The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – NBC

Created by Paul Fusco and Tom Patchett

Theme music composed by Alf Clausen and Tom Kramer

• 000. Pilot – UNAIRED
  • At dinner in the Tanner household, Lynn asks to borrow Willie’s car since her boyfriend Lash doesn’t have a license, to which he refuses. This leads to an argument about Lash’s merits, and Lynn storms off. Later that night in his observatory, Willie picks up some strange satellite communications that are followed by a bright light, and a crash of spaceship into his roof. Willie carries the unconscious A.L.F. – Alien Life Form – into the living room, and the family debates whether they should call the authorities on the creature. When ALF wakes up, they find he can converse in English. Kate is mostly irritated by having him there, especially when he wakes up next to her in bed. ALF also doesn’t seem to care whether Willie can fix his spaceship, and doesn’t go to any lengths to hide himself from the neighbors the Ochmoneks. He bonds with the children, and Kate and Willie are able to make up and come to an understanding about her driving privileges. ALF tells Kate and Brian that his planet has exploded and there really isn’t anywhere for him to go. An officer named Darnell Valentine (Blackie Dammett) from the alien task force, and Kate quickly volunteers that they are not harboring any aliens. ALF acclimates to being part of the family and is the center of attention telling jokes at the dinner table. Everyone is amused… except for Kate. 11/15/20  

• 001. A.L.F. (aka Pilot) – 9/22/1986
  • One night an alien spacecraft from the planet Melmac lands in the San Fernando Valley area of California, after picking up radio signals from Willie Taylor (Max Wright), a middle-class man living in the suburbs with his wife Kate (Anne Schedeen) and heir children Lynn (Andrea Elson) and Brian (Benji Gregory). The first thought is to call the authorities on this A.L.F – Alien Life Form – (voice of Paul Fusco, puppet operated by Lisa Buckley, Bob Fappiano, and Liz Beth Gower, suit inhabited by Mihaly “Michu” Meszaros) named Gordon Shumway, but fearing that the authorities might hurt him, Willie decides to let him stay there while he tries to fix his ship. Kate finds ALF to be sarcastic, irresponsible, and constantly getting into trouble and wants him to leave. The neighbors Trevor (John LaMotta) and Raquel Ochmonek (Liz Sheridan) spot him through the window and report him to Alien Task Force. Kate has a change of heart when she learns from ALF that his home planet has blown up and he has nowhere to go. When Officer Darnell Valentine (Francis X. McCarthy) comes looking for him based on the tip, the family decides to harbor ALF. They overhear him reaching out to others of his kind in case anyone picks up his signal, and telling them what a nice family he has found… even though he still has his sights set on eating the family cat. 3/26/17

• 002. Strangers in the Night – 9/29/1986
  • Kate is heading to a wedding shower and Willie gets called away to work, so not wanting to leave ALF in charge of Brian, they ask Mrs. Ochmonek to babysit Brian, instructing ALF to stay in the bedroom. ALF is irritated because he wanted to watch Psycho on TV, but agrees to stay out of sight with the promise that if he behaves, he will be able to babysit in the future. As Mrs. Ochmonek watches Psycho, ALF orders a pizza and then gets locked out while waiting for the delivery boy (Mark Levine). ALF sneaks back in and then steals the pizza from Mrs. Ochmonek, but it winds up being claimed by Trevor. Bored back in the bedroom, ALF begins trying on dresses, and answers the phone when Willie calls, and the strangeness from ALF prompts Willie to return home. Meanwhile burglar Andrew Seminick (Larry Hankin) breaks in, but is scared off by ALF. A police officer (Lisle Wilson) catches Seminick and returns the stolen loot. Although he told the officer about the big-nosed alien in the blue dress, the officer assumes he was referring to Mrs. Ochmonek. 3/26/17
• 003. Looking for Lucky – 10/6/1986
  • Willie had to lay down the law when ALF is caught hypnotizing their cat Lucky, and later when the Tanners return home and find the house destroyed, the food gone, and Lucky missing, they assume that ALF ate lucky along with everything else in the house. When he coughs up a hair ball, it seems to confirm their suspicions. ALF sets out – ala The Fugitive – to search for Lucky and prove his innocence, but he is caught by Animal Control and taken to the pound. While there, he spots Lucky and masterminds an escape, and brings Lucky home. However it turns out that he has the wrong cat, but Willie does find Lucky in Mrs. Ochmonek’s basement. ALF thinks he now has a free pass to misbehave for a while, since it was proven that he was innocent in the situation. Darwin Joston works at the Animal Shelter, and Jed Mills and Carrie Lorraine are the father and his daughter Heidi who nearly adopt the cat that ALF thinks is Lucky. 10/22/17
• 004. Pennsylvania 6-5000 – 10/13/1986
  • ALF has not only been monopolizing the Taylor home phone, but he also reassembles Willie’s band radio in order to call Air Force One to make his plea to President Reagan (Harry Shearer) to call a truce on the nuclear weapon race, his fear stemming form having Melmac destroyed by nuclear arms. He gets hold of Presidential assistants Mr. Defoe (Arthur Rosenberg) and Hogarth (Richard Sanders), who turn the matter over to the F.B.I., resulting in agents Stele (Vince McKewin) and Addison (Meshach Taylor) visiting the Taylor home and arresting Willie. ALF doesn’t give up and calls again, and this time they mistake his call for a terrorist threat. Stele and Addison return, but this time Brian pretends that it was him making the calls. The F.B.I. drops the charges, Willie is released, and Reagan gets an earful from ALF and reconsiders the arms race. Willie tells Lynn that she can get her own phone line. Harry Shearer also plays Larry. 3/30/17
• 005. Keepin’ the Faith – 10/20/1986
  • ALF once again feels the brunt of the blame when the family begins struggling financially. Feeling like a parasite and freeloader, ALF calls a magazine ad and gets a job selling Terry Faith cosmetics, but Willie hits the roof when he finds out that not only has ALF purchased $4000 of the product with his credit card, but has also invited over a houseful of women as potential customers… and expects the Tanners to host them. Their anger becomes bemusement as the product does in fact begin to sell itself. When all is said and done, the family has sold the product and made a small profit, or at least enough to pay for one of ALF’s phone calls to Munich. Mary Jo Catlett, Myrna White, Bunny Summers, and Sandy Freeman are customers. Alan David Gelman is the delivery man. 10/22/17
• 006. For Your Eyes Only – 11/3/1986
