The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – FOX

Created by Mitchell Hurwitz

Theme music by David Schwartz

• 001. Pilot – 11/2/2003
  • Widower Michael Bluth (Jason Bateman) is the Manager of his father’s real estate company The Bluth Company, based in Orange County, California. Michael has a strained relationships with most of his family, including his snippy socialite mother Lucille (Jessica Walter), his hippie, yet selfish, twin sister Lindsay (Portia di Rossi) his older brother magician George Oscar II – aka Gob (Will Arnett), and his younger brother Byron – aka Buster (Tony Hale), who is rather slow and indecisive about his future. Michael’s father George “Pop-Pop” (Jeffrey Tambor) is holding his retirement party on the ship Marina Hornblower, and Michael expects to be named as partner of the firm. Michael and his teenage son George Michael (Michael Cera) are living in the model home of one the company’s housing tracts. George Michael works at Bluth Company’s Original Frozen Banana Stand on Balboa Island. Lindsay and Michael haven’t spoken in a year, as her and her husband, the flamboyant Tobias Fünke (David Cross) have been attending fundraisers all over the country. Lindsay and Tobias and their daughter Maeby (Alia Shawkat) show up in town a month prior to the party but do not tell Michael. Tobias is a former doctor who lost his medical license for administering CPR on a man who was just sleeping. Michael is disgusted with his mother, Lindsay, and Gob for dipping into company funds constantly. Meanwhile George Michael meets up with his cousin Maeby, and decide to play a prank on their parents by kissing and pretending they don’t know they are cousins. After they kiss on the boat, George Michael develops an immediate crush on her. Tobias thinks he’s trying out for a pirate troupe and winds up on a boat full of gay protesters. When George names Lucille as the C.E.O. instead of Michael, he decides to take his son and leave the family behind. Police and the SEC invade the party and arrest George for defrauding investors. George attempts to hide Gob’s magic trick the Aztec Tomb, and when the news reveals how it works, Gob is ostracized from the Magic Alliance. Tobias is arrested with the protesters and decides to following many of their footsteps…and become an actor. The SEC freezes the the company accounts, and Lucille puts Buster in charge of the company. Michael takes another job in Phoenix with a rival housing company. The family realizes they need Michael after all and begs him to come back. Micheal refuses, and visits his father in jail to formally resign from the Bluth Company. George explains that he didn’t appoint Michael as CEO to keep him out of legal trouble. John Beard plays newscaster John Beard. Stacey Woods is field reporter Trisha Thoon. Ron Howard is the narrator. 3/25/16

• 002. Top Banana – 11/9/2003
  • The news announces that the Bluth Banana Stand has burned to the ground. A week earlier Michael visits his father in the Orange County Prison to plead with him to release the company’s flight records since the SEC had frozen the family’s funds until they do so. George assures Michael that there is always money in the banana stand and introduces him to his cellmate T-Bone (Patrice O’Neal) and tells Michael that he is a ‘flamer’. Meanwhile George Michael is feeling sexually frustrated being around Maeby so often and asks his father if he can work more hours at the banana stand. Michael makes him the manager, and assigns Maeby to be his helper. Michael also pressures Tobias and Lindsay to look for jobs, and Tobias attends an audition for a fire sale commercial… but plays it as if it is an actual fire. The casting director is Lindsay’s former classmate Roger Danish (Scott Atkinson) and he ends up offering Lindsay the job. Lindsay ends up oversleeping and misses the job, and Tobias is too busy crying in the shower to receive his call as the back-up. To placate Gob, Michael gives him the task of mailing a letter, but in an act of defiance, Gob throws the letter into the ocean. Michael tries to locate the family storage unit, so he tells his mother that the IRS is going to stop by to investigate big-ticket purchases. Lucille sends her housekeeper Luz (Lillian Hurst) to take her furs to the storage unit, but when she – and Michael – arrive, they find that it has been burnt down, a job performed by T-Bone, whom George also gives a job to at the banana stand. At Maeby’s suggestion, she and George Michael start stealing money and then trying to cover the loss by throwing away the bananas. Once T-Bone tells them that this doesn’t add up, George Michael attempts to burn down the banana stand. Feeling bad for subjecting his son to such pressure, and also angry that his father is still running things from prison, Michael gives the okay to burn it down. George later tells him that there was a quarter of a million dollars in cash hidden in the walls of the stand… and the letter that Gob didn’t send in was the insurance payment. Gob attempts to return a dead dove to the pet store. Michael works toward rebuilding the banana stand, realizing it is the only profitable thing in the Bluth empire. Michael Bartel is young Michael. 3/27/16 
• 003. Bringing Up Buster – 11/16/2003
  • While attempting to use the Cornballer, a hazardous cornball making contraption that his father tried to market using Richard Simmons (himself) that was eventually banned everywhere, George Michael rejects his father’s offer to go for a bike riding, and George tells him not to make the mistake of smothering George Michael like Lucille did with Buster. In truth George Michael wants to try out for a Shakespeare play so that he can kiss Maeby, who is trying out so that she can kiss the lead Steve Holt (Justin Grant Wade). George Michael becomes Steve Holt’s understudy, but with Steve busy in sports, George Michael still has opportunities to kiss his cousin. Tobias finds out about the play and pleads with the school principal (Jim Ishida). Meanwhile Gob is kicked out from his girlfriend Mexican soap opera star Marta Estrella’s (Leonor Varela) place and looks for a place to stay. Lindsay buys a dress with the company credit card and Michael demands she return it, so she unsuccessfully tries to get her mother to buy it for her. Lucille decides she is sick of Buster and sends him to live and work with Michael, who assigns him to put together and new bicycle for George Michael but generally is driven crazy by his disruptive nature around company clients. However when Lucille finds out that Buster has turned on her and made fun of her, she demands he comes back home and Buster agrees… just as Michael is starting to enjoy his company. Tobias stops George Michael from kissing Maeby because he feels there is no passion in the performance, then assumes that George Michael is gay and assigns Steve Holt to replace Maeby as the female lead, using the dress that Lindsay has hidden in the attic. George Micheal ends up quitting and Maeby gets assigned the male role, so she gets to kiss Steve after all. George Michael returns home and assures his father of his importance to him. The two prepare cornballs together and Michael gets burnt once again. The school paper gives the Shakespeare play a terrible review which drives Tobias into a depression. 3/30/16
• 004. Key Decisions – 11/23/2003
  • Michael sells the company jet but plans to use the stair car as the family’s form of transportation. Gob goes on a talk show with Marta to talk about her upcoming nomination for a Desi award for her role on El Amor Prohibito, and in order to get the attention back on him, announces that he will enter and escape his father’s prison 24 hours later – with his plan being to swallow a key to the prison. Gob has Michael accompany Marta to the awards show, where the two share an obvious spark and Michael falls head over heels for her. Lucille also attends the awards because who friend Lucille Austero (Liza Minelli), who suffers vertigo, is a part owner of the show’s TV station. Lucille Austero and Buster hit it off, although Buster has no idea who she is because his mother told him not to wear his glasses because they make him look like a lizard. Buster comes home in love, but only later learns who it is with. He eventually decides to give the relationship a chance. Meanwhile Lindsay tries to talk down environmentalist Johnny Bark (Clint Howard) who has camped out in a tree to protest the Bluth company razing the land for developments. She ends up joining the protest with him. Maeby works toward doing the opposite of whatever her mother wants with the tree, while George Michael supports Maeby. Gob can’t get his tree to pass and tries to get Michael to help him escape using the stair car, but Michael only tries to get Gob to admit he has no interest in Marta. Lindasy ends up leaving the tree to sleep in her own bed, and Johnny follows her because he has fallen for her. During this time the tree is leveled. George finally gives Gob some attention in the prison yard and plays catch with him, but it comes to an abrupt end when a prisoner named White Power Bill (David Reynolds) stabs Gob with a shiv. Michael tries to confess his love to Marta, but they are interrupted with the news that Gob has been stabbed. At the hospital, Gob confesses he was going to break it off with Marta, but now wants to stay with her after being stabbed. Gob quickly realizes he has made a mistake, while Michael is left without her. Rocky McMurray is Warden James Buck. Bruno Oliver is a guard. 3/31/16
• 005. Charity Drive – 11/30/2003
  • With Michael riding to work on his bicycle in the hot weather, he goes in search for his father’s car, which has been shared by his siblings without his knowledge. Michael also inadvertently lies to the investors about permits that he claimed were filed on time. When he finds out otherwise, his dad, who is pre-occupied with gang pledge week in prison, advises him to get Gob to plant the requests at the permit office. Gob is angry at Michael for ordering George Michael to not give Gob free bananas, so negotiates free bananas, the rights to Mr. Banana Grabber – except for animation rights – and the opportunity to earn his nephew’s respect in exchange for planting the permit requests. He fails when he tries to break in as a delivery man, so he asks George Michael to do it. Michael has asked George Michael to do whatever his uncle asks, so Michael goes along with the plan to impress Maeby. Meanwhile Lindsay and Lucille are participating in a bachelorette auction to benefit the wetlands. Michael accuses Lindsay of not caring anything about the wetlands, so she volunteers to go clean them up, and then accuses Michael of being uncharitable. Michael tries to prove her wrong by giving a ride to the maid Luz’s replacement Lupe (B.W. Gonzalez), but in fact picks up another Hispanic woman named Helen Maria Delgado (Mel Gorham), who soon comes to suspect from the debris left in the car – Buster’s skull from an archaeological dig, and spilled red fingernail polish resembling blood – that Michael is a serial killer. Lucille has arranged for Buster to bid on her at the auction, while assuring that Lucille Austero doesn’t show up for it by giving her tickets to The Producers. Lucille wants to take Buster to the show, so when he doesn’t show up, she heads to the auction, and Buster inadvertently bids the money on her. Lindsay asks Michael to pick her up from the wetlands, but when he arrives, she has already gone, and Helen goes running and screaming from the car. Micheal shows up at the auction and, admiring the fact that Lindsay has actually volunteered and is now looking beat up because of it, bids on her. Michael is arrested for kidnapping Helen, while George Michael is arrested for breaking into the permit office, although Maeby gets away by abandoning him. Gob chips his tooth on a candy apple, causing him to whistle when he speaks. Michael makes good use of his animation rights for Mr. Banana Grabber. Judy Greer makes her first appearance as George Sr.’s secretary Kitty Sanchez. 7/3/16
• 006. Visiting Ours – 12/7/2003
  • Michael tries to get information out of his father about mysterious money that has been deposited into their international accounts. George however is more interested in coaching the prison softball team. Michael becomes so frustrated that he vows not to visit him any longer. Meanwhile Lucille is aghast that her country club has downgraded their membership to ‘pool only’. Tobias and Lindsay begin seeing a marriage counselor named Dr. Phil Gunty (Bob Odenkirk), who puts them through an annoying series of roll-playing sessions… which only lead to Dr. Phil wanting to quit his practice in favor of acting. Michael suspects that his father’s secretary Kitty might know about the international accounts, and bribes Gob to seduce her, although he finds her repulsive by offering him a touch lamp. Maeby tries to figure out what her parents are doing since they have not made her privy to their counseling visits, so she enlists George Michael to help her. Wanting to impress her, but too afraid to take the stair car, he tells her that he is visiting Pop-Pop in prison. After he talks his dad into taking him to visit, George Michael witnesses Pop-Pop have a meltdown, after being spooked by a riot on the baseball field. George is now anxious to get out and begs Michael to arrange a conjugal visit for him. Michael bribes his mother by upgrading their club membership and brings her for the visit. However, George has already arranged for Kitty, with whom he has had a longtime affair, to visit. George promises to tell Michael about the international accounts if he will keep Kitty busy while he visits with Lucille, who has no intention of sleeping with him, but does after their passion overtakes them. Michael offers Gob, who is onsite delivering a nasty letter to the warden for the previous ‘escape’ stunt, the touch lamp to keep Kitty busy, but he is so repulsed by her that he breaks out of the trailer… only to be detained by the warden against his parents’ trailer where he witnesses them having sex. Micheal tells George Michael that he knows that Pop-Pop is guilty, when George Michael becomes paranoid that he too could end up in prison if it happened to his innocent grandfather. George tells Michael that he may have committed some ‘light treason’. Tom Kiesche is the umpire/guard. Christian Lavery is the young George Michael. 7/3/16
