep talk, and then hightails it over to Molly’s house. Carl is satisfied, but Mike runs into a problem when he sneaks into the house and his hit by a frying pan as an intruder by Joyce. 1/31/18
• 006. Mike’s Apartment – 10/25/2010
  • Since Mike and Molly can never seem to have any alone-time at her house, they decide to spend the evening at Mike’s for their next date. Mike works hard to clean up the apartment and make it inviting. Molly is nervous about her first time and lets her sister wax her, causing her to walk funny for their date. After their dinner they go back to Mike’s where they are both incredibly nervous, and just when Mike starts to kiss her, his mother Peggy (Rondi Reed) calls. When he reveals he is with a woman, she calls back minutes later reporting chest pains. Mike and Molly head over to her house where she feigns illness but refuses to go to the hospital. She is crotchety and aggressive to Molly, who knows she’s faking the health issues. After Mike walks her dog Jim (Suzie Q), the leave to go back to Mike’s apartment, where Molly tells Mike that she’s obviously faking the heart issue to disrupt their night. Mike doesn’t believe this until she calls back to report that Jim isn’t acting right. Mike makes the decision to ignore the call and head to the bedroom with Molly. The next morning, they are uncomfortable again, but when they hear Mike’s mother calling again, they head right back to the bedroom. 2/1/18
• 007. After the Lovin’ – 11/1/2010
  • Molly spends the weekend at Mike’s place and finally heads home on Sunday evening… after heading to the bedroom just one more time. When Molly gets home, her mother and sister press her for details, but she won’t budge. Mike visits Carl and Grandma, and gets conflicting advice: Grandma tells him to make sure he tells Molly how much he cares about her, while Carl encourages him to be aloof. Mike goes out and buys Molly a stuffed animal and balloon and takes it to her at school, where her reaction is less than enthusiastic. Carl and Samuel both tell Mike that he was foolish to ‘reward’ Molly for sex. Molly tells the Overeaters Anonymous group that although she wants to be with Mike all of the time, she wants to take him in moderation in hopes of keeping him around for a long time. Mike’s mom wars him about getting involved with another woman who might break his heart. Molly comes to visit him and tells him that she’s scared they are moving too fast and they should try to keep each other in check… but they just wind up back in bed again. Yolanda Snowball is the salesgirl. David Mazouz is Randy, the student sent to the hall. 10/5/18
• 008. Mike Snores – 11/8/2010
  • Because of Mike’s snoring problem that keeps Molly awake, he agrees to use his sleep apnea device. However after she sees him with it on, she ends up having a nearly sleepless night on the couch anyway. When she blames his lumpy bead, he and Carl go shopping for a new mattress. Exhausted from a lack of sleep, and irritated by Mike’s propensity to buy everything in a jumbo size, she tells Mike that although the mattress was a nice gesture, she wants him to take his turn staying at her place. Despite having Joyce and Victoria in their business the entire time, they manage to find a way to sleep together by pretending they’re sneaking around in high school. Although Joyce pokes fun at Mike, she admits it’s nice to have a man around the house. Benjamin King is David the mattress salesman. Christopher Gehrman is Clinton the pizza deliveryman. 10/5/18
• 009. Mike’s New Boots – 11/15/2010
  • Molly surprises Mike with a pair of new snakeskin boots which Mike falls in love with, but after giving a great speech at the next O.A. meeting, a woman named Jill (Rebecca Field) flirts with him and he introduces Molly to her as his ‘friend’. This upsets Molly and causes her to go home and eat marijuana cookies with Victoria. Mike goes over to Reno’s to Carl’s to sulk, and while explaining the issue to his Grandma, he realizes that he loves Molly, who is making the same realization while talking to her sister. Mike goes over to her house to apologize, but the two of them can only say that they each love… the boots. However both enjoy the makeup sex, and Mike keeps his boots on. Meanwhile Joyce begins dating the slimy Vince, and Samuel’s bike is stolen. 7/10/19
• 010. Molly Gets a Hat – 11/22/2010
  • Mike and Molly make a dreaded visit to Mike’s mother Peggy’s house and she gives Molly a hideous yellow flapper hat, Mike ends up giving it to Carl to give to his Grandma. As they make their escape from the visit, Molly makes up a lie about hosting Thanksgiving and soon finds herself inviting her. Molly convinces Joyce and Victoria to help with the dinner, and Mike invites Carl, his grandmother, Samuel, and Samuel’s five Senegalese roommates. On Thanksgiving morning, Molly gets Mike up at 5:00am to start cooking. Things don’t go well when the turkey is too big for the oven and Mike has to grill it, and Peggy shows up early to their house. Although Molly is stressed, Mike says he couldn’t be happier because he gets to spend his first holiday with Molly. All of the guests show up to eat the now-burnt turkey, and most of them try to pass it off to the dog Jim under the table, where Jim’s view of Mike and Molly is them holding hands. Peggy gets a bit irritated when she sees Grandma wearing the yellow hat. 7/10/19
• 011. Carl Gets a Girl – 12/6/2010
  • Upon returning to Mike’s house from a date, Mike and Molly find that Carl is using Mike’s apartment to be with his Korean girlfriend. They head over to Molly’s where they have a rare sex-free night. Mike asks Carl for his key back, but Carl talks him into allowing him one more night. The next night at Molly’s, she is busy grading papers, so Mike resorts to a conversation with Victoria about aliens and Bigfoot, and with Joyce about her hatred of men after breaking it off with Vince. They browse the family photo album and Mike is entertained by childhood shots of Molly. The next day, Carl tells Mike that he dumped his lover because he prefers to be a lone wolf, and Mike lectures him on using women. Carl and Samuel start to notice how sensitive Mike has become to women’s needs. Later he intervenes to help Vince make peace with Joyce, after he had propositioned a 23-year old. Mike presents Molly with the key to his place that he took back from Carl. Then he gives Victoria a lecture on drugs. Carol admits to Samuel that his girlfriend broke up with him because he was too clingy and emotional. 3/3/20
