The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – CBS

Created by Carl Reiner

Theme music by Earle Hagen

• 001. The Sick Boy and the Sitter – 10/3/1961
  • Rob Petrie (Dick Van Dyke) works as a writer for The Alan Brady Show along with fellow writers Sally Rogers (Rose Marie) and Buddy Sorrell (Morey Amsterdam), produced by Alan’s brother-in-law Mel Cooley (Richard Deacon). At home his wife Laura (Mary Tyler Moore) fears that their son Ritchie (Larry Matthews) might be sick when he refuses a cupcake. Rob has been invited to attend a party at his boss Alan’s house, but Laura is concerned about Ritchie. Eventually Rob talks her into attending and they hire babysitter Janie (Mary Lee Dearring). Laura nervously checks her watch at the party when Rob and his staff are asked to entertain. Buddy performs his human joke machine routine, Sally performs I Wish I Could Sing Like Durante, and Rob performs as a drunk trying to hide it from his wife. When they get home they find Janie’s parents (Michael Keith as Sam, Barbara Eiler as Dotty) and Dr. Miller (Stacy Keach Sr.) at the house and nearly freak out … until they find out that Janie had bumped her head on the freezer door and Ritchie is fine. 2/14/15

• 002. My Blonde-Haired Brunette – 10/10/1961
  • Rob ignores Laura one morning when she tries to get him up for breakfast, then makes the mistake of pointing out a gray hair on her head. Laura becomes worried that Rob is no longer attracted to her and acting on he neighbor Millie Helper’s (Ann Morgan Guilbert) advice dyes her hair blonde. She second guesses her new look and calls Rob who reassures her that he likes her just as she is, not knowing what she has done. Laura then scrambles to get her hair back to normal before Rob gets home, but when he arrives, he finds that she hasn’t had time to finish and that her hair is half blonde, half brunette. She has a meltdown and he comforts her, realizing that he hasn’t been acting very attracted to her. Benny Rubin is the druggist. 4/6/15
• 003. Sally and the Lab Technician – 10/17/1961
  • When Rob laments the fact that Sally is unmarried, Laura gets the idea to set her up with her cousin, lab technician Thomas Edson (Eddie Firestone). Rob is afraid that Sally will ruin the date by being too aggressive and constantly cracking jokes. Sure enough, she jokes with and teases the timid Thomas all through dinner. The next day at the office, she bursts into tears beating herself over her behavior. But much to everyone’s surprise, Thomas says he couldn’t stop thinking and laughing about her jokes after he got home even though he remained silent through the dinner. Thomas calls her for another date… and Rob congratulates Laura on her matchmaking. Jamie Farr plays Charlie the sandwich delivery boy. 2/22/15
• 004. Washington vs. the Bunny – 10/24/1961
  • On a returning flight from Washington, Rob discusses a problem with Bill (Jesse White), the man sitting next to him. He recounts how he was asked by Mel to travel to Washington to scout a performer on a local variety show, and he has to make the decision to miss Richie’s school play in which he will be the only singing bunny, singing You’re the Top. Laura and Richie start to make Rob feel guilty, so Rob calls Alan and tells him that Richie has broken his arm and he has to skip the trip. Rob has a dream that night that he is a marionette being controlled by Laura and the next morning, he tells Laura that he has to go on the trip, prompting the cold shoulder from her. Rob tells Bill that the trip was in vain anyway because the girl he was scouting had come down with laryngitis and missed her performance. After Rob returns, Laura tells him that she wouldn’t respect him if he was a jellyfish and she’s angry with herself for being angry. Richie is joined in singing his song in the kitchen. Dick Van Dyke’s real life assistant and stand-in Frank Adamo makes his first of 50 uncredited appearances on the show. 4/6/15
• 005. Oh How We Met on the Night That We Danced – 10/31/1961
  • When Laura keeps Rob’s old pair of Army boots for sentimental reasons while cleaning out their bedroom closet, Rob tells Richie the story of how he broke his Mom’s toes when they first met. Through flashback, Rob tells of the days when he was a Staff Sergeant in the Army and Laura Meehan was a U.S.O. Dancer. Rob is smitten with her right away, despite the fact that his friend Sol Pomeroy (Marty Ingels) tells Rob that she is stuck up. True to form, Laura rebuffs his advances and tells him clearly that she doesn’t like him. Rob poses as a reporter and interviews another dancer Marcia Rochelle (Nancy Ames) to try to find out more about Laura, but Laura catches him the act. Rob then approaches Laura’s dance partner Mark Mullen (Glen Turnbull) and has him teach him some of the dance moves. He then bribes Mark to let him dance with Laura. Although Laura is angry at first, the dance and song You Wonderful You goes well, until he steps on her foot and breaks her toes. Laura explains to Richie that Rob finally won her over by visiting her daily in the hospital. Richie then steps on his playmate Ellen Helper’s (Jennifer Gillespie) toes because he hopes to one day marry her. NOTE: Laura refers to her own last name as Meehan while other refer to her as Meeker. 6/28/15
• 006. Harrison B. Harding of Camp Crowder, MO – 11/6/1961
  • A man named Harrison Harding (Allan Melvin) stops by Rob’s office, claiming to be an old Army friend from Camp Crowder, but Rob doesn’t recognize him. He tries to blow him off, but ends up inviting him and his wife Evelyn (June Dayton) over for dinner. Rob starts growing more and more suspicious of Harding and starts thinking he might be a con man, alerting the police that there might be a robbery. When Harding asks Richie to show him where Laura keeps her jewels, Rob sends for the police. But it turns out that Harding used to operate the spotlight on Rob’s U.S.O. performances, so that is why he didn’t recognize his face. Harding has also become a jeweler and wanted to add the “E” in “Petrie” to an engraving on a watch that the Army gave him. Rob has to make up an excuse when a police officer (Peter Leeds) shows up in response to Rob’s call. 6/28/15
• 007. Jealousy! – 11/7/1961
  • Millie’s husband Jerry (Jerry Paris) teases Laura about Rob having to work with gorgeous starlet Valerie Blake (Joan Staley), who will be the next guest star on The Alan Brady Show, so when Rob calls and says he is working late, she immediately becomes suspicious. Matters are made worse when he lets Sally and Buddy go home at their requests, and Laura finds a handkerchief with lipstick on it, which actually was from when Sally kissed his cheek after he let her go home. Having to work a second night with Valerie exacerbates the situation even more, as does a paraphrased quote from Rob indicating Valerie was prettier than Laura. When Rob has to cancel a date with Laura to work yet another night, Laura visits Valerie’s hotel room in the middle of their rehearsal, finding Valerie in Rob’s arms… and Buddy, Sally, and Mel watching. When Valerie mentions how much Rob talks about Laura and Richie, she realizes her suspicious were unfounded. 2/22/15
• 008. To Tell or Not to Tell – 11/14/1961
  • During a party at the Petrie’s house, Buddy and Sally tell jokes, Rob imitates Buddy with his dog, and Laura is coaxed up to do a dance… which carries on for over an hour. The next day at work Buddy warns Rob that Laura is going to get the fever to get back into show business. Sure enough when Mel offers her a job to replace a dancer on The Alan Brady Show, she jumps at the chance. Rob starts to get upset when he has to make Richie frozen dinners every night while she is rehearsing, and Laura walks around at work in a revealing leotard. He tolerates it, but when Mel tells Rob that he is going to offer a full-time job, Rob asks him not to say anything. Laura is a bit hurt that she was not praised more for her work, so Rob tells her how she could have the job if she wanted. She is very flattered, but realizes that she is actually glad to be out of showbiz. 9/1/15
• 009. The Unwelcome Houseguest – 11/21/1961
  • Rob reluctantly agrees to babysit for Buddy’s German Shepherd Larry while he and his wife Pickles go to Niagara Falls for the holiday weekend. Meanwhile Laura and Richie are planing to ask Rob if they can drive up to Connecticut for weekend and stay in a motel. Laura is quite angry that Rob has brought Larry home without discussing it with her, and Richie is scared to death of the dog, which he likens to a wolf. Although Laura somewhat warms up to Larry, she gets angry again when the dog whines during the night. Rob tries to keep the dog quite without putting him in the cold garage, and ends up putting him in a baby crib and wheeling it into their room. When they wake up the next morning, Larry is out of the crib and is getting fed chicken salad by Richie, who has warmed up to the dog since it climbed in bed and slept with him, and is now willing to give up staying in the motel. 8/30/15
• 010. The Meershatz Pipe – 11/28/1961
  • When Buddy shows Rob a Meershatz pipe that Alan (voiced for the first time by Carl Reiner) gave to him, Rob starts to get jealous that Alan is spending more time with Buddy. The next day Rob feels horrible and has to call in sick to work, but becoming fearful of his job, he tries to go into work despite Laura’s objections. He eventually sneaks out and when he arrives at work, Mel sends him back home, stating that Buddy and Sally are writing a great show without him. When the show airs, Rob is reluctant to give it any credit, but everyone else finds it hilarious. Rob is ready to tender his resignations until Alan calls him wile on live TV to tell him to hurry back to work. Buddy later tells Rob that he was just joking about Alan buying him the pipe, and presents Rob with one of his own. 2/14/15
• 011. Forty-Four Tickets – 12/5/1961
  • After making a big deal about Richie forgetting to put his toys away, Jerry and Millie remind Rob that he has promised to get forty-four tickets for the next episode of The Alan Brady Show for the school P.T.A. Rob is able to get six tickets from Mel and four from Buddy and Sally, and a school Mom cancellation leaves him needing 33 more. After Rob gives back the tickets that Buddy steals from Mel that are ear-marked for members of the U.N., Rob resorts to trying to buy tickets outside in front of the show from scalpers (Joe Devlin and Opal Euard) and comes up with two more. When the P.T.A. show up, he gives Mrs. Billings (Eleanor Audley) the 12 tickets and prepares to tell the others the truth. Luckily for him, Mel informs him that they’ve neglected to hire extras for a parade scene in the show, so he offers the P.T.A. the chance to be extras in the show. Paul Bryar is a policeman. 11/26/15