• 007. My Mother, the Car – 12/14/2003
  • Michael wants to get rid of the yacht that Gob is currently living on, and also insists that his mother not throw any lavish parties. She however talks Lindsay into convincing Michael to give her surprise party, and Michael seeing her struggle to lift a bag of protein bars for George makes him agree. When he shows up with her to the party, no one is there. Meanwhile Buster tries to avoid Lucille Austero, but after having a talk with her, he decides to give a relationship a chance, but worries that the world won’t accept them. Lindsay goes to visit her father in prison but is surprised and disappointed when none of the convicts pay any attention to her. She keeps returning, and they keep ignoring her. Finally, George admits that he is paying them off in gold kruggerands that Lucille is smuggling in the protein bars. When Michael tires to arrange another surprise party, no one shows up again, making Michael feel guilty and letting her drive, despite her designation as world’s worst driver. She thinks she sees Gob and tries to scare him, but accidentally hits him. Michael is knocked out and when he wakes, he has short term memory loss, but Lucille has moved him into the driver seat and convinced him that he was driving. Lucille keeps hitting him on the head every time he gets closer to remembering the truth. He finally has a revelation that it was him trying to hit Gob and feels so guilty that he tells Gob he can keep the yacht, on which Gob is currently heading to South America. Gob then feels guilty and tells Michael that his mother must’ve set Michael up as Michael would never do that. George Michael gets Gob to make him and Maeby fake ID’s so they can see an erotic movie about cousins in love. Mark Blankfield is Dr. Miller. 9/24/16
• 008. In God We Trust – 12/21/2003
  • The Bluth family’s attorney Barry Zuckerkorn (Henry Winkler) seems completely clueless, but it able to get George out of prison for an afternoon on Christmas Eve to participate in the Living Classics Pageant, where in the past he and Buster had participated in a living interpretation of Michelangelo’s The Creation of Adam. However because he Zuckerman is so obtuse and frequently cheats the Bluths on his rates, Michael is interested in securing attorney Wayne Jarvis (John Michael Higgins) instead. Meanwhile Lucille tells Lindsay that Michael said she was a lazy parent causing a rift between them. George Michael agrees to play God in the pageant when he thinks Maeby likes his muscular body suit…but he fears wearing the small penis, so with Tobias’s encouragement, he turns to cut-off jeans. When Michael and Lindsay realize their mother is purposely causing them to argue, they get drunk and have a good conversation, but Lucille nearly ruins that as well when she tells Michael that Lindsay only gets him drunk to ask for money to pay off her credit cards. Maeby is tires of being ignored by her family, so she pretends to run away and leaves a ticket to Portugal out on the table, which Gob thinks belongs to Michael. Lindsay and Michael try to get even with their mother but allowing her to be seen by George at the pageant as Barry’s date. However she ends up showing up with Wayne. George tries to escape and gets tased and returned to jail, forfeiting the money they spent to get George out, and also losing the opportunity to pay off Lindsay’s credit debt. Buster finally takes Lucille Austero out in public to the pageant, but when the crowd boos George Michael’s cut-offs, he assumes they are booing him. His mother spots him with Lucille. Sam Pancake is Barry’s gay assistant James Alan Spangler, who has filed a suit against Barry for calling him a homo. 9/24/16
• 009. Storming the Castle – 1/4/2004
  • Michael considers stealing a chair from the Bluth company, but George Michael appeals to his sense of values, which also makes him feel guilty about his feelings for Marta, who is extremely irritated by Gob’s behavior. However when a menacing magician named Rollo (Marc Grapey) approaches Michael with a message for Gob that he plans to steal Gob’s legs, he sees it as his duty to tell Gob. When Michael finds out that Gob is having an affair with the ‘legs’ in his woman-sawn-in-half illusion, and then Gob steals Michael’s watch, he decides to set Gob up to break him up with Marta. He approaches Rollo to let Gob back in the Magician’s Union to allow him to perform again, then has Marta act as his assistant, knowing that the ‘legs’ would reveal the affair. Meanwhile Maeby tries to irritate her mother by wearing leather, which Lindsay doesn’t even notice. However Tobias notices and decides to join her in her leather quest, and George Michael does the same to impress her – after she has noticed his smooth legs. Michael has a change of heart when Gob returns his watch, and when the ‘legs’ don’t show up for Gob’s performance at the Gothic Castle, George Michael, who has abandoned his leather, is convinced by Michael to step in with his smooth legs. George Sr. is put in solitary confinement for trying to escape, and when he sees the shadow of the Star of David on his prison wall, he decides to convert to Judaism. Lucille tries to forbid Buster from dating Lucille Austero, but has a change of heart after seeing Gob reconcile with Marta and decides to be friends with her again… much to Buster’s chagrin. Tobias heads to the Gothic Castle wearing his leather but is taken to a leather bar instead, where he gets a gig in a barbershop quartet. Regi Davis is the prison guard. Don Took is the cab driver. 12/21/16
• 010. Pier Pressure – 1/11/2004
  • Buster asks George Michael to buy some marijuana for him to help relieve the nausea associated with Lucille Austero’s vertigo. Because of his father’s advice to unwind and let loose a bit, George Michael agrees and tries to get it from Gob. He tells Michael immediately, and Michael tries to emulate his father, who used to use a one-armed man named J. Walter Weatherman (Steve Ryan) who used to routine assist in teach Michael and his siblings various lessons. Michael arranges to have a fantasy ‘Hot Cops’ – which Gob used to work for – pose as real cops and arrest George Michael when he attempts to buy the pot. However real cops intervene and shoot-out ensues, resulting in one of the cops losing an arm… which turns out to be Weatherman thanks to George Sr. intervening from prison. Meanwhile Michael encourages Lindsay to crack down on Maeby and her poor grades, so she has her assist Lucille as punishment in cataloging her personal items that she’s being forced to inventory. It backfires when Maeby has a good time with her and gives her a broach that Lindsay always wanted. Soon however Maeby is subjected to the same type of badgering about her weight that Lindsay always was, causing Maeby to bond with her mother instead. Caitlin Sedio is young Lindsay. 12/21/16
• 011. Public Relations – 1/25/2004
  • Michael takes George Michael to an admissions interview at Milford College where the motto is ‘children should be seen and not heard’ but Charles Milford (John Rothman) wants to be distanced form the Bluth name, after a newspaper article has exposed a brawl started by Lucille and Lindsay at a Klimpy’s restaurant. Michael enlists Jessie Bowers (Jill Ritchie), a crush of his from the gym, to act as the family’s publicist to turn around the Bluth reputation. She tells Buster to stay indoors out of the public eye. Tobias heads to Hollywood to refine his acting career and ends up meeting Carl Weathers (himself) on the shuttle and hires him to be his acting trainer. Gob does charity work at a nursing home by putting on a magic act at a nursing home, where he loses an elderly man, who turns out to be Milford school founder Earl Milford (John Perry). Michael goes out on a date with Jessie and starts kissing him, but Michael tries to steer clear of dating in order to focus on guiding George Michael. Lindsay gets revenge by telling George Michael that she’s denying his father’s chance at being happy… then systematically trying to destroy the Bluth reputation. This leads to another brawl with Lucille, Lindsay, and Jessie. Earl Milford turns up in Gob’s trunks, where he had been hiding to escape the nursing home. George Michael tells his father it’s okay for him to date. Harry S. Murphy is Brian Snee. 4/2/17
• 012. Marta Complex – 2/8/2004
  • Michael has Lucille throw an anniversary party for Tobias and Lindsay, but Lindsay shortly afterwards announces she may want to get a divorce. Lindsay swaps bedrooms with George Michael, which frustrates him because of his crush. Marta begins to realize that she is falling for Michael, but Michael claims to be over her for Gob’s sake. Complicating the situation even further, Buster starts to develop feelings for Marta. Tobias begins to realize that Carl Weathers has nothing to teach him except for how to be cheap. Lucille tries to get Carl Weathers hooked up with Lucille Austero, causing Buster to move out. His plans for moving in with Luclle Austero are cut short when he finds Carl Weathers there. Gob thinks that Marta is having an affair, so Michael follows her and sees her buy a gift for someone, and mistakingly thinks she is having an affair with a man named ‘hermano’ – the Spanish world for brother, which actually referred to Michael. This causes Michael to give Marta the cold shoulder, but after he realizes that she actually had feelings for him, realizes he made a big mistake. Lucille realizes she enjoys being home alone. Tobias gets an acting job that requires a shower scene. Because of an offhand comment, George Michael tries to find out if Maeby is really his cousin. Bashir Salahuddin is a prisoner. 4/2/17
• 013. Beef Consomme – 2/15/2004
  • The family prepares for George’s arraignment, while Gob continues to search for ‘Hermano’. Michael confesses his love of Marta and the two prepare to make love, but remnants of Gob in the bedroom lead them to decide to tell him the truth. Buster decides that he would like to be punched in the face and also that he too likes Marta. Buster reveals that ‘hermano’ means brother, so Gob assumes Marta is in love with her TV brother Javier (Jesus Nebot). He goes to fight him but ends up getting punched out. Michael finally confesses that it is him who loves Marta, and Gob gives him his reluctant blessing. Michael and Marta prepare to consummate their relationship, when he realizes he needs to be in court for the hearing. He shows up five minutes late and is immediately attacked by Gob, who has find out from Buster, who showed up to woo Marta, that he saw Michael and Marta kissing. Gob attacks Michael and they fight outside the courtroom, causing to Marta to break it off with both of them. Meanwhile George Michael tries to dig up more info to indicate he’s not related to Maeby. Lucille tells him that she was conceived in a dish, so he assumes that means they aren’t related, but doesn’t tell her when he realizes how much she needs her family. Tobias gets cast in a nude role and must face his problem of being a never-nude. He and Lindsay both undress together, and for the first time in years, are intimate. Michael Paul Chan is Judge Lionel Ping. Bruno Alexander is the bailiff. 10/27/17
• 014. Shock and Aww – 3/7/2004
  • Tired of sleeping in the same bed with Buster, Michael forces his mother to take back Buster, and promises to try and help her get out of an adoption of a young Korean boy (Justin Lee) of which she had once started the process. Since the boy only speaks the world Annyong, that is the name she gives him. Meanwhile Gob wants to take revenge on Michael for dating Marta, so he invites him to double date with his new girlfriend, high-schooler Shannon (Maliabeth Johnson) and her incredibly ugly chaperone Nazhgalia (Iqbal Theba). When Michael is nice to Nazhgalia, Gob thinks Michael likes her so immediately sleeps with her. George Michael has a crush on his Ethics teacher Beth Baerly (Heather Graham), but when he tells Lindsay about her, she thinks that he wants her as a mother and convinces Michael to ask her out. She and Michael do have great chemistry, but when he finds out that George Michael really is in love with her, he breaks it off, and tells George Michael that it was actually Gob who slept with her, prompting George Michael to look for revenge on Gob. Later Michael decides to tell George Michael the truth and make up with Beth, but she overhears that they think she might be the new mother, she dumps Michael, and ends up dancing with George Michael’s fellow student Jeremy (Rob Richards). Gob thinks that Michael is dating the Civics teacher, so he sleeps with the elderly Mrs. Whitehead, causing Shannon to break it off with Gob. Lucille decides to keep Annyong when she realizes he makes Buster jealous. When Buster takes him to enroll at school, Maeby sees him and asks him to the dance… but quickly dumps him for Steve Holt. George has a new admirer named Cindi Lightballoon (Jane Lynch) who visits him in prison, but she turns out to be working for Agent Cummings (Michael Blieden) and Agent Freeling (Matt Price) to get information for the F.B.I. They wire her breasts with a microphone, but when George gropes her, it ruins their ruse. 10/28/17
• 015. Staff Infection – 3/14/2004
