The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – FOX

Created by Michael G. Moye and Ron Leavitt

Opening theme song: “Love and Marriage” – music by Jimmy Van Heusen and lyrics by Sammy Cahn. Performed by Frank Sinatra

• 001. Pilot – 4/5/1987
  • Al Bundy (Ed O’Neill) is a frustrated husband of fifteen years working as a women’s shoe salesman at Gary’s Shoes & Accessories in the New Market Mall in a Chicago suburb. At home are his lazy wife Peg (Katey Sagal), who doesn’t work, young teen children Kelly (Christina Applegate) and Bud (David Faustino), and their dog Buck. Al is irritated that Peg hasn’t gone out to get juice or any other food and heads off to work, where his co-worker Luke Ventura (Ritch Shydner) invites him to go to the basketball game. Al accepts but Peg won’t let him go because she’s invited over their newlywed neighbors Steve (David Garrison) and Marcy Rhoades (Amanda Bearse). Steve and Marcy’s relationship during their first two months has been amiable, but as soon as Peg starts questioning why Steve goes to bed so much later than Marcy, and Al tells Steve that his future son will be a sissy since Marcy doesn’t allow him to watch sports, the two end up bickering and heading home to re-define their relationship. Al and Peg, their work done, turn off the TV and head up to the bedroom. Diana Bellamy and Sue Ann Gilfillan plays Al’s customers. 2/15/15

• 002. Thinergy – 4/12/1987
  • When Al watches the smut film Patsy: Portrait of a Stewardess in Training, Peg realizes that Al doesn’t seem attracted to her any more. Marcy suggests that she read the book Thinergy, which teaches how to eat right and supply more energy. When Al snubs her advances toward her that night, Peg agrees and prepares him salad the next night for dinner. Al refuses to participate in the diet although Peg carries on. The next day Steve advises Al to go along with the diet, and after a week Peg will be done with it and they can go off of it together. Al agrees, but after a couple of days both Al and Peg are grumpy and at each others’ throats, purposely trying to irritate each other. Al tells Peg that he is going to give her what makes her feel better. She thinks it is sex but it is actually a pastry. Peg feels much better… and they actually become more amorous. 2/16/15
• 003. But I Didn’t Shoot the Deputy – 4/19/1987
  • The Neighborhood Watch committee barges in on Al and Peg as they are getting romantic to announce that Steve and Marcy have been robbed. They also realize that the Bundy car has been broken into as well. Al decides to buy a gun, while Steve and Marcy don’t want a weapon in their house so they get a dog that they name Bela. Al hears a noise during the night and goes to investigate with the gun and ends up firing a shot… and killing Bela. When he finally gets the courage to tell Steve and Marcy, they are livid and storm out. They eventually forgive him but ask for the dog’s body to bury, but Al has already put it in the garbage. Peg weights an empty box to bury using rocks… and Al’s bowling ball. Thomas Hill plays Muldoon, J. Jay Saunders is Bronson, and Frank Lloyd is Norris, the neighbors. 3/12/15
• 004. Whose Room Is It Anyway? – 4/26/1987
  • While Al laments the state of his finances, Steve and Marcy try to decide how to spend their tax refund money. Al and Peggy are perfectly willing to sign a waiver for them to build an additional room on their house, but Al approaches Steve about building a billiard room, while Peg gives Marcy the idea that she needs an exercise room. This naturally leads to an argument between Steve and Marcy, with Al and Peg goading them to stand their ground. When the Rhoadeses decide to compromise on the room, Al and Peg decide not to sign the waiver. 5/31/15
• 005. Have You Driven a Ford Lately? – 5/3/1987
  • Al insists on meeting Kelly’s new boyfriend Roger, and he and Steve end up buying Roger’s Ford Mustang. The two bond over restoring it even though it means ignoring their wives. The men even skip out on plans for dinner in order to get a new ashtray for the Mustang. The girls start to rebel, but it doesn’t stop Steve and Marcy from getting lucky in the back seat of the car. The car is impressive when they finally get it painted and unveiled, but when they take it out, they are nearly arrested and Al is zapped with a stun gun when it turns out that the car is stolen and it is impounded. 5/31/15
• 006. Sixteen Years and What Do You Get – 5/10/1987
  • Al and Peg agree not to get anything for each other for their sixteenth anniversary, but Al secretly plans on buying Peg a watch. Bud tells Peg this and so she decides to get Al the power tools that he had wanted. When Peg goes to pick up the watch, the salesman (Don Draper) tells him that his credit card is rejected and the watch is sold to Mr. Connor (Richard Sanders), another customer. Peg has a party for Al which includes Marcel the Chef (Elias Zarou) and a violinist (Walter Olkewicz). Al feels dumb when everyone has presents except for him… until he realized that everyone has used his credit card and maxed it out. Al puts his car radio into Peg’s car as her gift, but holds Peg to apologizing to him, but before she has to say “I’m sorry” he lets her off the hook like always. 3/12/15
• 007. Married… Without Children – 5/17/1987
  • Marcy talks Steve into babysitting for Kelly and Bud in order to get practice for parenthood, which Peg uses to her advantage to get Al to take her away for the weekend. Al wants to watch the big boxing match, but Steve recommends the Come ‘n’ Go Motel in Wisconsin because they have SpectraVision, which will broadcast the fight. Al makes sure to pleasure Peg before the fight starts. Back at Marcy and Steve’s, Bud is running amok, and Kelly has invited over her friends Debbie (Liane Curtis), Sean (Noah Blake), and Dweep (Gunther Jenson). Peg calls Marcy and tells her that they are heading back, but then the Rhoades’ become concerned that the Bundys will ask them to babysit again. In order to appear unfit, they allow Kelly to have a big party at their house. Peg and Al end up getting amorous and decide to stay an extra night, while Steve and Marcy stand at the window waiting for the Bundys to pull in as the kids wreck their house. 7/21/15
• 008. The Poker Game – 5/24/1987
  • Al has a $275 rod and reel in his sights, but Peg objects that he never buys her anything. Steve tags along with Al to a poker game with his friends Russ (Garrett Morris), Norris (Frank Lloyd), Barney (Steve Susskind), and E.J. (James Lashly). Steve is adamantly against gambling, claiming that through investments he could turn $5 into hundreds. But once he thinks he has figured out everyone’s poker ‘tells’, he gets in the game… and loses $300 to Al. Steve is petrified to tell Marcy so he delays the inevitable by pleasuring her all night long, nearly injuring himself. Steve makes a plea to Al to give him the money back, but Al only gives him $5… which Steve gives to a bum (William Utay) who purchases a hooker. Steve thinks that if he does something nice, the luck will come back to him. Finally he tells Peg about the money and she gets angry that Al didn’t get anything for her, and promises Steve that she’ll get the money back. But when Al brings her home some jewelry – which actually only cost $15 – Peg forgets about the money. While Peg is trying on the jewelry and Al is hiding his new fishing pole, Steve waits outside on the Bundy porch trying to get them to answer. 7/21/15
• 009. Peggy Sue Got Work – 5/31/1987
  • Marcy is disgusted that Peg has to grovel to get Al to buy her a VCR, so she talks her into getting a job at Muldin’s department store in the clock shop. Al finds the whole thing hilarious, but soon he wants her to come home because she is spending more than she is making and he has to feed the kids – marshmallows – every night. Peg is bored stiff at the job and wants to quit as well, but neither she nor Al want to be the one to suggest that she quit, fearing the repercussions from the other person. Eventually Kelly and Bud plead with her to quite since they are ‘hungry and dirty’ and need her to take care of them. Peg and Al are both happy and they head out to buy a VCR. Kelly and Bud wonder whether each of them know that the other paid them to ask their mother to quit. Ernie Sabella is Peg’s boss Ernst Pond. Irwin Keyes is customer Mr. Hugo. Jeryl Jagoda and Regina Leeds are customers.  12/20/25
• 010. Al Loses His Cherry – 6/7/1987
  • Al refuses to attend the wedding of Peg’s niece Harriet to Jose, and when Peg threatens to continue their ‘conversation’ when he gets home, he declares he’s not coming home. Not sure how to handle his threat once he arrives at work, he asks Luke if he can come home with him. Back at home Peg is warned by Marcy that men are most likely to cheat after a fight, and Kelly warns her that women are most likely to move in after a man’s been in a fight. Luke is visited by dumb blonde sister stewardesses Terry (Jerry Hall) and Sherry Cherry (Pamela Bowman). While Terry takes Luke back to the bedroom, Sherry opens up to Al and makes advances toward him. Back home Peg finds out the the wedding has been cancelled since Jose came into some money. Al resists the temptation of Sherry and heads home to Peg, who he immediately puts into a blonde wig and carries upstairs upon his arrival. Estelle Harris is shoe store customer Delilah. 2/23/16
• 011. Nightmare on Al’s Street – 6/14/1987