• 012. Empress Carlotta’s Necklace – 12/12/1961
  • Mel introduces Rob, Buddy, and Sally to his cousin Maxwell (Gavin MacLeod), who not only laughs at every joke he hears, but also sells wholesale jewelry. Maxwell talks Rob into buying Laura a giant gaudy necklace that is a reproduction of the one that the Mexican monarch Maximilan gave to Empress Carlota’s. Laura thinks it is hideous but doesn’t want to hurt Rob’s feelings, especially since he seems so proud of it. Jerry thinks it is great too, and offers to get one for Millie, who finds it equally hideous as Laura does. Rob invites his parents Sam (Will Wright) and Clara (Carol Veazie) to come see it, and Clara falls in love with it. Laura sees the opportunity to unload it by giving it to her mother-in-law who thinks it is the greatest thing in the world. Rob admires Laura’s generosity although Laura feels guilty about taking credit for it. Rob comes home with another necklace, which Laura fears is another Carlota necklace, but it is a more subdued and sensible necklace that she actually likes. Rob however promised to track down another Carlota necklace much to Laura’s horror. 1/24/16
• 013. Sally Is a Girl – 12/19/1961
  • Rob and Buddy both treat Sally like ‘one of the guys’ both around the office and socially, and that continues when Rob and Laura set Sally up with a friend named Ted Harris (Paul Tripp). Laura fears that after being treated like another guy for so long, Sally goes along with it unwittingly. During a dinner party at the Petries with Buddy and Fiona “Pickles” (Barbara Perry), she asks so masculine in front of Ted that he ultimately rushes off when the date is over. Laura insists that Rob start treating her like a girl, causing Rob to go so overboard with the chivalry that Buddy and Mel start to think that he is in love with her. When Buddy warns her about it, she kisses Rob on the cheek and glides out of the office. Rob now thinks that Sally is in love with him, and goes home to tell Laura about the mess she has caused. Sally ends up coming over to their house, bringing Ted with her. It turns out that Rob made her feel so feminine, that she drove in front of Ted’s house, and when the car ‘broke down’ he was able to come to her rescue. 1/27/16
• 014. Buddy, Can You Spare a Job? – 12/26/1961
  • Rob gets a job offer from comedian Dan Howard, but refuses it because Howard is hard to work for. However Buddy also gets the same offer and accepts it, but Mel will not let him out of his contract because Alan thinks Buddy is the best one-liner writer in the business. Buddy and Mel talk Rob into writing a memo to Alan indicating that Buddy is a distractions and asks that he be fired. Sure enough Buddy is let go, but then is denied the job with Howard because it turns out that Howard and Alan Brady are good friends. Buddy asks Rob to talk to Mel who has no interest in re-hiring Buddy. Rob and Sally try to convince Mel that they are falling behind in writing a script, but that doesn’t work. Then they bring in a stand-up comedian named Jackie Brewster (Lennie Weinrib) who insults Mel worse then Buddy ever did… until Mel finally demands that they bring back Buddy. Once the contract is signed Buddy begins insulting Mel’s baldness, but now Mel greets his insults with laughter… and reveals his new toupee. 1/27/16
• 015. Where Did I Come From? – 1/3/1962
  • While going through an old photo album, Richie asks his parents where he came from. Instead of giving him a medical explanation, Rob recounts the period of time during which Richie was born. He recalls that he was up all night sleeping in his clothes waiting for Laura to go into labor. Three days later, Laura insists that Rob go to work, so he is forced to wear one of his wrinkled suits of clothes that he’s slept in. When he gets to work, he is reminded that it is the day of the staff meeting, so he sends his pants out to be pressed with a dry cleaner delivery man (Frank Adamo), while dealing with over-zealous danish salesman Willie (Herbie Faye). In the confusion Laura calls and says she’s ready to go to the hospital, and Rob is given a black eye by the phone receiver when he rushes toward it. He also realizes he isn’t wearing pants, so Buddy gives him his. Rob drives home but in his haste he hits the taxi that is waiting and locks bumpers with it. Rob calls the police to send a squad car, but forgets to give them the address. Finally they get a ride with Charlie (Jerry Hausner) the laundryman to the hospital, where Richie is born. Richie tells his parents that his favorite part of the story is when Rob got the black eye and lost his pants. Tiny Brauer is the cabbie.  4/18/16
• 016. The Curious Thing About Women – 1/10/1962
  • Rob scolds Laura for opening his mail, throwing some of it away, and then giving him a synopsis of it. The argument is brief, but when it makes Rob late to work, he tells Buddy and Sally about it. They think it would make a great idea for one of Alan Brady’s sketches and begin to adapt it, which culminates in a scene when Alan’s wife “Laura’s” curiosity gets the best of her and she ends up opening one of his packages and in the process expands an inflatable raft. Laura is not very amused at the adaptation although Jerry and Millie find it hilarious and can’t help laughing every time they look at Laura. Rob smooths things over with Laura, but later when a package is in fact delivered to Rob, Laura’s curiosity does again get the best of her and she actually ends up expanding an inflatable raft. Rob assures her that it wasn’t a test and that he had ordered it earlier and it gave him the idea for the sketch. Jerry and Millie enter and break down in insane laughter once again. Frank Adamo is the delivery man. 4/18/16
• 017. Punch Thy Neighbor – 1/17/1962
  • When Jerry won’t let up in teasing Rob about the most recent episode of The Alan Brady Show, telling him that it is no good, Rob begins to get irritated and tells Jerry that one day his teasing is going to get him punched in the nose. Rob gets even angrier when Jerry’s son Freddie (Peter Oliphant) starts bashing the show. Later Ritchie comes home and tells his mother that Rob has punched Jerry in the nose. Rob doesn’t deny hitting him, but claims that it was done by accident when Jerry made a huge case during lunch by putting the waitress on ‘trial’ in front of the room to prove that the show was mediocre. Rob had tried to end the lunch by raising his hand for the check, and accidentally striking Jerry. As he explains this, Rob accidentally hits Laura in the nose as well. Millie witnesses this and send Jerry over to confront Rob, whom she thinks is out of control. Jerry walks in as Rob is throwing a tantrum after tripping on Ritchie’s toy, and karate chops Rob’s neck and subdues him on the floor. After everyone realizes the misunderstanding, Rob equates Jerry’s ribbing of him to Rob telling everyone that Jerry is a poor dentist. Jerry understands this, but still keeps up some of his teasing, which leads to him getting a pie in the face by Rob. Peter Leeds is Officer Jack Bain. Jerry Hausner is Vinnie. Frank Adamo is the singing messenger. 7/29/16
• 018. Who Owes Who What? – 1/24/1962
  • Laura discovers a cancelled check that Rob had written to Buddy for $25 six months earlier. He initially thinks that Buddy has paid him back, but with Laura’s further prodding he is not too sure. He is also embarrassed to ask for the money back, prompting Laura to call him a ‘marshmallow’. He tries to bring it up at work the next day, but only ends up loaning Buddy another dollar. When he gets home, he tells a white lie that he got the money back and gives Laura $25 of his own money. Jerry gives Rob the idea to write a sketch involving borrowing money to jog his memory. Actually it only helps remind Buddy that Rob in fact owes him the money. Mel doesn’t care for the sketch, but it does get Buddy and Rob talking about the money, which it turns out was only partial payment when Buddy paid $50 for Rob’s suit that was delivered C.O.D. Rob pays Buddy the money back, but in order to get his dollar back, they turn to Sally to help break their bills, resulting in a comical exchange of money… that they decide to use as the sketch for Alan. Rob confesses that Laura calling him a marshmallow did in fact make him more brave… and he asks her for his $25 back. 7/29/16
• 019. The Talented Neighborhood – 1/31/1962
  • When The Alan Brady Show announces a contest search for a talented child contest, Rob starts to get the brunt of his friends and neighbors who want to skip the red tape and enter their own children through Rob. It begins with Jerry trying to get his daughter Ellen (Anne Marie Hediger) a spot, and then continues with either neighbors, the Mayor, and the Mayor’s sister Mrs. Kendell (Doris Singleton) forcing the Petries to listen to her son Kenneth (Jack Davis) perform a two-hour Italian opera. When Rob shows up to work, he finds that Buddy and Sally have brought along relatives and neighbors as well. When Rob wakes up to find that Richie has brought over new neighbor kids Martin (Michael Davis), Philip (Barry Livingston), and Annie Mathias (Kathleen Green) and woken him up in his bedroom, he blows his top and tells the Mathias father George (Ken Lynch) that he will not audition them. George pays him a visit and assures him that he knew nothing about the contest and was only looking for a playmate for Philip. Rob apologizes, but then George starts to promote Martin. Rob decides to give him a chance, and Martin performs a Flamenco dance in the Petrie living room that blows them away. Dick Van Dyke’s sons Christian Van Dyke and Barry Van Dyke play Frankie and Florian. Ilana Dowding is Cynthia. 10/4/16
• 020. A Word a Day – 2/7/1962
  • Rob and Laura are proud of Richie as he begins to read small words and search out definitions of new ones, but Laura is aghast when she hears Richie say a bad word. She call and immediately reports it to Rob, who has a talk with him when he gets home about bad words and how he would like Richie not to repeat it. At first Richie isn’t sure which word it is, and Rob won’t repeat it, but Richie the writes it on his blackboard and verifies. Rob is feeling on top of the world for his man-to-man talk, but then quickly becomes disappointed when Richie writes a different bad word on the school blackboard. When Rob comes home he finds that Richie has traded baseball cards for turtle that he intends to make soup with, and repeats the word ‘jerky’ that he heard from the trader Tommy Kirk. Rob deduces that Richie has heard the bad words from Tommy, and furthermore is livid with Tommy’s parents and calls them preparing a tirade. However when Mrs. Kirk (Leah Waggner) answers the phone, Rob passes it off to Laura who invites them over for a visit. Rob and Laura both have worked up their anger, but when the Kirks arrive, they find that Mr. Kirk (William Schallert) is actually Reverend Kirk. They have a nice discussion, and Rev. Kirk admits that Tommy has been saying some bad words as well. They discuss this and agree that they just need to talk with and coach their children. Rob returns the turtle to the Kirks when he finds out that Tommy was upset that the boy he traded it to intended to make turtle soup out of it. 10/12/16