  • With Michael working weekends, he isn’t able to spend as much time with George Michael. He has also becoming irritated to learn that each family member is receiving a paycheck from the Bluth Company, so he puts Gob, Lindsay, and Buster to work. He also allows Lupe a day off for a family reunion since he now considers himself her employer, and offers to arrange a bus to take them to Catalina. Meanwhile Tobias is trying to get a acting job as a prisoner, so he arranges with Warden Stefan Gentles (James Lipton) to stay in prison with George. With Kitty missing, Michael has Lindsay work as receptionist and she sends everyone to lunch, and they end up getting on Lupe’s bus and are taken to Catalina. Buster becomes claustrophobic working in the copy room so Michael has him work with the construction team with Gob. Annyong joins George Michael and Maeby to work in the Banana Stand. Maeby teases George Michael about his father not taking time for him, so George Michael leaves to go see his him. In prison, George tries to convert the prisoner to Judaism and rouses the ire of prisoner White Power Bill. Lindsay has new lights put in at the office, but the team is actually from the FBI and have planted cameras with plans to raid the office. Gob gets frustrated with working, so he picks a fight with Buster to cause the workers to revolt, which culminates with a game of chicken using bulldozers. Michael heads out to relax at the beach but ends up building sandcastles with the kids that help him solve a problem with house zoning. Lindsay hears about the fracas at the construction site and takes Lupe’s family there to insinuate that they are migrant laborers who will take over. George Michael shows up at the office and finds out his dad his actually at the beach rather than working, but finds a file full of childhood projects he made for his father… which are then grabbed during an FBI raid. Gob and Buster reconcile, just as Lindsay shows up with the ‘scabs’. Michael also shows up at the site with the idea he got at the beach to build a communal pool instead of individual pools. He then treats them all to the liquor that is in his mother’s car, as she has shown up since there is no one home to unload it. Michael Biden is Agent Cummings. Brand Von Hoffmann is the construction foreman. Teddy Lane Jr. is a worker. Alden Villaverde aka Alden Ray is Little Justice. Victor Campos is Lupe’s Uncle. Newell Alexander is the shepherd who helps the workers get back from Catalina. Charlie Hartsock is Bluth employee Ted. 6/2/18
• 016. Altar Egos – 3/17/2004
  • The Bluths gather with their lawyer Barry to discuss a plea bargain for George Sr. that Barry hasn’t yet read because he’s been in search of a transgender partner. George Sr. is more interested in the affair he’s been having with government mole Cindi Lightballoon who admits her true identity but says she’s fallen in love with him as well. George is only using her to find out what the Feds have on him, but when Lucille finds out, she puts a stop to their relationship. Meanwhile Maeby’s grades are suffering, so her parents turn to George Michael to tutor her. Maeby simply wants him to do her homework and pays him from a large wad of bills she is carrying. George Michael finds out that she is posing as Maeby’s wheelchair-bound twin sister Surely, and collecting money from student fundraisers. While Gob and Michael meet at a bar to look over the plea. Gob recommends that Michael have a one-night stand, and Michael quickly meets a girl named Maggie Lizer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and says he’s a maritime lawyer named Cherith Cutestory. He take her home, but the next morning he finds out that she’s blind, so he feels guilty and says he’ll call her later. Gob had a worse night with a woman (Amy Poehler) who liked to dare him to do things… and one of them was to marry her. On the day of the trial, no one has read the plea yet, including Barry who has been now working on filing for divorce on behalf of Jessica. During the trial, they find that Maggie is the prosecuting attorney, so Michael runs out of the courtroom before she can smell him. When he goes to visit her, she gives him all of the federal case files on George to help her with the case. Later Tobias tries to break in to steal the files, only to find that Maggie is not in fact blind when she pursues him with a baseball bat. Timothy Starks is the bailiff. Angelo Russo is the teacher. 1/5/19
• 017. Justice Is Blind – 3/21/18
  • As Michael struggles with whether to look at Maggie’s case files, George Michael confronts Maeby on her fake persona that has ‘B.S.’ disease and whom she plans to ‘kill off’ before graduation. Gob wants to push his new wife for divorce, but after finding out that her parents are getting divorced, he has a change of heart. Lindsay has joined a fight to rid the courthouse of the stone Ten Commandments tablets out front. George sprains his arm at school, and when Lindsay suggests that he should sue the school. This inspires George Michael to be honest with Maggie, but then finds out that Maggie knew all along who he was, and was only testing him. They decide to go their separate ways, but end up sleeping together again. Unbeknownst to them, Gob has stolen the list of files from Michael and brings them to George and Barry, and George tells Gob to steal the rest of the files…. a task that Gob passes off to Tobias. Buster fears that if George comes home, he will get kicked out, so he decides to defect to the feds, giving Maggie as much information that he can muster… which amounts to almost nothing other than the fact that his brother said that the files against George are all at Maggie’s house. Michael takes Maggie’s seeing-eye dog for a walk, but the dog leads him into traffic. Michael takes Justice to the vet (Jay Ward), who tells him that Justice is in fact blind. He realizes that Maggie is blind, just as Maggie is using her sight to stalk Tobias around her house as he attempts to steal the files. As she is about to hit him with a bat, he sprays her perfume that he had used to ‘cloak’ himself into her eyes. Michael later tries to expose Maggie’s lack of blindness, just as the Ten Commandments are being removed from the courthouse. He throws a bible at her in court, but since she was temporarily blinded by the perfume, it hits her in the face. Nevertheless, they continue their affair. George Michael gets on board with Maeby’s ruse when she gives him the credit for the school installing handicap ramps. The Ten Commandments land on Barry’s car. 1/5/19
• 018. Missing Kitty – 3/28/2004
  • With Spring Break coming up, George Michael is enjoying spending time with Gob and his magic act, and hopes to join him at his magic show in Newport Beach, where Gob the previous year had promised to make the yacht disappear. Meanwhile Michael gets frustrated with the receptionist Kitty’s incompetence and fires her, despite being told not to by his father because Kitty knows too much about the unscrupulous goings-on of the business… plus he was having an affair with her and paid for her recent breast augmentation that she insists on showing everyone. When Lindsay realizes that her Nana hasn’t sent any birthday money to Maeby, she decides to go looking for her, but only finds another elderly woman (Pat Crawford Brown) in the house and eventually realizes that she is not her Nana. In fact, Lucille has hidden the fact that Nana died six months earlier so as not to have to share any of the inheritance. After George Sr. sells Tobias to White Power Bill for a pack of cigarettes, Tobias starts to try and psychoanalyze Bill, eventually driving him to suicide. Since he has killed the proverbial ‘wicked witch,’ the other inmates begin to idolize him and refer to him as Dorothy. Michael sees Gob’s bad influence on George Michael when he finds him on the yacht amidst the video Girls with Low Self Esteem video crew, and tells Gob to stay away form him, and puts George Michael to work at the office. Michael decides to take Kitty back, but when she undermines his authority, he fires her again, despite warnings that she’ll bring down the company. Maeby advises George Michael to abandon work and go visit Gob, but since Gob had promised Michael he’d stay away, he tells Michael to beat it. Gob does in fact make the yacht disappear, but confesses to Michael that he actually sank it… along with the evidence that George had been trying to hide. Although George Michael had boarded the yacht, he had second thoughts and went back to work. Kitty, however had sneaked on the boat and went down with it. Michael fires George Michael so that he can enjoy his Spring Break. Officer Taylor (Jay Johnston) question Michael about Kitty’s disappearance, and Kitty surfaces from the water with a cooler full of evidence labeled “H. Maddas.” Lindsay finds out from the bank manager (J. David Krassner) that her Nana is dead, but Lucille claims that Annyong will be the heir to estate when he turns eighteen. Lupe finds Annyong’s passport and discovers that he already is in fact eighteen. 6/2/18
• 019. Best Man for the Gob – 4/4/2004
  • The Bluth family’s accountant Ira Gilligan (Michael Hitchcock) identifies missing money on the books and refuses to lie if asked to testify, so Michael goes in search of finding the money, even though George assumes that either her or Ira had stolen it. Meanwhile, Tobias senses that his marriage is in trouble and asks Michael to help convince Lindsay to reform their folk band Dr. Funke’s 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution, which they had formed with the young Maeby (Danielle Cipolla). Lindsay isn’t in favor of it, but Maeby wants to do it hoping that it will save the marriage, because when they are split up, her free time goes down. The family hosts a party to meet Gob’s wife, with whom Gob wants to split from and asks Michael to badmouth him to get her to leave. George advises Gob to stay in the marriage, and convinces him to choose his father as the Best Man, but his motive is to have Gob hire a narcoleptic stripper (Lauren Bowles) and create the illusion that Ira killed her so that he will the country. Michael decides to prove that he is fun also, so he takes George Michael to hotel so they can go fishing bright and early. Gob and Buster show up at the same hotel for the bachelor party carrying buckets of fake blood, which Buster mistakes for juice and causes him to get wound up. Lindsay and Tobias are at the same hotel for a wellness convention to perform with the band, but Lindsay and Maeby bail on him. He performs alone, but is joined on stage by Gob’s wife, who was a fan of the band, and George Michael. George joins the party via closed-circuit TV and sees the plan go awry, when Buster looks for a sugar fix and reaches into the cake and finds the sleeping stripper. Michael shows up and convinces Gob to shut off the TV with their father on it, telling him that he is the better man. Gob thinks Michael is the best of all and makes him the best man. However when Gob’s wife barges in to tell him that she is in love with his brother, Gob punches Michael out… although she was referring to Tobias. Michael discovers that Gilligan had in fact stolen the money, and runs off to his own island with the stripper. Andrew Hill Newman is the drug rep. Luciano Giancarlo is Bix. Dan Horton is Marcus. 1/5/20
• 020. Whistler’s Mother – 4/11/2004
  • With some freed-up funds, Michael looks for something in which to invest it. Lindsay wants to use it to have an affair, Lucille wants to use it to get Buster’s jaw fixed since it clicks when he eats, and Tobias wants to use it to remake Annie Hall, and Gob needs it since his wife ran off to join the army since she knows she can’t have Tobias. Michael tells them to come up with a money-making idea and he will consider funding it. They meet in a coffeehouse, but can’t come up with anything except for opening a bagel shop, but Michael assumes they are planning to open a coffeeshop, so they go with that idea and come up with a plan for Gobias Industries. Michael addresses the Bluth Board of Directors and tells them that he wants everything above board and gives them all whistles to metaphorically blow on anyone involved in illicit activity. One particular board member, Mr. Jordan (Peter Jason) seems out to get him. Meanwhile George Michael and Maeby spot a man they believe to be their grandfather, only with hair. In actuality it is George’s twin brother Oscar (Jeffrey Tambor) who wants money from Michael as well. Michael can’t give him money, but agrees to buy a lemon grove from him, but is later notified by his father that the grove is worthless because the government has an easement on it and often runs tanks through it. Michael is tempted to lay the blame on his father, but that goes even worse when he presents his mistake to the Board of Directors with Jordan doubling down on his threats to report him. With nowhere else to turn, Michael goes to his mother who comforts Michael and tells him she will take care of it. She goes to see Oscar, who is actually her former lover, and demands he cancel the transaction. She then takes the money and buys out Jordan from the board and places herself on it, much to Michael’s chagrin. Meanwhile, Lindsay finds out her stylist Alex (Brian Gattas) is being called by the reserves, so she starts to protest the war at the lemon grove, where she and the protesters are put in a caged area to protest. When locals (Dave Matos, Tommy Snider) begins taunting her by spraying her with water, she ends up dancing in the cage, and decides to pursue that as a career. Ethan Phillips is the military officer. Dave Allen is an activist. Steven Shaw and Monty Bane are board members. 1/5/20
• 021. Not Without My Daughter – 4/25/2004
  • It is ‘Take Your Daughter to Work’ day, and unlike previous years where Michael would take a George Michael, who enjoyed the joke of ‘being a girl,’ this year he decides to take Maeby, who seems excited to go and not to spend the day watching entertainment news with her father. However, once on the way, she tries to jump ship literally by jumping out of the car. Michael forces her to go nonetheless and they two make a $50 bet that they can go all day without lying. This proves difficult for Michael when he is visited by Officer Taylor and Officer Carter (Jerry Minor) who ask him to come in for questioning regarding Kitty’s disappearance. Meanwhile when Michael catches Lindsay with new clothes, which she says that she shoplifted it rather than admit that she took a job in a clothes shop. Gob is excited when the new video tape of Girls with Low Self Esteem comes out which includes footage of his magic act in Daytona Beach. Unfortunately they only use scenes of the one trick he screwed up, before making the yacht disappear by blowing it up. Lucille doesn’t want to go to Annyong’s soccer game dateless, and when Michael turns her down, she asks Oscar to go with her. Buster is offended that she won’t take him and that he never played sports as a child, so he goes to see his father and accidentally lets it slip that Oscar has been hanging around, much to George’s disdain. They both face the wrath of the prison guard’s daughter (Mia Angel Nunez) when they try to shake hands. Buster heads to the soccer game and tells Oscar he needs to leave, then jumps into the game and knocks over every kid and kicks the ball into Annyong’s face. Gob, Tobias, and George Michael head to the mall, so Tobias can apply and get a job as a security guard, and so Gob can use George Michael and attempt some shoplifting of his own. Tobias is hired on the spot by the supervisor (John Ennis) and his daughter (Jordan Claire-Green). Gob and George Michael buy a box of mice at the pet store to create a distraction so they can shoplift at the clothing store. Back at the Bluth office, some of the guys are watching the Girls with Low Self Esteem video, and Maeby notices footage of Kitty sneaking onto the yacht. Michael seeks Barry’s advice about how much of this he should admit, but is reluctant to lie in from of Maeby. When he is questioned by Detective Fellows (Jonathan Penner) and Detective Streudler (Kevin McDonald), he admits to nothing, and then is called away by George Michael after being busted for shoplifting by the supervisor’s daughter.  Michael leaves Maeby at the police station and is concerned that she will tell the truth. She does in fact spill the beans about Kitty and the yacht, but knows that they will let him go because she spots Kitty in the back room at the station, and figures out they were only bluffing to get information about George Sr. However she also tells Michael that Kitty has a lot of evidence and thinks he tried to kill her. Cara Auerbach is Detective Fellows’ daughter Charlotte. Paul Makkos is Tobias’s patient in flashback. Jamie Bullock is Barry’s girlfriend. 4/21/20