  • ALF surprises Willie and Kate with a cake for their anniversary, but the party is cut short when they have other plans. ALF listens to a lonely-hearts radio program hosted by Dr. Laura Schrock (Carol Williard), and relating to a girl named Jody (Andrea Covell) who feels lonely and different, ALF calls the station to talk to her and be her friend. ALF plans to go visit Jody, but even when he reveals to the family that Jody is blind, they dissuade him from making friends outside the family. ALF feels as lonely as ever, Lynn helps sneak him over to meet with Jody. ALF and Jody get along great, but ALF admits he can’t tell her about his secret and asks her to trust him… and she agrees. ALF and Lynn get away with the visit, but ALF warns that they might get caught Saturday, when Jody is going to come visit. 5/24/18
• 007. Help Me, Rhonda – 11/10/1986
  • With Brian approaching his seventh birthday, ALF starts reminiscing bout his 228th birthday, which occurred not only the date that Melmac blew up, but on the day that he had arranged a date with a girl named Rhonda (Lisa Buckley). Ralph has trouble sleeping, and when he finally falls asleep, he dreams of his birthday dinner with his friend Skip (Bob Fappiano). When he wakes up, he decides that he wants to return to Melmac. In fact he is so homesick, he becomes physically homesick, to the point of irritating Kate who is waiting him on hand and foot. Willie and Brian work on the band radio to try and contact someone from Melmac, and eventually gets hold of Skip, who agrees to swing by and pick him up. Brian is devastated and it ruins his birthday, but nevertheless ALF says his goodbyes heads out to the roof to await his ride. As the family laments his departure, ALF comes back inside to give Willie his watch back and give Brian his birthday gift. As the time window disintegrates, ALF makes it clear that he’s stalling in order to miss the ride home, because he’s miss the family more than he misses his friends and Rhonda. 1/1/19
• 008. Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue – 11/17/1986
  • Lynn’s high school crush Scott Maynard (Kurt McKinney) asks her if he can keep his rock band equipment in their garage, and Willie agrees to allow her. ALF seems put off when Scott comes over, and then later asks Kate what women like, admitting to her that he has a crush on someone in the house. Kate thinks that ALF likes her, so she tells him that women like to have poems written for them. Meanwhile Scott and Lynn hit it off and he asks her to out with him. While she is gone, ALF enlists Willie’s help to put his poem to music, but then decides to do it himself and creates an all-out rock video of himself playing his song You’re the One Whose Out of This World while playing all of Scott’s instruments. When Lynn and Scott return from the date, ALF makes sure to interrupt them so that he can’t kiss her goodnight, laying the blame at Willie’s feet. Willie has a talk with ALF about teenage dating and tells him that he will have to accept it. Lynn is furious with ALF, but after she sees the video he made, she is very touched… but still has to let ALF know that they can only be close friends. 1/1/19
• 009. Jump – 11/24/1986
  • It is Willie’s birthday, and since Alf can’t go out shopping, he gives Willie a box of photos he found in the basement that contain old photos and letters from their high school and college days, including photos of Kate with her ex-boyfriends Nolan Westwood (Michael Lemon), Animal (Thomas Callaway), and Joe Nameth (himself). It also contains an old menu on which they had jotted down their goals and aspirations. One of them is Willie’s goal to go skydiving, a task he did one attempt but chickened out. His predictability in life starts to plague him and he decides to go skydiving again. That night he has a dream about his college dean Dean Houseman (Ivan Bonar) presenting superlative awards to Nolan and Joe for their accomplishments and naming ALF the Man of the Century. The next day, Willie begins practicing for his landing roll, and then goes up into the plane. After all of the other jumpers have exited the plane, Willie tells his instructor (Tim Rossovich) that he is going to pass on the jump. However the instructor doesn’t hear him, so Willie just goes ahead and takes the plunge, making his family proud. He thinks about tackling new tasks, but realizes he first needs to get the radiator flushed. ALF, inspired by Willie’s college goal of building a better mouse trap, builds a better cat trap. Clyde Kusatsu, Brad Thornton, and Susan Lavine are skydivers. NOTE: Most scenes with Animal are deleted in syndication and on DVD release. 1/2/20
• 010. Baby, You Can Drive My Car – 12/1/1986
  • When Lynn misses attending a Pretenders concert because the family car breaks down, Lynn chastises her parents for not having a second car. They agree to pay for half of an affordable, yet reliable, car if Lynn gets a job to supplement the other half. Soon her schoolwork is suffering and she is constantly exhausted, and ALF berates Kate for not just buying her the car, much to Kate’s chagrin. However she and Willie discuss the notion, but come to the conclusion that things are more valuable if you earn them. ALF disagrees and has his broker Joel sell the gold from his spaceship to buy Lynn a $90,000 Ferrari. Lynn is ecstatic, but Willie tells her that she cannot accept the car and must work to earn it. ALF gets irritated and heads out in the car, taking it down the highway. He ends up wrecking it along the drive, and then crashing through the Tanner garage. ALF agrees to sell the car to pay for the garage. Later he also makes repairs to the family car, but when Willie takes it out for a test drive, it drives in the wrong direction and he too crashes through the now-repaired garage. Robert Costanzo is the tow truck driver Burt (scenes removed in syndication and on DVD release). 1/2/20
• 011. On the Road Again – 12/8/1986
  • Although the Taylors are planning a vacation to San Diego, when ALF blows up the stove while making a peanut butter sandwich, they decide they can’t really leave ALF at home, nor can they take him out in public. They decide on taking a camper to the woods, but when it rains constantly and ALF gets cranky, it leads to a fight between him and Willie. ALF runs off and heads home, but gets lost and winds up in a cabin where he meets two hillbillies Artie (Mickey Jones) and Sam (Sam Whipple), who capture ALF and plan to cook him, even though ALF reveals to Sam that he can talk. Willie tracks him down and is planning on taking him, but Artie insists on being paid $100 for him, and Willie obliges. The Taylors enjoy the rest of the vacation, even though ALF ends up burning down the camper too. 3/30/17
• 012. Oh, Tannerbaum – 12/22/1986