• 021. The Boarder Incident – 2/14/1962
  • With Buddy’s wife Pickles out of town with her sick mother, Buddy has become lonesome at home and is sleeping in the office every night. When Rob finds out about it, he insists that Buddy come to their house to stay with them, despite Sally’s warning that living together could kill their friendship. Things quickly get off to a rocky start when Buddy shows up with his dog Larry, breaks Laura’s heirloom dishes, and keeps them up late at night watching the Late Show and then making noise so they can’t sleep. When Larry starts destroying their mail and newspapers, Laura begins suggesting that Rob ask him to leave. Things reach a head during a disastrous breakfast where Buddy attempts to make Eggs Benedict that end in disaster. Rob decides to tell Buddy that he will need to leave, but before he can, Buddy says that he plans to leave on his own. Rob then proceeds to talk him out of it, much to the chagrin of Laura. Fortunately Bubbles phones that she is coming home that night so the crisis is averted. Rob finds that it is now too quiet in the house and he can’t sleep. 1/1/17
• 022. Father of the Week – 2/21/1962
  • Laura finds a note in Richie’s bookbag indicating that Rob has been selected at Richie’s class’s Father of the Week and has to arrange to appear at the school the following day. She also finds out that Richie purposely withheld the note because he is embarrassed that his father is a comedy writer and fears that there is no way that he can entertain the class by telling them how he merely types all day. Nevertheless Rob gets out of work to attend the class, and at first seems to be bombing to the kids as he tries to explain comedy, but when he goes into several pantomime routines and explains how comedy often involves the element of the unexpected and showing people things that are familiar to them, the class explodes in continuous laughter to the point of not even wanting to attend recess, which the teacher Mrs. Given (Isabel Randolph) says is a first. Pat Thompson is Floyd Harper. 1/2/17
• 023. The Twizzle – 2/28/1962
  • Sally is excited when she visits a bowling alley where the kids are all dancing to a new song and dance sensation called The Twizzle, written by an aspiring young singer named Randy “Twizzle” Eisenbauer (Jerry Lanning). She drags Rob & Laura, Buddy, and Mel there where they all partake in the dance, and agree to sign him to an episode of The Alan Brady Show. However they all receive bad news when they find out that a man visited and pulled him out of being on the show. The man turns out to  be his father (Jack Albertson), who expresses concern that Randy might not be taken seriously with a novelty song, so insists that if Randy performs that he be able sing a ballad as well. He quickly auditions by singing This Nearly Was Mine for everyone – including Mel via phone. Later Sally interrupts everyone’s dancing to the Twizzle to announce that she’s discovered a new sensation called the ‘Twassle’, which combines the Twizzle with wrestling, as demonstrated by Freddie Blassie (himself).
• 024. One Angry Man – 3/7/1962
  • Rob is summoned to jury duty to be the foreman in a case involving the lovely exotic dancer Marla Hendrix (Sue Ann Langdon), who is accused of smuggling jewels off a cruise ship to avoid paying taxes on them. She maintains that they were given to her by a man she met named Mr. Clark from 485 Linden Street, a man who no one can find on the list of passengers. Rob’s chivalry with Marla gets him into trouble since Laura and Sally are watching the trial. Laura finds his behavior shameful, and it becomes even more apparent when he is the only person on the jury to not find her guilty, even after 11 hours of deliberation. They end up with a deadlocked jury… and Rob later finds out that Marla was exonerated when she remembers that she mixed up the name of the man who gave her the jewels and it was actually Mr. Linden from 485 Clark Street, a story which is checked out to be true. Howard Wendell is Judge George M. Tyler. Dabbs Greer is Marla’s lawyer Mr. Berger. Lee Bergere is the D.A. Mr. Mason. Patsy Kelly, Herbie Faye, and Herb Vigran are jury members. Doodles Weaver is the bailiff. 4/16/17
• 025. Where You Been, Fassbinder? – 3/14/1962
  • After a dinner at the Petrie’s, Richie makes a comment about Sally being single, which causes her to cry all the way home with the Sorrells. With her birthday coming up, the gang worries about her being alone, but Sally assures them that she wil have many suitors. An unknown man stops by her office while she is out, and she later gets a call from him and it turns out to be an old popular schoolmate named Leo Fassbinder (George N. Neise). While her friends assume that she will be alone and plan to visit her on her birthday to surprise her. She assures them that she will have a date with Fassbinder, but they believe she is making it up. Fassbinder does in fact show up… but only wants to sell her insurance. She throws him out, and is almost immediately visited by her friends, who find a crying Sally, who still maintains that she has a date coming. She refuses to go out with them, and is left alone to cry. Leo then returns and admits that he had actually shown up for a date, but when he overheard Sally ward off another suitor, he assumed she had a date with another man and only pretended to be there to sell insurance. They then enjoy a nice evening together. Sally’s cat Mr. Henderson is played by Rhubarb aka Orangey. 12/16/17
• 026. I Am My Brother’s Keeper – 3/21/1962
  • Rob’s brother Stacey (Jerry Van Dyke) comes for a visit from the army for the first time since Richie has been born. Rob, whom his brother calls “Burford,” is less than thrilled and insists that he stay in a hotel as Stacey suggested, but Laura insists that he stays with them. Stacey barrels in acting friendly, wild, and crazy… then Rob informs Laura that Stacey is actually sleeping, and normally behaves in a shy, reserved manner. Laura has trouble believing it, but then sees his other side for herself. Stacey says that he hasn’t sleepwalked since he was 14, but just started again a week earlier, thinking he might be nervous about leaving the army. Stacey tells Rob and Laura that he has thought about being a comedian, but he is awkward and unfunny while awake, but jubilant, funny, and full of life while he sleeps. Rob and Laura throw a party for Stacey, who comes out of his room and greets everyone with his ‘sleeping’ persona. He plays banjo, tells jokes, and entertains everyone for the evening…then immediately conks out. Rob says that he’s just exhausted, and Mel insists that Stacey come to the studio to audition for the show. NOTE: This is the first of a two-part episode. 12/16/17
• 027. The Sleeping Brother – 3/28/1962
  • After filling in Jerry about Stacey’s condition, Rob and Laura record Stacey’s act and plays it for him. Stacey is surprised that he is so carefree and funny while sleeping, but still cannot replicate his act while he’s awake. Nevertheless Rob thinks he might be able to bust out of his shell if they throw a party and entertain. He also hopes to get Alan Brady to sit in, but realizes that the party will be when Alan normally plays poker. Rob tries to invite all of the poker players to the party, even forcing Mel not to cowtow to Alan, and come to the party. It ends up all very simple, when Alan wants to know why he wasn’t invited to the party. At the party Sally performs Crying Out My Heart for You, Buddy plays his cello and tells jokes, and Rob and Laura sing Mountain Greenery, but Stacey has no interest in attempting so he goes off to bed. Eventually he comes out of his room in his wacky persona, playing banjo to Bill Bailey, Won’t You Come Home, and portraying a leather-clad rock and roller known as Skid Row. Alan is immediately impressed and wants him on the show… and Rob and Laura are stunned to find out that Stacey is actually wide awake, having made up his mind to listen to his ‘sleep’ recordings and impersonate himself. NOTE: This is the second of a two-part episode. 8/2/18
• 028 – The Bad Old Days – 4/4/1962
  • While describing a sketch he has written about the turn of the century, Rob gets a lecture from Buddy about an article he recently read about the decline of the american male and his longing for the ‘good old days’ when the man was the head of the house without question. Rob protest for a while, but then begins to notice that Laura is assigning him tasks left and right, and even Richie isn’t giving him any respect when he calls him by his first name. As the evening at home progresses, Rob finally gets tired of it and begins to protest, then refuse to do anything that Laura asks. Just before bed, Rob points out his irritation, then begins dreaming about life in the ‘good old days’ when he barks orders at Laura and Richie, who is working a factory job, and the both comply. Eventually within the dream he gets tired of himself, and Laura’s haggard appearance and pleads for her to wake him up. She wakes him up from his dream, and he tells her about the dream, which he now thinks of as the ‘bad old days’. The next night they have Buddy and Sally, and the Helpers over, and Rob tells them that there is nothing wrong with a man doing his share around the house. 2/11/19
• 029. Sol and the Sponsor – 4/11/1962
  • Rob is nervous about a visit from his sponsor Henry Bermont (Roy Roberts) and his wife Martha (Isabel Randolph), who are stuffy and very picky about food. When Rob’s old army buddy, the boisterous and unrefined Sol Pomeroy (Marty Ingels) comes over for an unexpected weekend visit, Rob gets even more nervous. Rob tries to hint to Sol that by him showing up, they will have an odd number of people at the table. Rob thinks he takes the hint, but instead Sol invites the flashy Arlene Johnson (Patty Regan). Rob and Laura are on pins and needles during the gathering, especially when Sol and Henry argue about Henry’s new car during the appetizers. When Henry and Sol head outside to settle their differences, Rob fears they are going to be fist fighting, but it turns out that Sol merely proclaimed that he could tune up Henry’s car so that it would run at his best. With that, Henry has new respect for Sol and the they all sit down to an enjoyable meal together. 2/19/19