• 012. First Christmas – 12/13/2010
  • With Christmas is coming up, Mike is struggling to figure out what to get for Molly. She catches on quickly that he is fishing for ideas, but doesn’t want to help him too much. Carl takes Mike to the department store to help him shop, and gets caught in the lingerie by his grandmother. She advises Mike to take note of little clues that Molly might drop, and drops one of her own so that Carl will buy her some slippers. Molly does in fact drop some hints about a French press and a laptop bag, but Mike seems more fixated on buying her an exotic bird. He tells her that she is a closed book, and the only thing he bought at the mall was a Bomber jacket for himself… which was the gift that she had already gotten for him. This forces her to take Carl shopping for him on Christmas Eve, but the only suggestion Carl has is to get him a video game from the toy store. Mike still hasn’t found anything, and Samuel tires to give him perspective that love is more important than any trinket he can find. Mike and Molly exchange their gifts at Mike’s mother’s house, and Mike gets Molly a diamond bracelet that Molly says she can’t accept it since it will take nine years to pay for. Mike tells Molly that he loves her, and she returns the sentiment and says that’s really the only gift she wants. She decides to wear the bracelet until they can return it after Christmas. Meanwhile Vince gets Joyce a new TV so they can watch porn clearer, and Victoria makes marijuana gingerbread men that Mike eats and passes out to while playing his new video game. 3/3/20
• 013. Mike Goes to the Opera – 1/3/2011
  • Mike has been showing flu-like symptoms in front of Carl, but he won’t let it stop him from taking Molly to the opera to see La Boheme. Despite having no interest in the show, Mike manages his way through the first half of the show, frequently running to the bathroom. At intermission, Molly notices how sick he is and insists on taking him home. The next day, Mike wants to go to work but can barely get off the couch. He doesn’t want Molly to see him in this state, so Carl calls Mike’s mother who rushes over to take care of him. Molly stops by after work and assures Peggy that she can take it from there, but after Peggy sends Molly to the drugstore to get supplies, she takes Mike to her house. Molly tracks them down and insists on taking him so that she can care for him, but when Peggy says that she’s already taken care of him all of her life, Molly softens and compliments her on the great job she’s done. Peggy invites her to come and see him, but when she goes in the kitchen to make tea, Molly sneaks Mike out the door and over to her house. When Molly is upstairs, Peggy sneaks him out once again… leaving Molly swearing vengeance and Peggy prepared to hide Mike in his Uncle Ray’s ice fishing cabin in Appleton, Wisconsin. 6/15/20
• 014. Molly Makes Soup – 1/17/2011
  • While Mike is content sitting home eating Molly’s soup, she hopes that he won’t stop courting her. He promises to take her out for a nice dinner and a movie the next night, but when Vince comes over to pick up Joyce, he offers Mike two tickets to the Knicks-Celtics game that includes a limo ride. Molly is already irritated by Vince’s vulgar behavior toward her mother, so she declines in joining Mike and gives him a severe guilt trip about going. Carl agrees that Mike should stand by his woman, until he realizes that Mike has an extra ticket and is more than happy to go along. Mike begs Molly not to be angry, but she won’t make it easy for him. Initially he can’t get into the mood as they head to the game, but eventually he starts drinking and has a great time, especially when Vince gets them into the locker room. Mike mentions to Vince that Molly is concerned that he doesn’t have honorable intentions toward her mother, so when they get home, Vince proposes to Molly. Although Molly is aghast, she still apologizes to Mike for giving him a hard time about going. Joyce says yes to the proposal, although she was perfectly happy to just have fun with Vince. When Vince gives Mike advice to not be so cheap with taking Molly out, Mike likes him a little less, while Molly admits that he is starting to grow on her. 6/15/20
• 015. Jim Won’t Eat – 2/7/2011
  • Mike and Molly have dinner with his mother, and she casually asks Mike to pick her up from the hospital when she has gall bladder surgery, which is news to them. She also is all doom and gloom and goes over her do-no-resuscitate rules and has them help he pick out a coffin. When she offers Mike his father’s coffin, he says he will probably be buried by Molly, but then doesn’t care for her reaction of not being enthused to plan something like that. Mike becomes obsessed with this and takes it out by yelling at Samuel at the diner, and then begins to give Molly the cold shoulder. As he is leaving to take his mother to the hospital, she entrusts Molly to take care of the dog Jim. Molly is unable to get Jim to eat, so Victoria takes him for a walk and gets him stoned… which then gives him a voracious appetite. Mike’s mom pulls through the surgery okay, and confesses that she thinks Molly is a good woman. Mike is less than enthused by their relationship thinking it means more to him than to her. Molly finally figures out what is bothering Mike and comes to see him at the hospital. She explains that it is too early in their relationship to think that far into the future, but agrees in the current moment, she plans to love him forever. Molly takes Jim back to Mike’s mom, hoping she doesn’t smell he pot residue on him. 9/30/20
• 016. First Valentine’s Day – 2/14/2011