  • On Christmas Eve ALF is trying to get the hang of Christmas, but he makes a few rookie mistakes like hiding colored eggs and chopping up the Christmas tree for firewood. Willie goes out to replace it, but since everything is sold out, he is forced to buy an artificial tree. Kate and the kids leave to go carolling, and Willie and ALF stay behind to put up the tree. It seems flimsy and starts to break in areas, leaving Willie to regret not buying a real tree. He decides to head out to the McConnell tree farm to cut down one of his own. Thanks to ALF’s mishandling of the map, they wind up driving off road and getting stuck in the mud. Back home, the family is concerned with the fact that they are not home yet, and are distracted by a visit from Mr. Ochmonek. Willie falls asleep and dreams of a perfect Christmas without ALF where his family is happy with the artificial tree, but things start to unravel when Kate points out that it is crooked and she calls a tree repairman, who turns out to be ALF. He wakes up in the car form the nightmare and finds that ALF has cut down a tree and loaded it in the car, and a park ranger is on his way to help them. Although it costs Willie $367 in fines and a two, he is happy the family is able to enjoy a tree. ALF contributes to the holiday by buying everyone gifts from the hardware store using Willie’s account. 4/15/20
• 013. Mother and Child Reunion – 1/12/1987
  • Kate’s overbearing mother Dorothy Halligan (Anne Meara) stops by en route to Hawaii with her friend Crazy Estelle for a three-day visit with the Tanners. ALF is upset because he has to be relegated to the garage, so he sneaks in each night and sleeps under Willie and Kate’s bed. Dorothy manages to criticize Kate on every front, from her parenting to her housekeeping to her cooking. When she gets in an argument with Estelle, she decides not to go to Hawaii, but to continue staying with the family. ALF tries to convince her to tell her how she feels… and also to tell her about his existence. They think it over, but before they get a chance, Dorothy runs into ALF in the kitchen and he introduces himself. The next morning, she sees him again and realizes it isn’t a dream. When the entire family convenes in the kitchen, ALF insults Dorothy and brings everything out in the open. Kate admits that she wanted her to leave because of how insulting she is. Dorothy promises to back off, and stands aside for Kate to make her runny pancakes. Dorothy even warms up to ALF somewhat and makes him a gift muzzle. 4/15/20
• 014. A Little Bit of Soap – 1/19/1987
  • Alf is ecstatic that Dorothy is on her way out to resume her vacation with Estelle, but when Estelle decides to say with her family a little longer, Dorothy announces that she is going to be staying with the Tanners longer. While Alf is watching his soap opera, Dorothy changes the channel to her soap opera One World to Hope For much to Alf’s irritation. When Estelle sprains her ankle, Dorothy’s visit stretches from days to weeks, which begins driving everyone crazy. Alf takes note on the proceedings, and later get the entire to family to watch One World to Hope For, and much to their surprise they see that the script was written by Alf Shumway. The show’s characters Dorothy (Jessica James), her daughter Monica (Deborah White) and Monica’s husband (Robert Pine) act out the situation going on at the Tanner house with Kate’s frustration with her mother’s presence. This causes a rift between Dorothy and Kate, and Dorothy finally admits that she lied about Estelle’s ankle, because Estelle was driving her crazy. As they discuss this, Alf pens the upcoming script for the next day’s show. When he comes down with a case of writer’s block, Willie tries to talk him through coming up with ideas. Finally he submits a script and the family gathers around to watch it, which infuses the TV family with more warmth and sweetness. Unfortunately the producers change Alf’s script and make the Dorothy and Monica say horrible things to each other. Alf has the family read his actual script which is heartfelt and moving. Furthermore Alf reveals that Estelle has actually kicked her out of the house, a fact he got from calling Estelle herself. The family assures Dorothy that she can stay with them as long as she wants. She does however say that in Alf’s new script, he has told her that she needs to have a life of her own, and she intends on doing just that. Although they are all surprised that Alf is writing another script after being re-written, he reveals that after he saw his paycheck he couldn’t resist. Randy Sutter is Butch, and Kristen Taylor Johnson is the baby, both in the soap opera. 7/28/20
• 015. I’ve Got a New Attitude – 2/2/1987
  • Dorothy has gotten a new apartment and is getting ready to move from the Tanner house into her new place. Her new neighbor Whizzer Dever (Paul Dooley) insists on helping her move and won’t stop following her around. Willie remembers Whizzer as a former talented clarinetist who played at the Juniper Club. When Dorothy keeps blowing him off, Alf interjects and tells her that her late husband Sparky wants her to date again. He claims that he can speak to the dead, and tells Dorothy many private things that only Sparky would have known. No one believes ALF so he holds a seance, and is able to conjure the voice of Sparky to tell her to move on and date others. Unfortunately when Sparky’s voice slows down, it is revealed that ALF has been using Willie’s new tape recorder to simulate the voice. Dorothy is furious and leaves in a huff. ALF has himself delivered via a Jack Rabbit courier (Stephen Seigel) to her new apartment. He tells her that he was only doing it for her, and expresses understanding on how hard it is to move on when one loses loved ones… very similar to what he experienced by leaving Melmac. When Whizzer stops by again, this time she invites him to stay and visit and the two go to dinner. She even gives Sparky’s old clarinet to Whizzer. Much to Kate’s surprise, Dorothy tells her to tell ALF thanks. ALF has himself delivered home by the courier again. 7/28/20
• 016 & 017. Try to Remember – 2/9/1987
  • ALF takes a fall while taking a bath, and the bump on his head causes him to think that his name is Wayne Schlagel from Michigan Life & Casualty. Through flashbacks of his arrival, the family tries to convince him that he is an alien life form from the planet Melmac. ALF, who had been reading insurance literature before the fall, calls the office of Wayne Schlagel, and speaks to the secretary Brenda (Judy Landers), with whom Wayne is having an affair, and leaves the number where he can be reached. The family continues to flash back to previous events of his adaptation to Christmas initial feud with Kate, but ALF continues to maintain that he is Wayne. Willie won’t let him leave, so ALF claims he is being held hostage. Kate tries to get advice from the doctor on how to cure the amnesia, but the doctor only jokes that he should be hit with a rolling pin. Kate reminisces about how much mischief ALF has gotten into. ALF can only talk about the configuration of his insurance office. Brian tries to bring ALF a plate of donuts and brownies, but ‘Wayne” says he has a delicate stomach, prompting remembrances of ALF’s strange food moments. ALF pretends that he has regained his memory to get Willie to let him go, but Willie doesn’t fall for it, telling ALF that it is for his own good that the outside world not see him. Willie tells him about previous time when ALF had been in jeopardy of being exposed. ALF