  • Al gives some advice to Marcy regarding con men driveway pavers which proves to be correct. Peg advises Marcy to not tell Al he was right because he will rub it in. Marcy feels guilty and begins having dreams that Steve turns into Al everytime they are intimate. This causes Marcy to vomit every time she sees Steve. Al catches wind of it from Peg and gloats, while Peg gets angry at Marcy, then Al. Marcy realizes that the reason she is dreaming of Al is because she feels guilt for not admitting that he was right about the pavers, so she tells him so, which allows her to be intimate again with Steve. Al on the other hand begins dreaming of Marcy. 10/16/15
• 012. Where’s the Boss? – 6/21/1987
  • Al’s boss Gary Patterson is reported dead having gone down in a plane near Hawaii. Al tries to butter up the family by sending them an expensive bouquet, only to find out that Gary actually survived the crash and all of the flowers were not even looked at. Al vows to quit his job if he doesn’t get some recognition from the boss within 30 days. Al’s mall colleagues Happy (J.J. Johnston), Bart (Rick Waln), Nancy (Diana Bellamy), and the security guard (Billy Beck) watch with anticipation and egg him on. When the day comes, Al is true to his word and quits, but his family get so tired of having him home, he returns to work. Gary shows up to thank Al and shake his hand in front of Al’s family and colleagues… even though it turns out to be an actor named Nick (Geoffrey Scott) whom Al hired to save face. Lewis Arquette is Ed. Amanda Sherman is Kelly’s friend Donna. Giovanni Ribisi is Bud’s friend Donny. 10/14/15
• 013. Johnny Be Gone – 6/28/1987
  • Al and Peg hope to get to the last night of business at Johnny Be Good’s hamburger restaurant where they met, and Al has number 8 for the numbered line to get in. They are delayed however by a number of circumstances, which causes them to trade their number with friends who have later numbers. Marcy spills salmon on her dress and has to spend the evening in a towel while she waits for her dress to get washed and dried while Steve entertains Japanese executives from Kyoto International the who are waiting to interview her at her dinner party. Kelly has a breakdown when she isn’t invited to a party. Bud needs help fixing his remote control car for the Run ‘Em and Wreck ‘Em Rally. By the time Al and Peg get out the door, the restaurant is closed so they decide to relive the memories of what they did after eating at the restaurant… watch TV. 12/20/15

SEASON 2

• 014 & 015. Poppy’s by the Tree – 9/27/1987
  • Since 1967, several brutal murders of obnoxious families have routinely taken place every five years in a dumpy motel known as Poppy’s by the Tree in the city of Dumpwater, Florida. Twenty years later, Al plans to take his family there on vacation because the rental is only $8 per night. After borrowing the Darcys’ luggage and camera, they head for their destination. Upon arrival, the local townspeople including the hotel proprietor Roy (Charlie Dell), the sheriff (Richard Paul), the hotel cook Beany (Ian Patrick Williams), the maid Becky (Kim Morgan Greene), and kleptomaniac deputy Delbert (Gary Grubbs) all suspect that the Bundy family will be the next victims, even taking bets on what hour the murder will occur. Gloria tries to warn them to get out, but they miss the message. Kelly goes on a date with hunk (Dan Gauthier) with an ax, and bud meets a girl his age named Gloria (Becky Phelps). After being particularly obnoxious with everyone in town, Peg and Al start to frisky, when a sword pops up through the bed. The Bundys try to leave but their tires have been slashed and the phone is dead. No one in the town seems concerned since the killer only slaughters tourists. Armed with a plastic fork as a weapon, the family packs and attempt to leave, catching Delbert trying to steal their camera. During the fracas, Peg gets taken by the killer (Vic Polizos) and tied up, who confesses that he kills tourist because his parents used to own the motel and drove them to their deaths. Peg tries to talk her way out of it, and eventually Al finds them and overpowers the killer. They town won’t arrest him though because he once met Andy Griffith, and say they can’t afford to lose him and the serial killer as well. Steve and Marcy await the return of their luggage, which was destroyed by killer’s ax during the fight. Sandy Sprung is Dottie. Bill Marcus is Harold. NOTE: This episode was shown as a two-parter in syndication. 5/20/16
• 016. If I Were a Rich Man – 10/4/1987
  • Al thinks he’s getting a night home alone, but one by one his family comes home, and Steve and Marcy come over with the news that Steve is getting promoted and a raise. Al laments that he seems to be the only one in the world not making money. The next day Al stops by the bank where Steve works to give him a ride home, and in looking over the money in the vault, both of them get carried away and pretend to play poker with it. Steve later announces that there’s a million dollars in security bonds missing from the bank. Thinking that Al has taken it, Al’s family begin fawning all over him, while Steve begs him to return it as it will cost him his new job. Enjoying the attention, meals, and massages from Peg, Al starts acting as if he does have the money. After Steve’s panic reaches its limit, Marcy, now a supervisor, tells Steve that the bank had transferred funds to Munich but the Telex confirmation is on a twelve hour delay, thus explaining the shortage. Al’s family is inconsolable and a radio announcer (George Solomon) reports how they had to be coaxed from jumping off the Sears Tower. 8/20/16
• 017. Buck Can Do It – 10/11/1987
  • Al promises to fix a whole in the back of the fence where Buck can get out, and also sleep with Peg. Two months later, neither have been completed, and now Buck has allegedly been impregnating dogs all over the neighborhood. When snippy neighbor Mr. Pittman (Mitchell Greenberg) threatens to sue the Bundy’s, Steve suggests that he not sue if Al agree to get Buck neutered. Al doesn’t want to take away Buck’s manhood and flatly refuses. Al even talks Steve into temporarily taking his side, which leads to an argument with Marcy about Steve getting a vasectomy down the road. Peg makes an appointment for Buck, but Al says it should be up to Bud since Buck is his dog; Bud couldn’t care less. The night before the operation, Al falls asleep with Buck and dreams that Buck is a human-sized talking version of himself (Derek McGrath), who is now domesticated and bitter about his operation. When crazy killers show up for Al, Buck does nothing to stop them. Awake again, Peg sends Al on his way to get Buck neutered, but he gets it postponed by offering the ultimate sacrifice: to take Peg upstairs. Dick Durock is the chainsaw killer. 2/24/16
• 018 & 019. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun – 10/18/1987
  • Al hires a sexy refrigerator repairwoman named Wanda (Lisa Kahofer), whom Al refers to as ‘Heidi’, and when Marcy catches Steve joining Al in staring at her, she is furious with him. Peg and Marcy have some of the neighborhood women Fanny (LaRue Stanley), Louise (Charlotte Crossley), and Sheila (Judy Cain) and they end up going to the male strip club Troy’s. While Al and Steve sit at home dealing with a different slob repairman (Joey D. Vieira aka Donald Keeler), the women enjoy the strippers. Although Marcy is initially uncomfortable, she finally gets into it when Wilbur aka Raoul “El Zorro” (Bill Hufsey) makes his appearance. In fact she is all over him to the point that she loses her wedding ring down his pants. The girls aren’t able to get backstage, so they leave a note for him to bring the ring to the Bundy’s house. He ends up delivering it to Al, who immediately passes it on to Steve as a ‘get out of jail free card’ while trying to convince Steve that he has nothing to feel guilty about. Al is able to use his knowledge of their night at Troy’s to insist that Peg never return there. Steve is all prepared to lower the boom on Marcy but he backs down and pretends he doesn’t know what’s in the envelope containing her ring. However once the lights go out while they are in bed, he can’t resist to but to bring it up. Meanwhile Kelly and Bud try to resist, but are sent to visit their grandparents. Michael Christian is Skippy. 2/13/17 & 2/14/17
• 020. For Whom the Bell Tolls – 10/25/1987
  • Al is up in arms when the neighborhood puts up a crime light that shines into Al’s bedroom and then assesses him $50 for it, and even more so when he erroneously gets a charge on his phone bill for an $80 call to Vancouver. Al tries to resolve it with the phone company and refuses to pay, causing them to turn off the Bundys’ phone. Al’s family turns against him because they want the phone back, and Marcy and Steve get tired of answering calls for Peg from her mother. The family plots to sell Al’s stuff to pay the bill, but Al stops them and continues to refuse to pay the bill on principle. When Steve brings the message that Peg’s mother is coming to stay with them since she can never get hold of Peggy, Al immediately pays the bill… but it is too late and the mother comes anyway. Al does however win at getting the street light moved, but now the light shines on him while he sleeps on the couch, with Peg’s mother occupying his space in the bed. 8/21/16
• 021. Born to Walk – 11/1/1987