• 030. The Return of Happy Spangler – 4/18/1962
  • Laura runs into Happy Spangler (Jay C. Flippen) at a local haberdashery, and he claims that he had given Rob his first job. Rob figures out that he was an old radio comedy writer whom he thought was dead. When he goes to visit him, he offers him a position on his writing staff. However he soon comes to regret it when Hap spends all of his time reminiscing about the old days rather than doing any work. In fact he keeps the others from working, and soon he, Buddy, and Sally have to work overtime after hours to get their scripts completed. Rob is forced to come clean with Happy and let him go, forcing Hap to admit that he is scared to try and write, that his brand of comedy is no longer valid. By bouncing ideas each other, they end up writing a script for Alan Brady in which he explains that physical comedy no longer works, as he hurts himself in various ways in the process, a skit which proves to be a rousing success. Hap goes back to work at his clothing store, telling Rob that writing on a weekly basis is too much for him, but promises to send him anything he writes for Rob to use in the future. 8/2/18

SEASON 2

• 031. Never Name a Duck – 9/26/1962
  • Mel brings the writers some leftover toys from the previous week’s Alan Brady Show, which includes a pair of baby ducks, to keep or distribute. Since neither Sally nor Buddy will take the ducks, Rob brings them home. After he gingerly breaks the news to Laura, who doesn’t want to keep them, Richie finds out that Rob has the ducks and immediately names them Stanley and Oliver. Rob deduces they have to keep them since Richie has given them names. Oliver eventually dies, and Stanley becomes full-grown, but starts to take on the same sickly look that Oliver did. Rob takes the ducks to the veterinarian where runs into Miss Singleton (Jane Dulo), a dog lover, and Miss Miss Glasset (Geraldine Wall), a dog lover, both of whom treat their pets like humans, and Mr. Fletcher (Jerry Hausner), who has brought in a kangaroo. Rob returns home without Stanley leading to speculation that he died. Rob however tells Richie that he returned him to the lake so that he could be with other ducks. Richie is furious with Rob, so Rob has to explain that ducks belong with other ducks, and that it is ‘selfish love’ to want to keep the duck when it could cause him to be sick or unhappy. Richie finally accepts these hard facts of life. Later Buddy and Sally attempt to pawn off yet another duck on Rob, but he sends them to set it free in the lake as well. Frank Adamo is the vet assistant. 1/18/20
• 032. The Two Faces of Rob – 10/3/1962
  • While discussing sketch ideas with Buddy and Sally, Rob contends that a man can disguise his voice and fool his wife into believing it is someone else. To prove the point, Rob calls Laura and pretends to be the romantic Italian Dr. Burnell. She acts a bit flirty and doesn’t seem to know it is Rob, so he is proud of the fact that he fooled her… until he realizes that she was flirting with ‘another man.’ When he arrives home, she has prepared an Italian meal, speaks Italian phrases, and is wearing a sexy dress. Rob can’t get over not knowing if she knew it was him or not, so he calls again as Dr. Burnell and this time asks for a date. When she accepts, he is convinced that she knew it was him, and in fact, Laura does reveal to Millie that she knows it’s Rob. He comes home with flowers to apologize and finds that she’s not there. He is furious until she returns and asks why he stood her up. Then he can only be apologetic, and she eventually forgives… but will not tell him at what point she realized the caller was him. Later another man calls and she flirts with him thinking that it is Rob again, but when Rob comes in the room behind her, she quickly yells at the caller and hangs up. Carl Reiner is the game show host voice. 1/18/20
• 033. The Attempted Marriage – 10/10/1962
  • Richie is interested in a tray presented to Rob and Laura at the time of their marriage by the Company E of the 35th Battalion at Camp Crowder, Missouri, which indicates that Rob had backed out of the marriage initially. Richie wants to hear the story, so Rob relates via flashback his proposal one night in his jeep, during which he couldn’t stop shaking. Laura accepts the proposal and can’t stop shaking either, and they agree to get married by the Army chaplain that Sunday. On the day of the wedding, Rob takes his jeep out to the woods to reflect on the upcoming marriage, and although he nearly talks himself out of it, he ultimately decides to head to the chapel. Unfortunately his jeep won’t start, and in trying to fix it, he drops his car key in the radiator and falls and sprains his ankle. He hops the chapel, which takes nearly two hours, but when he arrives everyone is gone. Laura returns crestfallen and won’t listen to anything Rob says. He finally gets angry and tells her that she is self-centered not to even ask why he is limping and covered in grease. Eventually he explains himself and she offers her hand for the following Sunday. On the day they attempt again, Rob has an upper respiratory infection and can’t hear anything. The doctor (Sandy Kenyon) advises him he needs to postpone again, but he winds up sneaking out the window so he can make the ceremony. When the chaplain (Dabbs Greer) delivers the vows, Rob can’t hear and accidentally indicates ‘I do’ when the chaplain asks if there are any objectors. Laura runs out of the wedding again, but they ultimately make up and get married later that day, wearing masks in the hospital. Ray Kellogg is the Corporal. Frank Adamo is the Best Man. 5/4/20
• 034. Bank Book 6565696 – 10/17/1962
  • Rob is having trouble repairing his toaster and also notes to Jerry that his projector often burns up the film. While discussing this, he suddenly has to sneeze and turns the house upside-down looking for a handkerchief. When he stumbles upon one of Laura’s glove that contains a bank book, he is shocked to find that she has managed to save $378. When he begins discussing this with Buddy and Sally at work the next day, he realizes that his birthday is the following day and surmises that Laura will be buying him a new projector. When he gets home, he begins looking for it much to Laura’s amusement. Finally she breaks down and gives him his gift, which turns out to be a cashmere sports shirt. Richie throws in a baseball cap. At work the next day, Sally and Buddy give him a film screen, and he admits that she didn’t give him the projector after all. That night he can’t hold his irritation and confusion any longer and confronts her about the bank book. She states that she wants to have her own money even if it does come from him. She eventually breaks down crying and tells him that she wants to continue saving for several more years and then buy him a sports car. He laughs it off and tells her that it will be easier to get money out of him now. She feels like he is making fun of her and cries harder. He eventually tells her that he is joking because he is so touched that he just wants to squeeze her as hard as he can, and she finally embraces him back. 5/4/20
• 035. Hustling the Hustler – 10/24/1962
  • After working on their new sketch all afternoon, Rob and the writers tell Mel they’d like to present the material to Alan themselves. Mel, who is already irritated that even with the recently instituted pay-25-cents-for-every-Mel-insult policy Buddy keeps insulting him, tells Buddy that he is has to stay behind while Rob and Sally present. While they are gone, Buddy gets a call that his brother Blackie (Phil Leeds) is there to visit. Buddy wants nothing to do with Blackie because he was a long-time pool hustler who used to take money from Buddy’s friends. He had been previously been living in Rio in Brazil, so Buddy is both surprised and irritated when Blackie shows up claiming to have gone straight was now in the legitimate real estate business. Buddy won’t listen to him and asks him to leave. Blackie later runs into Rob and when he finds out that Rob has a pool table, he cons his way into an invitation to dinner by telling him that he has an appointment in New Rochelle later that night. After dinner, Blackie gets Rob into the basement game room for some pool. Blackie starts casually betting a dollar a game, and somehow gets down by $300. In order to give Blackie a chance to win his money back, and also proving to Rob that he would take the money whereas Rob kept offering to squash the debt, they play one game for $600. At this point Blackie reveals he is a hustler, and Rob has no choice but to sit back and take it. Meanwhile Buddy has shown up at the house and is chatting with Laura about how he feels guilty for kicking Blackie out… until she tells him that is currently downstairs playing pool with Rob. Blackie runs the table and wins the bet, and Rob is furious with himself for being conned, but insists on paying the debt. Buddy is ready to write him off for good when Blackie explains that he only did it to prove that he is no longer a hustler and he rips the check up. The two brothers finally reconcile, leaving Laura and Rob to play their own game, with Laura soundly defeating him when she hits the last three ball in with one shot. 8/16/20
• 036. My Husband Is Not a Drunk – 10/31/1962
  • Rob and Laura host a dinner party and Rob invites an old army buddy named Glen Jameson (Charles Aidman) who is a professional hypnotherapist. Everyone seems fascinated by the prospect of being hypnotized, especially Millie who makes him put her under first. He makes her believe that Jerry is Rock Hudson when she she wakes up. Next he puts Laura, Jerry, and Buddy under, forcing Laura and Jerry to emulate the person they admire most. Laura acts like Abraham Lincoln while Jerry just acts like himself. Glen tells Buddy that he will feel drunk whenever he hears a bell ring. Rob has gone into the kitchen to get Richie some water and he overhears Buddy’s direction form Glen. When the phone rings, Buddy acts drunk in front of everyone, while Rob feels drunk on his own in the kitchen. It turns out though that Buddy is faking it, while Rob carries the hypnosis with him the next day. While at work, whenever the phone rings he starts to feel drunk, only being corrected on the next ring. Mel brings in the important show sponsor Mr. Boland (Roy Roberts) and Rob acts drunk around him. Boland however believes it to be a sketch that he finds hilarious. When Rob realizes that while he was ‘under’ he cut up his own jacket, he finally realizes what is going on. He quickly calls Glen to come back over and take the hypnotic spell off of him. When Rob comes too, he still acts drunk when he hears a bell… but this time he is the one who is faking. 8/17/20