calls the police and reports that he has kidnapped, warning Willie that he is going to jail, prompting Willie to recall the time that ALF caused him to be thrown in jail as a terrorist thanks to ALF. Brenda calls back and wants to meet with him, but he claims he is being kidnapped. She thinks he is lying and threatens to expose their affair to Wayne’s wife. Lynn shows ALF the video of You’re the One Whose Out of This World that he made for her, hoping to jog his memory, but he thinks that the person in the video is just a look-alike. As they remind him of times he was made part of the family, one of ALF’s familiar laughs surfaces, which surprises even him. He starts to remember things, but feels he is being brainwashed. He also doesn’t understand why the family would want back ALF, who sounds like a terrible person. The family convinces him that they love him and that they’re afraid of losing him. The family gets excited again when ALF starts talking about eating cats and he remembers many of his previous cat encounters. When Brian brings Lucky in, ALF goes for him, suddenly re-gaining most of his memory… just before the police arrive. ALF heads back to his bath, while the officer (Nick Angotti) gets word that Wayne Schlagel was found safe in sound in the hospital, where his wife recently put him. 11/12/20
• 018. Border Song – 2/16/1987
  • ALF has started the new hobby of gardening and has filled most of the backyard with vegetables and manure. Although most of the vegetables that come out don’t resemble what they’re supposed to be, the family winds up with a huge supply of zucchini… even though ALF didn’t grow any. Meanwhile at the office, Willie is desperately trying to find the father of a boy named Luis Mancia (Phillip Gordon) who speaks no English, so he can put the boy on a bus to Mexico to meet him. When Willie’s secretary Ms. Wine (Diane Civita aka Diane Cary) is of little help, Willie decides to drive the boy to the bus station himself to make sure he gets off okay. Willie winds up making a wrong turn and Luis misses his bus, so Willie brings him home to stay at their house. That night Willie sneaks out the back of the house, but stops to check out ALF’s garden. ALF thinks he is the neighbor’s dog Bob Barker, and attempts to chase him off. Luis thinks that ALF is the devil, but soon they start talking in Spanish and they become friends. When Willie’s boss Warren (Earl Boen) confronts Willie about taking home Luis, he doubles down on efforts to find Luis’s father Fredo. Ms. Wine finally starts helping and contacts an ex-boyfriend living in Mexico. They eventually track down Fredo, and find he is actually living locally in Riverside. Luis admits that his father came to work in the states, and that Luis was actually trying to get back to Mexico so that he could be with his friend. ALF has a private talk with Luis and convinces him to give America a try. Willie sends him back to his father with a large supply of zucchini. ALF also retires from gardening after breaking the hoe on a water main. His newest hobby becomes raising earthworms, much to Kate’s disgust. 3/2/21
• 019. Wild Thing – 3/2/1987
  • ALF calls a family meeting, disrupting Kate’s shower and Lynn’s phone call, to announce that on March 2, he will go through a daylong change that occurs every 75 years, in which he goes goofy and has an insatiable appetite for cats. He makes Willie build him a cage and makes everyone promise they won’t let him out no matter what happens or how ALF tries to fool them. That night when Brian gets up for a snack, ALF is able to convince him that it’s okay to let him out since it is now morning on Melmac. Once he gets out, he pushes Brian in the cage and makes his escape. Willie and Kate initially aren’t sure if it is actually Willie in the cage, but when they confirm Willie isn’t in his room, they realize that Brian had been duped. Willie tracks him over to the Ochmonek house, where he goes over and asks to see Lucky. He nearly catches ALF as he prepares the toaster over, but ALF escapes on the Ochmonek’s riding lawnmower without harming Lucky. Willie and the family then track the police scanner for reports of missing cats, and in the case of the zoo, a missing tiger. They are unsuccessful in finding ALF, but the next morning Brian tries to use telepathy to bring ALF home. Sure enough, he shows up for the final stage of the ‘change’: to spend the day quoting famous people. Willie finds the tiger in the garage. 3/3/21
• 020. Going Out of My Head Over You – 3/16/1987
  • When Brian has to lie to his friend David to make an excuse why he can’t sleep over at their house, Willie tries to encourage him not to lie, even though sometimes it has to be done to protect ALF. It starts to wear on Willie, especially when Mrs. Ochmonek stops over when she gets locked out of her house, and Willie not only has to hide ALF, but also has to put up with his barrage of practical jokes: squirting Willie with a fake flower, putting a whoopee cushion in the couch, and putting tacks on the floor. Kate suggests that Willie speaks with a psychiatrist since they are sworn to secrecy. Willie finally agrees to go see his friend Dr. Larry Dykstra (Bill Daily), and tells him the truth about ALF. Larry thinks it is a joke, until Willie shows him ALF’s photograph. Larry comes over to meet ALF and have dinner to see if they can iron out their grievances. ALF is familiar with psychiatry from watching episodes of The Bob Newhart Show, so he is on his best behavior around the doctor. Willie adamantly insists that he acts differently under normal circumstances, so Larry has them play a role reversal game. Since it sounds like they can’t stand each other, Larry suggest that ALF move out. Willie says he can’t do that because ALF would be unprotected, and he admits that hre really cares about ALF, who in turn tells Willie how much he really likes him. They all toast their renewed friendship, Willie naturally using one of ALF’s dribble glasses. Jack Riley appears as Dr. Dykstra’s patient, presumably Elliot Carlin of The Bob Newhart Show. 7/1/21
• 021. Lookin’ Through the Windows – 3/23/1987
  • During a series of power outages, ALF passes the time by listening to the Ochmoneks fighting and keeping track of who is winning. Later Trevor comes over to the house to get away from Raquel, but then she comes over and retrieves him. ALF continues to spy later, and is certain that he sees Trevor kill her with an ice pick. That night he has nightmares that Trevor is stalking him with an ice pick, and then later he spies Trevor digging a huge hole in the backyard. ALF calls Trevor on the phone, pretending to survey him, until Kate puts a stop to it. Later Willie looks through the window and sees ALF snooping around in the Ochmonek house. Willie tries to call and occupy Trevor, but ALF answers the phone. ALF manages to sneak out, with Raquel’s false teeth in hand, and then begins preparing his statement to the jury. All the while, Willie and Kate try to stop ALF from bothering Trevor, but soon the family starts to suspect him when Cate sees Trevor walking toward Willie with his ice pick. Just then the lights go out, and everyone freaks out, and ALF calls the police. Cate rushes next door to see that Trevor and Willie are having drinks at his bar. When he mentions that there is blood all over his bathroom, Cate really becomes suspicious… just as a policeman (Bill McIntyre) shows up. Trevor explains that he buried a side of beef that went bad in the backyard. Raquel had gone to stay with her sister until the smell went away. Lynn later catches ALF spying on the Ochmoneks again, but this time he is waiting for them to go to bed so he can dig up the meat in the yard. 7/1/21