  • Al is excited when he gets a tip about a horse named Dr. Footwear who’s betting odds are 20 to 1, but he is much less excited about having to take Kelly out so she can practice for her upcoming driving test. He reluctantly does so, but in the process gets a ticket and finds out that his license has expired and now he is required to take a driving test. He gets two more tickets, depleting his funds, and then fails the driving test and has to take Bud’s bike to work. He sells Steve the tip for $25, but since Steve can’t take him to the racetrack, he implores Kelly and Peg to make sure they are home to take him. They don’t show up, but Steve then tells him that he put $100 on the horse. When the horse appears to be losing, Al offers to buy part of Steve’s bet, but Steve declines. However the horse ends up winning and Al receives nothing. Al is furious and tells his family that the rule of the house is now ‘every man for himself.’ This backfires when he passes his driver test… and the instructor runs over his foot and he ends up helpless in a cast. 11/7/16
• 022. Alley of the Dolls – 11/8/1987
  • While Peg and Al are at the bowling alley, Peg runs into her old high school rival Mimi Stoatz (Deborah Harmon), her husband Chuck (Bill Kalmenson), and their ‘twin’ sons Roscoe (Darren Modder) and Frank (Larry Spinak). As they argue over whose husband can bowl better, Mimi challenges Peg to a family bowl-off, but Peg has to decline when she finds out they have a daughter named Didi (Jennifer Sophia) who is also a ringer. Marcy later suggests that Steve pretend to be a Bundy since he is a good bowler, and Al thinks that between the three men, they can pick up the slack for Peg and Kelly’s weak bowling. The stakes are that the loser has to dress as a trophy and pose for pictures with everyone at the alley. Bud later confesses to Steve that he spent his bowling class money for a membership to the Pussycat Theater, so Steve works with him to get him up to speed. Kelly is disappointed that Bud doesn’t make a fool of himself so she can become the ‘good one.’ Kelly shows up late to the match, but once she arrives, her sexy outfit is able to distract Roscoe and Chuck. Despite a strong performance from Al, in the end he blows his final frame although he only needs three pins. Peg is forced to pose as a trophy with everyone in the alley. 11/7/16
• 023. The Razor’s Edge – 11/15/1987
  • After a five-day river rafting trip, Steve comes home with a beard, much to the chagrin of Marcy, who insists that he shave it off. This leads to an argument, and ultimately with Steve moving in with the Bundys. Although Al is initially irritated, he and the kids are soon thrilled with the cooking and cleaning that Steve is doing. Peg thinks he makes her look bad and wants him out, so when he starts to express being ‘horny’ for Marcy, Peg tries to get Marcy, who is also lonely for Steve, to lure him back. Marcy wants to express her feelings with reason, but ultimately she gets him back by wearing her negligee. Al tries to get Pegy to cook, but Peg asks if Al can make love for as long as Marcy says that Steve does… so Al settles for Burger King. 5/30/17
• 024. How Do You Spell Revenge? – 11/22/1987
  • Al wants to find another woman to take Peg’s place on their New Market Mallers softball team, because Peg is a terrible player. Bud suggests Kelly, but she is too busy with her new biker boyfriend Brian (Kris Kamm), who wants Kelly to prove her love for him by getting a tattoo of his name on her. Kelly makes an appointment to go through with it. Meanwhile the Bundys are visited by Jimmy (John Dennis Johnston), an old boyfriend of Peg’s who once got her name tattooed on him and had then been forced to wear a much fatter girl named Peg. Before he leaves, he reveals that he is Brian’s father. Al tries to stop the tattoo and beat up Jimmy, but ultimately Kelly doesn’t get the tattoo anyway because she meets a pizza delivery boy at the tattoo parlor and falls in love with him. Al decides to spare Jimmy when he realizes that being married to his disgusting wife was punishment enough. 5/31/17
• 025. Earth Angel – 12/6/1987
  • Peg gets together with her friends Sheila, Fanny, Louise, and Fern (Lana Schwab) and discuss how their men never have sex with them. The friends take some advice from Marcy about role playing and head to the bowling alley to act like trash and seduce their husbands. Meanwhile Bud meets a girl named Tiffany (Dawn Merrick) traveling to New York who needs a place to stay. Al is against it at first, but then he meets her and sees how sexy she is. Peg then becomes opposed to the idea, but then finds that she turns Al on so much that he wants to make love to Peg all of the time… then she invites Tiffany to stay longer. Al begins charging his friends Barney, Dennis (John Wesley), Norris, and Larry (Gene LeBell) to watch Tiffany do exercises. Even Steve is crazy about her when he finds out she’s an art lover. All the neighborhood women are happy except Marcy, whose once-every-36-hours is interrupted by his interest in Tiffany’s brain. Marcy convinces Tiffany that her artwork is great and buys her a ticket to New York. When Al returns, he is no longer interested in being intimate with Peg. 1/28/18
• 026. You Better Watch Out – 12/20/1987
  • It’s Christmas Eve and everyone but Al wants to go the Lakeside Mall to shop and see Santa Claus parachute in. Al talks them out of it, then heads out to go buy gifts for his family and they stay home and wrap one of Al’s shirts to give him. Al comes home empty-handed because he didn’t get his Christmas bonus thanks to the mall taking all of his business. As the Bundy’s watch the coverage of Santa parachuting, he blows off course and his parachute doesn’t open… and he lands in the Bundy’s back yard. Steve and Marcy are shaken up, but the Bundys couldn’t care less. The police and coroner (Mike Hagerty) try to take the body out of the house, but kids looking for Santa line up outside the Bundy house. The coroner won’t allow the body to leave until the kids are gone, so Al dresses up like Santa and lets the kids tell him what they want for Christmas. A representative (David Rupprecht) comes over to bribe Bundy to keep his mouth shut about the event, but since he has already told the kids that Santa is alive and well, he retracts the offer. All is not lost though when Al finds the bag of gift certificates that the Santa has planned to drop over the mall. Edan Gross is Carl, and Michael Faustino is Nestor. Robert Petkoff is the delivery boy. 1/28/18
• 027. Guys and Dolls – 1/10/1988
  • With Al and Peg off at the parent-teacher conferences at school, Kelly realizes she better buckle down on her schoolwork. Bud offers to help, and then proceeds to giver her the plot information of Gilligan’s Island for her book report on Robinson Crusoe. When the parents get home, they are not upset at Kelly as much as they are at Bud for using all of his spare time to torture his sister. Meanwhile Steve and Marcie are brought to the Bundy house by a police officer (Nick DeMauro), who arrests them when they are role-playing as a sailor and prostitute. Al and Steve discuss their old hobby of collecting baseball cards, so think this is a great opportunity to introduce Bud to a new hobby to keep him busy… while also re-living their old glory days and assembling a collection of cards of the all-time greatest Cubs. Peg and Marcie discuss their old collection of Barbie dolls. Steve helps raise the money to buy the old cards by selling Marcie’s still-wrapped Barbie doll in the basement. When Marcie misses it, Steve tries to get it back, but finds out the the store where they sold it has been robbed. Al and Steve go on a seedy odyssey through the streets to retrieve it, getting beat up by a group of bikers for the wrong doll. Then they find the actual doll, and are forced to trade both money and all of the Cubs cards to get it back. 9/29/18
• 028. Build a Better Mousetrap – 1/24/1988
  • Bud reports hearing noises during the middle of the night, and Peg, while hiding in the basement because she knows Al will be upset they are out of toilet paper, confirms seeing the mouse. Al first tries to catch the mouse using standard mouse traps, but it only ends up pooping on the trap and in Al’s bowling shoes. Al takes it personally and vows to kill and torture it, but only ends up smashing his finger with a hammer. He still refuses to call an exterminator, and tries the trap again, but only snaps Buck. When the mouse chews through the wires and knocks out the power, Al’s efforts intensify further. $600 in expenses later, Steve joins in and they dress dress in gas masks and spray poison all over the house… and each other. Al delivers a speech to an ill Steve about how he hates cockiness, and plans to go right for the mouse, like he did to the big guys in high school football. Next Al dons fatigues and a rifle, and takes aim at the mouse in the basement, nearly dislocating his shoulder and blowing out the furnace. Peg brings in exterminator Wally (Patrick Thomas O’Brien), who gets him immediately because he’s trapped on a piece of wood in the rising waters of the basement. Peg takes one look at it and decides to keep it as a pet. 10/1/18 
• 029. Master the Possibilities – 2/7/1988