  • Mike is preparing for his first Valentines Day with Molly, starting with picking her up a cake with spicy hearts spelling out her name. Carl has plans to drive around town looking for women who have been dumped. When Mike goes to pick up the cake, he finds out that the baker Kyle (Robert Gant) was once engaged to Molly. Since Kyle is a great cook, nice, attractive, and fit, he immediately feels threatened and eats the entire cake on the way home. He immediately confronts Molly and accuses her of betrayal. Molly discusses with her family the reason Kyle broke it off with her: he is gay. Molly tries desperately to contact Mike so that they can talk, but when he won’t respond, she laments the fact that she’ll spend yet another Valentine’s Day alone. Mike visits with Carl and his grandmother and she advises him to ask himself if he’s rather be the man she used to love or the man she loves right now. He returns to the bakery to get Molly another treat, and then as he is threatening Kyle not to try and take Molly away, he finds out that he is gay. Mike goes to see Molly, blasting You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC on his jam box to serenade her. Although she is irritated by him, she eventually forgives him, and they go on the romantic horse-drawn carriage ride he had planned… even though it is so cold that their faces freeze. 9/30/20
• 017. Joyce & Vince and Peaches & Herb – 2/21/2011
  • Molly is getting tired of sitting around the house every night and watching TV with Mike, while even her mother and Vince are going on dates and to concerts. Even after Molly makes him a nice meal, Mike wants to head to the couch, and he turns down all of her suggestions to do something fun over the weekend. Carl convinces Mike that all he has to do is provide the meal for her and she’ll be satisfied enough to stay home on the couch. Molly on the other hand decides that she needs to go out Friday, even if it is without him, so she invites Victoria to go out with her. When Mike shows up at her house with Thai food, he only finds Joyce and Vince on the stairs having sex. He heads to Carl’s, but Grandma is with her own man as well, so he winds up at his mother’s place. Meanwhile Molly is getting hopped up on Red Bull, and the sisters wind up at a gay bar. Mike’s mother tells him how she and his father always watched TV while eating dinner, and eventually wound up in separate rooms… and then divorced. Mike heads to the gay bar to find Molly and tell her he doesn’t want to take her for granted. She wants to stay there, so they wind up dancing the night away. Mike winds up giving relationship advice to a trans woman named Steven (Kelly Mantle) and her husband. Mike is anxious to come back the next night, while Molly is satisfied with a night at home. S. Scott Bullock and Mary Kate McGeehan are the TV announcers. 1/15/21
• 018. Mike’s Feet – 2/28/2011
  • Mike and Carl are working a double shift, and when Mike wants to take his shoes off in the car, Carl forbids him because he says they smell like Parmesan cheese. Their fight continues to escalate all through the night and into Abe’s the next morning, where they wind up sitting at different tables. That night at dinner with Molly, Mike is distracted by his fight with Carl, and although Molly secretly agrees with Carl’s assessment of his feet, she tries to smooth things over between them. The next night, Carl signs them up for another double, but Mike says he can’t do it because Molly booked them a hotel getaway. Despite Carl’s warnings about how to drive on the ice, Mike winds up driving them off the road and they get stuck in a ditch, where they continue to fight. Mike, in a neckbrace, picks up Molly for the hotel, but once they arrive, Mike still can’t get his mind off of Carl. While he is in the shower, Molly goes over to see Carl, were his Grandma insults Carl and tells him to apologize. He goes to see Mike at the hotel while Molly has tea with Grandma. They quickly make up and wind up drinking beer and watching a movie together, until Molly returns and tells them that she’s taking a shower, and wants Carl’s side of the bed vacated by the time she gets out. 1/15/21 
• 019. Peggy Shaves Her Legs – 3/21/2011
  • Peggy is acting uncharacteristically nice to Molly, and then asks her to have lunch with her the next day. Molly is skeptical of what she might want. Carl and convince Mike that she might give Molly some information about his teen years, so he becomes concerned that she’ll blab about the time he told the school nurse that he was afraid he was missing a testicle. It turns out that Peggy has been asked to have dinner at Red Lobster by a guy at her church, and she’s afraid how Mike will react. Molly promises not to tell Mike, and tells her that she’ll help her get ready for the date. Molly then feels like she has no choice but to tell Mike the truth when he starts asking what they talked about. While Molly and Victoria get Peggy dolled up in makeup, Carl and Samuel are busy convincing Mike that old widowers are often on the prowl. After Peggy sees herself in the mirror with the makeup on, she is convinced that dating isn’t for her, and tries to back out of it, but Molly convinces her to go. Mike and the guys wind up staking out his mother’s house, and Mike is relieved when she arrives home alone safe and sound… but then he sees another guy pull in the driveway. 5/12/21
• 020. Opening Day – 4/11/2011
  • Mike announces to his Overeaters group that Opening Day is coming up, but he’s ready for the challenge to not gain any weight at the Cubs game. Later he asks Carl if he should ask Molly to join them, but Carl thinks that it’s okay for him to do things once in a while without her. She is okay with them enjoying their ritual together, but also mentions how much she enjoyed going to games with her late father. Mike then buys an extra ticket in the bleachers section, and although Carl is irritated, they all agree to rotate the seat every three innings. Molly gets emotional by being at the game, thinking of her father, and breaks out crying on more then one occasion. Mike is jealous that she is eating junk food to remember her father, while he is surviving on carrots. Molly also gets emotional with Carl, who then starts crying thinking about the fact that he never saw his father because he was always working. Mike and Carl discuss their fathers during the game, and Mike says he went to plenty of games with his father but they never spoke, which might be one reason he overate. Carl decides to call his father, and while he is talking to him, Molly walks off and snags a foul ball that was heading for Carl’s glove. She gives it to him, and he instantly brags to his father. While each person is in the bleachers, they talk to a weird nerd named Harry (David Anthony Higgins) who has never had a car or girlfriend. He later shows up at the Overeaters Anonymous session thanks to Mike’s motivation, although he is looking for girls and snacks. Eric Christie and Regi Davis are vendors at the game. 5/12/21