• 037. What’s in a Middle Name? – 11/7/1962
  • After finding out some of his friends’ middle names including Freddie William Helper’s, Richie starts to question his middle name when he finds his birth certificate. Rob and Laura seem uncomfortable discussing it, and Rob criticizes Laura for not locking the trunk where the certificate was kept. Nevertheless Rob promises to tell Richie how he got the name when he gets home from school that night. All day he stews and discusses the events via flashback that led up to the name. He starts with reminiscing about Laura coming to tell him that she found out at the doctor’s that she is pregnant. Rob is irritated that she pulled him out of an important meeting with Alan, but jubilant when he finds out the news. Buddy, Sally, and Mel are all excited as well, and then everyone starts recommending names, including Mel who would like to see the baby named Alan. Richie wants to name the baby after Laura, and she wants to name the baby after Rob. Later then start to think about their discussions with their family, when each parent seems adamant on a name: Rob’s father Sam (J. Pat O’Malley) wants the baby named after him, his mother Clara (Isabel Randolph) want the name to be Benjamin, while Laura’s father (Carl Benton Reid) likes the name Edward, and her mother (Geraldine Wall) likes Oscar. Rob’s grandfather (Cyril Delevanti) throws in his suggestion as well: Ulysses David. Back in the present day, Rob asks Laura to have a blackboard prepared for his discussion with Richie, so he can explain that his middle name is actually Robert Oscar Sam Edward Benjamin Ulysses David – or using the first initial of each name, ROSEBUD. Richie then decides his child will be named Mickey Rat, with the RAT standing for Richie Alan Teddy, after himself, Rob’s boss, and his own Teddy Bear. 12/2/20
• 038. Like a Sister – 11/14/1962
  • When Sophia Loren cancels her appearance on The Alan Brady Show, Mel brings in substitute guest crooner Ric Vallone (Vic Damone). Sally is smitten with him and is able to finagle getting Rob and Buddy to go home while she goes out to dinner with him to discuss the script. The two have fun together and even stop by Rob’s house on a scavenger hunt for lasagna. The two flirt, and he croons The Most Beautiful Girl in the World to her as he rehearses in the office. Both Rob and Buddy are afraid that Sally likes him more than he is into her, and when Rob asks Ric point blank, he finds out that he just finds her fun and thinks of her more like a sister. Rob suggests that Ric act like a drunk and see if he can turn her off in order not to bruise her ego. Rob and Laura have them over for dinner, and Ric pretends to get drunk off of wine and brandy, which is actually grape juice and tea. He insults Sally and Laura, and then flirts with Laura, causing a simulated fight with Rob. Instead of getting angry, Sally seems to have pity on him and takes him home herself. Laura, who has figured out the truth of what was going on, warns Rob that this will backfire since the motherly instinct of Sally has now kicked in. The next day Rob is surprised when Sally tells him that she is going out on another date with Ric. When Rob asks Ric what is going on, he admits that after seeing how well Sally took care of him, he is now actually falling for her. 12/3/20
• 039. The Night the Roof Fell In – 11/21/1962
  • Rob and Laura have had a fight, culminating in Rob storming out the house to go for a drive. The family goldfish discuss what they had just witnessed. Laura has a had a rough day full of plumbing problems and Richie staying home sick. Nevertheless, she is able to put together a meal for Rob, who is running late. When he arrives home, he insists on telling Laura about his rotten day that included a script rewrite, a lost wallet, and a cold sore. With both of them out of sorts, the misunderstandings begin to escalate into a full-throttle flight, leading to Rob storming out and threatening not to come back. The next morning, Rob still has not returned, so Laura calls Mille to come over. She tells Millie the tale, leaving out her own bad moods and amplifying Rob’s rage upon arrival at home. Likewise, Rob is at work telling Buddy and Sally about how mean Laura was, while he bounded about the house in a great mood spreading sunshine everywhere. After their stories, each one of them admits they may have exaggerated. Rob decides to make it up to Laura, and instructs Buddy to call Laura and tell her he is bringing a surprise home. Laura dresses up and prepares Rob’s favorite spaghetti dinner. When he gets home, they embrace and immediately forgive each other, although Laura is a bit irritated again when Rob reveals his surprise is a Chinese dinner. They decide to overlook the fact that Rob didn’t call and explain he was bringing food home, and they have a family feast on both meals… plus a hamburger with tuna for Richie. They feel bad when Richie asks to eat in his room to avoid the yelling, but after explaining about their disagreements, they realize he was worried they’d be yelling at him breaking Rob’s shaving cream bottle and bringing home a bad spelling test score. Rob decides to move their ‘loud discussion’ until after dinner and promises no yelling. 3/26/21
• 040. The Secret Life of Buddy and Sally – 11/28/1962
  • Rob is worried that Buddy and Sally have not been over on the weekends in over a month, and think they are purposely avoiding him. When Mel asks Rob to come up with a monologue for Alan to deliver at a benefit show, Rob thinks this will be a perfect time to have Buddy and Sally over for a barbecue to work on the speech. However they give him a flimsy excuse about having plans over the weekend to go the water polo matches on the island. He then overhears them discussing the fact that Rob doesn’t need to know what they are really doing. At first, Rob thinks they are violating their contracts by writing for another show, but when he calls to discuss it with Buddy, his wife Pickles tells Rob that Buddy is out of town for the weekend. Rob then starts to think that Buddy and Sally are having an affair. Then when he finds a carbon copy for an introduction they wrote, he goes back to thinking they are writing for another TV show. They flat out deny this, and then he overhears them saying they’ll spend another weekend at Herbie’s Hiawatha Hideaway, so he starts to lean toward the affair again. He asks Laura to go with him to the lodge to see what they are up to. When they get there, they realize that they are posing as entertainers Gilbert and Solomon, and they do a fun song and comedy routine, with Buddy playing his cello and Sally singing Come Rain or Come Shine. They spot Rob and Laura in the audience and admit that they didn’t want any of their sophisticated friends making fun of them for slumming it when they are just doing it for kicks and a free room and meal. Rob and Laura tell them that their act was sensational. Rob and Laura then take the stage posing as Lester and Esther Bushmaster and do their own song and dance routine to Harmony. Phil Arnold is the waiter. 3/26/21
• 041. A Bird in the Head Hurts – 12/5/1962
  • Ritchie comes home crying one afternoon, telling his mother that a large woodpecker bit him in the head. She calls Rob to tell him this, and Rob isn’t sure if there is a nugget of truth in it, or if Ritchie is crying out for attention. They come down in the side of him making it up after fight with Freddie, who tells Ritchie that his father is a terrible TV writer. Later Ritchie complains that the bird came in his window and attacked him again. Rob thinks that if he says he killed the woodpecker, he would be impressed and have something to brag about to his friend. Rob takes his gun outside and pretends to kill the woodpecker, and then sends Ritchie out to play. Sure enough, Ritchie comes back in and tells everyone that he was bit by the bird again. However this time, Millie and group of children witness the attack, so now Rob and Laura call animal control, who then refers her to the game warden (Cliff Norton), who reluctantly come to the house to check it out. He too is unsure how to handle it, so he says he will talk to his boss. Rob tries to take matters into his own hands and attempts to catch the bird in a pot with no luck. As he thinks through what had occurred, he gets an idea… and soon he comes back with the woodpecker in a cage. He deduces that the bird flew in the Ritchie’s window and used the hair in his hairbrush to start building a nest, then continued to try and gather Ritchie’s hair specifically. The bring the game warden back, who tells them they will take bird to the zoo. Ritchie is now glad to offer up his hair, and gives the game warden a bag of hair to take with him. 7/20/21
• 042. Gesundheit, Darling – 12/12/1962
  • One night while playing cards with Millie and Jerry, Rob has a sneezing fit and can’t stop. After he and Laura lose the game, Jerry tells him that he recently read an article that indicates that sneezing fits can be the result of being angry and not wanting to let it out, so it manifests itself as the sneeze. This makes Laura immediately defensive and she wants to know if Rob is angry with her. The next day after he leaves the house, he doesn’t do any more sneezing. He also visits an allergist (Sandy Kenyon) who advises it must be something physical, and it could potentially be Laura herself. When Rob comes home, he begins sneezing again when he hugs or kisses Laura. Furthermore, he starts sneezing when Ritchie comes home as well. He gets out Laura’s fur coat and tries smelling it, but it does not make him sneeze. Millie and Jerry come back over, and when Rob gets a whiff of Jerry, he starts sneezing, and Millie also makes him sneeze. Rob then starts brainstorming what Jerry, Millie, Laura, and Ritchie has all come in contact with that day. Jerry wastes no time in explaining that it must be the kitten that the boys just found, and started a club around. They bring the kitten in, and Rob immediately starts sneezing, which makes them contest that they’ve found the solution. While Rob is typing this story up to use in Alan’s next act, Ritchie asks to borrow Rob’s old shaver, and then asks if he finds a hairless cat whether he can keep it. When Rob absentmindedly says yes, Ritchie sets out with his clippers… until Rob and Laura realize what he must be doing. 7/20/21
• 043. A Man’s Teeth Are Not His Own – 12/19/1962