  • With Kelly out of town at her grandmother’s, Peg and Bud go on a shopping spree and over-extend the limits of Al’s credit cards. He attempts to apply for a new one, but is denied by every company. However their dog Buck has been getting junk mail, and one of them is a credit card in his name. Thinking that since the card was unsolicited, they can spend as they want, the Bundys go on a major spree and run up the card. Al and Peg decides to take a mini-vacation so head downtown to a luxurious hotel with a hot tub in the room. They are joined by their elderly neighbor Hiram Massey (Bill Erwin) and his gorgeous young wife Hon (Debi A. Monahan), who climbs in the hot tub naked. Al continues to run up the bill, which prompts Hiram to offer him a job starting at 100K a year. Back home Bud has two of his own girls over after buying them TVs. When Steve demands to know how Al is buying everything, Bud is forced to tell him so that he can get back to Kristi (Christi Allen) and Paula (Caryn Wells). Steve tells him that he better warn Al that if he signing Buck’s name, he could go to jail for forgery. All of the fun comes to an end when Bud gets word to the bellboy (Jim Keily). The credit card company is embarrassed by issuing a dog a card, so they only impound everything they bought. But in order to pay back the hotel debt, Al is forced to work nights as a bellboy, giving back scrubs to the fat lady Frieda (Linda Lutz). 7/7/19
• 030. Peggy Loves Al – Yeah, Yeah, Yeah – 2/14/1988
  • Valentine’s Day is coming up and Al is planning on giving Peg sex as per usual. Steve has bought Marcy tickets to Hawaii, and Peg spills the beans to her, leaving her irritated that she has to come up with the perfect gift for him. Peg talks her into jumping out of a cake, so she orders one. She also tells Peg that she should insist on Al telling her he loves her. Kelly has scads of Valentine Day cards but decides to randomly pick her date, but when Peg picks out boys she thinks are ugly, she ‘forces’ the card to the top of the bag. Bud worries he won’t get a card at all, but at the last minute Kelly fines one in her bag from a girl named April May June (Lihann Jones). Bud assumes that Kelly has made up the card to pity him, but she turns out to be a real girl and comes to see him even on Valentine Day’s night, even though Bud is in his pajamas. After refusing repeatedly to say ‘I Love You’ to Peg, Al finally gives in. He also re-routes the cake containing Marcy to the Chicago Bulls locker room. 7/7/19
• 031. The Great Escape – 2/21/1988
  • Bud invites a girl named Carol to go to the concert of Jimmy Dick and the Night Sticks with him, but Kelly comes home with only two tickets and two backstage passes, instead of the four tickets that Bud gave her money to get. She won’t budge in giving him the tickets, so Bud shares Kelly’s failing report card with their parents and makes sure to tell them that she has a test coming up on Monday. They ground her for the weekend and tell her she can’t go to see Jimmy Dick. Kelly plans to sneak out, and Bud can’t blow her cover because she knows that Bud is the masked Lovers Lane peeper. Meanwhile an exterminator (Cliff Bemis) tells them that they have termites and in order to eradicate them, they will need to put a tent around the house and spray poison. Al decides to have the family stay at his shoe store that weekend. Peg interrupts Al when the hot and horny customer Jade (Teri Weigel), and then when he has three more attractive girls from the aerobics studio next door named Heather (Hope Marie Carlton), Jackie (Kim Anderson), and Trish (Barbara Belmonte), Peg sends them to a rival shoe store. Bud finds it humorous that there doesn’t seem any way for Kelly to get out since Al holds the only key to the only door, and there is a camera sensor on the door. Furthermore Al isn’t tired and refuses to sleep. As it gets later and later, everyone finally falls asleep and Kelly is able to retrieve the key – between both Peg and Bud stealing money form Al’s wallet – and get out the door. When they hear a dog barking, Al tells Bud that it is just Satan the mall security dog, who is currently chasing Kelly back and forth through the mall. Barbara Schillaci is Mitzi, the older woman who Al has no problem telling the store is closed. 2/29/20
• 032. Impo-Dent – 2/28/1988
  • While Steve is out of town, Marcy decides to take his Mercedes to the grocery store and winds up hitting a fire hydrant. When he returns home, he has a meltdown, and Marcy gets even more worried when she realizes he was only angry that she adjusted the seat and hadn’t see the dent yet. Later Marcy tells Peg and Al that Steve now seems to be impotent. Al advises Marcy that it is because she disobeyed him and if she wants him back, he will need to be more servile to her. Steve takes full advantage of this and has her wait on him hand and foot, including having her adjust the thermostat one degree and running downstairs to bring him a pinch of salt for one bite of food. Later Steve thanks Al for giving him the ‘impotent’ idea and laugh about how far Marcy will go to wait on him. Meanwhile when the family runs out of Tang powder, Al makes a rare decision to take the kids out for breakfast.  2/29/20
• 033. Just Married… With Children – 3/6/1988
  • With their washer broken, Peg has been relying on Marcy to do all of the Bundy laundry. Steve finally gets tired of it and says no more, especially since they haven’t even contributed to paying for detergent. Al and Peg have been getting the Rhodes’ mail, so in retaliation they decide to respond to an application to go on a newlywed game show called How Do I Love Thee?, which requires that individuals push their spouses to the limits with various torture devices to win prizes. Peg and Al go on the show posing as Steve and Marcy and go up against loving couple Roland (Geoff Pierson) and Mona Squib (Catherine Rusoff). Al wins a new bowling ball by spinning Peg on a wheel wen Roland can’t bring himself to do it. Likewise Peg wins a watch by stacking fat women on top of Al when Mona won’t do it to Roland. After Al is put in a bee chamber to win a toaster, they are awarded with the final grand prize a new washer and dryer. However they have the option to risk it all to win a new car, and Peg opts to go for it. Host Bink Winkleman (David Leisure) brings out another couple, who turn out to be Steve and Marcy posing as Al and Peg to complete by putting the men in electric chairs and cranking up the juice. Steve urges Marcy to crank high to keep the Bundys from getting the car, while Al can barely take and begs Peg for mercy. She cranks it up all the way and they end up winning the car. After they arrive back home, Al can turn the appliances on and off just by walking by them. Jessie Scott is the lovely Zelda 6/12/20
• 034. Father Lode – 3/13/1988
  • Peg and the kids go through Al’s wallet and take him nearly everything he has, leaving him just enough to the horse track to gamble with Steve. For the first time in his life, he wins a trifecta and brings home $1250. Steve wins $50 and wants to share it with Marcy, but Al pays him $50 to keep quiet so that Peg doesn’t find out he has the money. Al tries to hide his winnings, but Peg keeps coming close to finding it and Al has to have sex with her to divert her attention. When Peg realizes that Al has not cashed his paycheck and has been behaving in a good mood, she comes to the conclusion that he has money somewhere, so she and the kids begin searching the house. Al has the money with him and it is enough to get the attention of his hot customer Jade. Steve starts to feel guilty and says he’s going to tell Marcy about his winnings, so Al has to give him another $50. Al’s car gets broken into and his radio is stolen, so he is pleased to finally have a reason to get rid of the money and buy a new car stereo. However when Peg’s car winds up and the shop and he has to loan her his car for two weeks, Al is forced to hide the stereo and can only take it out at night and pretend he is in his car. Unable to keep hiding it from her and unwilling to keep sleeping with her, he sells the stereo to Steve for $1000. He then finds it is easier to just give the money to his family then try to hide it anymore. Marcy finds Steve’s hidden money and is about to rip him apart, but Al claims that he was hiding it for him, and then takes the money for himself. 6/13/20
• 035. All in the Family – 5/1/1988
  • Peg tries to butter up Al so he will allow members of her family to come and stay with them: her gigantic mother, her effeminate Uncle Otto (James ‘Gypsy’ Haake), her muscle bound Uncle Irwin (King Kong Bundy), and triplet Aunts Milly (Milly Del Rubio), Elena (Elena Del Rubio), and Eadie Wanker (Eadie Del Rubio), who regularly break into a ‘hootenanny’ sing-along. Al reluctantly agrees, and although unseen mother who arrived in a horse trailer is only seen by Al when he walks in on her in the bath, the other systematically drive him crazy. When Elena announces she is going to get married and break up the trio, everyone looks to Al to solve their problems. He tells Elena that if a man will have her, to go for it, which causes everyone else to blame him for income this will cost the family. He goes to seek refuge at Steve and Marcy’s place, and their romantic evening alone devolves into a huge fight thanks to Al. Peg comes to retrieve him and tell him that Elena has run off, he has no choice bu to help look for her. Finally he gets so frustrated, he pulls out a rifle ready to shoot them all… only to come back to reality and realize that none of this had happened. He had only been daydreaming about the likely results of their visit. Just then, they announce their actual arrival when Uncle Irwin rams his head through their front door. 9/25/20

SEASON 3

• 036. He Thought He Could – 11/6/1988