• 022. Let ‘Em Eat Cake – 6/6/2004
  • The entire family is on a no-carb Atkins diet. Lindsay wants to get into business selling beads, and gives Gob the idea to get into selling bees and honey. Although Michael recalls all of Lindsay’s failed businesses, he agrees to help her get started. Michael gets a call from Kitty, and then heads over to the prison to meet with his parents, Gob, and Barry, and worries about taking a polygraph because Kitty says she has enough evidence to take down the company. George advises him to pay he off without finding out what she knows in order to stay clean. It turns out that Kitty wants to be in charge of the company. From the evidence she says she has, Michael interprets it that his father was selling houses overseas and owes back taxes… which he thinks can easily be fixed. Meanwhile George Michael was filmed telling a joke about the Atkins diet to newscaster John Beard which is supposed to air on his show Hindsight, although unbeknownst to him, Beard has cut it from the broadcast. George Michael meets a girl named Ann Veal (Alessandra Torresani) and the two begin dating, which makes Maeby jealous. Tobias comes into some money when the book he had written years earlier called The Man Inside Me suddenly take off in the gay community, prompting Lindsay to put her notions of divorce on hold… as well as giving up on the bead selling. She tries to support him by attending his book reading, but she realizes how obliviously gay he is, she decides their relationship is over. When George Michael’s clip is nixed from Hindsight, they run a piece hosted by Trisha Thoon (Stacey Woods) about the sale of homes in Iraq, and Michael quickly realizes that this is what his father has been doing illegally, amounting to ‘light treason’. He tries to get ahold of Kitty, who has gotten to Gob and convinced him that he has been slighted, so he initially demands to run the company… until he realizes all of the challenges Michael is facing. She then tries to convince Buster that he should be in charge. Michael goes to see his father and becomes furious at the severity of the problem and quits. George decides to take the polygraph but while the technician (Conor Duffy) is administering it, George has a heart attack. At the hospital, Lucille demands that everyone quit the Atkins diet besides Lindsay. Buster decides to take over the family, but then abandons the idea. Gob takes over for a minute, but then decides it is too much. Michael tells George Michael to pack up because they are leaving the family, but George Michael makes it known that he loves the family. When the phone rings, Michael doesn’t want to answer, but George Michael does anyway and learns of George’s heart attack. When they arrive at the hospital, Maeby tries to make George Michael jealous by kissing Annyong, but George Michael doesn’t notice. When Gob breaks down about his father, Michael tells the family that he’ll never leave them again. The doctor (Ian Roberts) tells the family that they lost George… but means that he has escaped the hospital. Michael finds a syringe taped in the hat he left behind, indicating he game himself a shot to simulate a heart attack. Matt Walsh is the district attorney. 4/20/20

SEASON 2

• 023. The One Where Michael Leaves – 11/7/2004
  • As Michael prepares to leave the family behind, he and George Michael head toward Phoenix, only to turn around and go back when he calls home and realizes no one knows he’s left. He goes back to announce his departure but no one takes him seriously, so he leaves again. On the way he gets pulled over while letting George Michael steer the car on his lap, and finds out from the sheriff (Tracy Howe) that his father had been caught. He decides to return again in order to insult his father. It turns out that the cops actually had arrested Oscar, and Lucille goes to bail him out and at Buster’s suggestion, allows him to stay with them. Upon Michael’s return, Barry Zuckercorn tells Michael that they had arrested Oscar. When Michael decides to leave again, Barry is forced to tell him that he’s not allowed to leave the state while the company is under investigation unless he posts bail. Meanwhile Lindsay and Tobias decide to have an open relationship. When she runs into real estate agent James Carr (Ed Helms) that Gob sent over to see the house, she mistakes the open house he invites her to as an open relationship encounter. Lucille and the board put Gob in charge of the company, and Michael hopes to find the company checkbook so he can use it to pay his bail. While demolishing the office walls, Gob find hidden contracts between his father and Saddam Hussein. Lindsay goes to see James Carr for an affair, but after getting seen in the shower by a man (Bill Rutkoski) and his family seeing the house, she decides she can’t go through with the affair. Tobias is feeling sad, so he attempts to join a group for sad men, not realizing that the Blue Man Group is performance art. Nevertheless, he decides to audition to be an understudy. When Lucille is questioned by reporter John Beard about her patriotism because of the Iraq charges, she tells him that he son Buster is joining the army. When Tobias is heading to the audition dressed in blue, he is run over by Barry’s car. As everyone convenes at the hospital, they all admit that they need Michael to stay. He agrees to stay if the company checkbook is handed over. George is actually disguised as Oscar and steals the contract from Gob, and flees the country. Steve Tom is a board member. Lynne Marie Stewart is exercise guru Joyce Keglin. Mari Ueda is the barista. 8/1/20
• 024. The One Where They Build a House – 11/14/2004
  • As Michael plans to save the company by opening up a second model home and cutting the ribbon as his father always had, Lindsay is more interested in securing some face cream made out of real diamonds. Although neither Lindsay nor Tobias has followed up with their open marriage, both claim they are seeing other people, while Tobias is simply following her around dressed as a blue man. George Michael wants to buy his girlfriend Ann (now played by Mae Whitman) some of the diamond cream.  Gob meets a model named Starla (Mo Collins) at the boat show who high pressures him to buy a boat. Gob then hires her to be his ‘business model’ and makes out with her. Lucille grows tired of having Oscar living at her house and encourages Michael to allow him to live in the new model home. Buster takes an army physical thinking he will fail, but the doctor (James Kayten) passes him. George Sr. flees to Mexico with Kitty, and quickly grows tired of her. When he calls home to plead with Michael to keep the company strong, Gob answer and gets his feeling hurt when George doesn’t want to talk to him. Gob tells Michael that their father didn’t want to talk to him, so he is also hurt. Lindsay continues to search for a man, and meets a homeless man, who actually turns out to be actor Tom Jane (himself) who is rehearsing a role for his new movie Homeless Dad. When Buster begins to suspect the relationship between his mother and Oscar, Lucille decides to end it. When she tries to break it off on the beach, she is filmed kissing him, and the press reports it as her giving a homeless man CPR. In order to impress the board, Gob commits to building the model home in two weeks. George is arrested in Mexico by the authorities who think he is Oscar, but even when they realize he is George, they keep him because they had all been injured by his project the Cornballer. Michael organizes the building of the model house, George Michael so he can earn money to buy Ann her diamond cream, Oscar so he can live there, Buster so he can injure himself and get out of the army, and Tom Jane because he wants his kids back. Gob says he wants to cut the ribbon, which leads to an argument between them. Michael agrees to let Gob do it, when he realizes that Gob feels that their father was never impressed with him. When Gob cuts the ribbon, the entire house collapses. As Buster tries to get injured, he finds Lucille and Oscar inside making out. Gob blames Michael for the collapse, and they fight with the giant pair of scissors and a giant fake rock. When it winds up in the paper, Michael and Gob agree to never let their father come between them. They don’t answer their father’s call from Mexico for bail money, and soon George is reported as being dead on Mexican TV. Tom Jane turns down Lindsay’s offer to sleep with him, and begins to miss Tobias. He comes to her rescue, having been spying on her dressed in the diamond cream. Zitto Kazann is the Mexican warden. Tom Konkle is a board member. Christian Duguay is an actor. Robb Skyler is the accountant. Kevin Mukherji is the foreign cashier. Paco Vela is the federale. 8/2/20
• 025. Amigos – 11/21/2004
  • As Gob settles in as the official president of the Bluth Company, Lucille’s private detective Gene Parmesan (Martin Mull) visits the office and informs everyone that he’s found the stair car in Mexico. Michael decides to head down to find him, while taking along George Michael for some father-son time. He is disappointed however that George Michael wants to bring Ann along, but Michael promises to get to know her. Gob is suspicious that Michael is going to flee the country, so he hires a bounty hunter named Ice (Malik Yoba) to follow Michael. Lindsay and Maeby goes along with Michael as well, and when she sees Ice following them, she thinks it is because he has a crush on her. Buster tries to get out of going into the army, so he stows away in Michael’s car trunk, but gets out six minutes later when he drops Lupe off at her house. Thinking he is in Mexico, he joins Lupe and her family and starts working at their restaurant. Maeby gets tired of her mother’s flirtation with Ice, but Michael thinks she is talking about Ann. George Sr. is in fact in Mexico, and has been declared dead and is lying in state in a church where Kitty is mourning him. When Ice attacks Michael, he hires Ice to track down his father so they can leave. The head back home but forget to bring Ann, so they have to turn around and leave again. Ice thinks that Tobias is George Sr., and tackles him, putting him in the hospital. Michael and George Michael return to Mexico to get Ann, and Michael finally gets to know her, but still doesn’t like her. Gob realizes that Ice isn’t actually his friend, and turns to his mother for friendship, which causes her to get suspicious and rehire Gene to follow Gob. Gene, Ice, and Gob all remain in Mexico to look for George Michael. Buster finally realize he’s not in Mexico when he shows up to cater a party at his own house and sees Lucille and Oscar, who is still hinting that he is actually Buster’s father, making out. Jamie Kaler is the fireman. Joseph A. Nunez is Lupe’s brother. Alejandro Patino is the Mexican man, and Eli Vargas is the Mexican teenager. 11/15/20
• 026. Good Grief! – 12/5/2004
  • As Gob realizes that he’s made a few wrong moves around the Bluth company’s gay associate Gary (Abraham Higginbotham), Ice calls to say he has some news from Mexico. He arranges a meeting with the family – which he also caters – and tells them that George is in fact dead, murdered by a guard, and has the supporting death certificate and dental records to prove it. Maeby asks Barry if she can get emancipated from her parents, and he tells her that if one of them has an affair, she could do it on those grounds. She then tries to arrange for an affair between her mother and Ice, and hires him to cater the wake for George Sr. Meanwhile Ann breaks up with George Michael, and he is crestfallen like Charlie Brown. Considering the news about George Sr., he doesn’t want to tell his father, so he just says that he broke it off with her. Lindsay seems to take the news the hardest, and Lucille doesn’t even want to tell Buster, so she tells him that they’re having a birthday party for George Sr. Since Buster hasn’t joined the Army like his mother believes, he is forced to borrow a stripper Army outfit from Gob. Wanting to make the cover of Poof! magazine, Gob volunteers to represent his father’s corpse and be buried, then rise a week later, so he gets a coffin with an escape door. As George Michael sulks in the vacant lot, he finds a hidden bunker where the real George Sr. is hiding, and sneaks him into the attic of the model home. Michael thinks he is hiding Ann up there, so he invites her to the wake, and much to his dismay they get back together. When George Michael tips him off, Michael realizes his father is in the attic and goes to see him. He tells everyone that he is up there, but when they go up, he has escaped, causing Ice to get on the case, which interrupts Lindsay propositioning him. In fact, George was hiding elsewhere in the attic, and Michael keeps quiet about it so he can stay there. Buster assists Gob with the ‘magic burial’, but when Buster finds out that his father is dead, Gob falls out the trap drawer and into the hole, where the coffin lands on him, landing him on the front cover of Poof! after all. Jason Aaron Tinero is young Buster.