• 022. It Isn’t Easy… Bein’ Green – 3/30/1987
  • Willie is writing lyrics for Brian’s Franklin Elementary first grade pageant The Nutrition Follies, in which Brian will be playing the asparagus. Brian is worried about being criticized by his mean classmate Spencer (Joshua Rudoy), who comes over and in fact not only criticizes Brian’s performance, but also Willie’s writing and Kate’s costumes. Brian decides he doesn’t want to sing in the play and heads off to the show intending to watch from the sidelines. Before they leave, ALF has a chat with Brian and passes along a lucky tooth that helped him get through stage fright during some of his own performances on Melmac. Unfortunately Brian walks off without the tooth, and when he realizes it, he refuses to go on. Spencer stalls the audience with his failed jokes, while ALF, who has found the tooth, tries to figure out how to get it to the school. The lack of response to Spencer’s jokes makes him nervous to go on too, but Brian helps him through it, and the ‘Asparaguys’ both go on and do their act. When the family arrives home, they find ALF in one of the costumes prepared to fill in for him. Brian tells ALF that his courage came from inside, and not the lucky tooth. Marcia Wallace is the principal Mrs. Lyman. 5/24/18
• 023. The Gambler – 4/6/1987
  • As the Tanner family is preparing for a garage sale, ALF finds their credit card statement and he believes they are hugely in debt when he sees their $11,000 balloon payment. When Dorothy comes over to help with the garage sale and ALF witnesses her watching a horse race she gambled on, ALF decides to contact h/ber bookie Nick ‘The Fish’ Mintz (David Leisure) and place his own bet. Things start going well for ALF, until one his horses falls down and doesn’t get up. This was a huge bet, and he finds himself $6000 in the hole. After speaking with Nick, and questioning Kate on what happens to people who can’t pay gambling debts, he becomes scared to death. He marks up all of the items in the garage sale into the thousand-dollar range, causing them to be unable to sell anything. When Willie and Kate questions ALF, he admits what he did, and then leaves Willie to face the wrath of Nick, who indeed lays down a veiled threat before telling them to come up with the money by any means possible. After they lay into ALF, a film set decorator named Carl Buck (Lee Ryan), who is filming a movie called Jupiter Guys, and wants to buy ALF’s spaceship in the garage sales. Willie agrees to accept $6000 for Buck to rent it, and ALF approves. They have him make the check out to Nick Mintz. Bob Larkin, Pamela McMyler, and Phil Rubenstein are garage sale customers. 11/24/21
• 024. Weird Science – 4/13/1987
  • When ALF calls Willie home form work for an emergency, and it turns out to be that the TV is on the fritz, Willie retaliates by taking his own sweet time to get it repaired. He finally decides to return it to the manufacturer, but it turns out to be located in Libya. Willie decides to fix it himself, but ALF takes it upon himself to call up TV consumer advocate Consumer Ed (Garry Goodrow). Meanwhile, Brian is working on his project for the Science Carnival, and he decides to do a model of the solar system and its nine planets. ALF, however, assures him that there are actually eleven planets and that he has forgotten the planets Alvin and Dave. Willie thinks ALF is lying, but Brian believes him and adds the two additional planets. This causes him to fail the project, and he becomes upset with ALF, who then calls the school and yells at the teacher Ms. Larva. The principal Mrs. Lyman stops by the house to clear up the matter with Willie, who is trying to fix the TV which has blown up in his face thanks to ALF turning on the electric to it. While she is there, ALF shows Willie the intergalactic map that he uses, which indeed includes the planets. Willie remembers a story about an astronomer who might have possibly spotted one at one point, and now he believes ALF. He tells Mrs. Lyman that he cannot ask Brian to change the model, as there needs to be a place for free thinkers. Just at that time, Consumer Ed shows up at the house to film a segment on the broken TV. Mrs. Lyman thinks it is an expose on the school, so she suddenly changes her tune and invites Brian to include his model in the Science Carnival. Later the Tanner family attempts to watch the news piece on Brian’s model, but the TV blows up. 11/23/21
• 025. La Cuckaracha – 5/4/1987
  • ALF find a slug flavored slime ball dessert in his spaceship, but it also comes with a live roach that winds up on the kitchen floor. Kate tries to kill it with bug spray, but it only causes it to grow in size to be a foot long. Kate and the kids leave home to go stay with her mother. Willie thinks he’s killed it with an entire can of bug spray, but this makes it to grow to the size of a giant dog. Willie brings in an exterminator (Douglas Warhit), but when he arrives, Willie advises him not to use his bug spray. When he sees the giant roach, he goes running from the house. ALF wants to evacuate the house, but Willie won’t let him leave and insists on researching what will kill the roach. Willie determines that Boric Acid might be the solution, but before he can try it, his neighbor Trevor comes over and says that since he saw his exterminator fleeing, he has sprayed the bug spray all around Willie’s house. Willie heads out to get some Boric Acid, leaving a petrified ALF behind in the house. The cockroach starts to stalk ALF through the house and traps him in the bathroom. In defense, ALF sprays it with the perfume that Willie had gotten Kate for Christmas. When Willie returns, he finds the cockroach dead in the living room. He gives Kate the good news, so the family can return home. ALF relishes the fact of being the hero and wants to keep telling the story. He also comes up with a Venus Flytrap that is actually from Venus. When it eats a pencil, the family springs into action to get rid of that as well. 5/5/22
• 026. Come Fly with Me – 5/11/1987