• 021. Samuel Gets Fired – 4/18/2011
  • While Mike and Carl are having breakfast at Abe’s, they overhear an argument between Carl and Abe (Keone Young), about a promise for a raise that Abe hasn’t honored. Carl tries to get involved, despite Mike’s warnings, and winds up getting Samuel getting fired and getting their free food privilege revoked. He had been counting on his raise in order to afford his rent increase, but now he has nowhere to go. Mike feels obligated to let Samuel stay with him, and once he’s moved in, Mike also feels like he should invite him to come over for dinner at Molly’s house. While there, Samuel flirts with Victoria, while Molly strong-arms Mike to allow Samuel to stay at his place as long as he needs to. Mike doesn’t like not having his apartment available whenever he wants, and accuses Molly of trying to ‘reel him in’ to living with her. This makes Molly furious, and she gives Mike the cold shoulder. Eventually Mike apologizes and tells Molly that he wants to eventually move in with her, but right now he likes to have the option to go home when he wants. Samuel starts re-arranging Mike’s furniture and starts cooking African food in the house. One day Abe calls Samuel and offers him his job back, with the raise. Samuel jumps on the offer, and the first task he is given is to fire Abe’s attractive young wife Soo-Jin (Hana Mae Lee), who is a terrible waitress. Mike gives Abe the monthly balance of the raise, which Mike agreed to pay, so he could get his place back. 9/6/21
• 022. Cigar Talk – 5/2/2011
  • Mike is going nuts listening to Molly complain about another teacher getting special treatment at work, so he accepts Vince’s invitation to go outside and smoke one of his $80 Cuban cigars. Vince wants to talk about a personal issue, which initially scares Mike off, but it turns out that he is embarrassed because Joyce invited him to go to her high school reunion and he never graduated high school. Mike suggests having Molly tutor him to take a test to get a G.E.D. Vince doesn’t want Molly to find out, since she’ll tell Joyce… and besides, she doesn’t like him. Molly is curious what Vince talked to him about, but he won’t give away the secret, so she assumes Vince is having an affair. Meanwhile, Mike has no issue telling Carl and Samuel about Vince. Molly and Victoria discuss Vince, and then tell their mother that he may be having an affair. Mike give Vince the starter test and fails, so he decides to tell Joyce the truth, but when he arrives, all of the women accuse him of having an affair. He gets up set and walks out on everyone. Molly chases after and apologizes to him for the mistake, and even offers to tutor him herself. All three of the ladies embrace him, and he forgives them. Vince later takes the G.E.D…. after eating one of Victoria’s pot brownies. 9/6/21
• 023. Victoria’s Birthday – 5/9/2011
  • As Mike and Molly struggle through their diets, they look forward to enjoying a cake with Victoria’s upcoming 30th birthday. Later that night they settle in with Joyce and Vince to watch The Godfather, but Molly and Joyce’s talking keep interrupting. Then Victoria interrupts them all because she is depressed about turning 30 and not being in any serious relationship. Molly goes off to talk to her, but when she tells her how fulfilled she is with the kids in her class, Victoria decides she wants a baby using Mike’s sperm. Joyce then goes to talk to her with Vince, who suggests she become an exotic dancer. Molly sends Mike with an ice cream sundae to cheer her up, and he tells her how fulfilled he is as a police officer, which leads her to now decide to join the army. She does indeed try to enlist, but she is rejected. Carl then starts talking about how religion fulfills him, all the while trying to use it to his advantage to try and get with her. Mike, Molly, and Grandma all try to warn him not to take advantage and use Jesus as his wingman. Mike and Molly accompany Victoria to church that Sunday. Victoria seems more interested in drinking wine, but she gets genuinely moved by sermon of Brother Heywood (Reginald VelJohnson) and Grandma leading the choir in Oh Lord Help Me to Run This Race. She joins the crowd at the front of the church, while Carl plays the organ directly to her. Mike and Molly wait to give Victoria her cake, but when she doesn’t show up, they take straws to suck the cream from the middle. Meanwhile, she is at choir practice joining in leading the song Oh Happy Day. When Carl sees her flirting with another choir member, he walks out of the church. 3/5/22
• 024. Peggy’s New Beau – 5/16/2011
  • Mike and Molly finally get to meet the man from Peggy’s church, who she has been seeing socially. He’s a very timid man named Dennis Richardson (William Sanderson), who has been through many hardships, including being a prisoner of war in Vietnam. No matter what he does, Peggy seems to have a problem with everything he does, but he remains meek and apologetic. However, he stirs up a hornet’s nest when he asks Mike and Molly if they plan on getting married. Mike gives a very unsatisfactory answer about tainting the relationship by talking about marriage. Mike discusses this with Carl and Samuel, and they start planning his bachelor party. Molly talks to her mother and Vince, who is preoccupied because he can’t find his Viagra, and admits to her mother that she wants to marry Mike, but doesn’t want to pressure him. When Mike and Molly head out for dinner and a movie, Molly tries to be very submissive in allowing Mike to make the decisions. However, Mike still gets anxious when she asks where they are headed. Mike admits to Carl that he just wants to have his life more together before he gets married. Grandma is quick to point out that he is crazy if he doesn’t marry her. Molly gets more and more restless as she talks to Victoria about the situation. Over at Peggy’s house, Dennis has lost Jim when they went for a walk. Peggy is panicked, but he eventually finds him. Dennis tells Mike how slow Peggy is when it comes to advancing their relationship since they’ve been slowly developing their relationship over the last seven years, and Mike remembers how broken up she was when his Dad left her. This gets Mike to thinking, so he stops in at Molly’s classroom and proposes marriage in front of the snickering class. The two then have a small gathering of friends and family for an engagement party. Naturally it is Dennis who asks when the wedding will be. Vince proposes a double wedding with him and Joyce. 3/5/22