  • After cleaning out the garage, attic and back yard with Steve, Peg orders him to get rid of all of the junk they removed, most of which is either Al’s trophies or items he’s stolen from Steve. One items is the library book The Little Engine that Could, and although he tries to drop it in the garbage can, everyone suggests that he return it to the library where he had checked it out as a child. Through flashback, Al recalls hating the fat librarian Miss De Groot (Lu Leonard), who told him  (Edan Gross) he would never amount to anything. Al vowed at that time to his friend Lenny (Brandon Bluhm) that he would take De Groot’s coffee sugar and put it in her gas tank. Al finally gives in and attempts to return the book, but much to his surprise De Groot is still there thirty years later and ready to charge him $2163. Al slips the book back on the shelf and pretends that he had brought it back years earlier. Unfortunately the security cameras caught this act on tape, and it is now blasted all over the news, causing the entire family to wear bags over their heads when the go out in public. Eventually Al caves into the pressure, and goes back to the library to pay the fine just to prove he isn’t a failure. When he returns De Groot admits that she always hated Al and again calls him a loser. She says she’s only been waiting to retire until he came back and she is able to collect from him. Instead of paying, Al fulfills at least one of his promises and takes her sugar and heads toward her car. Joseph Dammann is the boy in the library. 9/26/20
• 037. I’m Goin’ to Sweatland – 11/20/1988
  • Peg visits Al at the shoe store after a day of shopping with her young helper Alejandro (Rawley Valverde), and Al sends her home to do his laundry under threat of no further allowance. On he way out, she spots a man (Ron Stein) who resembles Elvis Presley. She is convinced it is really him, despite Al’s and Marcy’s skepticism. However when Peg finds a sweat stain on Al’s shirt that resembles Elvis, Marcy becomes convinced. Peg converts the house to shrine to the shirt and her, and invites folks from the Elvis fan club to come. The house fills up with fans, which drives Al crazy. Bud contracts with Ollie (Ken Minyard) and Lew (Robert Arthur) from Twentieth Century Shrines to buy Elvis pens and toilet paper to sell. Kelly tries to sell photo ops of Al’s armpits to fan Myra Webstock (Tifni Twitchell) and her husband from Iowa. The afternoon culminates with visits from Elvis impersonators (Paul L. Casey, Aaron Paris, Bob Lenz), including one of each who is Asian (Robert Kim), black (Raymond D. Turner), and in a wheelchair (Casey Stengel). Al gives Peg an ultimatum of him or the Elvis freaks… so he sleeps at the shoe store, where he has to be woken up by the bum Clyde (Bruce Liberty). Steve omes to see him at the shop and tells him he is suing him since Marcy is now constantly at Al’s house and fans are camping out in his yard. Al tries to think of ways he and Steve can capitalize on the craze, and they decide to special order loads of blue suede shoes to sell. Unfortunately when they get back home, everyone has left for a new Elvis sighting in Youngstown, Ohio. Al and Steve decide to head there, and Peg goes along to see Elvis. Justine Lenore is Edna on the right and Michele Milantoni is Margo on the left, both Al’s fat customers. Nancy Skelton is Dottie, who is a fat customer and Elvis fan who wants ten hot dogs. Sadie Chrestman is Samantha, who wants to hear about Elvis’s sneer. 1/13/21
• 038. Poke High – 11/27/1988
  • Kelly comes home from school distressed that she flirted with a boy named Matt Gibson (Beau Dremann), who didn’t return any affection. Knowing that he’s not doing well in English, she talks Bud into offering to tutor him. She tries to get him to massage her legs, but he seems more interested in talking to Al, who he thinks is high school football legend Red Grange. Al was actually on the last championship team, the Panthers, at Polk High School, and still held the touchdown record. Al tries to injure him while practicing when he finds out that the current Polk team is about to win the championship, to go undefeated… and Matt is about to set the touchdown record. Kelly has Bud put poison oak on one of the cheerleader’s pom-poms, and then tries out to replace her on the Polk Dots cheerleading squad. The effeminate Mr. Groggs (Carey Eidel) and the masculine Ms. Mount (Cynthia Songe) giver her the spot. Bud also uses the poison oak to get rid of the water boy, so he can replace him and then get the cheerleaders’ tops wet. No matter what Kelly does, she can’t seem to Matt to notice her. Al is thrilled when the opposing team, the Chester A. Arthur Aryans, pulls ahead at the end of the game. He thinks that his records are all secure, until Matt runs back their kickoff almost all of the way… until Kelly dives in front of him and causes him to fall and fumble. Although Peg wants him to punish her for disgracing the family, Al can’t help but thank her. Marcy is infatuated watching all of the young men players, while Steve thinks of nothing but how to conserve mileage on the car. Al gets introduced by the football announcer as Red Grange. Ria Pavia is Kitty the cheerleader with a bunion. Gregory White is the coach. 1/13/21
• 039. The Camping Show aka A Period Piece – 12/11/1988
  • Al is getting ready to start a week of vacation and Peg has lined up a list of chores for him to do. Steve however is a saving grace, as he has rented a lakeside cabin for him and Steve to go fishing. Al keeps it a secret from Peg and attempts to sneak off, but when Steve show up, he has Marcy with her. Marcy tells Peg to get ready to go, and she too attempt to sneak off, not realizing Al is ready to go as well. When they all arrive, Kelly is in a particularly bad mood because she is on her period, and soon the other two ladies are on theirs as well. Because of their scent, wild animals circle the cabin to destroy Steve’s Mercedes and try and get to the women. Al thinks Peg is trying to mate with him and then kill him, so he sneaks out in a makeshift defense outfit, attaching safety pins to his vest to simulate actual quills. He gets locked outside as the animals attack him, and as Marcy finds a trap door full of food in the cabin. Eventually the ladies get through their cycle and feel wonderful, while Al nurses his injuries and Steve laments his car. 5/9/21
• 040. A Dump of My Own – 1/8/1989
  • After Peg serves a mutated chicken for dinner, the entire family spends time in the bathroom until it is flooded and Al has to use Steve and Marcy’s. Al laments never having a bathroom of his own, and he vows to buy the Ferguson brand toilet that his father introduced him to. He begins construction of his own sinkless bathroom in the garage, which causes him to have to cut the power and heat frequently. He also can’t figure out what is happening to his tools that are disappearing, until he catches Peg in the act of stealing the tile, all of which she is selling to raise $70 for lottery tickets. He talks her out of stealing his things, and to focus on stealing the kids’ things. Eventually she loses the lottery, and Al gets the bathroom completed. At first, he cannot test it out because he is constipated, but once he sees the lineup of TV for that night, he is ready to go. The powerful flush is enough to make the Buckingham Fountain lose its water pressure. 5/9/21
• 041. Her Cups Runneth Over – 1/15/1989
  • It’s Peg’s birthday and she is particularly grumpy because she is feeling older and unfulfilled. Her answer is to take the money from Al’s wallet and go shopping, but she only winds up grumpier when she finds out that they’ve discontinued making her favorite bra, the Fancy Figure 327. No one seems to understand her plight other than Marcy. Steve suggests that he and Al go visit Francine’s of Hollywood in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, so he and Al take a road trip there so Al can get some of the bras for her birthday gift, and Steve can pick up some special items for Marcy. While the men are shopping there, Peg and Marcy are trying to piece part of Peg’s old bras together to make one similar to the Fancy Figure. Al is enjoying all of the endowed women at the store, until he encounters a cross dressing male named Pops (Bill Smillie) behind the counter. The other clerk Muffy (April Wayne) mistakes them for a gay couple, and she helps him pick out the right size by using another customer named Peaches (Lynn Austin) to compare their bust sizes. While Steve explores the XXX room and needs Al to give him more quarters, Al gets an eyeful when a woman named Vicky (Devin DeVasquez) bares all to him while asking if her boyfriend would like her lingerie, causing him to simply faint. Peg is back home getting her own eyeful when Marcy hires her a policeman exotic dancer (Deron McBee). When Al gets home, Peg is thrilled to receive the bras, and then wants to go upstairs with Al. When Al things about his experiences at Francine’s, he decides he’s like to go up too… only to find the policeman changing his clothes. Tally Chanel is Corky, the girl looking for Bun Sparkle 9/3/21
• 042. The Bald and the Beautiful – 1/29/1989