  • Jerry is going out of town for a dental convention for a few days, but he reminds Rob that he needs to come have his teeth taken care of as soon as he gets back. That day at work, Buddy wants to put forth a skit about a toothache, but Rob works out a skit about a piano player with an itch. When they get back to the toothache topic, Rob takes a bit of his sandwich and chips his tooth… although everyone thinks he is doing an act. With Jerry away at the convention, Rob goes to have Mel’s dentist Dr. Bardhoffen, and he winds up liking his work so well that he has him not only fix the chip, but also has him take care of another tooth that Jerry was planning to fix. Rob feels guilty because he is considering on switching to Bardhoffen. Rob invites Millie over to see how she thinks Jerry would react, and Millie thinks that every man should go to the dentist that fits him, but also mentions that Jerry knows everyone will remain loyal to the dentist he chooses. Rob is then even more concerned, so he avoids Jerry for about a week, until they finally have Jerry and Millie over for dinner. Rob goes to every length possible to keep Jerry from looking at his teeth. Jerry then asks if Rob can cancel his next appointment and come over to his house earlier to have his teeth examined. Even in the dentist chair, Rob tries to hide his teeth. When Jerry remarks how great they look, Rob finally confesses that he saw another dentist. Jerry understands that he had an emergency, and even though he had additional work done, Jerry forgives him and suggests that he return to him to have Bardhoffen finish the inlay. Later while playing a game with Jerry and the wives, Rob loses the temporary inlay, so Jerry takes him next door to his home office to fix it. 1/26/22
• 044. Somebody Has to Play Cleopatra – 12/26/1962
  • When Rob finds out that their neighbor Mrs. Billings (Eleanor Audley) is coming over, he panics because it was her that talked him into writing and directing an amateur Broadway show as a fundraiser for the P.T.A. Through flashback, Rob recalls the events of the previous year’s show. During the P.T.A. meeting at Rob’s house, Mrs. Billings brings up the idea, which Rob quickly casts aside because, he says, he’s the only one who has any show business experience. This naturally leads to him taking the helm. After writing the show, the cast members have a rehearsal at the Petrie house. Laura rehearses singing and dancing to the song No Man No. Then they move on to rehearsing a blackout scene from Cleopatra, where Millie is playing the title role, and their neighbor Harry Rogers (Bob Crane) is Antony. When Jerry sees the scene in which the two leads have to share a long kiss, he tells Rob there’s no way that he’s letting Millie play the role. Rob thinks he is acting ridiculous, so Jerry convince him to put Laura in the role. This then leads to Rob being jealous, so he uses the excuse that she shouldn’t be playing two parts in the show. He pulls Laura out and puts the wallflower first grade teacher Cynthia Harding (Valerie Yerke) into the role. However, when she take off her glasses and takes down her hair, she is anything but a wallflower. When Harry’s wife Shirley (Shirley Mitchell) shows up and sees that the lead is Miss Harding, she promptly leaves, screams at Harry, and makes him leave. Laura won’t allow Rob to play Antony and kiss Miss Harding either. As they move back into the present day, Rob recalls that he played Antony after all… and Jerry played Cleopatra. Mrs. Billings shows up and tells Rob that she won’t need him that year after all since her husband is going to write a comedy musical for the play Hamlet. Rob tells her that is nearly impossible, and suggest a Gilbert & Sullivan play instead, and proceeds to give her some potential lines. Before he realizes, he has once again volunteered to write and direct the fundraiser. 1/26/22
• 045. The Cat Burglar – 1/2/1963
  • While Jerry and Millie are visiting, Rob sees an article in the newspaper about their neighbors, the Segals, being the most recent victim of a cat burglar, who is so quiet that no one even hears a car when they commit their robberies. Jerry thinks the answer is a gun and offers to loan his rifle to Rob. Although he refuses, Jerry comes over late at night with the rifle, and scares them even more, so Rob takes it to get him off his back. That night, Rob and Laura hear a noise, and Rob goes out to investigate with the rifle and winds up accidentally closing himself in the closet, and karate chopping the fireplace pipe. However, the next morning, after walking by it several times, they realize that their table is now set on the floor, and that the cat burglars have stolen the table. Millie and Jerry report that they have lost their silverware, and again no one ever heard a car coming or going. When the police arrive, and Rob gets his picture taken by a member of the press (Johnny Silver), the police lieutenant (Barney Phillips) accuses Rob of setting this up to get himself some extra publicity. The next day at work, Laura tells Rob via phone that the men who cleaned up the yard are back to pick up the rubble that they put in boxes and stored in their she. Rob believes that they are the burglars and calls the police, telling Laura to stall the men by having them disassemble and take their bed. When Rob gets home, he locks them in the bedroom since the police haven’t arrive. The climb out the bedroom window and are nabbed by the lieutenant and his men. Rob opens up the boxes from shed and finds pieces of the table that they had disassembled and planned to to smuggle out with the sticks and leaves that they had cleaned up in the bathroom the day before. 5/28/22 
• 046. The Foul Weather Girl – 1/9/1963
  • A girl named Jane Leighton (Joan O’Brien) shows up one afternoon to see Rob, telling Laura that she was an old girlfriend, and that he had invited her to come see him. Laura is taken aback, but invites her to stay until Rob gets home. While Laura is getting Richie out of the bath, Rob comes home and thinks she is Laura sitting on the couch, and gives her a big kiss just as Laura and Richie come into the room. Rob is embarrassed by it, and Laura becomes immediately jealous and skeptical of her. It seems Rob has casually mentioned that if she ever wanted to try her hand at show business, that he would try and help her get her start. Although it makes Laura very uncomfortable, when Jane calls later that night and asks if she can show up at Rob’s office the next day, he says he’s going to help her like he said he would. In fact, he tells Buddy and Sally that ultimately it will be in his, her, and Laura’s best interested that he do. Mel agrees to hear her audition a week from then, and Rob works with her every night. By the time a new week rolls around, Laura is beside herself with irritation, but Jane auditions successfully for Mel by singing the song Just in Time in Rob’s office. When Mel says he’s quite interested in her performing on the show, suddenly all her attention turn toward Mel. She gets on the show, and Rob and Laura watch her performance at home. Laura becomes livid again, when Jane gives all her thanks and credit to Mel after her performance. Although Laura is fuming and tries to call the studio to tell them the truth, Rob quietly hangs up the phone with a huge smile, because he knows now she won’t be bother him any more, which was what he had planned all along. 5/28/22
• 047. Will You Two Be My Wife? – 1/16/1963
  • Shortly after Buddy and Sally show up for work on morning, Rob takes a meeting upstairs with Alan. When he leaves, Buddy mentions that they saw Rob hide a stack of papers just as they came in. Rob calls down to tell them he’ll be gone for about a half-hour, so they pull out the memoir that Rob has written and start reading it. The get caught up in the story that Rob wrote about some trouble he face before his wedding and honeymoon with Laura. It starts out via flashback, as Rob asks his Captain (Roy Kellogg) if he can have two three-day passes. He explains that he needs one pass for his wedding and honeymoon with Laura, and also another one to return to Danville, Illinois to break it off with his hometown fiancé Dorothy (Barbara Bain) before he gets married. The Captain won’t oblige, so he tries to figure out the best way to handle the situation. When Laura’s friend Millie Crumbermacher – later Helper – spills the beans that Rob got his three-day pass, it only adds to the confusion when Rob decides to tell Laura the truth and then head to Danville, after giving it some discussion with his fellow soldier Sam Pomerantz (Allan Melvin). Back in the present, Rob returns and asks Buddy and Millie if they got a start on the sketch they were working on, and they tell him they will need a little more time. Rob agrees to make himself scarce for about an hour so they can finish the sketch. Naturally they return to Rob’s story, which picks up in Danville, when Rob visits with Dorothy, and realizes she is taller and sexier than Laura which makes her hard to resist. Despite enjoying a few kisses from her, he ultimately tells her about his engagement to Laura. Dorothy is furious with Rob and pelts him with fruit, flowers, and vases, yelling at him about her turning down another guy while she waited for Rob. This is where the written story ends, but Buddy and Sally are dying to know the rest. When Rob returns to the office, Buddy slyly asks him about his honeymoon, and Rob responds that he knew if they asked him about it, then it must be good enough to give away the fact that they read it. After he finds out they’ve approved, he tells them that much of it has been embellish, since his real ex-fiance’s name was Daphne, she was short, and had buck-teeth. She also broke up with Rob instead of the other way around. After Rob has gotten Buddy and Sally’s approval, he has Laura read the manuscript to get Laura’s approval. She tells him that he needs to correct the part where the story says that Dorothy was sexier than Laura. 9/23/22
• 048. Ray Murdock’s X-Ray – 1/23/1963