  • ALF has been going through the mail and manages to subscribe to hundreds of magazines though the Publishers Clearinghouse. They also get an offer to get a free talking toaster if they attend a sales pitch for the Rancho Estates vacation home that is seven hours away. Trevor stops by to give Willie a garbage can for all of the subscription cards all over his lawn. He sees the vacation home offer that Willie has and offers to fly them to Rancho Estates and spend the weekend with them. They reluctantly agree to go together on Trevor’s friend’s cargo plane, where they are also transporting pigs. Kate thinks it is safe to leave ALF home alone, but ALF winds up ending Kate’s suitcase and stows away. Willie is furious when he shows up in their room, and is nervous about having him out in public. He can’t sleep that night because he’s so nervous, and then gets up early and finds that ALF has left the room to go fishing for catfish. That evening they go to the banquet in the condo ballroom, where the sales manager Bill Lohman (Archie Hahn III) tries to get them to listen to a sales pitch, and insists that ALF stay in the room. ALF keeps himself busy by cooking the catfish in the talking toaster. During the meal, Willie sees ALF out the window grabbing a fire extinguisher and taking it back to the room. The Tanners and the Ochmoneks get kicked out of the condo and have to fly back home, this time with a pair of hyenas. Trevor, having eaten shellfish that he was allergic to at the dinner, passes out while he is flying. No one knows what to do, so ALF comes out from the cargo holding area while Raquel is in the bathroom, and he flies the plane and lands it. Once they get home, ALF keeps looking for more thanks and accolades for saving their lives. ALF finishes cooking his catfish in the talking toaster while the family reluctantly thanks him again. 5/5/22

SEASON 2

• 027. Working My Way Back to You – 9/21/1987
  • While playing Skleenball in the living room with Brian, ALF accidentally slings his can of anchovies into an expensive painting on the wall. After Kate berates him for being so destructive, he tosses the can again, and this time it goes through the same painting. As punishment, Kate and Willie banish ALF to the garage for a week. Willie gives him permission to take on thing from the house into the garage, but ALF winds up taking the furniture and the microwave. ALF begs for Willie to stay with him in the garage, but then he proposes that the be allowed to go back into the house on a seven-day trial, and if he messes up, he gets permanently banished to the garage. Kate and Willie agree to this, and they soon find that ALF has dressed up in shirt and bowtie, returned the furniture to the house, repaired the painting, cleaned the house, and has prepared a fancy breakfast. Everyone is stunned by his behavior, and even Trevor is surprised how nicely the outside fence has been painted. Willie claims that they have a manservant named Jeeves for the week. By the end of the seven days, everyone is tired of the fancy food and ALF’s constant cleaning, but ALF won’t quit until the seven days have passed. The family decides to vacate the house for the last day to be away from him, but Willie does agree to have ALF make a duck a l’Orange for his last meal. Just as the week reaches its end, ALF realizes he has forgotten to light the oven, but that the gas has been running. When he lights it, he blows up the kitchen and starts the house on fire. When the Tanners return, they find Trevor in the destroyed living room, having called the fire department. ALF concedes that he has lost the bet, but Kate shows mercy on him and tells him they just want the old ALF back… but they want the new ALF’s cleaning abilities to help clean up the mess. 9/2/22
• 028. Somewhere Over the Rerun aka The Ballad of Gilligan’s Island – 9/28/1987
  • ALF has become obsessed with the TV sitcom Gilligan’s Island. He dresses up in beach attire and makes coconut cocktails, and he and Brian watch it together. He then wants to talk about it all night with Willie and Kate, and wonders why life is so much more exciting on the island versus in his own house. The next morning, Willie finds that ALF has dug up the back yard and filled the hole with water in order to create his own lagoon like on the show. Willie tells him that he must work outside until he’s filled the hole back up. While working, ALF falls asleep and dreams that he is on Gilligan’s Island with Gilligan (Bob Denver), the Skipper (Alan Hale Jr.), Mary Ann (Dawn Wells), and the Professor (Russell Johnson). He finds their antics just as hilarious as they are on TV, but he realizes that they all seem bored with the same old food and same old activities every day. They put ALF to work on digging a miniature golf course for them. The castaways’ only highlight it seems is watching TV ever since the Professor was able to rig one up. They enjoy a show called The Adventures of the Tanner Family, starring his family. They find the show hilarious and they love the fact that they can do all of the things that the castaways cannot do. ALF realizes how much he misses his home, which prompts him to wake up in his backyard. He tells Willie how much he now appreciates the adventure in his own back yard. Willie tells him that he still needs to fill in the lagoon. He has a new appreciation for Kate’s cooking, and thinks Willie is hilarious in everything he says. Willie checks the backyard to see ALF’s progress on the lagoon, and surmises that ALF is watching Bonanza now since there is now a stagecoach there. 9/2/22
• 029. Take a Look at Me Now – 10/5/1987
  • While picking avocados in the back yard, ALF absentmindedly says hello to Raquel, who is working in her back yard next door. She freaks out and starts looking all over for the alien, coming to the Tanner house to report what she saw. She becomes obsessed with finding the alien, warning the neighbors, and putting up signs all over the neighborhood. She is invited to go on the talk show The Lenny Scott Show, where the host Lenny Scott (Raye Birk) listens to folks’ wacky stories and then makes fun of them. ALF attempts to stand up for Raquel’s honor and calls into the show and insults Scott’s toupee before he is hung up on and labeled as the Cuckoo of the Week. ALF is confined to the house and is going stir crazy being indoors all of the time. Willie comes home and tells the family that the good news is that Trevor is taking down Raquel’s signs all over the neighborhood, but the bad news is that Raquel is so traumatized by what she saw that she just sits in front of the TV all day and speaks to no one. ALF feels bad, so he rigs an electronic feed from the Tanner garage to the Ochmoneks’ TV. He sends her a ‘broadcast’ from outer space and tells her that no matter who believes her, what she knows is real and that there are aliens out there. He also asks her to leave pumpkin pie on their patio twice a week and not to question when it disappears. Willie tells ALF that he did a good thing to make Raquel feel better. Later. Trevor stops by to see if the Tanners have seen the pumpkin pie, and also tells them that at least Raquel is now happy, but still believes in the alien. 12/20/22
• 030. Wedding Bell Blues – 10/12/1987