SEASON 2

• 025. Goin’ Fishin’ – 9/26/2011
  • Mike and Molly are in the afterglow of their new engagement, but Molly lets Mike know that she would rather not take his last name ‘Biggs’. He’s okay with that, and then Molly wants to jump into making the plans immediately, and he’s not quite in the same kind of rush. After Mike tells Carl that he wants him to be the best man, Carl assumes that their weekend fishing trip will be off since he is now engaged. Mike assures him that he’s still his own man, and plans for the two of them, along with Vince and Samuel are still on. Molly is understanding about the fishing trip, but a bit annoyed that he didn’t mention it earlier. Mike gets up at 4am the next morning for the trip, but he snaps at Molly and calls it ‘nonsense’ when she asks him to check out a potential reception hall near the lake. This leads to a bigger fight between them, which is overheard by the other guys waiting in the car for Mike. While Molly laments the fight and is invited to go to a yoga class with her mother and sister, Mike is miserable out on the lake because he can’t get cell phone reception in case Molly calls. While moving around in the boat, he manages to sink it, so everyone winds up ashore, wet, and around a fire. Joyce take humorous photos of the yoga instructor Gianni (Coby Ryan McLaughlin) on top of Molly and texts them to Vince, who shows them to Mike. He decides he needs to leave the woods right away and go home. When he gets there, he tells Molly that he stopped by the reception hall and that it wasn’t good enough for them. Molly is pleased that he took the time to stop, and Mike makes it clear that if it is important to her, then it is important to him. 7/9/22
• 026. Dennis’s Birthday – 10/3/2011
  • Molly is getting tired of the poor amenities at Mike’s apartment, including only on burner working on the stove, and the flights of stairs she has to go up and down to get to the laundry. She wants him to move into her place full-time with her mother and sister. Mike sees the pros in this, but also sees cons in the lack of privacy. Joyce and Victoria also see the drawbacks in having Mike at the house full time. Meanwhile, Molly is preparing a cake for Dennis’s birthday at Mike’s mother’s house. That night at the party, while Dennis and Mike are giving the dog a walk, Peggy confesses to Molly that since she has dragged out their courtship for years and Dennis has been very patient, she intends to reward him carnally that night. That night when Peggy climbs in to be with him for the first time and gives him permission to have her, she realizes that he is dead. She calls Mike to come over, and by the time he’s gotten there, Peggy has moved him from the bedroom to sitting at the table in front of Molly’s cake. Molly knows what she did, and Carl comes and starts to investigate it and begins to realize it as well. They take her over to M0lly’s house to sleep there for the night. She admits to Molly that she dragged him down the stairs so Mike wouldn’t find him in her bed. She also tells her how much she’ll miss him now that he’s gone, and Molly tells her it was obvious how much Dennis loved her by the way his eyes lit up when she came into the room. Peggy admits that Mike’s eyes light up in the same way when he’s around Molly, and she knows how much he loves her… being blind to all of her obvious imperfections. Mike and Carl go over to check out Dennis’s apartment to see if they can find any information on a next of kin. Mike sadly notes that Dennis’s apartment is very similar to his own, which make Mike realize that he never wants to die alone in his apartment, and he prepares to move in with Molly. 7/9/22
• 027. Mike in the House – 10/11/2011
  • Mike and Molly work on emptying out Mike’s apartment of his belongings as he prepares to move in with Molly and her family. Molly tries to throw away as much as possible, while Mike tries to hang on to some of his favorite things. He convinces her to put his TV in their bedroom, and he sneaks several boxes of things to his mother’s garage, where he finds that she’s sold a lot of his other belongings at a garage sale. She also tries to dissuade him from making the move. Over at Molly’s, Joyce and Victoria worry about the damage that Mike will do to their bathroom. Carl and Samuel eat the last of the food found in Mike’s place, and they eventually clean everything out. Mike tries to incorporate some of his baseball memorabilia into Molly’s bedroom, and she promises once they get their own place that he can have his own man cave for all of his things. After their first night together with him living there, he is nervous about going downstairs in the morning without Molly. When he finally gets up the courage, he runs into a stoned Victoria who is just coming home from being out and forgetting where she left her car. He finds Joyce in the kitchen and offers to do chores and odd jobs around the house for her. She starts assigning him multiple tasks, and then baking for him as repayment. Having a man in the house again reminds her of having her late husband there. Mike takes advantage of it by fixing a couple of shingles and then just hanging out on the roof while Joyce makes him a sandwich. When Molly takes Victoria to look for her car, she gets annoyed when Victoria starts to talk about how Mike reminds him of their father. However, when Joyce puts Mike into one of her late husband’s old leisure suits, causing Molly to think they are acting creepy and gets annoyed at her mother and sister. When they feed him their father’s favorite foods and Victoria asks him to read her a story, Molly finally freaks out. Mike retreats to the roof again, this time with a pie, as all of the women scream at each other. Mike confesses to Carl that it is paradise living there. 11/3/22