• 027. Sad Sack – 12/12/2004
  • With George still living in the attic, Michael meets with the new prosecuting attorney Wayne Jarvis, who offers Michael immunity if he will turn in his father. George tells Michael he’s only there to win back Lucille, but if he believed that she was in love with Oscar, he would leave and never return, so Michael tries to keep him there as a bargaining chip, and convinces Oscar that he needs to leave since Lucille is driving him crazy. Meanwhile Lindsay is staying out late and trying to hook up with any man, which has caused her voice to go hoarse. Maeby is pursuing Steve Holt, but when Steve meets Lindsay and compliments her, Lindsay suddenly shows an interest in Steve. Maeby combats this by telling him that Lindsay is actually her father, so every compliment he gives Lindsay about being womanly pertains to that. Michael thinks there might be something wrong with George Michael’s eyes since his grades are slipping and he finds Ann attractive, so he sends him to an optometrist (Ross Gottstein) who gives him glasses, which cause him to see even worse. Buster is sent home from the Army when he can’t climb a wall on the obstacle course, and Sergeant Baker (Cedric Yarbrough) has been too neutered by regulations to motivate him. Buster tries to get Gob to motivate him like a young Gob (Curtis Blanck) used to do on the playground, but Gob is too emasculated by folding under pressure from the questioning from Wayne Jarvis. George disguises himself as Oscar and leaves the attic and seduces Lucille, but when she tells him that he loves him, he truly now believes she is in love with Oscar. He returns and tells Michael to turn him in since he no longer has love. Michael however refuses to turn him in, so Jarvis shows him the photos they obtained off of a Bluth company phone, which appear to be the Iraqi landscape with bunkers containing weapons of mass destruction, the bunkers having been built by the Bluth company. However Barry recognizes the photos as a close-up of testicles, which Tobias has accidentally taken of himself while trying to figure out the phone in the bathtub. Tobias is so traumatized by having his testicles all over the news, that he returns to his cut-offs to resume life as a never-nude. Gob motivates Buster to climb the wall, which makes him eligible to be sent to Iraq due to the circulating photos. George finally feels the love from Michael, which cheers him up. When Lindsay overhears Maeby talking about how much she likes Steve Holt, she decides to back off. Bradley Stryker is the man on the dancefloor. Bruce Cronander is the Pentagon Chairman . 3/7/21
• 028. Afternoon Delight – 12/19/2004
  • After vandals drop the banana stand into the bay, Michael is counting on George Michael to help put it back together, but George Michael is too busy at his girlfriend Ann’s religious Christmas party. Lindsay doesn’t want Maeby to come to the Bluth Company Christmas party because she thinks it will interfere with her flirting with other men. Michael and Maeby decide to attend together since they feel shunned by their loved ones, and wind up singing karaoke to Afternoon Delight, until they realize what the song means. Oscar has embarked on a hike up the coast, leaving Lucille home alone, feeling vulnerable and scared that someone is breaking into the house, which in reality was Gob stealing her liquor for the party. Buster has left for the Army but when the bus driver (Jim Gaines Sullivan) can’t break his $100 bill, Buster goes into an arcade for change and winds up addicted to the claw machine. Michael sends Tobias to look after Lucille, but he is dressed on his Blue Man Group paint while waiting for a call to be the understudy, and Lucille beats him with a poker and deafens him with an air horn. At the party, Gob keeps alienating everyone by telling them how much his suit cost, so Michael and Maeby start sticking sticky candy all over the back of it. Since Gob warned everyone about fraternizing at the party, Lindsay can’t get attention from any of the men, even though a guy named employee Ted is interested. When everyone laughs at the candy on his back, Gob fires an employee named Tom (Tom Saunders)… and then fires everyone who works there. Michael and Gob later discuss this, and decide to woo everyone back by another party at the banana stand. Michael and Maeby decide to go on a road trip to find Oscar, so they can bring him back to give Lucille a little ‘afternoon delight’ so she won’t be so uptight. However he mistakes it for a cannabis with that name, and so he and Lucille get high on brownies. Gob shows up at the banana stand party dressed as a banana in order to make his employees laugh again. George Michael and Lindsay try to make Michael and Maeby jealous by singing Afternoon Delight together. A high Lucille drives to the banana stand, and accidentally drives over Tobias and through the banana stand, pinning Gob inside the stand in his outfit. Buster, who is playing the claw machine nearby, rushes to the rescue and uses an actual crane to lift Gob out of the rubble. Unfortunately he isn’t used to lower it gently, so he drops Gob from a great height. George Michael joins his father in cleaning up what’s left of the banana stand, and the two come to terms with George Michael’s need to be with Ann. Tobias, now being partially deaf, missing a potentially life-changing call from the Blue Man Group. J.J. Wall is Ann’s Uncle Paul. Al Eisenmann II is Al the maintenance man. 3/7/21
• 029. Switch Hitter – 1/16/2005
  • With an annual softball game coming up against rival housing company Sitwell Enterprises, the owner Stan Sitwell (Ed Begley Jr.) calls for a meeting with Michael with an offer to buy some of the Bluth properties. George is listening from the attic, and tells Michael to play hardball with him, and thinks he is just trying to find the lineup for the softball game. George is also used to belittling Michael’s ideas so he can exercise his authority over him. Gob actually stands up to Sitwell forcefully, and winds up getting a job offer from him, which seems to be a play to get Gob on his team. Meanwhile Lindsay begins taking Teamocil again, which was the relationship drug that she and Tobias used to advertise with their folk band. Mostly she wants it for the side of effect of eliminating her sex drive, but it also makes her loopy and enjoy being congenial with everyone. Tobias gets an audition to be a con man, and Maeby uses her conning skills to get Tobias to let her skip school and go along to check out the studio, and to start a buzz by standing around the water cooler and constantly dropping his name. She winds up conning a reader named Jeff (Jake Hoffman) to doing her book report on The Old Man and the Sea for her. She runs into studio executive Mort Meyers (Jeff Garlin) who has heard the buzz about ‘Bluth’ and hires her on the spot to be an executive. Lucille gets a postcard from Buster, but finds that most of it has been redacted, so she fears he is being abused. She goes and sees her old lover General William Anderson (J.K. Simmons) who gets Buster out of basic training and into the U.S.O. However, when Buster gives Anderson a neck massage, he tells Buster that he’s good enough to go with him to the front line. Gob gets tired quickly of working for Sitwell, and returns to Bluth, where Michael has taken over as President and is trying to impress his father. He gets Gob to go back to Sitwell, by offering to send ideas with him to present to Sitwell, who loves the ideas and praises Gob. Michael tells him that Sitwell only wants him for the softball game, and not the ideas… which weren’t his anyway. With this information, Gob agrees to throw the game. George Michael gets Ann to play on the softball team, since Lindsay is so loopy from the Teamocil. Gob does poorly in the game, but he is nearly move to tears when Sitwell tells him he doesn’t care about the game, and only that Gob is an invaluable performer. Gob nearly then scores a home run, but when he knocks over Ann and the ball comes loose, the umpire calls him out anyway… then they realize that the ump is actually their father. Michael decides to stand up for himself, and says that Gob was out, and then demands that he is able to run the company as President, finally getting the approval of George thanks to his gumption. Craig Robinson is the studio guide. Steve Bannos is the drill sergeant. Andy Richter appears as himself. 7/3/21
• 030. Queen for a Day – 1/23/2005
  • George Michael finds some old love letters that he wrote for Maeby and hides them in the attic. He also infers to his father that he’s embarrassed to ride in the stair car, so Michael starts to look for a new car. When the Bluth stock is unfrozen, he buys a Corvette that he claims is a company car, then asks all of the other family members not to sell their stock to ensure that they don’t lose the majority ownership. Gob is fired from Sitwell after he runs out of ideas, and wants to come back to the Bluth Company, and vows to prove his worth to Michael. Meanwhile, Buster comes home on furlough and wants to look for a woman other than his mother, so Tobias offers to be his wingman. Maeby is assigned to read over a batch of scripts at her new job, but she winds up just dumping them in her attic, where George finds them and, desperate for something to do, reads them and makes notes himself. When Maeby finds them, she assumes George Michael did it, and tells her how much she appreciates his notes… while he thinks she has seen his old love notes. Buster runs into Lucille-2, freshly cured of her vertigo, at a transsexual bar called the Queen Mary that Tobias takes him to, and strikes up a romance with her again. Lucille thinks she is trying get back at her for expanding her bathroom into Lucille-2’s kitchen next door. Michael convinces Buster to try and date someone else, so he hits it off with Starla and begins dating her. Michael finds out that Gob has sold off stock to buy a yacht, Lindsay and Tobias have sold off some of theirs, and Lucille has sold her. Tobias wants to use their money to buy the Queen Mary. Lindsay tries to stop him by hiring some gay dancers to pose a roughnecks and drive Tobias out, but when he offers them a chance to dance at the bar, they jump at it. Tobias, thinking he has transformed street toughs into dancers, then takes to the street with his dancers to try and save them as well. They wind up all getting jumped and beaten up. When Michael realizes that Lucille-2 now has the majority of stock in the Bluth company, he convinces Buster to leave Starla and go back to Lucille-2. However, when he also realizes that Buster is the only family member who didn’t sell his stock, he decides he’d rather see his brother happy. Michael then takes Lucille-2 for a spin in his Corvette, giving her vertigo again, then confesses that he was only trying to get the stock. She says she loves the Bluth family and wants to help, then offers to give them some of her stock so they’d be back in the majority. However, Gob ruins everything when he tells her that his mother expanding into her kitchen. She winds up exercising his majority, and then makes Gob the president again after he sleeps with her. R. F. Daley is the country club manager. Tom Virtue is Kell the car salesman. William Belli appears as a transsexual. 7/5/21
• 031. Burning Love – 1/30/2005
  • Michael agrees to cover George Michael’s shift at the banana stand so that George Michael can go purchase some records to burn with Ann at a Christian Record Burning. Lucille asks Michael to bid on her at the annual charity auction, but he refuses. Lindsay wants to borrow a fur from Lucille to wear to impress pro-gun actor Moses Taylor (Rob Corddry), famous for playing TV cop Frank Wrench in the show Wrench. Tobias has been ordered to cease and desist following around the Blue Man Group, and is depressed since Lindsay is chasing around Taylor. George Sr. wants Michael to put a hot tub in the attic. While working at the banana stand, Michael runs into Sally Sitwell (Christine Taylor), a girl he had a crush on from his father’s club, but always felt awkward thanks to his father’s competition with her father Stan Sitwell. Gob, who is secretly seeing Lucille #2, stops by the banana stand and embarrasses Michael, who then decides to pursue Sally. He borrows the membership card to the club from his mother, but has to agree to bid on her. He winds up running into Sally with her father, which precludes him from flirting. They run into Gob and Lucille there, and Gob goes out of his way to pretend he wants nothing to do with Lucille, as Michael tries to pretend he’s not interested in Sally in front of her father. He is further embarrassed when his credit card is declined, because his father has ordered a hot tub. When Michael returns home, he finds his dad nearly unconscious from overdoing it in the tub, in which he is also cooking his food. Tobias tries to raise money to bid on Lindsay, but getting a gun to hunt down a local wolf on the loose. He winds up shooting Lindsay with a dart when he sees her in her fur. Gob sabotages Sally’s car so that Michael can fix it and look heroic. However Gob winds up catching another car on fire, so by the time Sally arrives to see it, Michael is being carried off by an EMT (Michael Shepperd) because he inhaled the fumes. Sally comes to see him at the hospital, but Michael can’t stop coughing in order to ask her out. He decides to bid on her in the auction, so he raises money by returning the hot tub. However, he winds up giving it to Tobias so he can bid on a still-tranquilized Lindsay. Stan, however, tells Michael that he had hoped Michael would bid on Sally, so he buys Michael’s car so he’ll have the money to bid. But when Sally finds out that her father approves of Michael, she is no longer interested. George Michael and Ann have a good turnout at the burning party because Maeby tells everyone it is a CD burning party, where they will burn – ie. copy – CDs. Ann and George Michael wind up in his room listening to the Jerky Boys and making prank calls to Michael. Ann lays a very sloppy kiss on him. When it comes time for Gob to bid on his mother, he bids on Lucille #2 instead, when he sees that Stan is bidding on her, taking the bid from $800 to $10,000. George Sr. tries to get to the auction to bid on Lucille, but he is attacked by the wolf, who smells teriyaki on him. Jack McBrayer is the country club waiter. Brian Baumgartner is the gun vendor. Michael Naughton is the auctioneer. Spencer Redford is young Sally. Kevin Kirkpatrick is the maitre d’. Amy Kidd is the hospital intern. Jordan-Scott Quinn is George Michael’s red-headed friend. John L. Adams is the hot tub installer. 12/11/21
• 032. Ready, Aim, Marry Me – 2/13/2005
  • With concern in the family raging out of fear that Lucille #2 is going to take over the company, Michael receives his gift basket and free trip to the Four Seas spa that he won with the auction when he had bid on Sally Sitwell. He goes to see Sally at work but the secretary (Nancy Schnoll) tells him that she’s not in. He sees her father Stan trying on wigs and thinks he is Sally and that she has blown him off. He initially offers to take George Michael instead. Meanwhile Lucille is getting tired of Buster’s neediness so she starts seeing Stan, and accepts his invitation to go to the spa. Despite the fact that Tobias has already received his auction package – and used it on his own – Michael offers to let him and Lindsay use his getaway weekend to help with their marriage. Lindsay accepts the package but prefers to take another man. After getting wedges behind the furnace in the attic, George Sr. recommends that Michael look to former radio and film serial actor Jack Dorso (Martin Short), whom they call Uncle Jack, and who is now crippled from the waste down and is carried everywhere by his assistant Dragon (Troy Brenna), to borrow money. Lindsay meets Dragon and wants to take him on the getaway, while Uncle Jack has eyes for Lindsay and want her to go with him. Michael arranges it so Lindsay thinks she is there with Dragon, and Uncle Jack thinks he is there with her. Gob borrows one of Buster’s Army uniforms and the two of them go to the spa together to spy on Sitwell. Michael also rushes to the spa to try and keep Tobias, who has already left and is working with horse wrangler Jeff (Greg Wrangler), from finding out that Lindsay is there with someone else. Things come to a head when Tobias finds out Lindsay is there with two men, Buster and Gob find Lucille #2 there with Sitwell, and, Buster learns that Gob has been seeing Lucille, and rumble ensues. Lucille 2, disgusted by the whole thing, says that now she does in fact plan to take over the company. Lindsay is impressed that Tobias fought for her, and has Dragon carry Tobias to her car. Uncle Jack agrees to fund the money to fight off the takeover, if Michael carries him to the car. After Jack buys the company, he makes Lindsay the president. At Michael’s suggestion, Tobias records himself to catch his own odd phrases that can be taken out of context. Jack Jason is the activities director. Dan Cole is the stylist. 12/28/21