  • Willie catches ALF writing checks out of his checkbook, even trying to make a donation to the Brothers of the Peaceful Dominion. Later, ALF is looking for something to do, but Brian is busy trying on his Friar Tuck costume for his upcoming play. Lynn is putting together her family tree for her Sociology class. Kate suggests that ALF put together his family tree as well. Willie retrieves some of ALF’s storage form his spaceship and runs across his parents’ wedding picture. When he realizes that his parents were married before he was born, he is aghast and shamed. Willie and Kate don’t understand why it matters, but they let him stay in their room while they sleep on the couch so that ALF can contemplate his woes. ALF decides to run away, and he lives an audio recording indicating he is going to find a place where “peace and tranquility allow for the contemplation of life’s vicissitudes.” He dons Brian’s Friar Tuck costume and shows up at the Brothers of the Peaceful Dominon monastery. All of the monks live in silent contemplation, while ALF tries to tell them jokes. Lynn recognizes ALF’s quote about vicissitudes jars her memory of the monastery flyer that ALF was donating to. Willie tracks him down there and tries to talk him into coming home. He tells a tale of the time he first realized his mother wore a wig and the shock that resulted. He tells ALF that parents keep things from their children because they don’t want to lose their respect. He tells ALF that they miss him and don’t care about his ‘seedy’ past. As ALF is eating his cookies, which he now believes are called ‘vespers’, he tells his mother and father’s photo that he is no longer upset that they kept their marriage a secret. He also tells the picture that Willie’s mother wears a wig. John Miranda is Ed the monk. Michael Alaimo is the other monk. 12/21/22 
• 031. Prime Time – 10/19/1987
  • The Tanners are selected to be a Thompson family, which requires them to keep a ‘people log’ of what they watch on TV so that the networks can determine their show ratings. An installer named Ron (Darrow Igus) hooks up their box and immediately, ALF starts to question it. Willie doesn’t want ALF to participate, but the kids insist that he is part of the family and should be able to contribute. While Willie and Kate are watching The McNeil/Lehrer Report, Travor stops by to asks them to turn on their sprinklers while they go to Washington. They discuss the Thompson box and how his favorite show Polka Jamboree is last in the ratings. ALF overhears and suddenly becomes concerned with the survival of the show, especially when he sees an interviewer (Tom Patchett) interviewing NBC President Brandon Tartikoff (David Leisure) talking about the new ratings system. In order to save the show, ALF hooks the Thompson box up to his spaceship and patches in viewers all over the country, then calls them all individually and asks them to tune into Polka Jamboree. A week later, the host (James Gallery) announces that they are now number one in the ratings. Meanwhile over at NBC, Tartikoff is getting calls from other NBC stars like Bill Cosby, complaining about falling out of the #1 spot. Tartikoff tells his secretary Barbara (Nancy McNamara) that he wants to develop additional shows about polka. Two workmen (Al Fann, Robert Gallo) show up to move Tartikoff out of his office since he was the one who originally passed on Polka Jamboree for the network. ALF calls him to come clean about the skewing of the ratings that he caused. He also tries pitching an idea about an ordinary suburban family who has an alien thrust into their lives. Ron shows up at the Tanner house to remove the Thompson ratings box. Willie punishes ALF by making him listen to him read the list of all of the phone numbers he called. NOTE: NBC executive producer Michele Brustin is credited as appearing in the episode but does not appear in the DVD version. 6/9/23
• 032. Some Enchanted Evening – 10/26/1987
  • With Halloween coming up, Brian wants to go as a vampire while ALF wants to go as Gene Shalit. However, Willie and Kate decide that ALF won’t be able to go out for Trick or Treat for fear of him getting identified as an alien. Meanwhile, Willie is worried that he won’t be getting an upcoming promotion because he yelled at his boss for taking him off his current case doing work for orphans so that he can help track down the company water cooler. ALF overhears his conversation with Kate and tells Willie that if he lets him go out for Trick or Treat, he will help him get his promotion. ALF suggests to Willie that he throw a Halloween party and invite his boss Mr. Walter Burke (Richard Roat) and his wife Felicia (Melanie Noble) and the suck up to him at the party. Willie refuses to suck up to anyone, but since Kate decides she wants the party, he agrees to have that after all. ALF takes it upon himself to not only invite Mr. Burke, but to also tell all of the invitees that it is a costume party. Willie is embarrassed when everyone starts showing up in costumes when he and Kate aren’t wearing one. ALF makes it obvious why he wanted everyone in costume: so that he too could show up to the party and make everyone believe he is merely wearing a costume. Willie is furious but tells ALF to get himself caught if that’s what he wants. ALF quickly becomes the life of the party, but when he encourages Mr. Burke to do the limbo, Burke injures his back. While ALF is working on White’s back, ALF starts bringing up Willie’s promotion. They finally clear the air, and White tells Willie that he didn’t realize his orphan assignment meant to so much to him. Wilie is happy enough to be put back on his old project, but ALF forces the issue of the promotion. White tells him that he had always intended to give him the promotion. All is well that ends well, and ALF makes Wilie take him out to do some Trick or Treating. The first old lady (Nedra Volz) that they come to has run out of candy, but ALF is willing to just take one of her cats. Geoffrey Blake is Eric “Lizard,” the boy that Lynn brings to the party to show off to her parents. Lewis Arquette and Linda Hoy are Ed and Bernice Billings. 6/10/23
• 033. Oh, Pretty Woman – 11/2/1987
  • While ALF is watching a beauty pageant at home, Lynn comes home early from the school dance because her date Rick started dancing with another girl named Cindy Bennett and continued to dance with her all night. Later, Kate gets a phone call from the Miss Southland Pageant, thanks to ALF having entered Lynn into a beauty pageant. Lynn isn’t happy about entering the contest, but ALF says that he thinks she is beautiful enough to win and get her confidence back. ALF wants to prep her for the contest coordinator, and since ALF said on the application that Lynn’s talent was clog dancing, he tries to work with her to prep her for the talent contest and the questions she’ll be asked. Lynn refuses to enter, but after ALF tells her that she can win a scholarship and a car, she changes her mind. He continues to work with her until six hours before the pageant. Lynn wears a dress and puts her hair up, and everyone agrees she looks beautiful. Even Lynn has new confidence that she can actually win. ALF, however, doesn’t like her hairdo and thinks she’s lost her natural glow and merely looks glamorous. After the contest, Lynn comes home upset again after the came in 33rd and final place. Her parents tell her that she did well, but the other girls may have had more experience. ALF goes up to talk to her since he’s the one who entered her. He tells her that he’s traveled multiple galaxies and that she’s the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. Her father comes in and says that he was going to tell her the same thing. Willie tells her that the judges obviously didn’t judge her on the important things like how warm and caring she is. 10/5/23