  • Steve is in a panic because someone left an newspaper ad on his desk, which displays and ad for tuna on one side and Minoxydil on the other. Steve is sure this is someone’s way of telling him he is going bald. Al has fun teasing him, and blows off the fact that he too is losing hair… until he overhears two women named Crystal (Therese Kablan) and Amber (Kay Wolf) at the shoe star talking about how Al is losing his hair. He becomes paranoid about his hair loss as well, so he quickly goes along when Steve brings him a bottle of the knockoff hair cream Dr. Fur. He slathers it on, despite the fact that it smells like dog food. It does in fact turn out to be pure dog food, so he switches to Insta Hair. When Bud makes fun of him and Steve, they point out that baldness is genetic, so Bud starts applying it as well, which opens up the floodgates for Kelly teasing him. When the Insta Hair doesn’t seem to be yielding any results, Steve arranges for the bald support group Bald American Dudes to have a meeting at the shoe store. The hosts Brother Murray (Henry G. Sanders) and Brother Lance (Graham Jarvis) try to sell being bald as being manly, sexy, and virile, and while Steve starts to buy their message, Al stands up and makes fun of all of them about their baldness, saying that he and Steve aren’t bald at all next to their cue ball heads. Steve is still depressed and finally admits to Marcy that he’s going bald. Marcy says she’s known that since he bent down to propose. She also says she’s the one who put the ad on his desk, but only because she wanted him to buy the tuna. Jim Maniaci is bald guy Jim. 9/3/21
• 043. The Gypsy Cried – 2/5/1989
  • The Rhoads are throwing a party and since the Bundys weren’t invited, they go over and steal a couple of trays of food. Marcy comes to retrieve the food, but Al sneezes on it… so Marcy sneezes on it as well. Marcy had hired a gypsy fortune teller named Madame Olga (Carmen Zapata), who follows the Rhoads over to the house to collect her money. While she’s there, she uses her tarot cards to read their fortunes. Steve finds out that someone will die and it will benefit him. Both Peg and Al find out that they will come into extra money. However, when she reads Marcy’s fortune, she sees misfortune, betrayal, disaster, and tragedy. Everyone’s fortune seems to come true, when a good Samaritan named Fred (Steve Bean) show up at the house to hand over Al’s wallet that she found, and Peg pilfers the money. Then Steve’s co-worker Simpson dies, and Steve gets his job and a better parking space. Al wins $200 at the track. Marcy frantically waits for something bad to happen to he, but instead she finds out that her boss Mr. Vandergelder (F. William Parker) has invited to come with him to New York to assist with a speech. This seems like good news, but she worries about the plane ride. To get around this, she insists that Steve come along and that he pay for Al and Peg to come. Vandergelder brings along his young, attractive girlfriend Fluffy (Sandra Wild) even though he is married. All during the flight, Vandergelder is rude to Marcy and has her fetch his drinks and re-write his speech. At one point, the flight hits turbulence and Marcy thinks the plane is going down. Thinking it is her last moments alive, she punches her boss in the face. Then the turbulence stops and plan descends safely. Steve comes out of his trance of fear, and reminds Marcy that she could always threaten to tell Vandergelder’s wife about Fluffy. Al and Peg are oblivious to anything, as they have been living it up in First Class and listening to their headphones. 3/2/22
• 044. Requiem for a Dead Barber – 2/12/1989
  • The Bundys return from the funeral of Al’s barber Tony, and Al seems to be the only one broken up by it. Kelly is more interested in getting her parents to buy her her own hearse. Steve and Marcy stop by and accuse Al of stealing the roses from their lawn. Al worries about trying to find a replacement barber, and refuses to go with Steve’s barber. Other friends of his have no advice for him other than to go to a salon. Two months later, Al has still found no replacement, and his hair has grown ridiculously long. He finally he gives up, and heads to a salon after all. He is initially overwhelmed when he meets the effeminate stylist Mr. Ron (Steven Levy) and customer Eduardo (Harry Hart-Browne), but then he meets a beautiful customer named Fran (Stacey Alden), and a gorgeous stylist named Murphy (Charlie Spradling), who starts to massage his scalp, the switches with a male stylist named Mr. Adonis (Kenny Sacha). Al ends up coming home with a perm, much to the delight of his family who find it hilarious. Al then hangs out with his friends Barney (Steve Susskind), Norris (Frank Lloyd), Louie (Vito D’Ambosio), and Russ (Garrett Morris). When Al starts to sense that Louie and some of the others start to act like women, he demands that they all go wash the perms out with a fire hydrant, and then search for a real barber. They end up finding Tony’s dad, and Al gets his original hair style back… albeit with a few scrapes on his neck and head since Tony’s father shakes a bit. Meanwhile, with all of the talk of death, Peg tries to take out a life insurance policy on Al, but he is declined since he is a shoe salesman. Bud and Kelly question whether Al is their real father. 3/4/22
• 045. I’ll See You in Court – UNAIRED in United States until 6/18/2002
  • Peg is desperate for sex with Al, so she looks to Marcy for some ideas of how to seduce him. A TV host recommends different areas of the house, but none of those interest her except the kitchen, which Al claims is a spot where he never gets what he wants either. Marcy suggests a sleazy motel called the Hop On Inn, so Peg gets Al to go there. As they are ‘warming up’, Peg pops in a pornographic video supplied by the motel, which turns out to be a video of Steve and Marcy during their last visit. Peg and Al do their thing at the motel, and then take the copy of the tape and show it to Steve and Marcy. They are both mortified, but Marcy and Al want to commit violence to the motel owners, while Steve and Peg think it is wiser to sue them. Steve brings about a lawsuit on behalf of the four of them for one million dollars, and acts as his own attorney against the  barracuda defense lawyer Ms. Weigel (Lora Zane). Steve delivers an opening statement that puts the stenographer to sleep and leaves time for the judge (Lillian Lehman) to read her book. He then shows both videos to the jury, with their last nearly four hours, and the Bundys’ lasting just seconds. Then Ms. Weigel puts Marcy on the stand and questions how much of a slut she is, and states that Marcy must have known she is being filmed after being at the motel 50 or 60 times. She then questions Al, who admits that he’s only there because his wife is tired of poverty and she promised him $5000 from the settlement. Weigel finally puts Peg on the stand, and she is forced to admit that she and Al didn’t even actually have sex. When all is said and done, the jury foreman (Ken Thorley) announces that Steve and Marcy will receive $10,000 in punitive damages, while Al and Peg will receive nothing since they didn’t have sex. After everyone clears the courtroom, Al takes Peg behind the judge’s bench and they have sex for four hours. Peg notes that if they had been filmed, it would have been worth a million dollars. It turns out they are being filmed by the court’s CCTV. NOTE: Due to the content of this episode, they refused to air it in the United States, so it was never seen in America until the Fx network aired it in 2002 for the first time. Four lines were cut from this version, so the episode has never aired in its entirety. 7/7/22
• 046. Eatin’ Out – 2/19/1989
  • Peg’s Uncle Harry has passed away and they are expecting a sizable inheritance check, so Peg and Al decide to sneak off for a vacation without the kids. Unfortunately, the kids catch them in the act, and when they open the check, they realize it is only for $237. The kids want to use it for the Tears & Vomit concert, but Marcy suggests that they all go out for a nice dinner, considering the way the entire family attacked the steak bone they brought over for Buck. Although the kids are disappointed, Al and Peg agree that this is a good idea. Since they haven’t been out to eat in years, their behavior in the restaurant is rather uncouth. Peg and Al dance to Moon River, and then Peg sings it at the top of her lungs. Bud and Kelly have fun messing with the waiter (William Rogers) until he threatens to kill them. When the food comes, they attack it like ravenous animals, the Peg lights up a cigarette and Al heads to the bathroom with a newspaper. When it comes time to pay the bill, Al realizes he has left his wallet at home. They reluctantly send Kelly and Bud home to retrieve the wallet while they wait at the restaurant. Once they get the wallet, the kids decide to use the money and go to the Tears & Vomit concert after all. Over two hours later, their waiter Paul (Michael Tulin) tries to get them to pay, but they keep ordering more waters… and playing Moon River on the glasses. They try various tricks including dancing the Samba right out the door, and then going up to strangers, starting with customers Harold (Tom Tully) and his wife (Mary Jo Kirwan), and pretending they owe him money. With no ideas left, Peg finally removes Al’s shoes and hold them up as if a weapon and they slowly back out the door. Peg returns with one of Al’s socks and a warning not to follow them. Dona Speir is the blonde girl. Clement Von Franckenstein is the Maitre’d. 7/7/22
• 047. My Mom, the Mom – 2/26/1989