• 033. Out on a Limb – 3/6/2005
  • Michael and Sally Sitwell have begun dating study, and he has even slept with her three times in one night. They are having brunch at Skip Church’s Bistro, a place known for its massive Skip’s Scramble, an egg dish with something from every dish on the menu. While at Skip’s, they run into George Michael, who is playing hooky from the banana stand, who is having lunch with Maeby. This gives Michael the chance to introduce George Michael and Sally. Ann also shows up, angry with George Michael for skipping church to work, and then apparently not working after all. Maeby suggests that he need to get rid of Ann, and George Michael is finally inclined to agree. Meanwhile, Gob finds out he is being sued for divorce by the woman who dared him to marry her. Lucille is asked by Buster to meet her at the ocean. She thinks it is so he can ask permission again to swim in the ocean, but he really just wants pictures with her because he is going to be shipped to Iraq… a fact that Lucille simply doesn’t believe. Michael helps Gob track down their lawyer Barry at the courthouse, where he is representing Skip’s against a woman Loretta (Becky Thyre), who is addicted to Skip’s Scramble and keeps getting fatter. While there, Michael runs into Maggie Lizer, who is eight and a half months pregnant, which correlates to the time Michael last saw her. He doesn’t know whether to believe her or not, but nevertheless, he tells Sally about his possible baby, and she ends it with him. Lindsay and Tobias then feel challenged to break into Maggie’s house and collect a urine sample to find out if she is truly pregnant. They wind up discovering a fat body suit at her house, and report to Michael that they don’t think she is really pregnant. Michael confronts her on this, and she gets mad and leaves, showing him her pregnant belly on the way out. It turns out that Loretta had been using the body suit to pretend that she was fat in order to win the case. Both George Sr. and Oscar don’t want Buster to leave for war in Iraq, and George Sr. even surfaces from the attic to tell him. Buster thinks he is Oscar, but George Sr. tells him that he is his ‘father’, so Buster now suspects what is actually true: that Oscar is his father. In anger, Buster goes to the beach to wait for the Army to pick him up. While he is waiting, he decides to for a swim in the ocean, and winds up getting his hand bit off by a seal. George Michael and Maeby bring Ann to see Lucille, thinking that she will drive Anne away, but she winds up recruiting Lucille to pray. Rick Hall is Buster’s photographer. Maggie Rowe is Juror #4. Gerry Del Sol is the Waiter. David Martel is the seal man on the beach. 5/10/22
• 034. Hand to God – 3/6/2005
  • Michael tells George Michael that his ex-girlfriend Maggie is going to have a baby, but that she doesn’t want Michael to be part of the baby’s life. Lucille gets word about Buster’s missing hand, and everyone rushes to the hospital. George Sr. leaves the attic and steals a used car from a salesman (Steve Seagren) and heads there as well wearing a wig that makes him look like Oscar. Buster can barely remember the incident, or the fight that preceded it, and he is now susceptible to wild mood swings. Michael decides to try to make amends with Maggie. She is receptive, but tells Michael that the baby is not his, and she in fact got the sperm from a sperm bank. Officers Taylor and Carter have taken a special interest in Maggie and have staked out her house ever since the arrest. Michael still claims to want to be with her, but then starts questioning whether she is again lying and that the father is a former boyfriend. He tries to send George Michael into her house again to see if he can find any boyfriend’s phone numbers, but George Michael chickens out and only takes a phone number on a post-It that he finds on the front door. It turns out to be a close call because Officer Carter is inside the house with his gun drawn. Michael traces the phone number back to Officer Taylor, and when he visits the house, he finds out that Taylor and Carter are lovers and that Maggie is carrying their baby, made from a cocktail of their sperm. When Gob hears that the seal who bit off Buster’s hand was wearing a bowtie, he realizes that it was the seal that he was using in his magic act, until it attacked a cat, causing Gob to release it into the ocean. He gets some terminal cats and tries to catch the seal with them, but winds up interrupting a film shoot for The Young Man and the Beach, which Maeby is overseeing in her capacity as a film producer. She tells Gob that he should just admit to Buster that it was his seal and his fault. In the courtroom, Barry tries to prove that Loretta is wearing a fat suit, but she turns out to actually be pregnant. Maggie, however, is actually wearing a realistic looking pregnant suit, and it is Loretta who is carrying the officers’ baby. Buster tries to massage his father’s back and winds up puncturing him, which drives him crazy and makes him destroy the apartment like a wild man. Gob chooses this time to make his confession, and winds up with the hook stuck in his rear end. Loretta’s water breaks in court, so Maggie pretends hers did as well. Michael calls the officers and they all head to the hospital, only to find Maggie cradling the fat suit. Still, they wind up with the baby that Loretta was carrying. Michael and Maggie agree that their relationship and lying are toxic so they decide not to see each other anymore, but then immediately sleep together in the hospital. Maggie later dins out she is now really pregnant. Episode director Joe Russo is Joe the film director on the boat. 5/10/22
• 035. Motherboy XXX – 3/13/2005
  • Now that Buster has lost his hand, Lucille is embarrassed to take him to the 30th annual Motherboy dinner dance at the Balboa Country Club, so she asks Michael to go with her. He says he needs to spend time with Buster. George Michael wants to go to the Christian camp The Promise Land with Ann, but Michael tells him that he needs to spend the time with Buster. When Maeby finds out she could miss school by going to the camp, she decides to become a Christian. Gob’s wife’s lawyers are claiming that the seal that he released into the ocean that bit off Buster’s hand is worth $250 grand, so they try to track it down using its tracking device. Michael suggests that Gob admit that they never consummated the marriage, so that he can get in annulled and walk away free and clear. Meanwhile, Tobias meets with Carl Weathers at Burger King and tries to get him to find a spot for him in an episode of Scandal Makers that he is directing about the Bluth family. Tobias wants to play himself but Carl has already hired Dave Attell (himself) to play him, but he offers him the part of George Sr. if Tobias will sign the release on behalf of the Bluth family to use them in the series. Tobias finds George in the attic, and George gives him permission to play him if he plays him like a real man rather than a pansy. As Tobias rehearses being butch, it starts to turn Lindsay on again. Lucille finds George Michael playing checkers with Buster and offers to take him to the Promised Land, but then takes him to the hotel where Motherboy XXX is happening. When she spots another mother/son duo dressed as sailors, she re-themes them to Sonny and Cher. A fisherman (Gil Glasgow) thinks he has found the seal using the tracking device, so Michael, Gob, and Buster go to claim it… but it turns out to be a shark who bit off the fin of the seal containing the tracking device. Buster realizes how much he and the seal have in common. Michael learns from Buster that Lucille has taken George Michael to Motherboy, so they go to try and rescue him. They spot George Michael dressed as Sonny on one of the balconies, and Buster attempts to zipline to him using his hook, but it falls off and he winds up crashing through the glass hotel ceiling. The hook lands in Lucille’s room, so they switch rooms and into gypsy costumes. Gob and Barry meet with Gob’s wife, and she seduces him in Judge Ping’s chambers, and the do in fact consummate the marriage, a feat that Gob is all too eager to brag about to the judge. While Michael and George attempt to unplug the lights at Motherboy to make their rescue of George Michael, Buster gets his hand stuck in a sandbag. When Michael frees him, Buster tells him to take George Michael away and he steps in as Lucille’s son. She isn’t as embarrassed when she gets the idea to be Peter Pan and to cast him as Captain Hook. They end up taking George Michael to the Promised Land, where Maeby tells a ghost story about a man with a hook, causing Buster to scare all of the campers. Lindsay seeks at Tobias on the set, but then becomes captivated by Dave Attell, in costume as Tobias. Timothy Brennen is the dance announcer. Sammy Fine is the boy sailor who wants to escape the dance. Karly Rothenberg is the mother at the dance. Ryan Raddatz is the hotel clerk. 9/4/22
• 036. The Immaculate Election – 3/20/2005
  • Michael pays to have the model home fumigated, but it is Lindsay who calls to have it done, and thus Michael misses telling his father about it, so he is stuck in the attic when it happens. Lindsay is supposed to clean the house since Michael paid for the fumigation, but instead she intercepts her mother’s housekeeper Lupe to do the work. Lindsay also kicks Tobias out of the house when she tries to seduce him, but he only complains because Lindsay is wearing his underwear. He returns to being a security guard at the film studio and lives on the set for the TV series Wrench. Lindsay hasn’t yet told Maeby, but Gob is worried that Tobias might have taken the video camera even though he wants to make a new magic video of him doing tricks around the office. He recalls that George Michael used it last when he recorded over a home video to record himself doing a light saber routine from Star Wars. Michael thinks George Michael needs a boost to his self-esteem, so he supports him running for student body president at Ann’s suggestion. When Lupe won’t return to clean the house for Lindsay anymore, she starts to clean herself. She cleans George Michael’s room and throws all of Ann’s religious literature away and dumps the trash bags in the attic. Michael wants Gob to show up at a work meeting in order to vote in a building renovation. However, he is too busy recording his tricks that he doesn’t show up for the vote. Michael fires Gob, but Gob thinks he is in charge, so he fires Michael… who has Gob escorted out by security. Michael runs into Maeby at the office and tells her that her father has moved out. He also discovers that she is creating flyers for Steve Holt, who is also running for president and is sure to destroy George Michael. Lupe feels bad for Buster because of his hand and winds up sleeping with him and gets fired. Tobias then gets the idea to step into the role as an English housekeeper named Phyllidia Featherbottom, so that he can see Maeby more often, and prove to Lindsay that he is a good actor. George Michael goes to the school to try and get George Michael out of the running, so he won’t be badly beaten, and finds Ann doing his campaigning with a Christian platform. Up in the attic, George, who may be suffering from the fumigation, finds one of the Christian flyers as well as a cross on his head from when he passed out, and decides to follow the Christian doctrine. When he mentions that Michael and Gob were like the biblical brothers Goofus and Gallant, Michael realizes he might need Gob to help get George Michael elected. The two make amends over their office argument, and Gob helps George Michael make a campaign video to make sure he doesn’t get embarrassed. All he wants to do is have George Michael beat the Indian kid Rav Nadir (Omi Vaidya) by digging up dirt on him. Ann says she can’t support that, so she goes to campaign for Steve Holt and give him a Christian slant in his campaign. He talks about how he never knew his father but has not found a new Father. Then the tape that Gob made for George Michael pokes fun at the fact that Steve Holt is a bastard who never knew his father, followed by footage accidentally left of George Michael doing his Jedi routine. George Michael is embarrassed, Steve Holt drops out of the election to look for his father, and Rav wins with 97% of the vote. Michael is afraid that his self-esteem will take another blow, but Ann comes back to him, having been turned on by his Jedi moves. Lucille winds up getting an automated vacuum cleaner to replace Lupe, but Buster has an affair with it also. She ends up getting Mrs. Featherbottom to take its place. Steve Holt hires a private detective (John Harrington Bland) to track down his real father… who ends up being Gob. Michael Coleman is the security guard. Phyllis Smith is office worker Carla. Ron Michaelson is himself, the actor helping Gob with his video. Armie Hammer is the student who calls George Michael ‘star dork’. 9/5/22
• 037. Sword of Destiny – 3/27/2005
  • Lindsey wants Michael to give Tobias a job with the company, as she needs a break from him disguising himself as housekeeper Mrs. Featherbottom, but Michael turns him down due to cutbacks. Tobias accuses Michael of not wanting other’s help due to having control issues, which seems to be manifesting itself as a side pain. Meanwhile, Gob visits a store called Ancient Chinese Secrets and ends up buying a new sword that he wants to incorporate into his magic act. Since he has been kicked out of the Magician’s Alliance, he asks Michael to register as the magician for a show at the Gothic Castle so he can pose as the assistant, and then reveal himself as the magician. Michael turns him down because he needs to teach George Michael how to drive. George Sr. makes a videotape in the attic to show the company employees, so they believe that someone is in charge. Michael claims that he is in charge, so he refuses the video tape. While Michael is getting ready to show him how to drive the stair car, Michael gets another painful attack, which turns out to be appendicitis. Tobias offers to take over the company, and Lindsay offers to teach George Michael to drive. When Michael starts wetting himself, the doctor (Ian Roberts) admits they gave him some relaxers that may have taken the tingle out of his genitals. He is replaced by Dr. Stein (Dan Castellanta), and although many of his procedures sound strange and experimental to the family, Michael believes they should trust his authority. Gob asks Buster to replace Michael as his assistant, so that they can open for magician Tony Wonder (Ben Stiller), who previously released a video of himself turning into bread. Tobias and Lindsey defy Michael, and Tobias shows up to address the board at Bluth Co. and attempts to show the Board George Sr.’s video by putting a thumb drive into a VCR, while Lindsey lets George Michael do the driving, even though Michael had taught by having George Michael watch him drive. During the magic performance, Buster is given a synthetic hand for the illusion, but it is cut off by the Sword of Destiny trick, which goes over like gangbusters. Tony Wonder invites Gob and Buster to appear on his next DVD. Dr. Stein announces to Michael that his appendix wasn’t inflamed after all, but getting in there caused an abscess on his abdominal wall, so they have to go back in. Starla the Bluth secretary is disgruntled about the cutbacks and turns over George Sr. tapes to the F.B.I., who analyze the tape and think that he filmed it in one of Saddam Hussein’s Iraqi houses… and that Michael is in the background of the video. Gob and Buster meet with Tony Wonder, and Gob admits that he is the actual magician, and that there will be a new illusion in the next show. Dr. Stein tells Michael that while trying to fix the abscess, he left his snippers inside. Michael decides he needs to head to the office to calm everyone about the news. Tobias tries to bring the F.B.I. to the hospital to show them that Michael is there and not in Iraq, but he is gone. When Michael and George Michael arrive at the office, everyone is gone from there as well. It turns out they have all moved to the lower level where the rent is cheaper. Michael lets George Michael drive him home, but since he’s driving a regular car this time, he doesn’t hit the break in time and hits his father in the car and breaks his leg. When Dr. Stein shortens Michael’s calf muscles, Michael finally admits he wants the old doctor back. Buster cuts off Gob’s fingers during the next show, causing Tony Wonder to be amazed again. Dr. Stein reattaches the fingers but switches the index and middle finger. The F.B.I. finds more footage on George Sr.’s film of George Michael’s Jedi training in the garage. Paul Feig is Wizard the booker. Kevin Heffernan is the Gothic Castle announcer. George Kee Cheung is the Asian man who sells the sword. David McMillan and Bob Glouberman are doctors. Ben Hoffman and Craig Anstett are FBI men. 12/26/22