• 028. ’57 Chevy Bel Air – 10/17/2011
  • As Mike struggles with maintaining his Weight Watchers points, Vince shows up with his 1957 Chevy Bel Air, which he is selling for $10,000. Mike admits that it is his dream car and agrees to buy it before even talking to Molly, so she rushes out to stop him. Vince brings the price down to $8000, but Molly still thinks it is a frivolous purchase. Molly starts to become adamant that he does not buy it, while Joyce doesn’t want Vince to sell it as she thinks he can get more from a stranger. He runs the car by Carl, who gives it his seal of approval as well. The car also reminds Grandma of the great times she had in the back of a Bel Air and tries to re-live the moment when she enters the car. Mike continues to try and talk Molly into allowing his to get the car, and he offers to take her for a ride in it, and then give him an answer. After Molly finally convinces him to let her drive it, she finally gives in and says he can buy it. However, when she finds out that Mike has already bought the car for $7250, she becomes livid that he bought it without asking her, and even more so when Vince tells her he paid $7800. He tries to say that he anticipated that she would love it, and she tells him she wants no part of the car. Mike then starts to realize that the car has plenty of problems including the exhaust fumes coming into the car, a leaking gas tank, a rattling in the engine, and the engine smoking. Mike approaches Vince while he is dying his hair, to complain about the car. Vince tells him that the buyer needs to beware, but Joyce tells him to do the right thing and return the money. Vince offers $7000, but Molly says he needs to pay the $7800. They agree on $7250. Later, Mike and Molly go over their finances and find out Mike has a nice little nest egg, while Molly has nothing but debt due to all of the world traveling that she has done. 11/3/22
• 029. Victoria Runs Away – 10/24/2011
  • Molly tells Mike that she wants to take dance lessons before the wedding. Meanwhile, Victoria brings home a guy named Dylan (John Charles Meyer) who she met at the gas station when he tries to wash her windows, Molly tells her to get him out of the house and lectures her on how she needs to be more selective with her men. Nevertheless, she has him stay the night and won’t ask him to leave before they all leave for work. Consequently, he steals some appliances including Molly’s iPod. When Molly continues to lecture her, she goes outside and talks to Mike on the stoop, who tells her that even though Molly can be overbearing, she only cares about her well-being. Mike also tells her that she will never soar on her own while she lives with her mother and sister. Joyce gets offended when she perceives that Mike is telling her that she’s not a good mother. Mike and Molly go to their dance lesson, where Mike keeps getting yelled out by Diane (Sally Champlin) the instructor for looking at his feet, When they get home, Joyce tells Mollyto talk to Victoria because she is packing to move out. She tries to tell Victoria that her behavior concerns her, and she only wants what is best. Victoria tells her that Mike said she was like a freight train and that she can only soar if she leaves, which gets Molly angry at Mike. He goes out with Carl, who tells him that he will be marrying all three of the women, but it is worth it because he will be with the woman he loves. When he gets home, all three women are drinking and laughing together as if nothing had happened. 3/16/23
• 030. Happy Halloween – 10/31/2011
  • As Carl and Samuel plan to attend a Halloween together with Carol as Zorro and Samuel as Sponge Bob, Mike expresses how much he hates dressing up in costume since he’s always a fat version of the real character. Meanwhile, Molly is working overtime to impress school Principal Gilmartin (Steve Hytner) as she wants to be promoted to the school’s vice-principal. She does in fact seem to impress him, and he invites Molly and Mike to attend a Halloween party at his house. Although he adamantly refuses to dress up, he winds up going as Frankenstein to Molly’s Bride of Frankenstein. Meanwhile back home, Louis hands out the candy at Joyce’s house and although he is rude to the kids, he expresses how much he can’t wait until Mike and Molly give them grandchildren. Victoria dresses as a three-eyed woman with three breasts. When Louis runs afoul of a pair of teenagers (Kyle Chebbi, Troy Doherty) who are trying to get candy, Victoria shows them her three breasts, which shuts them up. At the party, Molly meets some members of the school board, none of whom seem to care about the children’s well-being, especially when it comes to their nutrition. She gets frustrated with their attitudes and decides to leave. Mike reminds her that she wants the job as Vice Principal so that she can changes the establishment and actually do things in the interest of the kids. She returns and tells Gilmartin how much she would like the job, but if she doesn’t get it, she will still put her best foot forward as a teacher. Gilmartin tells her that she would make a fine vice-principal and that he likes her ideas about education. When they get home, Mike scares some of the kids and decides that he likes Halloween after all. Alexander Arzu is the Harry Potter kid. Gibson Bobby Sjobeck is the Batman kid.  Elsie Fisher is the Fairy Princess kid. Logan Kishi is the Diktrom kid. Laura Coover is the Cleopatra adult. Brian Stepanek is the Voltaire adult. 3/16/23
• 031. Carl Meets a Lady – 11/7/2011