  • Al comes home and finds Peg in a sugar coma and she can barely keep her eyes open. Al then makes a family announcement that he can no longer get money out of the mall wishing well, so money will be tight for a while. Al is furious when he finds out that Bud has lost his expensive jacket. Kelly tells Peg that they are having career day at school and wants Peg to make 800 cookies for the class for the next day. When Al won’t give her the money, Peg is forced to make the cookies… and sobs all the way through it. Bud throws a snowball through Steve’s house, and Al wants Bud to raise money to pay Steve for the window, and to replace his jacket. Steve winds up just deciding to replace his own window, while Al tells Bud he needs to come work at the shoe store to learn the value of money. Marcy takes over Peg’s baking and advises her that she should go to the class and tell the kids what she does as a housewife. Peg shows up with the living room couch and her cigarettes and creates a corner in the class labeling her as a ‘housewife’. Eventually some of the girls roam over and star asking her what she does and how she makes money, so Peg gives her advice on how to be lazy and then get money from the husband. The whole class gives Peg’s attention as she teaches the other wives and children how to eat bon-bons, lift wallets, and how to lock the TV on their channel. Kelly says she wants to grow up to be just like her mother, while the other girls cheer her. Over at the shoe store, Al shows Bud what he does to make money, and then realizes he only makes a nickel on every shoe commission. When a very hot customer named Jade (Teri Weigel) comes in and tells Al that she has lost her purse, Al gives her enough money for a limo. Bud doesn’t understand why he has to learn responsibility when Jade doesn’t. Al suggests that Bud open a lemonade stand even though it is twelve degrees out. He winds up making a quarter, but Kelly finds it, so she and Peg go to the mall to buy lemonade with it. Al points out that Bud is cold, hungry, is stooping, and lost his quarter to women; today he is a man. Teri Ralston is Judge Spivak. Deborah Levin is Susan, the brunette student. Julie Condra is Becky, the blonde student. 10/27/22
• 048. Can’t Dance, Don’t Ask Me – 3/18/1989
  • Al blames Peg for all of the missing socks that causes him to only have an array of singles. Bud comes home and announces that a bunch of gangs in the ghetto attacked the tap-dancing bus because someone had spray painted on the side of it “We may be nerds, but at least we’re not poor.” Kelly gets named as the perpetrator and has been told by the principal Mrs. Wicker (Bunny Summers) that she will be expelled from school if she doesn’t join the tap-dancing club. While Peg says she’d quit school, Al thinks she needs to be punished even if the joke was funny. However, he says no Bundy has ever participated in tap dancing, so he will go see Mrs. Wicker. Al goes out and stocks up on socks. Kelly continues with the tap class while wearing a disguise, and the other kids pick on her, not even knowing she is Kelly. Marcy thinks it is great that she is taking tap… like she and Steve used to. Al has no luck with Mrs. Wicker since she hates him and Peg already. In fact, he gets banned from the school until Kelly’s recital rolls around. Kelly’s desire to get out of tap intensifies when she falls for the school janitor Bruno (Jesse Borrego), and she’s scared he’ll think she’s a nerd. Steve comes over and attempt to work with Kelly and teach her some tap moves. She tries to sneak away and cut up her shoes, but Steve tells her how tap dancing saved his social life when he was never invited to parties with the cool kids. Al also reminds Peggy that if she gets expelled, Kelly will be home with her every day. The night of the recital, Al again blames Peggy for his missing socks. She calls him paranoid, but she and the other mothers all signal each other, and their husbands all have mismatched socks. Kelly is embarrassed when she sees Bruno at the dance and decides to go out and ‘lose big’ like her father does. She ditches her top hat and cane and goes out in a slinky red dress and dirty dances with Bruno to the song Fever, making every couple in the audience insanely amorous. Even Mrs. Wicker, who has been insulted by Al night, starts pawing him. After the show ends, all of the parents get up off the floor. Mrs. Wicker tells everyone that Kelly is one of their best students. Bud has been dragged off by a nerd girl. Sandy Helberg is the emcee Mr. Wormer. 10/31/22
• 049. A Three Job, No Income Family – 4/2/1989
  • Al comes home, and once again finds no dinner and nothing in the house to eat. Peg has gone shopping and spent all of Al’s money. She tells Al that he is a disgrace and has decided that Al needs to get a second job. Although Al refuses, Peg scours the classified ads to look for something for him and comes up with the cosmetic company Patty Girls. The representative Heather (Teresa Ganzel) comes over to give the presentation, but Peg finds it so appealing that she decides to do it herself and keep the earnings. When she learns how much commission she will be getting, she writes a check for the start-up. Peg begins phoning in big orders that earn her huge commissions. She asks Al whether she can earn any money that she makes, and he tells her that if anyone ever pays her for what she does, that she should spend it quickly because the world is coming to an end. Al and the kids are then shocked to see Peg’s commission checks. Al is humiliated by the situation, so he decides to secretly take a second job so it looks like he’s making more. He winds up working at the fast-food Burger Trek, where he is humiliated by his young boss Captain (Pauly Shore) and mocked by his co-workers Shep (Christian Jacobs) and Butch (Dylan Kussman). Al can’t believe when he finds that Peggy is still making more than him, until Steve discovers her customer book, causing them to realize that all of the cosmetics are being bought by Peggy herself. Al talks to Peg about this and finds that Peg now owes $623 for the cosmetics she has purchased. Al makes Peg get a job at the Burger Trek to earn it. 3/9/23
• 050. The Harder They Fall – 3/25/1989
  • Al prepares some trail mix from stuff found on the floor and prepares for video night as soon as Peg gets home with the rented Beta tape Oh Heavenly Dog. Peg had been riding with Steve, and he is furious that Peg picked a fight with another driver with a San Quentin bumper sticker after he cut off Steve’s Mercedes. The family is proud that Peg gave him the finger, but Steve becomes scared when he realizes that the driver has followed him home. He sees the guy pull up to Steve’s car and write down his license plate number. Since Steve is scared of the guy, he invites the Bundys over to his house to watch the movies that Marcy rented on their VHS. While they enjoy the Dirty Harry movie and the snacks, Steve stews about the other driver, and starts talking tough about how he would unleash his fury. However, when the guy calls and hangs up when Steve answers, Steve starts to get scared again. Marcy thinks Steve is acting like a caged tiger, while Steve contemplates on how he can sneak away. When the thug calls the house again, Peg insults him again and invites him to come over to the house. When Marcy tells Steve what Peg did, Steve tells everyone that he’s only nervous because he used to fight a lot as a kid, but when he was ten years old, he thrashed an eight-year-old and didn’t like the feeling and from then on refused to fight. This makes Marcy proud of him and tells him how brave he is. Privately he admits to Al that he’s never fought anyone before and is scared to death. Al tells him how he once stood up to Peg’s mother and advises Steve to open the door and sucker punch him in the stomach. Steve does just that, but it turns out the man is a little person and that he had hit him in the face. Al and Steve carry him inside. His name is Mr. Williams (Daniel Frishman), and he only came to apologize to Steve for cutting him off. However, he does admit that he was in San Quentin for torching a Mercedes, and notes that Steve has a nice one. Steve’s bravery turns Marcy on, and they head upstairs as Steve throws out the Bundys, who take the food and the VHS and head home. 3/11/23
• 051. The House That Peg Lost – 4/9/1989
  • Kelly has written permission that she is not allowed to have a sleepover again after eight years after all of the damage she and her friends had when she was eight years old. Bud is dying to have girls in pajamas at the house, but Peg tells him he has to be in his room for the party. Meanwhile, Steve and Marcy tell the Bundys that they are going on a weekend trip to New York for the theatre. The only thing that they have to do is let a plumber in to fix their sink. As soon as the Rhoades’ give Al their keys, he and Peg head over to loot the house. When a construction worker (Jonathan Coogan) shows up at the Bundy’s looking for Steve’s Roadhouse, Kate assumes he is the plumber looking for Steve Rhoades’ house and gives him the keys. When Al comes home that night, he informs Peg that Steve and Marcy’s house is now completely gone with only a hole in its place. Before Peg and Al can leave for Peg’s mother’s house, Steve and Marcy return from their trip and see the missing house. Steve reports a horrible time in New York and Marcy is in a catatonic state, but they demand to stay overnight at the Bundys’ house. They start to sleep on the couch, but suddenly all of Kelly’s guests show up, and they are driven to sleep on the floor in Peg and Al’s room, with the major obstacle now being Al’s horrifically stinky feet. Then the music starts blaring downstairs, where Bud tries to make time with them, but they only trick him into getting a big kiss from Buck. The girls all wind up in a fight when Bud reveals that Kelly is dating all of their boyfriends. Steve and Marcy can’t sleep, and when they start getting romantic with each other, Al and Peg leave to go sleep in the hole next door, even when it starts pouring down rain. Bud just enjoys watching and taking pictures of the girl fight. Allison Barron is Lauren. Tracy Justrich is Tasha. Kristen Pearcey is Karen. Laurie Plaksin is Charlene. Howard Stevens is the TV announcer. 8/13/23