• 038. Meat the Veals – 4/3/2005
  • Maeby makes a big deal when Tobias returns to the house as himself because this means that Mrs. Featherbottom hasn’t pressed the dress that she plans to wear to one of her film premieres. She is also having her lackey reader Jeff (Simon Helberg) write her book reports and telling him they are for projects at the studio. Meanwhile, Oscar wants to throw Lucille a wedding anniversary party, since he is starting suspect that Lucille is pulling away since she keeps denying him sex. Oscar has been going to Buster for advice, and he suggests the party because George Sr. won’t show up and will make Oscar look good. Gob finds about it, but Lucille wants to make sure he doesn’t try to do his filthy and racist puppet show with his black puppet Franklin. Lindsay tells Michael that George Michael is planning on getting pre-engaged to Ann, and she tells Michael that the more he tries to push her away, the more George Michael will try to get closer to her. Michael then agrees to take George Michael to Ann’s place, where he meets Ann’s parents Pastor Terry (Alan Tudyk) and his wife (Ione Skye). He decides to invite them to the anniversary party, thinking that his family might be driven away from their family. George Sr. asks Gob to get him into the party, and then to Ann’s church so that they can renew their vows. Mrs. Veal shows up alone to the party because her husband had a last-minute job at the church, which turns out to be the renewal of George and Lucille’s vows. George has Gob knock out his mother and transport in a garment bag to the church. He winds up knocking Buster and himself out as well. Michael tells George Michael that a pre-engagement might not be dignified enough for something so sacred as marriage. Michael tells Mrs. Veal about the engagement being off, and she grabs him and start to kiss him. George Michael sees this and loses respect for his father’s advice and vows to continue with the proposal. Lindsey finds it romantic and gives him her mother’s engagement ring. Michael finds out from Mrs. Veal that everyone is headed to the Church of the Good Shepherd, so they all head there. Pastor Terry is officiating the ceremony between George and Lucille. George Michael gives Ann his proposal, and she is so hot by the vow renewal, she is ready to get married right away. Oscar arrives and tries to stop the vows, and he and George engage in hand-to-hand combat, which is completely identical. Michael tries to stop the marriage of George Michael and Ann by telling him that it was Ann’s mother who started the kissing. Pastor Terry overhears this and attacks Michael. Two policemen (Hugh Davidson, Scott Wordham) show up at the church to stop the fights, while the other officers hold Franklin at bay outside. George Sr. escapes by using Mrs. Featherbottom’s wig, making it now too obvious that she is actually Tobias. Lindsey claims him as her husband and runs and kisses him. Mrs. Veal apologizes to her husband for falling under the spell of the horrible secular Bluths. Oscar points out to Lucille that he never ran away… mostly because he broke his ankle. George Michael and Ann announce that the wedding is off since they were doing it for the wrong reasons. Michael tells them that they need to be sure before going all the way with doing it, which the kids interpret as permission to start having sex. The cops’ drug canine goes after Buster’s hook, so he replaces it with Franklin. Mather Zickel is the studio executive. Mario Joyner is Mario the guard. 12/26/22
• 039. Spring Breakout – 4/10/2005
  • Michael tries to work with landowner Cal Cullen (Dick Van Patten) on a real estate deal, but Cal is unimpressed with the family after the way they were recently portrayed on the reality show Scandalmakers. Tobias has signed away the rights to the Bluth family scandal stories in exchange for being able to play George Sr. in the series. His impression is marred even further when Lucille shows up to the board meeting completely drunk, after taking Buster’s pain medicine with alcohol. Michael decides that they need to try another intervention after an earlier one had turned into a fun-filled Bluth family party. Meanwhile, Gob is still upset by being made to look foolish by producer Phillip Litt (Zach Braff), who put video of Gob screwing up magic tricks on his Girls with Low Self-Esteem videos. Lindsay decides to try and take on Litt and his exploitation of women. In order to get Lucille into rehab, Michael pretends that she won a spa getaway and agrees to accompany her. George Sr. gets a visit from his former secretary Kitty and blackmails whim with a cooler full of evidence to force him to come with her. Maeby is told by her producer Mort Myers to polish up a script with more realistic teenage banter, so she goes to work at the banana stand with George Michael. Nearby, Phillip Litt is handing out hats to expose their breasts. Lindsay comes with a a group of female protesters, but they wind up showing their breast to get hats. Michael has to tackle his mother when she realizes she is at a rehab center rather than a spa, while Buster struggles at home alone and winds up drinking his mother’s box of wine thinking that it is a juice box. Cal Cullen agrees to do business with Michael, just as Kitty comes in and tells Michael that she has George Sr. and enough evidence to take down the company unless Lucille meets with her. Michael then recruits Gob to help him break Lucille out of the rehab center in order to meet Kitty at Senior Tadpole’s bar. Lucille agrees to leave if Michael will take her on a real spa retreat. Kitty tells Lucille that she wants a Bluth son and demands that Lucille hands over a sperm sample that he produced while taking an experimental drug. Lucille challenges her to drink her for it. Tobias gets the idea to film a male version of the exploitation video and attempts to pull down Litt’s pants. However, he and Lindsay find that he is wearing cut-off jeans since he is also a ‘never-nude’. Tobias reveals his shorts as well and confesses that he has relapsed, causing Lindsay to storm off. Michael and Gob take a lookalike cooler to the motel where George Sr. is being held handcuffed to his bed. George tells Michael that wants the evidence to get out since he was a patsy in the entire scheme. While Maeby is trying to capture dialogue from teen boys, George Michael gives her some heartfelt words about how special she is and how she is like a flower. She tells him that is what she’s been waiting to her. She means ‘as dialogue’ but he thinks she feels the same way about him, so he calls Ann and tells her that they need to talk. After Kitty passes out, Lucille heads back to rehab. Michael and Gob simply leave with George Sr. and the cooler. Michael compliments Gob on his help, but Gob falls in the pool with the cooler full of exonerating evidence. It also turns out that the cooler that they left in place of the other one in Kitty’s room has the specimen of George Sr.’s sperm inside of it, which Kitty finds after stumbling back to her motel room. David Attell appears as himself playing Tobias in Scandalmakers. Rene Millan is the waiter. Meghan Stansfield is the protester. Michael Malota, Matthew McKane, and Beau Wirick are college boys. 6/14/23
• 040. Righteous Brothers – 4/17/2005
  • When Michael discovers that the model home is sinking into the ground, he tells his father that he will need to vacate the attic as inspectors will be coming around to check it out. Meanwhile, Maeby invites George Michael to go to a screening with her of Dangerous Cousins, a film that she was ordered by her boss to edit down to 63 minutes. Tobias tells Michael that he is going to have to quit the company, even though Michael didn’t know he was working there, so that he can go to Las Vegas and audition for the Blue Man Group now that they have dropped their cease-and-desist order. Kitty asks for a meeting with Michael, and when he tells Gob about it, Gob expresses his bitterness about Michael not saying anything about the thank you gift that Gob bought for him for funding his CD of Gob and his puppet Franklin. Although Michael hasn’t listened to it, he tells him that he loves it, so Gob agrees to do Michael’s ‘dirty work’. Gob douses Franklin in ether and uses it to kiss George Sr., knock him out, and take him from the house. On the way there, Gob finds the unopened CD and card that he had given Michael. Lindsay refuses to go to Las Vegas with Tobias and suggests that they should break up. Gob thought they were already broken up. Kitty tells Michael that she’s gone through a recovery program and that she’s done trying to ruin the Bluths. Michael sets up Tobias with Kitty in order to keep her occupied. Michael signs an affidavit that he has no idea of his father’s whereabouts, but he is immediately arrested because they have a picture of him with George in the car, which is actually a picture of Gob holding up the card he got for Michael with Michael’s face on it. George Michael tries to break it off with Ann, but when he finds out that she will be picketing the Dangerous Cousins film. Michael is titillated by the prospect of getting a kiss from Ann like they did during their last protest of Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry (himself). Oscar tries to share his Pop Secret popcorn with Buster, but Buster thinks that he has a literal ‘pop secret’ and that Oscar is his real father. Michael gets ready to turn in Gob for being with their father, but when he hears the cops playing his Franklin CD, he decides he can’t bring himself to turn him in. Likewise, Gob decides to turn himself in to get Michael out of jail. Maeby catches George Michael protesting the film, but it the protestors seem to be intriguing filmgoers rather than driving them away. The film does so well because of the press that Maeby comes home and thanks George Michael and gives him a kiss. When George Michael collapses onto the couch, the entire floor collapses under him. The two begin kissing more passionately as Gob runs in and says that Dad will be crushed… not referring to the kiss he is witnessing, but the fact that he handcuffed his father under the house. He quickly realized that George has escaped, and then heads off to the arraignment, where Michael is arriving with Barry. When Gob tells Michael about handcuffing him, Michael tells him that he is going to turn Gob in and tell him that it was him in the stair car photo. The brothers then get into a fistfight on the courthouse lawn. Tobias shows up to announce that he is going to Las Vegas with Kitty, but Lindsay arrives to stop her, only to be hit by one punch and knocked out. George stops the fight and announces that he is turning himself in so that the family will stop fighting. Actually, George had earlier approached Oscar and told him that he can turn him in to collect the reward and take care of the family. However, he knocks Oscar out, shaves his head, and leaves him in the courthouse bathroom. George escapes out the window and leaves Oscar to be arrested. Gob and Michael reconcile. Oscar can’t prove who he is because he burnt off his fingerprints with the Cornballer and the stress of being in jail won’t allow his hair to grow back. Tobias and Kitty go to Vegas but find that they’ve already hired a new member of the Blue Man Group… which turns out to be George Sr. Andy Samberg is the Blue Man Group stage manager. Courtney Lilly is the engineer on the Franklin CD. Eric Boles is the movie passerby. Rob Huebel is Dave Williams, the house inspector. Craig Cackowski is the blue men group leader. 6/14/23

SEASON 3

• 041. The Cabin Show – 9/19/2005
  • When the Bluth Company’s stock is upgraded to “Don’t Buy,” everyone is thrilled, and Lindsay wants to buy a car to celebrate. Michael decides to go see his father in prison to gloat about how he has improved the company. Lucille wants Buster to come live with Michael since his snoring has become unbearable, and she has gone off her medication. Michael suggests that she get away from Buster for while and go visit the cabin in the woods that he is having relocated to another property… and suggests that she get back on her meds. Michael had never been to the cabin, as his father used to blow him off all of the time when he found a woman he wanted to be with. Gob is upset that he was never even invited and stood up. Michael offers to take Gob to the cabin before it is moved. Michael finds George Michael in the stair car hiding from Maeby after their awkward kiss. He invites him to go to the cabin, and then tells Gob that something came up. When Michael gets to prison, he finds out that his father is actually Oscar. Michael realizes that if he exposes that George Sr. isn’t the one in jail, the stock rating will go back down. Meanwhile, Lindsay is shattered that Tobias has run off to Las Vegas with Kitty, but Michael tells her that she only wants him now because she can’t have him. Gob receives a letter from the Sons and Dads Reunion Project – aka SAD – stating that he has been requested to attend a reunion. He didn’t understand what it meant since his father was in prison, but after Michael tells him that his father is actually free, it all seems to make sense. Michael contacts Barry Zuckercorn and finds out he is in Reno, instead of meeting with George in prison. Michael has to disappoint George Michael about the trip and head off to Reno as well. Gob heads off to meet his father, only to realize that it is his actual son he is meeting, and that son is Steve Holt. Without actually knowing he is his father, Gob invites Steve to go camping with him. When Michael arrives in Reno, the cab driver (William H. Bassett) takes him to a seedy restaurant called Swallows, where he finds that Tobias now works. He had lost the job in the Blue Man Group to George Sr., who was using the blue makeup to help hide. Tobias acknowledges that it was a big mistake to leave Lindsay, especially since he and Kitty had broken up. When she left, she showed him her breasts, which had blue paint on them. Michael deduces that George must be with Kitty in Reno as well. He encourages Tobias to pretend he is still with Kitty to make Lindsay want him again. She decides to drive to Reno with George Michael and Maeby packed into the stair car’s front seat together. Michael goes to the Blue Man Group theater to find his father and runs into Barry. When he finds out that he’s in his cahoots with his father, he fires him and heads back to help Oscar get out of jail. Maeby tells George Michael that they’re acting weird to each other since they only had a half-kiss, so they decide to finish the kiss and get it out of the way. However, they are interrupted by Lindsay who checked them all into one room. Gob and Steve show up in Reno, and Michael sees his note from SAD and tells him the truth. Gob tries to run away even after Michael tells him he can’t leave his son in a Reno parking lot. Michael then sees George Michael in a car in the middle of a Reno parking lot and thinks that he drove there to be with him. Michael then takes the stair car and head out while George Michael is asleep and heads to the cabin. After 46 hours without medication, Lucille attacks Buster in his sleep when she hears him snoring, only to find that it is a pillow and tape recorder in his bed. She decides to be gone when Buster returns, so she heads to the cabin. Michael and George Michael arrive at the cabin, only ti find out at that most of it has been trucked away. They decide to sleep in the remaining portion. Halfway to the cabin, Lucille realizes that Buster is sleeping in the back seat. He had slept in the car so he wouldn’t wake his mother, and then left the tape recorder so she wouldn’t worry. George Michael suggests that they go back to Reno and admits that he has a girl problem that his father won’t like, and which doesn’t have an answer. They vow to go down to the lake and talk about the problem the next morning, but when they wake up, they are being toted off on a giant truck being drive by George Sr. carrying the remainder of the cabin. Lucille arrives at the cabin and finds it isn’t there, then doesn’t set the brake causing the car to roll into a lake with Buster in the back seat. Maeby is stood-up by George Michael, and she meets Steve Holt, who was stood up by Gob. To get her mind off her cousin, she makes out with Steve, here other cousin. Lindsay finds Kitty making out with Tobias, but Kitty ends up being Tobias in a wig, and Tobias is Barry in blue makeup. Lindsay says she wants a divorce, and Barry says he’d gladly represent either one of them. Anthony DeSantis is Barry’s paralegal James Alan Spangler. Michael Savage is the supposed twin suspect. Paul Vogt and Peter Vogt are twins Larry and Dave. Brandon Johnson is Swallows manager David Spitz. Gary Kraus is the reunion dad. Jim Cramer is himself, host of Mad Money. 10/9/23