  • Mike picks up Carl for work on morning and Grandma complains how hard he is to walk up sometimes after staying out late with loose women all night. She asks Mike if he can help facilitate Carl being introduced to a nice, successful girl. Carl acts like he wants to continue with his bachelor lifestyle, but when he sees an attractive customer named Christina (Holly Robinson Peete) at Abe’s, he becomes instantly attracted. Samuel is able to tell Carl a lot about her, including the fact that she works as an optometrist, as he too had asked her out, but was turned down because she wasn’t interested in dating anyone. When Mike drops a sandwich off at Molly’s classroom, Carl is sentimental and admits that he longs for what Mike has. Mike takes Carl to Old Town Optical where she works but warns him not to say too much. They begin with small talk, but then Carl hints at the fact that he might be interested in dating. She gently tells him that she’s not looking to date anyone right now, which strikes the wrong chord with Carl, and he accuses her of looking down on him from her high horse. He also accuses her of not being a real doctor. Back in the car, Carl and Mike argue about what just occurred, and Carl accuses Mike of being jealous of Carl’s bachelor lifestyle, and also tells Mike that there’s probably a reason why Molly has been working late a lot recently. Mike goes home in a bad mood and tells Joyce and Victoria that he’s going to take Molly food so that they can have a picnic. Carl is clearly upset as well when he gets home and asks his grandmother if she think he’ll ever find a nice girl, since Christina made him feel that he wasn’t good enough. She assures him that he is good enough for any woman. Mike brings Molly food and wine, but she doesn’t seem to think it’s a very good idea. Mike feels silly being spontaneous, but Molly tells him how sweet it is, and decides to enjoy the dinner and wine with Mike. Carl returns to Old Town Optical to apologize for the way he acted. He admits that he gets intimidated by women of her caliber. When she tells him that she has a six-year-old child at home, he tells her how much he likes a children. They appear to get a long, and Christina sound as if she is becoming interested in him. When Mike gets home, the ladies tell Mike to go see Molly in the ‘teacher’s lounge’ upstairs. He goes in to see her, but she is sound asleep and snores in his face. 8/16/23
• 032. Peggy Gets a Job – 11/14/2011
  • One night while Mike is cooking a fiesta of meat for the ladies, Peggy stops by at the house to give Mike some seven-layer cookies and Molly the recipe for them. She seems to allude that she won’t be seeing Mike much longer since he now has a life with Molly. After she leaves, Molly feels sorry for her and tries to encourage Mike that they should make plans with her. Mike doesn’t seem very interested, so Molly calls her and winds up making a date to have lunch with her. Peggy winds up coming to have lunch at the cafeteria at Molly’s school. Peggy picks on the lunch lady Lynette (Cheryl Hawker), which embarrasses Molly. Another teacher named Rebecca (Laura Coover), who is in line along with Molly for the vice-principal’s job, gives Molly and Peggy a cold reception in the cafeteria. Molly talks Mike into taking his turn at visiting with his mother, so Mike complies. It looks to Mike like she has given up on life, as she is now sleeping on the couch and Jim is eating out of a fifty-pound bag of dog food. Mike encourages her that she still has vitality and should look into getting a job. She winds up taking Lynette’s place serving lunch at Molly’s school. Mike gets a call from Molly how not great it is having her there. Molly catches on that Rebecca purposely didn’t send Molly an email about a faculty meeting that she caused her to miss. Peggy comes to Molly’s class to bring brownies for her and Mike. Molly tries to explain how she wants to keep their real and work relationships separate. Peggy gets the hint and starts to leave, but then drop the information that she overhears a lot of info in the lunchroom, including the fact that Rebecca is having an affair with the school principal. Suddenly, Molly starts arranging time to spend with Peggy so that she can hear the dirt. She even agrees to have a Catholic wedding and visit with her on Wednesdays, even though it will mean Mike giving up bowling. 8/16/23
• 033. Mike Cheats – 11/21/2011
  • Harry, a member of Overeaters Anonymous, proudly announces that he’s lost one pound, bringing his grand total to seven. With his newfound strength, he offers himself up to anyone who wants to use him as a sponsor. While Molly is announcing to the group that she lost three more pounds, Mike steals away to another room and eats a candy bar in private. Harry sees him and offers to sponsor Mike, also inviting himself to come along to the Mike and Molly’s Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile, Carl is planning to bring Christina to Mike and Molly’s dinner as well. Mike is desperately trying to cut down on his eating to get ready for the holiday but keeps cheating. In fact, Mike stops at his mother to pick up some of his ‘fat clothes’, where she then feeds him macaroni and cheese. When he gets home, he calls Harry for help with his eating. Molly can tell from Mike’s behavior that he is cheating on his diet. However, when Molly walks in, Mike pretends that he is helping Harry, who then takes Mike to a different Overeaters session, this one for gay men. Harry pretends that he is Kevin, and that Mike is a Renaldo, and that they have an adopted African son named Chadwick. On the way home, Mike pulls in a drive-thru, and Harry tries to stop him by jumping on the car. On Thanksgiving Day, Carl brings Christina and his grandmother, and upon arrival, goes upstairs to talk to Mike and convinces him that he needs to come clean with Molly. When she comes upstairs, he admits that he has been cheating on his diet. She says she’s not upset by him cheating, but it did disappoint her that he couldn’t talk to her. They decide to be honest with each other, and they both head out together for an O.A. session, leaving the others at home to enjoy Thanksgiving. As they are leaving, Mike’s mother is arriving and offers them some banana pudding for the ride. When George asks if anyone wants to share, Mike jumps up and greets the group. Kevin Brief is Al, with the gay O.A. group. 12/12/23
• 034. Molly Needs a Number – 12/5/2011