• 052. Married… with Prom Queen: Part 1 – 4/23/1989
  • Bud and Kelly are starving and considering eating each other. Peg tells the kids that their father doesn’t make enough money to buy both food and a new dress for her to wear at her and Al’s Polk High School class reunion. They also briefly consider eating Buck, before finding Bud’s dead goldfish Freddy in the freezer. Instead of eating him, they go out to throw him in front of a car to see if they can get insurance money. Peg wants Al to make up for not taking her to the senior prom by taking her to the reunion, but Al has no interest in going. Peg wants to be the reunion queen but worries about her only competition Connie Bender (Lisa Raggio). Marcy and Steve come over because Buck keeps hiding in their house around dinner time. Even though Peg has already spent $500 on her dress, Marcy advises that she needs to add some accessories if she really wants to be the reunion queen. Marcy and Steve tell Al that the reunion can be fun, to sit back and laugh at all of the others who have failed…before remembering what a failure Al is. Peg keeps pressing Al about going to the reunion, until he finally tells her that if she stops pleading to him with pet names, he will take her. Peg warns Al not to get into any fights with his old competitor Jack (Jack Yates), who was always trying to one-up Al, and finally succeeded in marrying a debutante and becoming rich. Peg gives him the lies she wants him to maintain that he’s a garbageman, they have no kids, and make love five times a week. Peggy sees her friends Edna (Carol Mansell) and Vicky (Catherine Carlen), who both assure her that they have her vote for reunion queen. Peg reveals that she spent $2000 in phone charges, calling all of the students to ask for their votes. Peg then runs into Connie, who is now married to Jack, and thinks that she is going to be prom queen. When Peg tells her that she’s leading her by three votes, Connie reveals that Peg must’ve forgotten the foreign exchange students, whom Connie flew in from Tokyo. Al and Jack head out to fight, as Peggy laments that she is one vote short for winning the reunion queen contest. NOTE: This is the first of a two-part episode. Betty Muramoto is Sumo Yohiro. Andrea Parker is the go-go dancer. Barbara Belmonte is Silky. Patricia Matthews is Velour. 8/13/23
• 053. Married…with Prom Queen: The Sequel – 4/30/1989
  • Peggy laments the fact that she won’t win the Reunion Queen crown, while Al and Jack continue to stare each other down. Al’s old friend Eli (David L. Lander), who used to give Al self-destructive challenges, shows up at the reunion, much to Peggy’s chagrin. Al joins him at the table with old friends Jimbo (Robert Schuch), Rick (John Apicella) and Speedy (Rick Stoneback), and they make fun of the nerds Tyrone and Milton (Eric Tull), who are now surrounded by Silky, Velour, and Sable (Lynne Austin). Eventually, the guys start up with the challenges again, and Al winds up driving a nail through the table with is head. Back home, Kelly and Bud are making a soup out of an old boot. They decide to head to crash the reunion so they can get some of the food. Bud thinks they should dress up like the 60’s so they can blend in, so they call over Steve and Marcy to tell them about the 60’s. They show up dressed as flower children named Moonbeam and Piece and begin throwing around 60’s phrases, as they dig into the food. Peg turns to an old classmate named Thelma Mckeckney (Claudia Harrington) and her friends Geena (Lynda Lenet), Linda (Lisa Donovan), and Melinda (Laura Mellencamp) for votes, but it turns out that she stole the boyfriends, and in one case, father, of everyone at the table. The Senior President Tim Potter (Bill Applebaum) announces that the vote-counting for the queen is coming up, so Peg leaps to action and encourages Al to fight Jack. When Al and Jack head outside, everyone in the room follows them. Peg spots Kelly and Bud and asks them to pick the lock on the ballot box. Jack comes sauntering back into the room, seemingly having achieved victory, and the collapses on the floor. Al comes in victorious in time to hear the announcement for the queen… which turns out to be Larry Fleishman (Bill Bateman). Tim then announces that he is just kidding and announces the real queen to be Peggy. Al joins Peg on the dance floor, although Al thinks he needs to get to the hospital. 12/6/23
• 054. The Dateless Amigo – 5/7/1989
  • Al and Peg are getting ready to attend another one of Al’s shoe conventions, but only Peg is looking forward to it. Al can’t stand the thought of introducing his boss and making a speech. With his parents going out, Bud plans to hang out with his friends Boz (Stephen Dorff) and Teddy (Giovanni Ribisi aka Vonni Ribisi). However, the guys let him down when they tell him that they have dates that night, so Bud is on his own. However, Bud maintains that if they can get dates, he can get one of his own, and furthermore they can have a make-out party at Bud’s house. Meanwhile, Al falls outside while he is taking out the garbage, and claims it inspired him to come up with an invention that will make him rich. He goes down in the basement to work on the invention and falls down the stairs. Bud starts making phone calls to find a date with no success. Al invites Steve and Marcy over to unveil his invention, which he has put on Kelly: light attachments that strap to shoes. He has Kelly demonstrate how she can walk around in the darkened room and find her way with the lights. After the demonstration, Bud asks for Kelly’s help with finding him a date, but she suggests a department store mannequin. Bud actually takes her suggestion to heart and acquires a mannequin. When his friends arrive at the make-out party with their dates Lisa (Heather Hopper) and Caroline (Christy Taylor aka Christy Johnson), they are surprised to see Bud making out with a ‘girl’, and they also note the lipstick that he has applied to his own face. The girls can’t help but be impressed with Bud and start to feel attracted to Bud as well. Although the mannequin starts to fall apart, Bud takes her ‘upstairs’, leaving the girls wanting. Over at the shoe convention, Al introduces his new shoe lights, but Kelly steps in the coin fountain and is electrocuted. Bud starts to get phone calls from girls that book up his dating calendar for months. After the failure of the shoe lights, Al gets another idea about applying pooper-scoopers to Kelly’s shoes. 12/8/23

SEASON 5

• 100. Top of the Heap – 4/7/1991
  • Al’s friend Charlie Verducci and his son Vinnie are living in a slum apartment with Vinnie’s cat Mr. Cuddles, lamenting the fact that Vinnie has just lost another boxing match. Vinnie is taking the loss in stride and has just gotten a job as a busboy. Charlie, however, wants greater things for himself and son, so they go to talk to Al at the shoe store. Al is bitter because he bet his TV on Vinnie to win the fight and now is without a TV. When they ask for Al’s life advice, he can only tell Vinnie to never get married, as women suck you dry of your money. He laments that they didn’t marry rich broads so they could have been lazy all of their lives. This gives Charlie an idea for the ‘Verducci Master Plan’, which boils down to, simply, marrying rich. They decide to crash the society party where Vinnie was scheduled as a busboy that night. Charlie tries to impart to Vinnie how to integrate himself in with the rich, but most he can’t get past an opening line with most of them. He is immediately drawn to cocktail waitress Mary Ann (Jill Pierce) On the other hand, Charlie gets chummy with two high class businessmen, Roger Bonderly (John Mansfield) and his friend Nelson (Charles Howerton). He tries to talk them into giving Vinnie a job as an executive for a few hundred thousand dollars just to ensure he can survive without his money. Charlie also attracts a chubby woman named Kathleen Morgan (Diana Bellamy), from whom he tries to steer clear. Charlie sees that Vinnie does in fact have luck with nearly all of the young ladies at the party, so when Kathleen points out that she doesn’t see the Verduccis on the guest list for the next social gathering, Charlie lays a big kiss on her to get an invite. Back home, Charlie gets Vinnie to vow to stick to the ‘Verducci Master Plan’ in order to marry rich and make them successes. Joey Lauren Adams is the young neighbor who likes to hit on Vinnie. After they go to bed that night, Al breaks into their apartment to steal their TV. Dennis Holahan and Harold Harris are the men Vinnie tries to talk to. Kathryn O’Reilly is the woman who picks up her purse. Rebecca Cross is the girl in the red dress, billed as Tyler Cameron. NOTE: This episode is the pilot for the TV series Top of the Heap. NOTE: The credits indicate that Tim Hill is a security man but does not appear in the episode. 1/22/23

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