  • Rob gets an invitation to go on his TV talk show The Ray Murdock X-Rays, but the host Ray Murdock is notorious for putting his guests on the spot. Rob, however, thinks he would have fun avoiding any personal questions that can leave him vulnerable. Rob returns the phone call to Murdock, and he assures Rob that his interview will be quite friendly since he never grills anyone that he respects. However, once he gets off the phone, he reveals his true nature when his stage manager (Jerry Hausner) hand him another lawsuit from a previous guest. Rob agrees to do the show, but doesn’t speak again to Murdock until they are actually on the air. Murdock’s first question has to do with whether Rob is happily married. Rob tries to avoid the question, but winds up being led down a path of Rob telling Murdock about the ideas used on The Alan Brady Show that come from real life incidents with Laura. By the time he gets through, he realizes he has made Laura sound like a complete scatterbrain. He tries to walk back what he has said, but the damage is done. When it comes time for the show to air that night, Rob does everything he can to prevent Laura from seeing the program. He tries to get Sally to call and ask her for a recipe just before it airs. He then tries to get her from watching TV at all by pretending he is trying to fix the TV. Then he involves her in dancing in the living room. However, when Millie calls to tell her that the show is going to air, she insists on watching it, even ensuring Rob doesn’t mess with the antennae on the roof. She watches the show, with Rob listening in from afar. She is livid for making her look like a fool, and Rob is nothing but apologetic. Then Laura gets a phone call from Mrs. Thorley, the editor of Home & House magazine, who wants to do an interview with Laura about her being the inspiration of Rob’s work. Laura suddenly changes her tune, and wants to know more circumstances of hers on which Rob based material, as she can’t wait to tell Mrs. Thorley. As Rob is telling her what he can recall, he suddenly adds one more when he finds Laura’s wedding ring in his muffin. Frank Adamo is the TV assistant. 9/23/22
• 049. I Was a Teenage Head Writer – 1/30/1963
  • Mel comes to Rob, Buddy, and Sally and tells them that the main sketch they wrote for the next episode was not funny and that he is not even going to show it to Alan. Rob knows that the only reason he declined it was because it was about a clerk in a corporation who rises from a clerk to vice-president in seventeen minutes, mostly because the president was his brother-in-law. This apparently has hit too close to home for Mel since Alan is his brother-in-law. When push comes to shove, Rob refuses to re-write it until Alan sees it and is willing to back up his words by walking out. Unfortunately, Buddy and Sally do not follow him. Rob goes home without a job, and even more upset because he feels Buddy and Sally were traitors for not walking with him. He recalls his first encounter with Buddy and Sally when Alan Brady hired him to be head writer after seeing some of the local programming he was doing in Danville, Illinois. Buddy and Sally think he is an apprentice, and Rob doesn’t have the heart to tell them that he is their new boss. Once they find out, they treat him with disrespect and disdain. Rob tries to get them to steer away with old, corny jokes for the upcoming opening monologue, and he shows them a bit he came up with in which he impersonates a new car. They find it unfunny, and immediately go back to their old monologue. That afternoon while Sally and Buddy are out to eat, Mel returns the monologue wadded up and deemed unacceptable by Alan. Rob then submits his idea with the car impersonation. Mel later returns while Buddy and Sally are there with rave reviews about how much Alan liked the show’s opening. Buddy and Sally are then dumbfounded to find out that Rob has submitted his idea and put their name on it. From then on, Rob earned their respect, and they became a one-for-all team. Back in the present, Mel shows up at Rob’s door the next morning, pleading him to return to work. He tells them that first he quit, and then after trying to convince Mel that Rob was right, Sally and Buddy quit. Rob is happiest to discover that Buddy and Sally didn’t betray him after all, and he is ready to go back to work as he is already dressed and ready under his bathrobe. Mel tells him that he re-read the original script and found the key differences between the character they wrote and himself was that he actually worked for his job. Buddy had made a deal not to tell Alan about Mel’s stubbornness by forcing Mel to bring him a fancy meal every day. 1/13/23
• 050. It May Look Like a Walnut – 2/6/1963
  • Rob and Laura are up late one night watching a sci-fi horror movie. Laura is too scared from the music alone so she hides under the covers, but Rob fearfully stick it out. Then he proceeds to frighten Laura by telling her the plot, including the absorbatrons hidden inside of walnuts being administered by inhabitants of the planet Twylo led by Kolak, a scary British being with four eyes who looks like Danny Thomas. When Earthlings are exposed to the absorabatrons hidden in walnuts, they become Twyloians, who gain the set of eyes in the back of their heads, while they lose their imagination and their thumbs. Laura is sure she will have nightmares, so she sets the alarm to bring it out of it an hour later. The next morning when Rob gets out of bed, he finds walnuts all over the floor in the living room. In addition, Laura tries to give him walnuts in the place of eggs and sends Richie off to school with a lunch bag full of walnuts. Rob gets annoyed when she sends him off to work without a real breakfast and only offers him walnuts. When he arrives at the office, he thinks Laura has gotten to Buddy and Sally as they start to being out the walnuts from their pockets, as well as walnuts in his typewriter and his desk drawer. He also finds out that the guest on this week’s show in none other than Danny Thomas (himself). Rob tries to get his co-workers to cut it out as well, but even Mel offers Rob some walnuts. Danny Thomas then makes his appearance, claiming to be Kolak and staring at Rob out of the back of his head. Rob comes to the conclusion that he must be dreaming but can’t pinch himself or otherwise come out of it. He even calls Laura at home and asks her to go in and wake him up. He cracks open one of the walnuts that Laura sent with him and he finds the shiny absorbatron inside, then notices that his thumbs have disappeared. Eventually Rob gets fed up and leaves the office and heads home. When he opens his closet in the living room, he finds that it is filled with walnuts that spill out at him, with Laura riding on top of them. As Rob find the eyes in the back of Laura’s head, he begins to panic as Buddy, Sally, Mel, and Danny Thomas all come at him like zombies. Rob finally wakes up in his bed and gets tangled up on the floor with Laura, who is also having nightmares about walnuts. They try to find something to watch on TV, but in order to avoid scary movies, they wind up on an exercise station. 7/2/23
• 051. My Husband is a Check-Grabber – 2/13/1963
  • After going to dinner, seeing a show, and then out for coffee, Rob and Laura drive home… but Laura is giving Rob the silent treatment and he doesn’t know why. The only clue she will give him is that he clearly doesn’t care about their son Richie’s education. He tries to ask her questions about the evening, but she won’t answer him. He thinks back to when they stopped at a restaurant for coffee following the show, where they run into Buddy and his wife Pickles (Joan Shawlee), and Sally and her date Herman Glimscher (Bill Idelson), who invite them to join the table. Rob guesses that Laura may be mad because they joined the others when she wanted to be alone, but that wasn’t it. He guesses that he didn’t defend the suburbs, but that wasn’t it. Then he speculates that she might have gotten angry when he told jokes about the garbage and about her uncle, but that wasn’t it either. When the waiter Anatole (Phil Arnold) brings the check, Rob picks it up for everyone. Buddy and Herman vow to pick up the check the next night when they have dinner after they go to see a Swedish picture. This is what has made Laura angry, as they only had coffee while the others all had a meal at the restaurant. Rob argues that it makes him feel good to do nice things for his friends, without a giving a thought to the cost. Laura thinks that Rob is always treating others because he wants to be liked by everyone. He later runs this whole scenario by Jerry as he attempts to make him breakfast. They both agree that Rob should be able to do what he wants, and Rob vows to pick up the check again. The next night after the movie and their dinner, Rob grabs the check again… but this time he tells Buddy he was just checking it. He lets Buddy and Herman pay for it this time after all. Laura is thrilled and asks Rob why he finally changed his mind. He tells them that Richie had told him at breakfast that he had traded away his archery set to Freddie for next to nothing, all because he wanted Freddie and his friends like him. Rob learns a lesson from this and wants to make sure he is setting a good example. Later, Richie tells his father that he got his archery set back after all, this time using some extra persuasion: a punch in the stomach. 1/14/23
• 052. Don’t Trip Over That Mountain – 2/20/1963
  • Rob is getting ready to go on a ski trip with Jerry, who is a very good skier and will be working to teach Rob how to ski since it is something he’s never done before. Laura is nearly frantic because she knows that Rob will be competitive with Jerry and try to show off how good he is on the slopes. She points out how many times he’s tripped over the step going out the door. Laura frets the entire time he’s gone, worrying that she has challenged him not to do anything dangerous, and also recalls the dream she had that he broke both legs. She starts to worry even more when they are late getting back and haven’t called yet. They miss a call when it comes in at Laura’s house, and then they miss it when they try to call at Millie’s place as well. From this point, Laura sits by the phone waiting for the call because she knows in her heart that it will be Jerry telling her that Rob has been injures. Sure enough, Rob does finally get hold of her from the hospital. The guys have had a pile-up with a goat and Jerry has sprained his wrist. Even though Rob didn’t break any bones, he is bandaged from head to toe and in pain all over his body. He doesn’t want to tell Laura because he is afraid that he’ll be at the mercy of Laura’s intuition from now on. Although he can barely walk, he wants to go home and show Laura that he is fine. On the phone, he tells her that he doesn’t want her to wait up for him, which is mostly because he’s afraid to be hugged. Nevertheless, she does wait up for him and puts on her sexy nightgown. Rob tries to keep her away from him and tells her that he wants her to go to bed so he can watch TV. She gets upset with him and throws his pajamas to him in the living room. When he changes and removes his shirt, she comes back out with his pillow and sees all of the bandages. She feels horrible and blames herself, but he says she was absolutely right. She starts to wait on him, but he comes out to grab his pajama pants and she sees that his legs are also bandaged up. She feels so bad that she insists on a light hug, so he drops his crutches and hugs her back, saying he has to learn to do things for himself. 7/2/23