• 042. For British Eyes Only – 9/26/2005
  • Michael agrees to not send his father back to prison but arranges for him to be on house arrest at his mother’s apartment… making George Sr. plead to go back to prison. Buster is jealous of there now being another man in his mother’s life, and Michael is sickened when his mother tells him that her friskiness is back. Gob prepares an illusion called Freebird that his father asked him to perform as a protest on the day he pleads not guilty. George also hires Andy Griffith to appear in court with him dressed like Matlock for the plea. He claims that he was a patsy and was set up by a group of British builders who contacted him to build homes overseas. He claims he didn’t know they meant Iraq. When he was photographed with Saddam Hussein, he thought it was the actor who played the Soup Nazi in Seinfeld. Tobias wants to act as the Gob-lookalike to appear in the elevated cage in the illusion, so he first colors the top of his head with a Sharpie, which isn’t at all convincing. Gob continues to avoid Steve Holt by hiding inside the birdcage behind the mirrors. Lindsay decides she’d rather not spend money on the divorce and wants to buy herself a car. George hires Andy Griffith to appear in court with him dressed like Matlock when he pleads not guilty. George tells Michael to go find the Brits to prove his case and calls him a chicken if he’s scared to get involved. Michael gives Lindsay the truck with the cabin on it instead of buying her a new car. Michael goes to the Wee Britain section of Orange County to look for clues. He goes to the British Business Bureau to look for anyone filing licenses for British businesses around ten years ago, but the clerk Ian (Rory Knox Johnston) is looking for a bribe. Michael thinks he is looking for a literal passport, so he goes to look for someone with one in the British pub. There he meets a beautiful woman named Rita Leeds (Charlize Theron) and she agrees to help him. However, the clerk has left the BBB since they are on Greenwich time. As Michael is walking away, he is struck by the tourist attraction Merry Poppuns doll, so Rita stops to help him. He asks her to meet him the next day in order to use her passport. Tobias goes shopping in a costume store to try to find a wig for Gob’s trick. Michael calls Lindsay to tell her about the date. A British man named Trevor (Dave Thomas) who has been following Michael nearly hits him in his car, then demands that Michael call him. When they nearly crash their cars, they both get out and Trevor tells Michael to leave it alone, and then asks him how he’s like it if someone went after some stupid member of his family. After the warning, Michael thinks that his father may be telling the truth. Then after seeing Gob continue to hide from Steve Holt, he remembers that the men in the family are always trying to deceive their sons, he realizes that George Sr. must have hired Trevor. When Michael confronts his father, George Sr. tells him that they need to take the threat seriously and plead guilty. He swears that he didn’t hire Trevor, and tells him that he must be for real and is dangerous. Michael goes to tell Rita that he won’t need her passport after all. George Sr. asks Gob to put him in the Freebird trick, which he had changed to the Free Chicken trick, and make him the guy in the cage, then substitute him with Tobias. This will allow George to run free in the storm drains and escape. When Tobias’s new wig makes him look like a girl with a bob, he puts in hair plugs that make his head bleed profusely. George then tells him that they need him to be bald again so that he can play George Sr. On the day of the plea in court, Andy Griffith sees the cabin on wheels and thinks they are making fun of him, so he doesn’t stay for the pleas. Gob also emerges to do his trick and asks for a volunteer to send to the dangling cage. George Sr. volunteers for the trick, just as Gob notices that Steve Holt is in the crowd. When he realizes that Steve loves magic, he decides to do the trick himself. Tobias, who is behind the mirror in the cage, is shocked that they were now back to him trying to impersonate Gob. Fortunately, having the plugs shaved off was too painful, so he had merely applied a bald cap. Gob disappears in a cloud of fire and smoke, just as Tobias emerges in a cloud of fire and smoke. Steve Holt thinks that Tobias is Gob, so Tobias is convinced he has succeeded and is now a ‘leading man’. Gob escapes into the storm drains, and George Sr. tries to escape, but is tazed by Lucille back into the arms of the police. The prosecution has Harry Hamlin (himself) from L.A. Law at their table, but when the judge (Steve Stapenhorst) asks how George Sr. pleads, Michael answers that his father is ‘not guilty.’ Lindsay thinks that Michael was brave for the plea, but Michael thinks they have the truth on their side. Rita shows up at the courthouse, much to Michael’s delight. He asks her to go out on a date with him and she accepts. He decides to do another brave thing and gives her a kiss. After he leaves, she gets into the car with Trevor. Clinton Leupp is Coco, the proprietor of the costume store. Jonathan Schmock is Lionel, the bartender at the Yellowfang. Golde Starger is Lionel’s mother. 10/9/23
• 043. Forget Me Now – 10/3/2005
  • The family hires a new attorney named Bob Loblaw (Scott Baio) to replace Barry Zuckercorn. Lindsay instantly takes a liking to him and tries to keep arranging times to have an affair with him, all of which Bob charges her for. George Sr. hires a surrogate named Larry Middleman (Bob Einstein), who wears a camera in his hat and acts as the eyes and ears for George while he is stuck living in the penthouse. George tries to read Loblaw’s direction on burning the company’s files, as he notes that it is illegal to do so, but also says that the prosecutors wouldn’t have a case without them. Michael meets up with Rita in Little London again, and during their lunch in an Americanized restaurant Fat Ammy’s, where Lionel now works as a waiter, Michael spots Trevor spying on them again. He also tells Rita that he doesn’t have a family to save himself the embarrassment of having to deal with their actions. Meanwhile, Maeby keeps dating Steve Holt to make George Michael jealous, so George Michael tells Steve that they are cousins. Buster gets a medal from the Army but no one has any idea what the sergeant (Asante Jones) was saying when he presented it to him. They assume that it is because Buster lost his hand, so they decide to throw him a party. Michael thinks this will be a great opportunity to have Rita to the house since the family will all be gone. Michael finds out that his father has asked Gob to start destroying the files, so he tells him to stop immediately and put them in a place where his father can’t get to it. George sees a news clip on TV about someone floating away using a bunch of balloons, so he suggests that they fill the apartment penthouse with balloons for Buster’s party so he can use them to make an escape without setting off the invisible gate around the premesis. When Michael returns to the model home, he finds that it is filled with all of his father’s files, as well as Tobias using his knowledge from his former job as “Analrapist” – ie. analyst and therapist combined – to work through Buster’s problems. Michael orders them to get out and then he starts hiding the files everywhere, including his car. Tobias reports back to the family that Michael is destroying the evidence, leading them all to believe that Michael is risking himself by helping the family. They immediately want to change the party to honor him instead of Buster, so they call him up and tells him to come to the penthouse. They also take the cabin truck to pick up Rita to surprise him. However, she doesn’t think he has a family and becomes scared and tries to leave. Since she is wearing a stuffed seal backpack, Buster clubs her in the head. Gob gives her a roofie, which he calls ‘forget-me-nows’, to make her forget that anything has happened, and they dump her on a park bench. Michael assumes he is late picking her up, but then finds her passed out on the bench and retrieves her. He brings her to party so that he can run up and put in an appearance, but she wanders up and sees him with his family, which she recognizes as bad people. Maeby gives Steve Holt a roofie, so that she can pretend they had sex without actually having it, even though he wanted to call it off now that he knew they were cousins. George Michael is relieved to find out that Maeby wasn’t interested in sex with Steve. Buster gets a letter from Army announcing that he has re-enlisted, which is what he actually got his medal for, and has to report the next day. Buster throws his medal out the window, which causes George’s hydrogen balloons to explode on Michael’s car, destroying the evidence that was inside.  Michael finds out that his family had drugged, clubbed, and abandoned her on a perk bench and gives them the silent treatment. Gob tries to make amends and tells Michael to go to Rita to ask for another chance. Michael has lunch with Rita again and agrees to tell her everything, digging out all of the files on the family’s crimes. Bob Loblaw’s retainer runs out thanks to the charges to Lindsay, so she offers to make it up by coming to his house in a maid’s uniform… and working as a maid. A traumatized Steve Holt goes to Gob for some fatherly advice, and Gob finally admits to him that he is Steve’s father… and then takes a forget-me-now pill so that he can forget. 2/11/24
• 044. Notapusy – 11/7/2005
  • Lindsay takes a job as a nanny for Bob Loblaw’s daughter Hope (Nathalia Ramos) in hopes that it ultimately lead to her marriage to Loblaw. Michael has become obsessed with Rita, so when he finds out that she is leaving town, he rushes to meet her at the train station where Trevor gives her instructions before leaving. Michael is out of breath by the time he catches up to her, and Rita points out that she was once in the Olympics and won a silver medal. She is also touched by Michael coming to see her and tells him that he’s such a ‘pussy’, which she meant in the British sense, meaning sweet and gentle. Michael thinks he needs to become more manly and asks George Michael to play catch, but he tells his father that he’s busy helping Ann make a gown for her entry into the Beauty Pageant at the Church and State Fair. Maeby takes exception to the beauty pageant, insisting that they never look at inner beauty, which she knows from experience after all of the pageants that her mother had entered her into. Lindsay decides to enter Hope in the contest and help get her ready in order to win her over. Maeby decides to add prosthetics to her nose, a prop used in the movie The Hours that she was given by actor Jamie Kennedy (himself), sit in a wheelchair, and pretend her name is Shirley Wolfbeak to prove that the pageant will only care about looks. Tobias decides to help Ann in the pageant in order to get back the respect of Lindsay. Steve Holt stops by the house and wants Gob to enter the father and son triathlon at the fair, but Gob won’t speak to him. Michael decides to enter the contest with Steve in order to impress Rita. However, this somehow makes Gob jealous. Michael and Steve work out hard to get ready for the event, to the point that Michael can barely move by the time the event actually rolls around. Lucille meets with Bob Loblaw to try and get Buster out of returning to the Army. Loblaw tells them about a ‘one-in, one-out’ program whereby Buster can recruit someone to take his place. Loblaw also informs George Sr. of a “Startled Straight” program at the fair that George could do as community service to scare at-risk youth away from criminal behavior. Buster think he might be able to recruit some of these youth to replace him in the Army. Tobias suggest that Ann use a camel in her act at the fair and she agrees to sing We Three Kings to the animal. Steve gives Michael some oxycontin to help him bear through his pain. George winds up in the wrong “Scared Straight” tent and ends up working with men questioning their sexuality. The finalists in the fair pageant are introduced by fair funder Reverend Bob Patterson (Phil Proctor) and wind up being Hope, ‘Shirley’, and Ann. The judges, which include Gob and a Pope impersonator (Donald Bishop), are clearly going to vote for Maeby, but she feels guilty and stands up to tell everyone she isn’t crippled, but everyone thinks she has been healed. Michael finds out that the ‘triathlon’ is made up of kiddie obstacles and wonders why Steve let him train so hard. When George Michael goes to congratulate Ann for coming in third, but she tells him that she’s outgrown him and has a new man. A depressed George Michael then decides to sign up for the Army. Michael and Steve come in first in their triathlon, but by the end Michael can barely stand up. When Buster tells him that George Michael is trying to sign up for the Army, Steve has to carry him to the Army tent, just as Rita shows up and sees him. As George Sr. gives his spiel about prison life to the gay men, he realizes he can’t go back, so he tries to make an escape in the replica Pope-mobile. Michael is able to stop George Michael from signing up at the last minute, telling him how much he would miss him. Rita sees this and tells Michael that he is quite a man, but still calling him a complete and utter pussy. Buster tries to sign up Steve Holt for the Army, but Gob wheels in and tells him that he’s finally ready to be a father to him. George Sr. finds out the hard way that the fake Pope-mobile isn’t bulletproof as the police catch up to him. Byron Washington is the Sergeant signing up George Michael. Bronwen Masters is Nurse Adelaide in the British soldier footage. Tony Hale is Reggie, the soldier in the same footage. Marcy Goldman is Fran, who signs up Maeby for the pageant. Tory Brett Howard is the gay teen. 2/11/24

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