  • Carl has been in an outstanding mood since he began dating Christina. Mike invites them to come over and have dinner at their place instead of wasting money of them all going out. Molly has already been stressed by doing all of the wedding planning and trying to come up with an attendance number for reception. She reluctantly agrees to cook a meal for Carl and Christina, although she is feeling overwhelmed with the wedding planning. As Mike and Carl plan out their evening and meal, Carl reminds Mike of Christina’s nut allergy. Mike goes over to his mother’s house to try and get a number of folks she wants to invite to the wedding, but she seems to have personal problems with almost everyone from the family… and most of her friends as well. After a day of grocery shopping for the meal, Molly tells Mike how stressed she’s feeling, and he tells her that she needs to delegate her tasks so that she doesn’t drive herself and everyone crazy. Molly agrees, and delegate Mike to do a good portion of the tasks. During dinner that night, Mike suggests that they forget the wedding and elope instead. Molly really has her feelings her and walks outside. Christina goes out to talk to her and tells her to make it clear to Mike how important the wedding is to her. While they are talking, Christina’s tongue swells up and her eyes swell shut, thanks to Mike forgetting to tell Molly about the nut allergy. They are all forced to take her to the hospital. After they give her a shot of epinephrine, she is going to be okay. Mike admits he messed up everybody’s night. Molly tells him how much he hurt her, and how much fun she was hoping they would have while planning the wedding together. Mike promises that he will pitch in and help and plan the wedding day together. Carl takes Christina home and apologizes for the way the dinner went. He also asks her if he can count on her to be his date for the wedding. She admits that it is a long way off, but she agrees to be his date and gives him a kiss, much to Carl’s delight. 12/12/23
• 035. Christmas Break – 12/12/2011
  • As Molly and her family put up loads of Christmas decorations in the house, she tells Mike how richly they celebrate all through the season. He admits that Christmas wasn’t that big of a deal when he was growing up, as his parents always ended up fighting, and Mike was usually threatened to have his gifts taken away. Joyce is mostly just interested in drinking the Schnapps. Later, Molly tells her class goodbye for Christmas breaks and asks that they do something nice for someone for Christmas. After the leave, Rebecca stops in to wish Molly a happy holiday and then drops the news that she has gotten the vice-principal job over Molly. Annoyed at this news, Molly stops in the lunchroom to see Peggy, where she joins her and the other lunch ladies Birdie (Carol Lyn Black), Kay (Sonya Eddy), Lynette, and Connie (Marianne Muellerleile) for drinks all afternoon. Meanwhile, Mike and Carl plan out their afternoon portraying Santa and elf for the underprivileged kids. As the afternoon goes on, Molly gets more and more drunk and lets out her feelings about Rebecca getting the job. Peggy maintains that life is cruel and unfair, while Molly clings to the fact that if she works hard, good things will happen to her. Molly winds up coming home drunk, throws tinsel on Mike, tells him that she plans to quit teaching, and then staggers up to her room. The next day, Mike and Carl visit with the kids, but wind up getting into arguments with them when they take a break. One boy named Satchel (Cole Sand) tells Carl that black elves aren’t real, while Mike threatens to butter the kids and eat them. After staying in bed for a day, Molly finally gets up to drink eggnog with alcohol downstairs while Vince watches A Charlie Brown Christmas, and Molly insults the cartoon. Still feeling low, she receives a visit from a former student named Matt Dalton (Ryan Malgarini), who comes to thank her for encouraging his art, now that he was just accepted into the School of Art and Design. When Mike gets home, Molly tells him that she really didn’t want the job as vice-principal anyway and would rather teach and inspire the kids. Isabella Crovetti is Cindy, the little girl getting the doll. Cole Jensen is Molly’s student Willie. Haley Tju is Molly’s student Missy. 4/16/24
• 036. Carl Has Issues – 1/2/2012
  • While having breakfast, Carl tells Mike that he has to eat light because Christina is making him dinner that night. He also admits that he is smitten with her, and is prepared to wait to have sex, although he is always prepared. Meanwhile, Vince takes Joyce and Victoria on a road trip to a casino in Indiana to pick up a truckload of fireworks, which leaves Mike and Molly alone for the weekend in the house, where they are thrilled to be able to make love in any area of the house. As they are discussing this, Vince returns to pick up his packages of condoms. While having their dinner, Christina invites Carl to spend the night at her place. While they are making out after dinner, Christina’s ex-husband James calls so that she can sing to her little boy Jimmy (Jerald Walker). When she sings the song Ooh Child, it moves Carl to tears. The next thing he knows, he flees the house, grabs a bottle of alcohol and gets drunk outside of Molly’s house. He then bangs on the door, interrupting them again, telling them about his predicament. Molly has him stay and sleep on the couch, while Mike is furious that he ruined his night. The next day, Carl avoids Christina’s calls, so she shows up at Abe’s and tells Carl that he is a spineless coward and that she never wants to see him again. Later, Carl confesses to his grandma that he is scared of the relationship because he has no idea how to be a father, since he really never had a father or mother. She tells him that even though he was a difficult child given the circumstances, he gave her some of the best moments of her life. Carl goes to see Christina in the hopes of explaining himself. She gives him a minute to talk to her, and he apologizes and admits that he suffers from some abandonment that he’s never dealt with. He says he reacted poorly but hopes that she’ll give him another chance. She says that her son is at the house, but that she might be willing to see him again. As he leaves, he waves to her little boy Jimmy through the window. He stops over at Molly’s to tell them the good news, once again interrupting them as they are being romantic. This time, Molly slams the door in his face as she and Mike head upstairs. 4/19/24

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