• 034. Something’s Wrong with Me – 11/9/1987
  • Kate’s mother Dorothy stops by to deliver the news that she and Whizzer are going to be married. Kate invites her to hold the wedding at their house, despite the fact that it means that ALF will have to hide out in the garage. While Willie is reserving his tuxedo, ALF drinks three giant jugs of water in an effort to try and get rid of his hiccups, and hugely loud and annoying sound with a metallic reverb. ALF claims that they get louder and louder as they can go on for years. That night the hiccups keep the family up all night as ALF tries everything he can think of. Kate is concerned that the hiccups won’t be gone before the wedding. ALF begins looking through all of his belongings, trying to find his Melmackian Medical Encyclopedia. He learns that the only cure for the hiccups is ‘cat juice’, and one other option that is too disgusting to talk about. Whizzer and Dorothy come over to the house to prepare for the wedding, and after Whizzer leaves for his bachelor party, they tell Dorothy about the hiccups. She suggests that they make the ‘cat juice’, but that they include random ingredients and only tell ALF that it’s made of cat. He drinks it, and sure enough, the hiccups go away. During the wedding, as the reverend (Terry Wills) starts to read the vows, everyone can hear obnoxious crying and nose blowing coming from the kitchen. When Willie goes after him, ALF retreats to the garage. ALF tells Willie that he really wanted to go to the wedding, eat the cake, and be part of the family. Lynn comes out and tells him how much the family cares about him, and this is why they made the fake cake juice. As soon as ALF hears this, his hiccups return, which can be heard by everyone at the wedding. When they ask ALF what the other thing that can eliminate the hiccups is, he tells them that it is so gross, he couldn’t consider it: raw spinach. Lynn goes to the kitchen to get some, and ALF reluctantly eats it. As the wedding ends, Willie apologizes to Whizzer for the entire wedding cake disappearing, as a huge belch comes from the kitchen. 10/6/23
• 035. Night Train – 11/16/1987
  • ALF determines that he is a Type-T personality, which means he’s a thrill seeker. He becomes depressed because his life no longer has any adventure, like in the days on Melmac when he scales the flat Mt. Floppy and went over Widowmaker Falls in a barrel. ALF also pokes fun at Willie for leading such a boring life, but Willie tells him about the days in which he was known as “Boxcar Willie” because he hopped a freight train and traveled cross-county surviving on cans of beans. The next night when Kate goes off with the kids to visit her mother, ALF talks Willie into going down to the train yards so that he can see the type of trains that Willie used to ride. While they are there, a security guard with a Doberman Pinscher sees them and begins to come after them, so ALF jumps onto a train car. Willie can’t get him to jump off as the train moves down the tracks, so he jumps aboard the train as well. Since it is moving too fast to jump off, they decide to ride the train for a while. ALF is disappointed that they have no beans to eat. Another hobo named Gravel Gus (Tracey Walter) hops on board the train, so ALF has to hide from him and pretend he is a shy guy. However, when Gus offers them some beans, ALF makes himself known. Gus fears that he is an escaped kangaroo and jumps off the train. As Willie and ALF ride through the night, they discuss how much ALF misses Melmac and points out where it would be in the night sky. He admits that the photos that he had of the mountain climbing and barrel floating were staged. Willie tells ALF how he didn’t want to live the domesticated life like his father did, and that is why he went on his train adventures. However, he eventually met actress Linda Evans and fell in love. Naturally, he ended up with Kate instead, and relates that a domestic life is full of adventures as well. ALF asks him if he regrets that he came into Willie’s life, and Willie admits that he never has. They guys arrive in Barstow and call for Kate to come pick them up. Kate makes sure that she tells the kids that riding the rails is something she never wants them to do. 2/6/24
• 036. Isn’t It Romantic? – 11/23/1987
  • Willie is going to go see the musical Cats by himself because they can’t trust ALF to be home alone. When ALF questions why they aren’t both going together, Kate makes up a story about not feeling well. ALF doesn’t buy this and begins to think that their marriage is suffering and will lead to a divorce. He tells this to Lynn, and although she doesn’t agree with him, she agrees to help him put together a romantic meal for them to share in the living room. Willie and Kate both are impressed by the ambiance, as ALF acts as waiter and serves them the soup and salad in one pot but wonder why he is going to so much trouble. They deduce it is because he heard them arguing about whether to let Lynn go on a ski trip or not, as Willie thinks she is too young at 17 to go off on her own. Kate disagrees, and they resume the fight during the dinner, causing ALF to now believe that their marriage is in real trouble. This time he decides that they should try to help them re-live their honeymoon, so he and the kids dress the house up like a Niagara Falls motel called the Duke of the Mist, where they had gone on their honeymoon. ALF assumes the role of desk clerk Fritz von Fingerhoff, and the kids act as bellboy and maid Stretch and Consuela. ALF has done extensive research from old photos of rearranging their bedroom to look just like the motel’s bedroom. The effort does the trick and they agree to stop bickering over Lynn’s trip. However, Willie becomes nervous when he remembers that just after their first kiss at the Duke of the Mist, a water main broke and soaked them. Sure enough, ALF is waiting outside the window with a hose to spray them. This winds up giving Willie a cold, which causes Kate to have to go to her mother’s alone. ALF tries to persuade Willie to go along, but after Willie agrees to go, ALF tells him he looks sick and encourages him to stay on the couch. Willie ultimately forgives ALF for soaking their room since he was successful at putting romance back into their lives. 2/6/24

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 26th, 2000 at 5:24 pm and is filed under Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.