• 053. Give Me Your Walls – 2/27/1963
  • While attempting to sketch a horse, Rob accidentally puts a marker behind his head and draws on his own living room wall. When he realizes what he’s done, he tries to use ink eradicator to get the stain off, but winds up making an even-worse smudge. He goes to try to find paint, and when Laura comes home, she thinks that Richie has caused the stain and sends him to his room. Rob comes in and tells Laura she needs to apologize to Richie because Rob had done it. He is apologetic and says he will fix it, but Laura maintains they will need to paint the entire room. Sure enough, Rob runs out of paint before he can get one wall completed. They decide to call an Italian painter named Vito Giotto (Vito Scotti) who once left his card at their door when he was offering to paint. They call him over, and he is very pleased to accept the job. Laura is worried because Rob failed to get an estimate on how long it will take or how much it will cost. Laura tries to get the price out of him, but he continues to be vague, but says he will be fair. When he pays Laura loads of compliments, she agrees to give him the job. Vito shows up the next morning at 5:30am and begins work. When Rob and Laura get out of bed three hours later, Vito has done very little work and has disappeared. They also find that he has made French toast and sausage in the kitchen. They are quite annoyed until he returns with Richie, having made the breakfast for him, and then offers to make his famous French toast for them as well. Five days later, Vito is still working on the job. He has all of the furniture covered and has painted Richie’s room and the basement… but still hasn’t finished the living room. They are both beyond annoyed, and Rob vows to tell him he needs to finish the job and get out of the house. They blame each other for not getting references or estimates, and for both being pushovers. Rob says he simply can’t tell him to leave, because Vito is always telling him how nice he is. Laura is adamant about it, and Rob says if he doesn’t tell him, he will move to the couch himself. Unbeknownst to them them, Vito has been listening to their conversation and was under the covers that were over the furniture. He calls his friend and tells him to bring over more paint. The next morning, Rob and Laura are surprised that the job is finished and looks great. When Vito presents his bill for $500, Rob and Laura react angrily, but Vito then flips over the bill and says that $500 is what he charges, but the prince on the back is what he will accept. Rob and Laura feel that this bill is too low and only reflects the price of the paint and one day of work. Vito says he only stayed five days because he enjoyed their family’s company so much, not so that he could run up the bill. Rob offers to write him a check, but Vito says he will be back over the weekend because he promised to put on a magic show for Richie and his friends. He indeed shows up, puts on the show, and brings the kids Itailian spumoni to boot. He asks for only one favor so that he can think of the Petries kindly: to pay him the bill. 10/24/23
• 054. The Sam Pomerantz Scandals – 3/6/1963
  • An old Army buddy of Rob’s named Sam Pomerantz (Henry Calvin) is opening up a resort hotel, so Rob talks Mel, Buddy, and Sally into joining him and Laura for a week’s vacation there. They arrive and check-in, and Sam introduces Rob to the comedian Danny Brewster (Lennie Weinrib), who is playing there for the week. Danny runs through some of his impressions for the group. Rob wants to play tennis with someone better than Laura, but he quickly finds out that neither Buddy nor Mel has any skill or interest in the game. He manages to talk Danny into volleying with him for ten minutes in exchange for ten new jokes. When Rob returns from the game, he has to tell Sam that Danny was hit in the mouth by Rob and knocked the caps off his teeth. With Danny on the way to the dentist, Rob volunteers to do a Laurel & Hardy routine with Sam. He also talks his friends into being part of the show. Sally performs I Wanna Be Around to kick off the show. Buddy comes out with some rapid-fire jokes. Rob and Laura then perform a duet and dance to Carolina in the Morning. Rob and Sam then launch into the Laurel & Hardy routine, finding them at a restaurant bickering when Stan accidentally sits on Ollie’s hat. Since they don’t have enough money for two dinners, they agree that Ollie will order, Stan will decline, and then they will split the food. Stan has trouble finding the only dollar he has, but eventually locates it in his hat. The waiter, played by Mel, takes the order, but Stan forgets to refuse the order. Ollie places his own order and tells the waiter to just bring water for Stan. Pickles plays a cigarette girl named Alice who comes to the table. Stan buys some gum for five cents but gives her the dollar and tells her to keep the change. To get back at Stan, Ollie pours all of his food and ice cream soda into Stan’s hat, but he is interrupted when Alice asks him to go dancing. When he holds the cigarette tray for her and tells Stan to put his hat on his head, Stan has no choice but to comply and put the hat that Ollie loaded with the food onto his head. Ollie chases Stan off the stage. For the final act in the show, Sally, Buddy, Rob, and Laura perform The Musicians. The entire cast takes their bow. 10/25/23
• 055. The Square Triangle – 3/20/1963
  • Rob, Buddy, and Sally are struggling to write an introduction to their special guest on the next Alan Brady Show, mostly because they don’t know who it is. When Rob learns that it will be French singer Jacques Savon (Jacques Bergerac), he bristles at the thought of seeing him again. He tells the story to Buddy and Sally about how he and Laura met Jacques and his wife Yvette during a trip to Europe, and how Rob believes that he is the cause of their marriage breaking up. He tells them how he went out shopping with Yvette one day and that she told him that she is in love with him and wishes she was with him instead of her husband. He says Laura never talks about that part of the trip, so he fears that deep down she knows about Yvette. When Jacques shows up at the office with Mel, Rob hides behind the door in order to not face him. However, Jacques tells the others that he recognizes Rob’s name and wants to see him so they can discuss something. That evening, Rob brings Buddy and Sally home for dinner, and when Laura hears that Jacques Savon is going to be on the show, she has a similar reaction to Rob. She confides is Millie and Sally that she fears that she broke up Jacques and Yvette’s marriage, as he told her that he wishes he weren’t with Yvette so that they could be together, offering her a symbolic sugar cube to tell her how sweet she was. That evening, both Rob and Laura tiptoe around the discussion of Jacques, wondering what ever happened to Yvette and who the ‘American’ was who had disrupted their marriage, according to the tabloids. Meanwhile, Sally and Buddy confront Jacques alone about both Rob and Laura believing they broke up his marriage. He says that the only thing that really broke it up was their hatred for each other. He says that they were both very flirtatious, and that he had used the ‘sugar’ line on many women to flirt with them. They want him to tell Rob and Laura the truth, but Jacques insists that this will destroy their fantasy memory of having been the cause of a great romance’s breakup. Instead, he speaks to both of them together, with his words being so ambiguous that they could apply to either one of them, yet still making them both believe that they each had been the ‘American’ who shows Jacques and Yvette that they weren’t meant to be together. He tells them that even a serious flirtation would not have broken up a marriage formed in true love. That night, Rob and Laura go home and share a romantic dance in the living room… until they wake up Richie. 3/5/24
• 056. I’m No Henry Walden! – 3/27/1963
  • Rob and Laura get ready to go to a dinner party that he was invited to by society matron Mrs. Huntington (Doris Packer), who has assembled a room full of serious authors, including the world-renowned poet Henry Walden (Everett Sloane). He feels that as a television writer, he will be completely out of place. Rob considers skipping the party and going to the movies instead, but Laura convinces him to go. When they arrive, the host Mrs. Huntington thinks that he is author William Petrov, and when he tries to tell her that his name is Rob, she begins introducing him as Bill, and Laura as Rob. They meet haughty writers Torrence Hayworth (Howard Wendell), Miss Thomas Evelyn (Roxane Berard), H. Fieldstone Thorley (Frank Adamo), Vonita Fellows (Betty Lou Gerson), and the gibberish talking Yale Sampson (Carl Reiner). It soon becomes clear why Rob and Laura have been invited when Mrs. Huntington announces they are attempting to fund raise a quarter of a million dollars for the Henry Walden Literary Foundation. While most of the authors in the room pledge to give a percentage of their book residuals to the charity, Rob tries to explain that he doesn’t get residuals on television writing but announces that he has a blank check in his pocket on which he will write a donation. Mrs. Huntington then announces that Rob is giving a blank check to the charity. Rob isn’t able to bring himself to explain that is not what he meant, so after they get home, Rob berates himself for making such a stupid mistake. Laura says she isn’t too worried since there is hardly any money in the account. However, Rob doesn’t want to be embarrassed by a bounced check. The next day at work, as Rob explains his predicament to Buddy and Sally, Mel tells Rob that Henry Walden and Mrs. Huntington are there to see him. Walden says he knows that it wasn’t Rob’s intention to write a blank check, and when Rob tries to have Mrs. Huntington fill out an actual amount, Walden tells him that he’s a big fan of his television work and that that he’s the one who invited him to the party. In fact, he’s a fan of Buddy and Sally’s as well. Instead of wanting money, he wants to ask Rob if he will help him write a TV program on the history of American humor dating back to the Revolutionary War. Rob agrees to help, and later after the program airs, Rob and Laura watch it on television in the company of all of the haughty authors he met. Henry insists that Mrs. Huntington doesn’t turn off the TV until they’ve heard their names in the credits as the writers of the program. 3/6/24

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 15th, 2000 at 2:12 am and is filed under Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.